Chapter 4

"MOM, I TOLDyou on the phone that I was working and that I have things I need to finish." Darby let her inside on Friday afternoon a few days after his date with Reynaldo. To be honest, he was surprised she'd waited this long.

"You can take a few minutes to talk. I brought some coffee, and I made cinnamon rolls." Okay, so he could be bribed, and his mom's baked goods were more than worth it. He stepped back, and she passed by, heading into the house.

"What is it you want to talk about?" He absently scratched his belly as he followed her through. He knew it was best to stay out of her way, so he sat at his table, and she brought a plate and mug and set them in front of him. Then she sat down as well.

"This date of yours. How did it go?" She sipped coffee with a slight slurp.

"It was really nice. We went out to dinner. Then he took me dancing until it got too crowded. After that, we got his dog and came back here." He took a bite of the cinnamony goodness, sighing because he couldn't help himself.

"Is that all?" she asked.

"I don't know what more you want. If you're asking if he stayed the night, he didn't. I need to get to know him. Reynaldo is really nice. He's a school counselor and works to help ensure that his kids get the support they need now and in the future. What is it you think is going to happen?"

She set down her mug. "I don't know. Maybe that he'll steal half the things in your house because you can't see him. Or maybe he'll hurt you and there won't be anything I can do about it."

"Mom, I know you love me, but you can't roll me up in bubble wrap and watch out for me all the time. You need to let me have my own life. And while you're at it, get one of your own. You spent all those years watching over me, and I love you for it, but I have to be on my own, and it's a chance for you and Dad to do some things that don't involve me."

"I have my own life," she said. Darby just turned his face toward her, saying nothing. "You know, that would be more effective if you weren't staring at the wall."

"Okay. Fine. The point is that you don't. Go somewhere. Take a vacation, just you and Dad. Start painting, pottery, whatever it is that you always wanted to do and never had the time for. Do it now, for my sake if for no other reason." He reached for his mom's hand. "I don't want to think that I took your life away from you."

"You didn't," Mom told him, but Darby knew that wasn't totally true. She and Dad had put a lot of things on hold after he lost his sight.

"I'm just saying that you don't need to worry about me all the time. The house is clean, and I'm pretty good at picking up after myself and taking care of things on my own. I need to do that, and I really need you to let me. I promise to ask if I need help."

"You know I'm always going to worry about you. It's part of being a mother. I can't just turn it off."

"I know. But I'm doing well. And I'm not going to rush into anything. But I think I would like you and Dad to meet Reynaldo. He's a really nice guy, and I like spending time with him." Darby wasn't going to tempt fate by admitting to anything else. He could almost feel his mother's gaze sliding over him, like she was trying to see some crack in his demeanor. "Mom, I'm blind, remember? The stare-down doesn't work on me."

"Shit," his mother whispered. "Who told you about that?"

"Dad. Years ago. He said you always do it, and I found it funny, because I had no idea and I didn't really care." He snickered. "Besides, it's funny having a stare-down with a blind guy. It's about as funny as you flipping me the bird." He grinned because he knew she'd done that at least once. According to his father, Mom had a real penchant for flipping off other drivers, especially when she was in a hurry. "So what is it you're trying to get at?"

"I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I know that. But how can I ever find someone special if I don't take that chance?"

"I know. But it doesn't mean that I have to like it." She sighed. "Maybe you could bring him over for dinner sometime?"

Wow, he hadn't expected that. It had taken months for him to convince her that his life wasn't going to fall apart if he moved out. Considering that, she was taking the possibility of a boyfriend pretty well.

"So how did you meet?"

"He helped me clean up some of Rex's poo off the kitchen floor." He explained about the app and how after Reynaldo had helped him, they continued talking and then began meeting for lunch at JoJo's. "You met him already, you know."

"I do, but I don't think I was at my best."

"I'll ask him, okay? Now can I have another cinnamon roll? These are awesome."

SATURDAY MORNING,Rex guided Darby to JoJo's, and he took his usual seat. His phone rang, and he answered Chris's call. "I made it just fine," he said right away.

