Chapter 27: Dom

Slowly opening my eyes, there is something different about my bedroom, and it feels like there is someone next to me. This isn't right. As my eyes come into focus, I recognize this room. It's Danil's. My memories come flooding back. Katie and I had gone to G and Franks party, and even though I knew that Danil was going to be there, I had been shocked at his appearance. He still looked like my Danil, but he didn't, either. He looked tired.

Frank told me that Danil was heartbroken because of me, and that had stung. But, then Danil had come into the kitchen, told me that he loved me, and what had I done? I walked away. Danil said the words that I had dreamed of him saying to me and I had walked away. I was at that party with my girlfriend, someone I did care about, but after seeing Danil, I had to admit to myself that my feelings for Danil were stronger. I had fooled myself into believing I was over him. That these four months had healed my heart. I was wrong; very very wrong.

Danil had left soon after. Frank said something about him not feeling good, and Maria wanted to get him home. That she had wanted to make sure he was better for the wedding. I knew it was a lie. I knew that me walking away from him had hurt him. More than Rory's manipulation. Danil had needed to get away from me.

Katie had sensed I wasn't right. She could see me leaning more and more on my cane, and soon after Danil left, she suggested that we should go too. That I had pushed myself too much and if I wanted to make sure that I was able to be at Franks wedding cane free, even for a little while, I needed to make sure I rested.

But I didn't want to go home. What I wanted was to talk to Danil, and I knew that I needed to talk to Katie, too. She deserves someone who could love her wholeheartedly, and that someone wasn't me. My plan was to ask Katie to drop me at Danil's, and apologize. Ask or beg for forgiveness and tell her that I hoped we could be friends. But she beat me to it. She started the car and asked me the way to Danil's apartment. When I looked at her, shocked, she actually laughed, and explained that she spotted Danil the moment we came into the room, and she also noticed the second he spotted me. That the pair of us couldn't hide our feelings.

I apologized. Promised that it wasn't my intention to lead her on, that I hadn't seen Dom in four months, and thought I was over him, and she had been amazing. She stated that she knew I wouldn't do anything like that, but that she also understood now, why I had wanted to take this slow. He would've been a tough act to follow.

When we arrived outside Danil's apartment, she looked over to me and told me plainly, that she could see how much Danil loves me, and that deep down, I knew that I loved him right back, and that is a love that should never be lost. She stated that I needed to go get my man, before promising me that I would keep her updated, and when ready, she would like to be introduced to him, as my friend, as she thought that maybe we were destined to be friends and not anything more.

Pulling her into a hug, I thanked her, and slowly got out of the car. Looking up at the building, I crossed my fingers that he would actually let me in. There were no guarantees. Danil was completely within his rights to tell me to fuck off.

When I pushed the call button and heard Maria's voice, relief filled me, especially when I heard the buzzing of the door. I was in. It was Maria who opened the door, stepping aside to let me in, and it was only then that I allowed myself to breathe. Let the emotions of the last few hours wash over me. I was there with Danil, but I was suddenly completely and utterly exhausted.

I remember Danil rushing over to me and helping me to the couch, but after that, everything goes a little foggy. Turning my head, I look over to see Danil looking at me, and he is looking a lot better.

"Morning," Danil mumbles over to me.

"Morning, did I wake you?" Hating to think that I pulled him out of the sleep that he needed so desperately.

"I've been awake for a while," Danil confirms. "I didn't want to disturb you. Last night you looked exhausted. You needed to sleep."

"How did I get here? The last thing I remember is being on the couch."

"I carried you in. We did stay on the couch for a while, but when I could tell that you weren't going to wake back up, I brought you in here. I didn't think sleeping on the couch would be helpful to your recovery," Danil explained.

"Probably."

"Hope its okay, I undressed you and put you in one of my t-shirts. Your clothes are just over there," pointing to my clothes, "and your cane is beside you, up against the bedside table. I'll, um leave you to it," Danil says, as he shifts to get out of bed.

"No, Danil. Stay," I say over to him.

"Dom?" There is a hesitancy to his voice.

"I've slept better here than I have anywhere else." Realizing that it must be the first time in over a month where I haven't woken in the middle of the night.

"Your nightmares?" Danil asks, instantly knowing the reason for my sleepless nights.

"Yeah, they got bad after I went back to the scene. But it was worth it," I told him.

Danil pauses for a moment before settling back into bed and rolling over to face me.

"I knew something like this would happen. Hasn't your girlfriend been worried?" Danil asks, and I roll over to my side so that we are facing each other.

"Are you okay to lie like that?" Danil asks, his voice now laced with worry. Always the same Danil, trying to look after me.

"I'm fine," I say over to him. "and Katie didn't know about my nightmares. The only people who do are you, my parents and my therapist."

"But you must have stayed over at her place?" Danil asks, sounding surprised and not seeming to notice me saying that I am in therapy.

"No, I didn't." I know that I need to tell him that Katie and I have broken up, but I am curious to see where he is going to take this conversation.

"Oh," Danil replies.

