Chapter 21

21

I came downstairs late the next day.

It was Boxing Day and usually, we would go to the shopping centre and shop for all the sales. With the way the night had turned, however, I wasn't in the mood for anything but falling into a chocolate coma and watching movies all afternoon.

After pouring myself a cup of coffee and whipping up scrambled eggs for breakfast, I made myself comfortable on the couch where Nate had already been watching a movie with a burger poised in front of his lips.

"Afternoon," he mumbled in greeting before taking a huge bite of his burger and placing it back on the plate.

Nate was only here for another week and it felt like I hadn't spent time with him. I barely saw him. He was out of the house as soon as he rose for the day and came back as the sunset. I half felt guilty as well because I was too caught up in my own life to even know what he does during the day or even try to organise a time to spend together. It felt like the right thing to do.

"Afternoon." I greeted and propped my head up against the back of the couch. "Wanna have a movie day with me? I feel like I've barely seen you."

His eyes flickered to me and shrugged. "Sure, why not? As long as I pick the movie."

"That's not fair. Why can't I pick?" I pouted.

He gave me a flat look. "Because we would end up watching 10 Things I Hate About You or some other stupid rom-com," he deadpanned.

I was offended. I didn't watch them that much. "That's not true. I have a wider range of taste than that when it comes to movies, thank you." I crossed my arms.

"Okay, fine. Give me a suggestion and I'll decide if it's good enough to watch."

I thought about it for a bit, not prepared at all to be put on the spot. Because in all truths, those ‘stupid' rom-coms Nate referred to were my comfort. I hardly ever watched anything else unless I was with Dad or Avery. So I list their favourites.

"What about John Wick or The Kingsman ?"

Nate shook his head with a growing smile. "Now I know you just listed them because they're Dad's favourites. I've watched them too many times anyway."

I huffed and crossed my arms. "Okay, fine. What about the Marvel movies? I haven't watched any of them except maybe Guardians of the Galaxy ."

Nate's mouth dropped. "How are you my sister and have never watched any Marvel movie?"

Nate turned his attention back to the TV, and for the rest of the afternoon, we watched the first three marvel movies in release order. Nate said it was important to watch them that way the first time as it gave you the cinematic experience.

It felt like ages since I'd had some quality time with my brother. It had only been a year since he moved far north and — not that I would admit it — but I missed his presence. I missed his annoying face, and how much he would frustrate me when he hogged the TV or when I heard him yelling at his game through the closed doors while I tried to concentrate on school work. It felt like the world had returned to normal since he came back. But in a week, he would be gone again.

With him here, I didn't feel so lonely, especially with the constant pressure of our mother. It felt like I could walk through the storm like he did. But then again, he survived by following the path she paved and chose for him. He decided to take the easy way out and follow her footsteps into law. I didn't even know if he liked it or had any interest in the field.

Sometimes, when I thought about it, it felt like I didn't really know him that much. With the driving wedge of our mother, it didn't give us time to get to know that part of each other, about what we enjoyed or how we liked to spend our day.

It was about nine o'clock at night when the credits rolled through at the end of Iron Man 2 and my eyelids were fluttering closed.

Nate rolled his head to the side, and I saw his eyes drooping the same way. He turned the TV off and stood, stretching his arms above his head, fingertips slightly brushing the ceiling before turning to me. I thought he was just going to say good night and leave, but the words that tumbled out surprised me.

"Don't listen to Mum. She's got this idea that being in this high-paying and high-positional job means it's more superior," he said with an eye roll. "I think photography would be good for you if you love doing it. You could travel and see the world." He paused before continuing in a pained whisper. "Just don't be like me. Don't be complaisant. Do what makes you happy."

And then he turned with a muttered ‘night', leaving me shocked and reeling from his admission.

Don't be like me.

I wanted to call him back and ask more. Did he mean that law wasn't what he truly wanted? My stomach dropped at that realisation. So many emotions rushed through me but mostly anger at our mother. My heart broke for him.

Did he have something he dreamed of doing? Did he fight with Mum just as much as I did when he was in school? Why did he let Mum push him into something he didn't want? Did he know it wasn't too late if he wanted to drop out and actually do what made him happy as well?

Don't be complaisant.

I knew I wouldn't. No matter how easy my life would be if I just agreed with everything Mum said and let her dictate my life. I wouldn't be happy and I didn't want to lead a life of misery just because of the headache my mum caused me.