"Is he there?" Chris asked.

"Not yet. We didn't make definite plans." Darby tried not to worry, but he couldn't help getting a little excited that Reynaldo would show up. "How are things with your blind-date guy?" Chris hesitated. "I'm sorry." They had gone out once after the date with his sister and brother-in-law.

"It's okay. He was nice enough when others were there, but on our second date, he seemed to think that because I was blind, I was desperate. I may not have had sex in a while, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with a jerk. I should have known he sucked. Token didn't like him." He sighed.

"I'm really sorry," Darby said as Rex settled under the table.

"It was better to know now. And it was only a second date. At least Lauren has promised to stop trying to set me up. That's one benefit." He sounded okay, which was a relief. "You have a good lunch and I'll talk to you later." Chris said goodbye and ended the call.

Phillip brought Darby his usual drink. "Is your friend coming in?"

"I think so," Darby said. He had thought about messaging, but he didn't want to seem desperate or pushy. They had talked about lunch, but nothing firm had been set. Maybe he was being stupid. He should have just messaged Reynaldo to find out.

"It looks like he's here," Phillip said, and Darby's pulse sped up. Reynaldo's scent tickled his nose as the seat across from him squeaked a little.

"Thanks for everything," Darby told Phillip. "I appreciate your help."

"No problem. If you need anything, just let me know. I need to get back to the register before the line goes out the door." He hurried away.

"How was the rest of your week?"

"Great. I came up with some really cool music for the vampire kingdom in Land of Agathorne. It's not spooky, just kind of dark. I lowered the range to make it resonant and set the levels lower. All the guys said that it made them lean in a little closer to the game, and that's great."

"Why is that important?"

"Because it makes it more immersive, which is so awesome. Everyone in the office got so engrossed in the game that they leaned forward and got closer without really thinking about it." He was so excited. "The first Agathorne game did really well, and we think this one will do even better."

"That's really cool. I'm so happy for you." Reynaldo didn't sound happy. In fact, the more he spoke, the less happy he sounded.

"What's wrong? Is it something I said? I know I was going on about work and everything…." God, he hated it when he got nervous and began running at the mouth like he had a bad case of verbal diarrhea. "Is it something I did?" Sometimes he wished he didn't miss out on all the nonverbal cues from others.

"Oh no… no. There's nothing you did. Why would you think so?" He sounded even worse now.

"I don't know. Because being around me can be…. I miss things that everyone else just gets, and sometimes I think one thing and I'm way off base, and…." He needed to shut up now. Without thinking about it, he reached under the table and stroked Rex's head for a little comfort and balance.

Reynaldo sighed. "I got a call this morning from the administrative offices. They received word that one of the students I've been trying to work with… well… she…." The words cut off, and for a second Darby wondered what had happened. "Her family found her this morning. She had taken a bunch of pills, and they didn't get to her in time."

Oh. Now he understood. Carefully, Darby got up and slid around to the other side of the booth to sit next to Reynaldo. "I'm sorry."

"She had a lot of problems at home, and she had been caught at school with beer on her breath. I was working with her and trying to get her more counseling, but I guess I wasn't working fast enough." Darby put his arms around Reynaldo and held him tight.

"You know this isn't your fault," he told him softly. "There is nothing more that you could have done. You aren't able to get inside into someone else and feel what's in their heart. You can't know what anyone else is going to do." He felt his own eyes watering and held Reynaldo a little tighter.

"But I thought she was doing better at the end of the school year…." Reynaldo's voice was little more than a whisper.

"Yes, and she may have been. But you don't know what her home life was like, and I'm willing to bet that she didn't share a lot about that with you." Lord knows when he was a teenager, he had been secretive as hell.

"It's just so hard not to feel like I failed her somehow."

Darby shook his head. "You didn't. You gave her someone to talk to, and you listened to her. What she decided to do is not your fault." He swallowed hard.

"I know that deep down. I do. But it's still hard. All the students are going to be shocked when they return to school, because for them it will be fresh. I have to be strong for them. I have to have the right answers, be sympathetic and caring…."

