3. Ember

Chapter 3

In the past three days, I've had to have a mental conversation with myself about not lusting after my patient multiple times. Am I a little disappointed that I need to keep doing this? Absolutely. I, for one, thought I was a professional when it came to this stuff. I swore a damn oath when I got my nursing degree, after all, and I'm not going to break it just because my patient is so attractive that just being around him makes my insides melt.

But damn. Leander Payne makes it really, really hard.

He's just… hot. There's no other way to put it. He's tall, with broad shoulders and brown hair that's as thick and lush as his wolf's coat.

Clearly, I'm highly invested in him. I mean, the man is a five-alarm fire, and I am in no way, shape, or form equipped to handle it. I'm a nurse. Not a firefighter.

Leander's injuries have definitely gotten better. I'm pleased with the amount of progress he's making. He's healing up well, except for one thing.

He can't remember shit about the past five months. And some of his long-term memories are hazy, too.

I'm hopeful that will change someday soon, but I'm still skeptical.

Brains are weird. Even with shifters, despite the fast healing, we often take just as long to heal a brain as a human would. Sometimes they are up to the speed that you'd expect from someone who can recover from basically anything except dismemberment, and sometimes…

Not.

I've had to keep Terra away from my place, which has been hard. We usually do girls' night once a week, and I canceled on her earlier today, claiming that I wanted to just read my book and hang out alone. Terra was suspicious. I am neither a huge bookworm nor someone who particularly likes to spend time alone, but she eventually let me off the hook.

I feel bad lying to my best friend, but the vision is that eventually, I won't have to. Once Leander is better, I'll get him out of here and move on, and Terra will never be the wiser. I have no doubt that she'd worry about me, and I hate that.

I would rather just take care of it, and then, when it's said and done, I can just tell her and Rylan about it without having them absolutely freak out.

I don't want to panic them. Which, honestly… at this point, I think it should be pretty clear that I can take care of myself. I can pretty much handle anything life throws at me, in terms of physical strength.

I hope that I can handle it mentally, too.

The morning is bright and cloudless, and I'm on the way back to my little cabin with some food for both of us. The Oakwood Bakery has pastries that are insanely good, in addition to their world-class cinnamon rolls.

I love a good pastry. And honestly, it's not like rural Colorado is known for its eclairs.

Nibbling on a chocolate croissant, I come around the corner on the little path that winds back through the woods, the bag of goodies in my other hand, when I pause.

Leander is… doing something. Without a shirt on.

I blink. Holy shit.

Again, I know exactly how muscular he is. He's my patient, and I've examined his body in a myriad of ways, but whatever he's doing now is…. It kind of puts the whole thing on display.

Yeah, he's wearing sweatpants. But in the morning sun, he's moving his body around through a series of stretches and poses that almost look like he's doing some kind of a dance. Slowly, I walk up to him, aware that I'm staring as he makes his body flow through the poses and gestures.

"That smells good," he says when I get closer.

Okay, he doesn't say it so much as he rumbles it, and for the tiniest heartbeat of a second, I let myself pretend that he's talking about me in that deep, resonant voice that's honestly so sexy, it's hard to resist.

Not hard. Impossible to resist.

If he were talking about me, telling me that I smelled good, then I imagine he'd run his hands up my arms, that he'd lean in and inhale and maybe let his lips glide over my neck…

I shiver.

This is what I'm talking about, Ember Greene. You need to back off of this injured wolf, because you don't know the first thing about him.

Not even what he's doing right now.

"So. I guess we can add yoga to the list of things you do know how to do," I say.

He shakes his head. "It's not yoga."

"Oh?" I take a huge bite of the flaky croissant, hoping that the food in my mouth will keep it from watering as Leander gracefully moves again.

"Tai chi."

"Bless you."

He casts me a baleful eye. "It's a form of martial arts; it's Chinese."

"Oh?"

He nods. "I think… maybe my grandmother taught me this? Or someone grandmotherly to me." His arms move again, and I'm fascinated all over again by the way his biceps twitch and curl as he stretches.

"Your grandmother taught you?" I bite the croissant again, pleased he remembered more about his past. The pastry crunches on my tongue. It is delicious. But I'm sure Leander tastes better…

Stop it, Greene.

"Yeah. There's a lot of context and history behind it, but I like how it makes my mind and body feel settled."

I dust myself off and stand, setting the croissant back in the bag and the bag on the porch steps. "Show me."

Leander raises his eyebrows. "Show you?"

"Yeah. Whatever you remember. Show me what you know?"

"Uh. Okay. Copy my movements, I guess."

Carefully, I watch him. He's still stunningly beautiful, and I'm not immune to his charms, but I do notice that as he flows through the different movements, the urge that I have to jump his bones diminishes. Slightly.