"According to Katie, you would have been a hard act to follow, and so I was taking it slow," I tell him, making sure that I use the past tense.

"Was?"

"Danil, Katie and I broke up last night," I tell him.

"Oh Dom, Im sorry. What happened?" Danil asks.

"You. You are what happened. I had been fooling myself that I was over you. Seeing you last night confirmed that."

"But..." Danil starts.

Needing to prove to him that I was serious about what I said, I move closer to him. Placing my hand on his cheek, I feel him lean into it and close his eyes.

"Danil," I say his name gently, and he opens his eyes, locking them with mine. I lean forward as I place my lips on his. It's a quick kiss but it still causes my heart rate to increase and a tingle to spread all over my body.

"Dom, I don't understand," Danil says, his brows knitting together.

"I love you, Danil." I repeat the words he said last night. "Always have, always will."

"But," Danil replies, looking even more confused, "You walked away."

"I did. Something that I will regret for as long as I live, but I was there with my girlfriend, Danil, and I had no idea how to process what you said. I should've called my therapist."

"Therapist?" Danil acknowledges, finally picking up on the word.

"Yeah, Marco encouraged me to see one, and with the nightmares increasing, I thought that it was a good idea. It was helping, but this week..." I start wondering how I can explain that I have been a mess. Worried about my reaction to seeing him again.

"This week has been a shit show," Danil guesses.

"Yep. I was so worried about seeing you," I tell him, "that my nightmares have been particularly horrible."

"But, if seeing me causes you that much pain, why are you here?"

"Because, one night with you and my brain is quiet. We need each other. We are shit without each other, but we also need to talk before anything happens."

"Yeah," Danil agrees.

"We hurt each other, even though it wasnt any fault of our own. We need to trust each other again. Also, if we do this," pointing between me and him, "we need to tell the family."

"Dom, there is no ‘if' we do this. You have come back to me, and I will do everything in my power to make up for what happened in the past," Danil says. "But, I am looking forward to having you naked in my bed again. When you are ready."

I don't say anything to the whole naked in bed thing, because honestly it is taking everything in my power not to lean over right now and strip him out of his clothes and kiss every inch of him. Being here, I feel settled for the first time in weeks, hell, probably months.

"Are you free today?" I ask him.

"Yeah, why?"

"I have a therapist appointment this morning...Shit, what time is it?" Suddenly shifting so I am sitting up in bed. I cannot be late for the appointment.

"Dom, what time is your appointment?" Danil asks.

"Eleven," I tell him.

"Its only nine. You have plenty of time," Danil says. "But we should get up and have some breakfast. Then I can drop you off or, if you prefer, I can get you a cab."

"Will you come with me?" I ask him.

"Yeah, I can drop you off," Danil confirms. "I can pick you up later if you want. Maybe we can go on a date."

"No, will you come with me to my appointment, if that is okay with Jeff?" I ask.

"If that's what you want," Danil replies.

We end up having a leisurely breakfast. Danil lends me clothes which are a little big on me, but not to the point where I look ridiculous, and then we head over to Jeff's. I thought that Danil might have said no to coming in with me, but I think that seeing Jeff could be good for us.

"So how did it go last night?" Jeff asks, once I am settled. "You look better than I thought you would. In fact, you look better than I have seen you in weeks."

"I had a good nights sleep," I tell him.

"No nightmares."

"None," I confirm. "I slept the whole night."

"Interesting. Did yesterday go better than we thought? Did the techniques help?" Jeff asks.

"On my way there, my anxiety was crazy, but everything sort of changed when I got there," I tell him.

"Can you explain how?" Jeff probes.

"Could I show you? Would you mind if someone joined this session?"

"Not at all. I am interested to meet the person who has affected you so profoundly in twenty-four hours."

Getting up, I walk out to the waiting room. I had asked Danil if he wouldn't mind staying out there first, while I made sure it would be okay for him to join us.

"Hey," I say. "Jeff says it's fine." And I hold out my hand to him for him to take.

"Okay." But he looks nervous, and I see him wipe his hands on his pants before taking mine.

"Danil, it will be fine. Jeff is lovely."

Keeping hold of his hand, I walk into Jeffs office. Jeff doesn't visually react in any way.

"Hello," Jeff says. "You are not the person that I was expecting to come through that door with Dom."

"Yeah. It's a surprise for me too, but Dom asked," Danil says, but he hasn't let go of my hand.

"I'm guessing you are Danil. Not Katie," Jeff asks, which causes Danil to laugh.

"Yeah, I am Danil."

"Took Dom a long time to talk about you. Can you perhaps bring me up to date on what has happened?" Jeff asks, looking from Danil back to me.

Between us, we explain everything that happened from both our sides, and like always, Jeff just sits and listens, taking in everything that we say. There is a part of me that is worried that at the end of this, Jeff is going to say that this isn't a healthy relationship and that it would be best for both of us not to get together or stay together.

"That is quite some evening," Jeff states. "And you then spent the night with Danil."

"Yes," I confirm.

"In the same bed?"

"Yes. But nothing happened," Danil pipes up. "I stripped him and put him in a t-shirt, but that is it. I didn't want him to sleep in his clothes."