"And I know you will be," Darby told him, feeling a little cold. "Maybe having lunch here isn't what you need. Maybe we can go back to my place. I have things there to eat, and we can talk in a place that isn't so public." He suddenly felt like he was on display, and he wondered if Reynaldo felt the same.

"That's a good idea."

Darby got out some money for his drink and placed it on the table. Then he got out of the booth and took Rex's harness, heading for the door with Reynaldo behind him.

"YOU AMAZEme sometimes," Reynaldo said as they approached his house. "I know blind people get around every day. But you know when to move to the side to avoid the uneven pieces of sidewalk."

"Part of that is Rex, and the other is experience. I've tripped more than a few times. It does happen." Darby unlocked the door. "I had kids laugh at me a few times."

Reynaldo growled deep in his throat. "You're kidding. People will laugh at a blind person when he falls?"

Darby shrugged and went inside, then let Rex loose so he could have a break. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Sure. Whatever you're having will be great," Reynaldo said.

Darby paused. "You don't have to do that."

"What?"

"Make things easy on me. Last year I asked my mom and she said the same thing, so I made her a powdered wheatgrass smoothie. Damned things tasted like lawn clippings and dirt, but I drank it just to hear her sputter." That had taught her a lesson. "I have beer, juice, iced tea, wine, or something stronger if you want it."

"Wine if it's open," Reynaldo answered. Darby got two glasses and returned to the living room. He set the glasses down on the table and sat next to Reynaldo. "Okay. Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"Not really. I don't want to drag you into this." Reynaldo sighed, and the foot of the glass slid on the table as he picked it up.

"Okay. Then I'll start. When I was in Overbrook, I fought being blind tooth and nail. I figured if I accepted it, then… I really don't know what I expected to happen, except that maybe I would be giving up. So I fought it and didn't want to learn anything. My poor teachers must have been driven to distraction."

"But you did accept it in the end, and you do well," Reynaldo said.

Darby picked up his glass and took a big gulp, holding the cool, smooth container in his hands.

"Just let me get this out. I went from fighting it to despair. If I was going to be blind, then I'd rather be dead. So I did what your student did. I found some pills and held a bunch of them in my hand. I know that part of me didn't want to go on if I was going to be blind, but… then I thought how stupid I was being. Helen Keller was deaf and blind, and she made a huge success of her life. So I put the pills back, and I remember going to the office to talk to someone… just like you. Someone who listened and got me the help I needed. My parents were shocked, and my mother wanted me to come home. But I decided to stay. Best decision I ever made."

"How did you get the pills? Didn't the school control them?"

"They did. I found out later that the pills I'd held to contemplate my future were vitamin C capsules." He snickered. "God, I was so confused and mired in self-pity…. Even after that, I fell into despair over the years. But I had already been there, and I'd faced that bitch down. Unfortunately, she wins sometimes, and when she does, it hurts a lot of people." He drank the rest of his wine and found the edge of the table before setting the glass down.

"I'm sorry," Reynaldo said softly. "Being a teenager isn't easy for anyone."

"Nope. And it isn't easy for people who work with them or try to help them either. I give the people who helped me a lot of credit. They made me feel less alone. I met Chris and made other friends, and things slowly turned around. But the biggest change was in me. I had to want to learn and to be able to live as a nonsighted person."

Reynaldo took his hand. "So what is it you're really trying to tell me?"

"Feel bad and learn from what happened, but don't spend a huge amount of time and effort beating yourself up, because if you do, you aren't going to be able to help the next person who needs it." He drew Reynaldo closer and kissed him. "I know you feel bad, because you're damned good at your job and you care about these kids." He wished Reynaldo didn't have to go through this, but his feelings did him credit, and Darby was happy to be there for him if he could help.

Reynaldo hugged him tightly, and Darby returned it, holding him so Reynaldo could process what had happened. "I'm sorry for all of this."

"No need. I wish I could do more." He stayed where he was, just letting Reynaldo know that he was there for him. Darby was in no hurry. He liked holding Reynaldo, and waited until he began to move away.

