Chapter 19

19

I'd thought a lot about how I saw my future the past week, more than I ever had since going through the photos and the present from Nate.

All the times I held the camera up to my eye, there was an ever-present smile on my face. I loved looking through the lens and focusing on what I was capturing. Whether it was the landscape, wildlife, or people, I loved seeing the beauty and trying to unravel the emotions and thoughts of the people I snapped photos of. It felt like something I could delve into, to tell stories through a single snapshot.

It kick-started an excitement that I had been longing for.

I searched all different avenues of photography, interviews with photographers, and searching their portfolios. Then I went on to see the academic avenues, the study programs for photography, what it involves, and if it was necessary.

Dinner the next night, I brought it up with Dad very vaguely. Just a thought thrown in the air.

"What do you think about photography as a career?"

Dad chewed on the bite he had just taken of the honey soy chicken he made, giving him time to mull over the question. "I've never really thought about it. But I guess if you're passionate about it and it makes you happy," he shrugged. "Why not? There's a lot of famous photographers and I'm sure there's a lot of different paths you can take with it."

I nodded, absorbing his words as I took a bite of my own chicken.

His knife and fork clattered on his plate as he turned toward me, squeezing my shoulder. "Anything you do, I'm going to be proud of, chook. You don't need to ask me. I'll support you in whatever you do. In whatever you need."

I couldn't stop the slight watering of my eyes. All it took was Dad's words of encouragement to soothe my spiralling thoughts and anxiety. He was so opposite to my mother that I wondered how they even ended up together, and why they married. Dad was like a cool ocean breeze that made you breathe a bit easier. Mum was like wildfire, threatening the structures of the building you've worked hard to build. I could see it working for a short time, but nothing could contain my mother.

But it had been a week and I hadn't touched those photos, since that day with Reece. I've been putting it off since thinking more seriously about it. I'd thought on more than one occasion that I wasn't even good enough to make photography a career. That maybe it was just a fun little hobby to take under to remember my friends by, knowing they would be moving away. Anyone could snap a photo, it wasn't anything special.

Maybe Reece and Dad were just trying to appease me. Dad has to say nice things because he's my dad. Reece, well, I don't know. We've been texting on and off since that day but he hasn't mentioned wanting those photos since. I've been avoiding it, nerves biting at me anytime I thought about sending them. There were a few photos in the collection I had taken of him while he wasn't looking and I could practically hear his teasing even when he wasn't there. I could just leave them out, but something tells me that he would know.

It was Sunday evening, and I decided to sink into the couch and eat my way through my feelings, snacks surrounding me as I replayed classic rom-coms. I thought it would distract me from my need to be praised for the photos I had taken.

I knew he had already told me he liked them and encouraged me to send them to him, but I couldn't help thinking that he was just being nice.

Then my phone lit up with a text message and I picked it up with lightning speed when I saw the name I had been waiting for.

Reece:

This might be a huge ask of you, but do you mind coming to Sandpoint? The baseball field out there?

I stared at the text until the screen faded to black with furrowed brows.

Their last game before starting the Christmas holiday break was at 1 p.m. His game was well over by now. The sun had almost disappeared from view, and I wondered why he was still there.

Are you okay? What are you still doing there?

The bubbles appeared and disappeared for a short while.

I'm fine. Just wanted your company. Maybe you can give me tips on my wind-up. Thinking of switching it up a bit for a bit of fun

He punctuated his text with the emoji with its tongue out and crazy eyes, and that made me shake my head and chuckle to myself.

Don't think I'll be much help but I'll be there in 20.

I was in my car, ready to pull out of the driveway five minutes later, after throwing on a change of more presentable clothes and grabbing my phone, wallet, and keys, when his next text came through. I glanced at it, and a rush of heat built up in my cheeks, and the widest smile appeared on my face.

I know. I just wanted an excuse to see you.

The ballpark had a few baseball fields but it was easy to spot Reece when he was the only one there.

The crunch of gravel rolled under the tyres of my car as I parked in the top car park and switched the car off.

I watched him for a moment. He didn't once look up from his focus. He was throwing pitch after pitch toward the home plate, hitting the fence behind. One after the other, he would pick a ball from the bucket he had propped next to the mound, walk up, and ready for his set before releasing the ball at the top. The ball flew at an incredible speed every time, but I could tell he didn't care about his accuracy. They were flying everywhere.

I rushed out of the car and carefully down the steep hill until I was standing behind the home plate, the towering fence, and the ninety or so feet between us. It was then that he noticed me, and the subtle crease I could just barely see between his brows relaxed as his lips softened.

He pulled out one of his earbuds and dropped the ball he had in his hand and his glove next to the mound before jogging over to me.

