Chapter 25: Dom

Four Months Later

"Alessia."

Opening my eyes wide, I sit up in bed, my focus blurry. The night air hits the sweat covering my skin and I shiver, goosebumps rising up. My eyes start to focus, and I realize that I am in my bedroom. For a split second, I thought I was back in my hospital bed from all those months ago. But I'm not. I am back in my childhood bedroom where another nightmare has just woken me up. They have gotten worse over recent months. In fact, they have gotten worse since I went back to the accident scene. The nightmares were a sacrifice I was willing to make, especially since going back there ultimately resulted in the arrest of Rory.

Swinging my legs out of bed, I stand up and debate whether I can make it downstairs without my cane. Deciding better of it, I grab my cane, and, as quietly as I can, I make my way downstairs. I don't bother grabbing a robe. No one is going to be awake.

Over the months, I have gotten steadier on my feet, and the doctors have confirmed that I will be able to spend a few hours at a time without my cane, but I will likely always need it. I haven't told G or Frank, even though they have asked. I want to surprise them.

Standing in the kitchen, I open a cupboard and pull out a glass before turning on the faucet. Letting the water run for a moment, I place the glass under the stream of water, filling the glass half full. Turning off the water, I stare out the window in front of me. The house is so quiet in the middle of the night, but it also seems to strangely calm me. Especially when a nightmare has woken me up. But I am finding that I often wake up in the middle of the night. I cannot, actually, remember the last time that I slept the whole night through.

"Domenico." Papas voice sounds behind me, and I have to bite my lip to stop an audible groan sounding.

"Hey Papa," I say, turning to face him.

"Another nightmare?" Papa asks.

I am not in the mood to talk to him. The peace and quiet of the house were quieting my mind. Dissolving the images that always linger, so they can be ignored.

"Yeah, sorry, did I wake you?" I ask.

"I am an old man now, son, I always wake in the middle of the night. I heard you coming downstairs. Thought I would check on you."

Momma and Papa have been different since I came home. They still don't talk about G and Matteo, but they no longer roll their eyes if I mention their names, or tut when I say that I'm going to see them. They're still vocal about how they disapprove of their lifestyle, but that is really all they say.

"I'm okay," I lie, because I feel anything other than okay.

"Maybe you need to increase your therapist appointments," Papa says.

"I will discuss it with them," I tell him. "I'm going back to bed. See you in the morning."

The only people who know about my nightmares are my therapist, Momma and Papa. I never really intended to tell them, but I woke them up screaming one night. They had rushed into my room to see what was going on. My mom had held me that night, letting me cry into her shoulder. Rocking me back and forth like a child.

I never even considered going to see someone, until I was approached by Marco. He asked me how I was doing, how I was sleeping. I had lied. Told him I was okay. Marco didn't seem to believe me and handed me a card. He explained that it was a therapist he talks to, and all I had to do was call.

The card burned a hole in my wallet for days. I was convinced that I didn't need help, but then another nightmare had hit, and the following day I had called. The therapist, Jeff, had been lovely. Explained that Marco had spoken to him about me, and that he was glad that I called. We had made an appointment to meet a few days later and I had been going once a week since then.

The sessions seemed to help, but they didn't stop the nightmares. They became slightly less frequent, but they remained the same. Images of the crash. The sound of the truck hitting the car followed by the sound of metal scraping along the tarmac, and they always ended with Alessia staring at me, eyes unblinking and face pale, with streaks of burgundy red that I never wanted to look too closely at.

Going back upstairs, I think I know what's triggered these nightmares, and why they have suddenly started coming back more often than I want. It's thoughts of the past coming to the forefront again. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I place my cane so that its leaning against the bedside table. Taking a sip of my water before placing the glass on the table, I lift my legs up onto the bed. Rolling onto my side, I stare at the glass on the table and pull my blankets up. Closing my eyes, I hope that sleep will take me and that my mind is clear for the rest of night, but I know Papa was right and that I need to call Jeff.

"Dom, I have to admit that I was quite surprised to receive your call this morning," Jeff says over to me.

"I need to talk to you," I say. When I called Jeffs office this morning, I thought I might have to wait a day or two to get in, but Jeffs receptionist explained there had been a cancellation and I could get in today.

"About?"

"My nightmares," I tell him.

"Go on." Jeff never seems to sound surprised about the topics I want to discuss. He always manages to keep his tone neutral and understanding.

"They are coming back, and often," I say over to him.

"Do you know why?" Jeff asks.

"I think I do." I pause for a moment. "Danil."

"Well, that's a name you haven't mentioned for a while," Jeff remarks. "I noticed you never really told me what went on there."

"I mentioned we dated for a while," I start.

"You did, but I also recall asking you to go into detail and you wouldn't, or couldn't, as you said. So, what's changed now?

"I have to see him this week," I explain.

"And when was the last time you saw him?"

"Four months ago," I whisper.

"So, are you ready to talk about that now?" Jeff asks.

"No, but I think that I have to," I say honestly, and when Jeff nods his head I start talking. I tell him everything. From start to finish. Jeff never interrupts me. Never asks probing questions, just lets me get everything off my chest.