Do what makes you happy.

My heart warmed with that sentiment. I hadn't heard my brother give me words of encouragement or support like that. He wasn't much for inspirational words. The only words we threw at each other were when we were bickering or making fun of each other.

My body slumped into bed after trudging my way up the stairs, but I wasn't tired anymore. I was exhausted but my mind was still wired after the words Nate left me with.

It was well into the night before my eyes fluttered shut. My heart was still aching for my brother, wishing for some happiness to enter his life.

I woke up to yelling and laughter the next morning from my brother's room. I rolled my eyes behind my lids and almost tried to ignore it by stuffing my head under my pillow to block the noise, but then a second voice floated through the cracks in the door that made my heart stutter.

I padded over to my door and peeked through it to see the opened door of Nate's room. Nate sat behind his desk in the middle of a rigorous game as he smashed buttons in the controller. Reece sat beside him watching on.

He was facing me so the movement of the door caught his attention and his eyes flicked up to mine. A smile tipped his lips before his eyes roamed down the length of my body, a flare igniting in them before he tore his gaze away.

I was in a small tank top and short cotton pants. I wasn't expecting for Nate's door to be opened or that Reece would be facing the doorway. A flush made its way onto my face with his reaction, but I shrugged it off.

I cleared my throat, and they both turned to look at me, but Nate's eyes flicked back to the screen.

"Do you guys mind keeping it down? It's not even 8 a.m. and you woke me up."

"Sure thing," Nate said absentmindedly, his attention solely on the game. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't truly hear what I said.

"Sorry, Summers. Didn't mean to wake you," Reece replied.

I was starting to realise that Reece always called me Summers in front of other people, but when we were alone, he always called me Kody. And I kind of liked that. That it was just ours. In the silent, calm moments when he let his guard completely down.

With Nate completely distracted, Reece's eyes roamed again over my half-exposed body with a smirk on his face. I didn't think he would say anything more, so I started to close my door, but then he opened his mouth.

"Nice outfit, Summers. You should wear it more often."

I rolled my eyes as Nate's eyes snapped to me before he scrunched his nose.

"Dude, gross. And Dakota, go put some clothes on."

I popped my hip on the door frame as I crossed my arms. "I think I'm quite comfortable in this, thank you."

Even though my gaze was narrowed on my brother, I could feel Reece's attention on every movement I made. I stifled the satisfied smile that threatened to tug at my lips while I stared off with my brother.

"Fine, just keep it in your room then. I don't need you to subject my friends to my half-naked sister."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not even ‘half-naked'," I countered, throwing my hand up in quotation.

"I can see half your ass in those pants. I think that counts as half naked."

Reece interrupted our bickering. "I mean, I don't mind at all."

Nate whipped around to him. "Please, don't. I don't want to have to hurt you."

Reece threw his hands up in surrender. "I'm kidding. Just joking."

But when Reece's eyes rose to mine, there was a sparkle in them that told me he was, in fact, not joking. It brought a flush to my cheeks and my heart beat a little faster as I tried to hide the effect that look had from my brother.

"Fine. Just can you not be so loud? That would be appreciated."

I closed my door and leaned against it for a moment, my mind going over the looks Reece gave me, the slow perusal of my body, and the way that every second his eyes were on me felt like a million tiny fireflies underneath my skin. Every moment with him was like that. I wanted his attention. I wanted those secret looks and the feeling of my heart galloping in my chest.

But most of all I wanted him to look at me like that without having to hide it.

It was hard not to just go over and kiss him. He turned me into a giddy mess when he was near, and I was a damn near fool for it. I felt like I was in over my head, stealing all these secret moments and loaded looks from him behind my brother's back. Betraying Reece's longest friendships and my brother. But, I couldn't stop myself even if I wanted to. He showed me what it felt like to fall into the comfort of someone's arms that one can only know from truly trusting someone. And it felt too good to stop. So, if that was all I could get from him, I would revel in it for as long as I could. For as long as my guilt could hold.

I was an awful person for that, but didn't I deserve a little bit of happiness, no matter how immoral it was?

I spent most of the morning ignoring the laughter and shouting from across the hall with a pair of headphones while I researched more about photography and how to get started. I came across a lot of degrees for photography, but I wanted to avoid that as much as I could. I wanted to see what I could do without a degree. A lot of the things I found mostly said to start practicing and experimenting and familiarising myself with the settings of my camera and even sharing my work on social media. I knew I wanted some foundation of knowledge before I did that. I wasn't confident enough to post my work just yet.