Once he was close enough, he slowed to a walk and I started to talk. "Shouldn't you be resting? You just played a game and now you're here throwing pitches like your life depends on it. You're going to hurt yourself."

He grinned as he grabbed the fence above us and leaned close enough that I felt every breath of warm air puff against my face. "You worried about me?"

I looked away, focusing on the pitching mound behind him. It was like he had direct control of the blood in my veins, making it rise to my cheeks and my entire body warm, with just one look. His eyes, all too hypnotising with the swirling greens and flecks of gold and brown.

The sun had almost set, giving us just enough light to see, casting shadows around the angles of Reece's face making it appear sharper. His hair was a damp, dishevelled mess on the top of his head with a few ringlets falling onto his forehead. I couldn't help but notice the way the muscles in his arms bulged with the way he leaned against the fence.

I took a deep breath to clear my thoughts. "I might be."

He shuffled and the movement brought my eyes back to him. His face softened and just for a moment his eyes held mine, heavy and intense as they bounced from one to the other.

He cleared his throat. "I'll, uh, make sure to ice it when I get home then. For your peace of mind, of course."

My lip twitched. "Of course." I was silent for a moment before asking the question that had been rattling my mind. "What are you still doing here?"

At that, his jaw clenched and he looked away for a moment. The crease between his brow was back and I wanted to do anything to smooth it back down. But I waited instead.

"My dad drove me here for the game. Said he wanted to watch my game and the fool I was let him take me. But halfway through it, I watched him walk away with his phone to his ear and he got in his car and left. He just left me a text to say he'll be back and to not leave until he does. So I declined all the lifts people offered me and I've been waiting for, I don't know," he glanced at his watch. "Two and a half hours."

"Reece…" I started.

"Don't. It's fine. I'm fine. I thought I might as well get some practice in, right? It's probably what he expected of me."

My heart pulled at the shadow of pain behind his eyes as he tried to make light of the situation. His voice betrayed him though with the way it shook on the last sentence and I couldn't handle it. I turned around and started to walk away.

"Wait, where are you going?" His voice sounded alarmed and when I turned back to him, the sight of panic made my stomach drop.

"I'm coming around, just hold on."

He sighed, the muscles in his shoulders relaxing at my words. I made my way to the gate, opened it, and when I turned around after shutting it, he was already making his way toward me. I couldn't stop myself. My heart hurt for him. I rushed to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, squeezing him close and tight. He was stiff for a moment, but he was quick to wrap his arms around me in return and pull me closer. He tucked his face into the crook of my neck and I heard him release a shuddering breath.

I don't know how long we stood there, holding each other as if it were the only thing that kept us standing, breathing in each other's comfort. His arms felt like the safest place I'd ever known, and I hoped it was the same for him. I wanted to be that for him.

His tight grip on the back of my shirt loosened and he pulled back slowly just to rest his forehead on mine. His eyes were closed as I peered up at him, tracing the curve of his eyebrows to his fluttering eyes and the bow of his lips. The sharpness that I had seen when I first got here had softened.

When he finally opened his bloodshot eyes, the sadness dissipated, and what took over had my heart stuttering. The way he looked at me was something I could only identify as adoration. His hands lazily trailed up my back, over the curve of my shoulders, and cupped my face.

He worked a swallow as his eyes flickered between my own. "I don't know what I would do without you."

I furrowed my brows as my lips ticked up. "I just hugged you, Reece. Nothing special."

He shook his head. "It was much more —"

His words were cut off by a long horn sounding behind us and we jumped apart.

As Reece was facing the road behind me he was able to see who was there, and as soon as he did, his body went rigid. It was immediate, the look of detachment that overcome him and very much not like the person who just held me in his arms like I was his lifeline.

I turned, noticing a man half out of his car with a very stern look on his face. From the similar facial features, I knew immediately who he was.

"Get in the car, Reece," his dad snapped.

Reece pressed his lips in a thin line as he nodded. "Yes, sir." His tone was bitter and I'd never heard him speak like that.

He turned and grabbed the bucket, his glove, and bag from the ground next to the mound. Reece's dad completely ignored my presence as he hopped back in the car. As Reece stormed past, his parting words were a muttered ‘I'm sorry' and a flicker of a glance before he barreled through the gate and threw his things in the back seat of the sedan.

Once Reece was sitting in the passenger seat, Reece's dad took off but not before I heard him start to berate Reece through the opened window.

"What do you think you're doing? You think getting distracted by some blonde is going to get you to the big leagues?"

The rest was a muffled sound, but it stuck in my head and started swirling. It was a stab to the heart to be reduced to ‘some blonde', but mostly to really witness what Reece had confided in me about — about the way his dad controlled him, about his hopes and dreams tugged like puppet strings by his father.

And all over again, I felt helpless. Wanting nothing more than to rescue him from the constraints.