"And the family still doesn't know?" Jeff asks when I have finally finished talking.

"I think Frank does. I think he helped us not to meet. Knew it was too painful," I say.

"So do you still love him?" Jeff asks.

My head snaps up to look at him. Not sure how he can ask that. He knows what's going on in my life at the moment.

"No," I say.

"But you did love him?" Jeff asks gently.

"I did," I confirm.

"And yet when he asked you to get back together you said no. Why?"

"I was hurting. I was annoyed at myself and Danil for letting us get manipulated like that. After knowing what my parents were like, I thought I would see the signs, and yet I didn't," I explain. "The following morning I regretted it, but still wasn't brave enough to call."

"From what you have said, Rory was worse than your parents and a very good actor. I think most people would have been fooled by him. That wasn't your fault, and it wasn't Danil's," Jeff explains.

"But I still let Rory win. The other couple he terrorized realized it was him. They were strong enough to see through his bullshit. What future did Danil and I ever have?"

I was never sure if I was supposed to discuss matters of the case with Jeff, but he reassured me that whatever was said in his office stayed in his office. He only disclosed information if court ordered, but I still tried to keep names out of it.

"But this other couple hadn't suffered the trauma you had. You had lost your sister and the use of your legs. One or the other is a lot to deal with and you had both. It's understandable to miss signs."

"But why didn't I fight for him? Fight for us?" I demand.

"Maybe because you couldn't," Jeff states, like that is the simplest answer in the world. "But you know you are not going to be able to avoid him forever."

"I know," I sigh.

"Do you know if he has moved on?" Jeff asks, and when I bite my lip and stay quiet, "Dom?"

"I might have used the excuse of moving back home to see G and Matt less. That way I could avoid hearing about Danil."

"So, they don't know about…." Jeff trails off.

"No, they don't," I say to him. "That is happening this week, too. Same time as seeing Danil. G and Frank are having a family dinner. They are calling it a rehearsal dinner even though its two weeks before the wedding."

"Well, that explains the increase in nightmares. Youre stressed. That will be quite a night for you," Jeff confirms and pauses for a moment. "Dom, I am not going to say it will be easy, it won't, and you recognize that, which is great. We have talked about coping techniques, but I also think that it will be good for you to see Danil and close that chapter of your life."

"But what happens if those feelings come back?" I question.

"Then we will deal with it if that happens. When is this dinner?" Jeff asks.

"Friday night," I say.

"Look, I don't do this often, but I am going to book you an appointment for Saturday morning, at eleven, and we can discuss what happens."

"Okay."

Jeff and I spend the rest of the appointment going over some calming techniques that I can use, and I leave the office feeling better than when I arrived. Having Jeff validate my feelings always goes a long way to making me feel better.

Pulling out my cell, I scroll to Frank's number and hit call. I considered calling G but I think that he would ask too many questions. Frank won't. I hope.

"Dom," Frank states. "Nice to hear from you."

"Hey Frank," I say. "Sorry to call out of the blue, I was wondering if it would be okay to bring a friend to dinner on Friday."

"Yes, of course," Frank states, and then hesitates for a second before adding, "Just to let you know, Danil will be there."

"I guessed," I tell him, and I could swear I heard him sigh with relief.

"Will you need any help with your chair?" Frank asks, and guilt rushes through me that it's been so long since I've seen them that they don't know I am out of my chair.

"No, my friend will help me," I say to him.

"Great. It will be so good to see you, Dom," Frank says.

"You too, Frank. Bye." I hang up the call.

Friday night came around quicker than I wanted it to, but here we are. Knocking on the door, I take some deep breaths. Some deep calming breaths, but they don't work. There is a small part of me that wants to turn and run away, but I know that I cannot do that anymore. Then the door opens and Frank is standing there, and I see his eyes widen.

"Hey Frank," I say, giving him a small smile. "Can I introduce my girlfriend to you? This is Katie."

"Hi," Frank says, but he is still just staring at me before looking me up and down, and I don't know if he's more surprised that I have a girlfriend, or by the fact that I am standing in front of him. "Gio," Frank shouts over his shoulder, making no attempt to move to let us in. "Come here for a sec."

"What?" G says, coming up next to Frank and turning to see what has Franks attention, and the second he spots me, his eyes widen just like Frank's. "Dom?"

"Hey G," I say to him.

"You're standing?" G exclaims, and I am starting to think that it's my standing which has him more shocked, considering he hasn't acknowledged Katie.

"I wanted to surprise you," I say.

"You did that," G confirms, still staring at me until Frank clears his throat, and when he looks over to Frank, he nods his head in the direction of Katie.

"G, this is my girlfriend, Katie." I pull her into my side.

"Girlfriend," G repeats. "You are full of surprises tonight. Please come in. You're the last to arrive."

"Ready to meet everyone?" I ask Katie, who gives me a little smile and nods her head, and I take hold of her hand. Frank and G finally move out of the way, and we follow them into the apartment.