Slowly, I launch into the movements as well. I flow through the different poses, correcting my form here and there, until finally, I see what he means.

It's like when I'm at the gym to box, except… different. That's about proving my strength to the world. Seeing how much I can destroy and how much I can make an impact around me.

This is like… proving something to myself.

The sun moves while I follow Leander's movements. When it's overhead, and the sweat is pouring down both of us, I pause.

"Damn," I mutter. "That was… something."

Leander cracks a small smile. "Yeah. It sucks that I can't remember anything, but at least I have some muscle memory?"

"Wonder what other types of muscle memory you have," I add casually.

I didn't mean it to be sexual. I really, really didn't. But the second the words come out of my mouth, all of the desire that I managed to keep at bay during the hour or so we just spent together comes roaring back.

I look away, stepping over to the porch so I can eat my long-forgotten croissant, and hope that Leander doesn't think I'm a very creepy person. Which, he might already think…

"So. Did you bring that whole bag just for yourself?"

A little relieved, I toss him the paper bag. "Oakwood Bakery. One of the owners did some kind of online class, and they've really improved their pastry offerings."

Leander bites into the morning bun. "Damn. How good of a class was it?"

I laugh. "Good enough to make a killer pastry, I guess."

"Yeah. Well. The only thing I need now is a shower or something, and I'd call this a pretty successful morning."

I narrow my eyes. I could definitely offer up the shower in my cabin, which would be the logical thing to do. He's used it for the past few days. There's a nice, normal shower there, with plumbing and everything, and if I was a good nurse, I'd send him in there with a smile and a reminder to clean behind his ears. However…

"How do you feel about a little adventure?"

Leander raises one of his eyebrows. "What does that mean?"

I let my smile creep across my face. "You in or out?"

There's no hesitation as he nods. "In, Ember. Always in."

I pretend that my name on his lips doesn't send a shockwave of desire over my skin. I stretch and give him a look.

"Shift and follow me."

The lake is technically not in pack territory. That's part of the reason that it's an adventure. It's also technically a very challenging place to get to, as it's a high alpine lake… surrounded by steep, razor-sharp cliffs.

Leander matches my pace as I run the couple of miles up the trail to the lake. I'm impressed; I won't lie. There are very few wolves who can keep pace with me, but Leander does, which makes me think that he's even further along in his healing journey than I thought.

What if he's faking the amnesia?

I shake off the thought, powering up the rock scramble toward the alpine lake. I don't know shit about Leander, but if he is faking amnesia, I'm sure that I'll figure it out soon enough.

Also, if he is faking it, then I'm going to…

I pause. I don't know what I'll do. But I definitely won't be happy.

When we get to the top of the cliffs, I pause and look around. I love it up here. There's something about looking for miles in either direction and seeing nothing but the bare tops of the mountains as the wind howls around them that makes me feel… at ease.

While I'm enjoying the view, Leander's big body comes up next to me. We both look down into the lake, which is crystal clear. It's also deceptively deep, considering how clear of a blue it is, and I'm about fifteen feet or so above it. I know from experience that it's somewhere around thirty feet deep in the middle, where the water turns from a bright turquoise into a dark indigo. I've always wanted to jump from here. So…

I give him a wolfy smile. I shift back into my human form. And I jump off of the cliff.

The shock of the ice-cold alpine lake steals the breath from my lungs. I kick off the bottom and come up, gasping for air as my face breaks the surface of the water.

"You know, I just recovered from a tree falling on me. I don't think jumping off a cliff is the best idea," I hear Leander growl.

I turn. He's at the edge of the lake, shifted as well, and I avert my eyes because if I look at him naked…

There's a splash. And a shriek.

"Fuck me, Ember! You didn't say it would be this cold!"

That gets me. I turn back, treading water with a smile. "It's an alpine lake, what did you expect?"

"Not to be completely turned into a popsicle!" he says from between clenched teeth.

I swim over. The water is so clear that he can definitely see my naked body through the lake, but that doesn't matter. We're shifters. We're comfortable with each other's nakedness. And my lust for him is definitely one-sided. I'm the only one being creepy, and I can get over that.

Right?

"I never said it would be warm. I said it would be an adventure." I smile.

"Fucking hell. I'm not used to this."

"Oh, really? How do you know?"

He shoots me a dark look. "I'm from Florida."

"Well, sounds like you could really use a cold plunge, Florida boy!" I tease. "Not all of us are lucky enough to grow up where the water is pleasant. Plus, maybe it will freeze some more brain healing out of you."

Leander growls and swims closer. "You didn't do this thinking that I needed to have my memories frozen back into me."

"No," I admit, trying to keep my eyes above the water. "But I did think it would be refreshing."

"Refreshing is a cold beer and a nice breeze. This might be hell."

