Chapter 28

This is a nightmare. An actual ‘what the fuck is happening?’ kind of nightmare. The ringing in my ears is getting louder as I struggle to get air into my lungs. I let go of Brodie’s hand and stand, then face the bloody guy. “I have no fucking clue what to do with a child. I didn’t know she had a baby. We hooked up a couple of times. Then she left after a weekend visit, and that was it.” I tug at my hair, the pain grounding me a bit. It’s bad enough that she didn’t come straight to me and sent a solicitor to deal with it all. How can I look after a baby?

“Ivan.” Brodie steps up behind me. “We need to get the DNA test done. There’s no point freaking out over something we don’t know the answer to. We can work this out, babe. Just do as he asks, and we can decide what to do when we’ve got some answers.”

I nod, even though I want to run, to run as far away as I can. “This can’t be happening, Brode. We’ve just got our lives sorted. We live together, and I love you, but I don’t know what to do.” I’m repeating myself, but it’s the truth. Who in their right mind would think me bringing up a baby is a good idea? I shake out my shoulders and face the solicitor. “Okay, let’s do this.”

He passes me the kit, and I open it and read the instructions. They look straightforward enough, but I give the pieces of paper to Brodie to read through them too. I can’t believe he’s still here. If the tables were turned, I’d be running for the hills. He’s reading every word, his eyebrows pinched together in concentration.

“It all looks clear to me. Do you want to carry on?” He gives me back the instructions, but I know him. Something else is on his mind, and I need to know what it is before I do the test.

“I need to have a word with my boyfriend. Can you give us a minute?” I take Brodie’s hand and all but drag him into the kitchen. I turn him against the tall cabinet and cup his face in my palms. “Talk to me. What’s going on in your head.”

“Just about everything. I mean, this is huge. If he is yours, can you turn him away? We have the room, babe. But it will be a ginormous change to our lives. Can you see yourself doing it, raising a baby?”

“You said we. We have the room, you said. Are you offering to do this with me?”

Brodie gives me a bewildered look. “Of course. We’re partners, aren’t we? I love you, Ivan. This doesn’t change that. The question is, do you want to do it at all? There’s the offer of adoption and love. Plenty of good people are waiting for children. If you want my opinion, I think you’ll need to take this baby, not because it’s the right thing to do, but because if the DNA comes back the way I expect it to, you’re his father, his daddy. And that’s something to be proud of.” He presses his mouth to mine. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

The idea of being a dad is slowly sinking in, and it does something to me. I would be making my dad proud, and if I can be half the father he was, I’ll be all right. “Okay, I’ll do the test.”

We return to the living room, and without much more fuss, Ogilvie swabs the inside of my mouth and promises to be in touch as soon as the results come back. If the test proves I am the baby’s father, we’ll need to have more talks and meetings to deal with.

I see Ogilvie out, but just as I open the front door, another question comes to mind. “What’s his name? The baby, what did she call him?”

“Milo.” With a nod, he leaves.

I close the door slowly, lean against it, and close my eyes. I drag in a ragged breath, my eyes burning with unshed tears. Not for the drama that has unfolded in the last hour, but the thought of a baby being left. I can—and will be—angry with her later, but now I’m so very sad for that little boy she doesn’t want.

“Come here.” Brodie pulls me into his arms, and I bury my head in the crook of his neck and sob. Huge, ugly, heartbreaking sobs.

I wrap my arms around his waist as he soothes me in a gentle voice. He says few words, but they mean everything. I don’t have to rush to pull myself together, so I let my tears flow as freely as they want.

Slowly they subside, and I lift my head. “Sorry about that.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Shall we go home?” Brodie kisses my forehead tenderly. He walks to the table and picks up a bag from Benny’s I hadn’t noticed.

“You went to That Seagull?”

“I thought we’d have them for breakfast.”

Exhaustion seeps into my bones. “Maybe later.” I pass Brodie the keys to my truck. “You drive.”

As we drive through the streets, I put my hand on Brodie’s arm. “Can we go to Merrick and Drew’s? I want to talk to Drew.”

Brodie frowns. “You sure?”

“Yes. I want to talk to someone who knew Kate.” To pass on some of the pain I’m feeling. Selfish, I know, but a problem shared and all that shit. Brodie takes the next left turn out of the town and climbs up the hill to Mill House.

I tightly clasp Brodie’s hand as he knocks on the door. Both cars are here, so they’re in. It’s not too early either.

The door opens. “Hi, guys. This is a surprise?” Merrick greets us with a smile, which fades when he looks at me. “Come in. Ivan, what’s going on?”

We step inside just as Drew walks down the stairs with Willow. “All right, mate. How’s it going?”

I struggle to find any words, and Brodie steps in. “Ivan’s had some news and needs to talk to you about it.”

“Do we need to go somewhere private?” Drew asks.

I shake my head.

“Let’s go in the kitchen.” Merrick takes Willow from Drew, and we follow them into the large room. I drop my hand from Brodie’s. He gives the bag of pastries to Merrick. At least they won’t go to waste.

“What’s going on, mate?” Drew asks.

“Um.” My voice is dry and catches in my throat. I cough to clear it. “A solicitor turned up at the house when Brodie was there. He said that—fuck.” I look at Brodie. He comes straight over.

“He told Ivan that Kate has abandoned her baby.” Brodie fills in the words I can’t say.

Drew gapes at me, his eyes wide.

“It was a couple of months ago.”

“Oh my god. That’s terrible. But why would a solicitor come to see you about her?” Drew’s confusion changes to understanding like a lightbulb in an old cartoon. “No! Shit, Ivan. No, no way.”

Merrick puts four cups of coffee on the table. “What? I don’t understand.”

“She had the baby.” My voice is flat. “She said it’s mine and wants me to have the baby.”

“He’s only a couple of months old and is with a foster family now.” Thank god for Brodie taking over the story because I’m crying again. I bury my face in my hands.

“Is he definitely yours?” Drew asks.

“Ivan did a DNA test. The solicitor had a kit with him. We have to wait for the results,” Brodie says.

Merrick places the plate of warmed-up pastries in the middle of the table. Willow reaches over from her perch on Drew’s lap and picks up a croissant.

“What do you want to do? And where are her parents in all this?” Drew puts his hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze.

“They don’t want to look after it. Their grandchild, for god’s sake. Why would they do that?” I shake my head. “And what if he’s mine? What do I know about looking after a baby? Nothing, that’s what. And how do I go to work? I can’t stop working. Who’s going to look after him then?”

Merrick reaches over the table and takes my hand. “You do what every other new adult does. You manage. Or would you rather let him be adopted? There’s no shame in that, Ivan. None at all.”

“My father would be ashamed of me,” I whisper. The words stick in the back of my throat, threatening to choke me.

“You’ve got me, love. I’m not going anywhere. We’ll get through this, I promise.” Brodie kisses my hand.

“Everyone will help. Do you think Stacey or Melanie will let you do it alone? And your mum. I wouldn’t be surprised if she moved back home.” Drew smiles at me, and with a little chuckle, I smile back.

“You’re probably right. All I have to do is wait now.”

And that’s easier said than done.