Chapter 33

The world around me ceases to exist as Milo stretches his little limbs and opens his eyes. I was right. They are a brilliant blue, like the Indian Ocean surrounding an atoll. I hold out my hand, and he grabs a finger and grips it tightly.

“Hey there, Milo. I’m your daddy. I’m sorry it took so long to find you.”

He stares at me silently, but when I bend my head to kiss him, he scrunches up his nose and lets out a wail. I’m not surprised he’s crying. I’m a complete stranger.

I rock him gently. “Shush, it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.” For the first time, I believe it’s true. We will be okay because this feels so right, having him in my arms feels so right. Love fills my heart and spreads out through my whole body. I’m lost in him. I will move heaven and earth to keep him safe and make him happy.

Brodie puts his hand on my shoulder, kisses my temple, and hugs Milo and me. “You’re doing great,” he whispers as Milo settles and puts his thumb in his mouth.

“Isn’t he amazing?” I tear my eyes away from my son. Brodie’s looking as smitten as I feel.

“He’s wonderful. So adorable. He’s so small.” He beams at me. “Can I hold him?”

“Yes, of course.” I manoeuvre Milo slowly, like he’s made of glass but manage to get him into Brodie’s arms. I can’t take my eyes off the two of them. They look beautiful together, and my heart swells with love again, and tears fall. I need to capture this moment. I fish my phone out of my pocket and take photos of them. Over and over, I click from different angles. Then Simon comes over.

“Do you want me to take some of the three of you?” he asks, and I give him my phone.

I don’t know how many photos he takes. My focus is only on Milo and Brodie as we hold and stare wordlessly at my son. Eventually, Milo gets restless, and I look to Rachel for advice.

“He’s getting hungry and will need changing.”

Oh, this is it. This is where I have to be more than the man who cuddles him. “Okay, show us what we have to do.”

We watch as Rachel expertly unwraps Milo from the blanket, lays him on the padded plastic-covered mat, and changes his nappy. She explains that they learnt that Milo didn’t like to feed with a wet nappy, so even though it won’t be long after that, he needs another change, that he’s happier that way.

With him clean and fed, Milo goes back to sleep, and everyone agrees it’s a good time to take him home. I settle him into his car seat while Brodie carries the bags Rachel and Simon brought with them and puts them in the boot of the car.

Everyone gathers outside. Even Roger Ogilvie is smiling as he holds out his hand. “Congratulations, Ivan. You have a wonderful family. Good luck, and don’t be afraid to call if you have any questions. I’ll set up the trust for Milo. Once that’s done, I’ll need some signatures, but I’ll be in touch.”

“As much of a shock this has been, I’m glad you were persistent. Milo is where he should be.” I mean every word.

I walk up to Rachel. “I don’t know how you can do this time and time again. Thank you for taking such good care of him.”

She smiles through her tears. “I do it because moments like this make it worthwhile. You’re going to be a great dad. Don’t be afraid to call me if you have any questions we haven’t covered, or just to let me know how he’s getting on.”

I give her a hug, then do the same to Simon. He’s putting on a brave face, but Milo leaving affects him just as much as it does Rachel. “Thank you for looking after Milo. You’re a good man, Simon, and if you find yourselves in Calston Cove, come find us.”

After Brodie goes through his goodbyes, we get in the car. I’m being silly, sitting in the back with Milo, but I can’t help it. “Drive carefully, baby.”

“Like I’m on eggshells.” Brodie smiles at me in the rearview mirror.

On the drive home, we talk quietly about everything we’ve learnt this afternoon. My face should be aching from all the smiling, but I’m so bloody happy.

When we pull up at the farmhouse, the lights are on, and a dozen blue and silver balloons on either side of the doorway float on the gentle breeze. Above the oak double doors is a banner that says ‘Welcome home, Milo’.

The door opens, and Drew, Merrick, Stacey, and Melanie come rushing out. “Did you know about this?” I ask Brodie, but he’s looking as surprised as me. “They’d better not wake him up.” I get out of the car.

“This is amazing, thank you. But if you wake him, so help me.”

“Spoken like a true father.” Drew laughs loudly. Milo jumps but doesn’t wake up. “Whoops, sorry.”

“We’re not staying. We just wanted you to have the welcome you deserve,” Stacey says, but she’s looking past me. Brodie lifts the seat with Milo out of the car and walks over to us. “Oh, Ivan, look at him.” She holds her hand over her mouth, her eyes shimmering.

“Guys, this is our son, Milo,” I say as they crowd around us.

“He’s just like you.” Drew claps me on the shoulder. “Congratulations, mate.”

Merrick gives me a smile that stretches from ear to ear. “He’s perfect. I’ve put a lasagne in your fridge and a few other meals in your freezer. You won’t have the time or the energy to cook for a while.”

Brodie looks at his best friend with genuine surprise. “Thanks, Merrick, that’s kind of you.”

“No problem. I remember what it was like when Willow was born.”

I take the car seat from Brodie, wanting to get Milo into the house. It’s been a long day, and I’m emotionally exhausted. As much as I love what the guys have done, I need some time with just the three of us. “I need to get Milo inside.”

“We’ll let you get sorted. Call if you need anything.” Drew takes another look at Milo. “He is lovely.”

Everyone says goodbye and wanders away to their cars. Brodie closes the door behind us and leans against it. He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m exhausted.”

“And me, but I feel restless. I don’t know if it’s from excitement or anxiety.” Milo squirms and stirs. “It’s showtime.”

Brodie pushes away from the door. “You get him out of the seat, and I’ll go and get the bags and his planner.”

He opens the door again, and I put the seat on the table and take Milo out. What do I do with him now? I walk around, holding him upright against my chest, and kiss the top of his head, breathing in his scent. I didn’t know love like this existed: pure, unconditional, die-for-you kind of love.

How could Kate not want him? She just handed him over and walked away like she’d bought something she didn’t like. As the solid weight of his little body settles against mine, anger bubbles up inside me. How could she not want to love and care for someone so innocent? She’ll never see his smile or hear his laughter. Watch him take his first steps or hear him say his first word. But if she’d kept him, I wouldn’t have the chance to capture these moments. Or could we have made a go of it together? No, that was never an option for me. I never knew the depths of her selfishness. The fact that she did this so callously, was able to get up and walk away from him. Has she ever held him, kissed his soft skin? I doubt it. I hate her for that, for putting herself before her baby.

Has she always been this selfish? We never had a relationship. She’d call me when she was on her way back to the coast, we’d spend the night fucking our brains out, and then she would leave again. Always on her terms, which had never bothered me, but thinking about it now, I’m annoyed. But wasn’t I the same? Casual hook-ups were my thing, sexy holidaymakers, both men and women, all looking for some holiday fun. But all those urges disappeared when I met Brodie. That one night with him made me want more.

And now I have it—so much more.