"Oh, fine," I huff. "Get out then."

He blinks at me. "Into the freezing air?"

"You could shift."

"I don't think fur would even help," he mutters.

Without thinking, I reach for him. I pull him close, keeping my legs closed by wrapping my arms around him.

He is shaking. Guilt floods me.

"Sorry," I murmur, willing my body heat to infuse into him. "We can get out."

"Or not," he says in a gravelly voice.

I freeze.

We're shifters. Shifters are often naked around each other. Physical contact when naked is also something that happens, because you just kind of end up touching after you shift occasionally. But with my arms wrapped around Leander's neck, and his scent in my nose, and his body so close to mine…

Fuck.

It's a good thing we're in a lake, so that he can't notice how wet I'm getting.

I shift slightly, and Leander growls. "You have to stop that," he says in that same voice that sends chills spiraling over my skin.

I don't, but I see why he wants me to. Or rather, I feel why he wants me to.

There's a little satisfaction in knowing that, as completely wrecked as I am by desire right now, Leander is at least in a somewhat similar boat. If he's not on the same page, he's at least reading the same book.

The urge to arch against him is palpable. But that would be…

Would it be so bad?

"Ember," he says.

I snap my eyes to his.

Leander's gray eyes are so dark, they almost look stormy. His pupils are wide and consuming, and I want to be consumed.

I want to give him everything, in this moment.

He leans forward, and my heart slams in my chest. Unless I'm very mistaken, he's staring at my lips. Which means that if I just lean forward another tiny, tiny inch…

What if he's taken?

The thought slams into me with the force of a Mack truck. I jerk my head back and quickly escape Leander's arms.

I pretend that I don't feel his fingers lingering on my elbows as he lets me go.

"Is everything okay?"

I shut my eyes. "Yeah. Just. You know. If you started seeing someone in the last month or so…" I let the words hang there.

"Oh." Leander doesn't move.

"Yeah. I mean, I've just… I've been in that position before... not with someone who can't remember me, or anything like that. I guess he was more like someone who did remember me and chose to forget, anyway."

His eyes darken, and a frown tugs at his beautiful lips. "Damn. Who the fuck is this guy?" he growls.

Aw. He thinks he's being protective. That's cute. Unfortunately, it's not like he's going to be able to find my dad and beat him up or anything.

I shake my head. "Not like that. My mom… well. My aunt and my mom, I guess. My mom had me when she was really young, and apparently, I was the very unwanted product of a hot one-night stand or something. She passed when I was a baby, and I had to live with my aunt. My mom and I never knew each other. I mean, as much as I could for, like, a baby," I say softly.

Leander makes a noise. "And your aunt?"

"Yeah… she was my mom's sister. She raised me, and she never really… she was super disapproving of the whole situation. And because she disapproved of what my mom had done, she disapproved of me."

Those words are the simplest possible explanation for what happened while I lived with my aunt. She didn't just disapprove of me. She didn't care about me at all.

"I take it your aunt doesn't live with you now?"

I give him a playful swat. "No. Trust me, I wouldn't have brought you home if she was around. She lives in Alaska. She didn't move with the rest of the pack."

There's a little silence, and my mind goes to places that feel scarred, but still painful.

"Does your dad know?"

Leander's words interrupt my spiral of self-pity, and I'm weirdly grateful. I shrug. "I don't know. I assume no, but I could just as easily assume yes, because either way, the impact was the same. I don't know my dad. Like, I don't even know who he is. Or was. Literally nothing."

Leander's frown deepens. It makes the skin between his eyebrows crease a little, and I have the insane urge to lean in and wipe the little wrinkle away. "I think… maybe he didn't know."

Something in me sharpens. "What? Why?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. Just a feeling, I guess. But either way, Ember, you're… Anyone would be thrilled to have you as a daughter. You're tough and smart and cool as hell, and if I had a kid, I'd want her to be just like you."

I blush at that. Literally.

I duck away so Leander can't see me, but I don't know what to do. His compliment sits on my skin, making it feel like bees are buzzing over my nerves.

It's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about me, and he doesn't even know me. Outside of Terra and Rylan, and Terra's mom, I don't think anyone has said anything like that.

Ever.

"And I don't know if I have someone that I'd be… someone who would be upset by this, Ember. I don't think I do," Leander says.

The way he murmurs it, goosebumps explode over my skin.

"But," he adds slowly, moving so that he's behind me. Normally, I'd be annoyed at being in such a vulnerable position. However, with Leander behind me? At least he won't see me blush.

I feel his fingertips brush against my hair, pulling it aside. Then, I jump, because he's right behind me, and I can feel his lips against the shell of my ear as he whispers in it.

"If I did have a mate, I'd want them to be just like you, too."