"You care quite a lot for Dom, don't you Danil?" Jeff asks, or maybe tells him, I am not entirely sure.

"Yeah. Before Dom, I was a love them and leave them type. Content with one-night stands. Dom was my first real relationship."

"Why do you think you both allowed Rory to get in between you?" Jeff asks, looking at us both.

"I have no idea," I reply to him honestly.

"Rory played on my own fears," Danil tells Jeff. "I think in the back of my mind, buried deep, I was worried about why Dom didn't want to come out. Even though we had started, losing Alessia set us back. Rory played on this. Made me think I wasn't good enough. If I was, Dom would tell people about us. Rory chipped away at my trust for Dom until it crumbled. I hadn't even realized he was doing it. I thought he was my friend."

Turning to look at Danil, I see that his head is down and that he's looking at his hands. How on earth could he think that he wasn't good enough for me, how on earth could I miss this while Rory spotted it?

"Did you talk to Rory about these feelings?" Jeff questions.

"Yeah. He was my best friend," Danil confirms.

"I see. Dom, you look surprised by Danil's words." Jeff turns his attention to me.

"Yeah," I confirm. "Also, a little annoyed. Danil was always good enough for me. Always. I got in my head over my family. I told you my parents don't handle having gay children well. When the gifts from Rory came, my instant thoughts were that Danil was cheating. Rory basically confirmed it. How could I compete with someone who was out and proud?"

"Do you still have these feelings?" Jeff says to us both.

"Hope it's okay to say this, but Dom hadn't been with a man before me. A part of me is worried that he might want to experience sex with another man," Danil replies.

"No. I won't," I tell him, and Danil's head snaps up to look at me. "Over the last few months I had the same thought, I even went to a few clubs. No one appealed to me. I think you broke me," I said, giving him a smile. "I think you are the only man I want."

"I did the same. Tried to pick up my pre-Dom lifestyle, but I couldnt do it either. The thought of having sex with someone else, I just couldn't."

"How long were the pair of you dating before you had sex?" Jeff asks us.

"Three months," I reply.

"Dom told me early on that he hadn't been with a man. I wasn't going to rush him into anything," Danil adds.

"You know, I'm really getting the impression that you guys had a good relationship. I was expecting you to say you argued etc. But you didn't, you respected each other," Jeff says over to us.

"Yet we let it get destroyed," I reply.

"You did, but, in all truth, everyone has doubts and conflicts in their relationships. Your feelings were valid, but most people don't have a ‘friend' who makes them seem bigger than they are. Plus, most people talk to each other, not friends," Jeff explains.

"Do you think that was a little dig at us?" I ask Danil, who nods his head in agreement.

"Danil, if you don't mind, I would like to have another chat with Dom on his own, but before you go, would you consider coming in, maybe once a month or more, with Dom? I think it would be good for you both."

"Couples therapy?" Danil asks.

"You could call it that," Jeff confirms.

"I don't think I would survive losing Dom again. So, I have no issue with that at all," Danil says, looking over and giving me a smile, before letting go of my hand and walking out of the room.

"I can see why you like him," Jeff tells me when we are on our own. "He is a very handsome young man."

"Hands off Jeff, that's my boy…" But I stop myself before I can finish the word. How on earth can I think of him as my boyfriend already? Is my brain and heart just trying to pick up where we left off four months ago? Like nothing had happened?

"Boyfriend," Jeff finishes before me.

"Is that wrong? Isn't it too fast?"

"You and Danil's relationship has dealt with more in four months than some of my couples that have been together twenty years. You said it yourself, you slept right through the night last night. Danil is good for you. But a word of caution, some people won't understand jumping from one relationship to another."

"I hadn't told any of my friends about Katie. So the only people I have to tell are family, and my family are quirky. Danil's mom and Papa already know about us, and, well, the others will just need to accept it.

"Okay," Jeff nods. "Do you still want to keep your standard appointment?"

"Yeah. Talking to you helps," I reply.

"Good. In that case, see you next week."

I move to the edge of my seat, and I am about to get up but I don't. There is a question at the back of my mind that I need to voice.

"Jeff, I already want to have sex with Danil. Is that wrong?"

Jeff laughs at my statement. "Um, I cannot answer that for you, only you can. You need to talk to Danil."

"I will. Thanks Jeff." I reach for my cane and get up off the chair.

"Dom," Jeff calls. "Was the sex good?"

"I saw stars," I tell him, which makes Jeff burst out laughing.

Walking out into the waiting room, I see Danil looking at his cell and take a few moments to check him out. The difference between the man sitting here and the one at the party is like chalk and cheese. His skin is no longer pale and even the dark circles under his eyes have lessened, and this man is finally mine again.

"Ready?" I ask him.

"Yeah. I was just looking to see if there was something we could do this afternoon. For our date," Danil says.

"You know what I really want to do?"

"What?"

"I want us to go get some food. You have lost too much weight. Then, I want to go back to my parents, pick up some clothes and finally go back to your place. Where I want you to show me exactly what I've been missing."