It was then I stumbled on a course that taught every little tip and trick with photography, learning through different areas. They had great opportunities and networking connections offered at the end of the course as well as the chance to travel the world. It was like it was answering my call for help. A beam of hope offered to me on a silver platter. Everything I could dream of. Breaking me free from the chain of confinement my mother tried to trap me in. And I could see things a little clearer.

But it was crushed just as fast as it bloomed when I realised it was in Melbourne, and the speck of hope dimmed with my dream. I searched and searched after to see if there was a similar opportunity closer to home, but I found nothing. Nothing that would bring me that kind of connection and experience. I gravitated back to that site over and over again.

It was bound to be in demand with that kind of offer, and I knew a lot of people would apply. So, I thought, why not one more? The worst thing that could happen is that I was rejected, no matter how much that would make my stomach sink. But if I got accepted, well, maybe I could figure something out.

I gathered my portfolio and filled in an application without another thought, holding my breath as I pressed the send button. I closed my computer afterwards, stepping away from it and pushing the thoughts to the back of my mind. I probably wouldn't get it anyway, so I'll forget about it.

Despite my refusal over my brother's overdramatics, I changed into a baggy T-shirt and shorts. It was a bit cooler during the day, and the sky was glooming with the threat of rain. Some days can be unpredictable. It could look like it's about to rain, but then later in the day, the sun would come out.

I headed downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed a container of the leftovers from Christmas to put in the microwave. As I watched the time count down, shuffling sounded to the left of me and I watched Reece enter the kitchen. His eyes roamed my new clothing with a quirk of his lips.

"That's a shame, I quite liked your previous outfit."

I twisted my lips to the side, hiding the smile that wanted to break free. "I'm sure you did. Was it because of my ‘half-covered ass'?" I joked.

Reece chuckled as he took the place next to me. He hummed before answering. "Maybe partly. But that was mostly to tease Nate." He turned to face me then. "No, I just liked the look of you having barely woken up, not caring how you looked. I thought you looked beautiful."

I folded my arms across my chest and turned to him, warmth spreading across my cheeks. "I think you just like to make me blush."

He grinned, tucking my hair behind my shoulder. "I do. Might be my favourite pastime."

I tilted my face down, trapping the bubble that tried to burst out of my chest in the form of giggles like a lovesick schoolgirl. It wasn't fair, the way he was making me feel. All bubbly and hopeful. Making me feel like I could find everything I had been searching for through all the beliefs I had been ingrained with.

I felt his fingertips curl under my chin before he slowly guided my face up to look at him. A soft smirk curled his lip as amusement and something like wonder shone in his eyes.

"I like seeing this side of you," he whispered, lowering his face closer to mine, and tilting my chin closer at the same time.

"What side?" I whispered back.

"Your happy side. It makes me feel happy when I make you smile or blush. That I can make you feel like that."

I wasn't able to contain the brightness in my smile as it grew under the words he sang.

"You know what would make me happier?"

His lips lifted, matching my own. "What would that be?"

"If you kissed me?" I breathed, the words coming like a question rather than a request like I wanted it to be. But I was unsure. Unsure if he would be brave enough to kiss me there, in my kitchen, with Nate just upstairs.

But he didn't even hesitate. Not a question or a stutter in his move as he guided my face closer before dragging his lips across mine. I sunk into his world and under his spell, feeling his heart beating under the fingertips I pressed against his chest as he held me to him. It was the sweetest pull of every beat in my heart. I could feel the whirl of emotions he poured into me with that kiss, but it was too much to isolate just one.

Stomping footsteps had us pulling apart quicker than the kiss had even started, and I yearned to pull him back.

I busied myself by taking my food out of the microwave, which I hadn't noticed had finished, while Reece stuck his head in the fridge just as Nate rounded the corner of the kitchen. He stretched his arms up, tapping the top of the doorway as he walked in, completely oblivious to the moment that had transpired just seconds before.

"I'm starving. What are you guys eating?" Nate groaned as he dropped his arms and walked over to Reece, looking over his shoulder.

I felt Reece's gaze shift over to me, but I avoided looking at him. I couldn't look at him as the guilt in my stomach gnawed at me. No matter how nice it felt to be in his arms in the dark, I knew it would come back to bite me.

But I couldn't handle losing what we had because of that. I couldn't handle losing him.