I met Katie just over a month ago, completely by accident. I think the movie makers would call it a meet-cute. I had walked to a coffee shop near home, as a daily exercise, and stumbled when going over to collect my coffee. Katie had caught me, and we had gone on from there. She was fun and made me laugh for the first time in a long time, and respected that I wanted to take my time with things.

I thought Katie had been the key. She had given me hope that I could move on from Danil, but the moment I walked into the living room, I spotted him. He is standing there, looking in my direction. Our eyes lock together and all the emotions I thought were long gone come rushing back. Danil looks just as handsome as ever, but he has lost some weight. Actually, he looks like he lost a lot of weight.

Danil looks me up and down before spotting my hand clasping Katie's. From what I can see, he doesn't react. He just looks back up to my face. Our eyes lock again and then he blinks and looks away.

"Dom!" Matteo screams, drawing my attention away from Danil. "You're standing and walking!"

"Yeah," I confirm.

"If it wasn't for the fact that it's great to see, I would kick your butt for not telling us," Matt continues. "We've missed you."

"I was concentrating on walking and well…" And I nod my head in Katies direction. Introducing her tonight might not have been the best idea. Everyone is too concerned with the fact that I am walking.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Matt says.

"Katie, this is my older brother Matteo." Katie holds out her hand, which Matt ignores and pulls her into a hug before I even tell him who she is.

"Please, call me Matt, only my parents call me Matteo," Matt says, giving me a look.

"Or when you have done something to annoy me," Trip says, coming over to Matt and giving me a smile.

"Katie, this is Trip, Matts boyfriend. Trip, Matt, this is my girlfriend, Katie," I finally tell them.

"Lovely to meet you," Trip says. "The family can look a little intimidating from the outside, but they are a bunch of teddy bears really, trust me."

"Trip is the newest member of the family," I explain , looking over to Trip. "How long have you been with us now?"

"Too damn long already," Trip says.

"Hey," Matt replies, trying to sound offended, but the pair of them just smile at their own joke.

"How long have you two been going out?" Trip asks.

"About a month," Katie replies, looking over to me.

I am trying to pay close attention to the conversation, but out of the corner of my eye I see Frank move towards the kitchen. A quick scan of the room tells me that everyone else is in the room.

"Katie, would you like a drink?" I ask. I needing to get away for a few minutes. .

"Water, please. I'm driving,"

"I trust I can leave her with you, and you won't scare her off," I ask Trip and Matt.

"I make no promises," Matt says, causing Trip to elbow him in the ribs and say, "We will look after her."

I head straight to the kitchen, hoping to catch Frank before he comes back into the room. I need to talk to him. I need to check that everything is okay with Danil, and right now, I have never been so thankful that Frank and G's apartment has a separate kitchen.

"Frank," I say, when I get to the entryway.

"Dom," Frank replies, turning to look at me, and I have a feeling he was expecting me to come to see him.

"Is Danil okay?" I ask.

"Not really," Frank replies.

"What's wrong?" I ask, suddenly concerned.

"He's heartbroken," Frank tells me, and it feels like someone has thrown a bucket of cold water over me. Someone broke his heart and hurt him enough to cause him to lose weight.

"Who?" I mumble, as I don't think that Frank would divulge information like that.

"You, Dom," Frank says, and he looks past me, and I know, even before I turn around, that Danil is standing there. "I'll give you some privacy. You won't be disturbed."

"Thanks Papa," Danil says, and I have a feeling that somehow Danil organized this.

I take a few steps further into the kitchen, away from the doorway, and lean against the counter. Taking some pressure off my cane.

"You're walking," Danil says, and his voice sounds the same as I remember.

"I am," I reply, and look over to see him staring at me. Being this close, I can see the pain and hurt in his eyes. Pain that I caused him. Pain I was sure he would have gotten over, but I was wrong.

"The woman you're with?" Danil questions, and I hear the slight tremble in it.

"My girlfriend," I tell him honestly, and I see him shiver at my words.

"You look happy, Dom. I am happy for you," Danil replies, but I don't think he means those words, in fact, I think he thinks the opposite. I think seeing me here with someone else is torture. But he doesn't say anything more to me, and goes to walk away, but I can't let him go.

"Danil!" I shout, and he pauses and looks at me.

But I suddenly have no words to say to him. There is nothing I can say to make this better. The time to do that was four months ago when he wanted me back, and I turned away due to my own stupid cowardice.

"I am so sorry I hurt you," are the words that finally come out of my mouth.

"We hurt each other," Danil replies.

"We did."

Danil goes to walk away, and this time I decide to let him go, but he stops and takes a step back into the room.

"I have tried so hard to get over you, but you got under my skin, and no matter what I do I cannot shake you," Danil tells me.

"I gave you your space," I tell him, but I don't think he hears me.

"What I feel for you can't be turned off," Danil continues.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I love you, Dom. Always have. Always will," Danil declares.

I wasn't expecting these words from him. I wasn't expecting ‘I love you'. The words are suddenly on the tip of my tongue to say back to him, but I don't. Instead, I push myself back off the counter and walk past him. Never looking back.