"I didn't mean to cast a shadow over the day."

"You didn't," Darby told him gently. "I was the one who went off on stories."

Reynaldo pulled back, but he left his hand on Darby's leg, leaving him hyperaware of the touch, even though his hand didn't move. "I encourage people to tell their stories and to talk about what's going on. Most of the time the kids either don't want to or they don't know why they act the way they do." Reynaldo paused, and Darby waited. "I know you aren't one of my students or anything, and I don't think of you that way."

"It's just that the whole situation has thrown you," Darby interjected.

"Yeah. It has. This is the first time this sort of thing has happened to me. I should have known that it would eventually, but I guess you're never prepared." He sniffed slightly. "Hey, Rex," he said. "Your dog has his head in my lap."

"It's because he knows you're sad." Darby let Rex comfort Reynaldo for a few seconds and then felt him nudging for some attention. He lightly stroked Rex's head and told him what a good boy he was. "God, this has turned out kind of depressing… but kind of good too."

Reynaldo snorted. "You're going to have to explain that to me."

"If everything is good, then things are easy. It's the tougher things that show the kind of person you are and the kind of relationships you have." He paused. "We are in some kind of relationship, right? I mean, you didn't kiss me just…." He clamped his mouth shut before it could run away with him again.

"Yes. This is the start of a relationship," Reynaldo reassured him just as his stomach rumbled.

Darby chuckled and stood. "We should take care of that before your belly thinks your throat has been cut." He went to the kitchen. "I have the things for sandwiches." He made them often—they were easy to do and didn't require cooking. He could make simple things on the stove, but it was always harder when heat was involved. Mostly he microwaved things to eat… or had sandwiches.

"Sure." Reynaldo's footsteps drew closer, and his arms slipped around Darby's waist, his body pressing to Darby's back, heat washing over him. "How about you make some lunch, and I can let Rex outside to do his business?"

Darby nodded and leaned back against Reynaldo's firm muscles, relishing his arms around him. His head spun a little, and a tingle went up his spine as Reynaldo lightly kissed the base of his neck. "We aren't going to get anything to eat at this rate."

Reynaldo kissed him once more. "I know." He didn't move.

"I could put the sandwiches on toast." He groaned when Reynaldo slipped his hands up under his shirt and rested them on his belly.

"How about we have Darby on your sheets?" Reynaldo offered. Darby slowly turned around. "What?" Reynaldo asked.

"Is that a line or something? Because it sounds kind of cheesy." He couldn't help it. "Not that I'm averse to going down to my bedroom with you." God, he wanted it so badly his knees shook.

"No. It's not a line." His belly made itself known once more, this time more loudly, and Darby snickered. "Okay. Food first."

"And then we'll play it by ear?" Darby added, knowing he was smiling. Reynaldo kissed him and then called for Rex. He went outside with him and closed the back door.

Darby finished making his simple lunch and left the plates on the counter for when Reynaldo came back indoors.

The back door opened and Rex loped inside, his tags jingling as he shook. Reynaldo closed the door, and Darby handed him a plate. "Before I forget, there's one more trial for the day… or maybe it's an olive branch. Not sure yet, but my mother asked if you'd come to dinner."

"You're kidding," Reynaldo said between bites. "I thought she would hate me forever for taking you away from her or something."

"Well…." Darby still wasn't sure this was a good idea. He had a feeling that he was dealing with an all-or-nothing kind of proposition. "I don't know how she's going to feel. When I talked to her this morning, I think she and I reached a new kind of understanding, but that could just be wishful thinking." He bit his lower lip. "So will you come?"

The plate tinked on the counter, and then Reynaldo's arms slipped around him again. "Of course I will. And I know this is a big deal for you, but it is for me too. I want your mom and dad to see me as someone who cares for you and not, I don't know… as someone who's trying to take you away from them."

"I hope they will," Darby said softly. "I really do." He rested his head on Reynaldo's shoulder, enjoying the tenderness in his embrace.