Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

Annabell

I KNOW VAULT'S been gone for a few days. Then he spent two days helping Valor go through their dad's house. It was hard on them both, but it needed to be done. I'm just glad they worked together and got it done. I wanted to be there for Vault, but Savannah said he was having a really hard time with things and kept going out back of the house for a breather. Valor wasn't doing much better, but at least he leaned on Savannah and the rest of the club instead of keeping everything bottled up inside him. I know he's talked to the guys about what he's going through and how he feels when it comes to his dad, but Vault still has yet to talk to anyone. It hurts me because I know he needs someone to talk to and he's pushed everyone away and doesn't know how to bridge the gaps he's created.

Something else is going on with him though. I've heard Slim and Shy whispering about something. I know it has to do with Vault because every time I walk in the room they're in, they stop talking and look at me. The looks I get almost verge on the edge of pity and sadness from the two of them. I'm getting nervous about what's going on. However, I also know they won't talk to me about anything regarding him because they'll see it as club business. Or tell me that if he wanted me to know, he'd tell me himself. That used to be true. Vault talked to me about everything going on in his life and head. He's such a stranger these days and I fear that we'll never find the real him again. He'll be a changed man and I'm not sure how he's going to act moving forward with his life.

Finally, today is the day I'm going to find out what's going on. I don't care if I'm not supposed to know. If it involves Vault, I want to know. So, I'm going to ask Shy what's going on and see what she tells me. She has a soft spot for me, well they both do really, and she'll tell me without telling me. I know enough to put the pieces together and figure out what's going on. Or I'll talk to Valor because if anyone else will know, it will be him. They might not be talking, but Slim will pull him aside if it's important and he feels that Vault is making a decision he'll regret.

So, I make my way downstairs and find Shy sitting on the couch in the living room. She's got Rayven on her lap as Kinsliegh plays on the floor. I sit down next to her and hold my hand out for Rayven to grab onto.

"Shy, what's going on?" I ask straightforward and not beating around the bush.

"What do you mean?" she asks, glancing at me quickly to let me know she already knows what I'm talking about.

"With Vault? I know it's him because you and Slim quit talking when I come in a room. Please tell me," I plead with her, letting Rayven holding my fingers ground me as I wait for her to tell me what's going on.

"He's taking some time for himself. I'm not sure where, but today is the day he's leaving," she finally tells me, looking over at me with concern filling her face as she waits to see how I'll react.

"He's leaving the clubhouse. For good?" I ask, my heart racing as the air gets stuck in my lungs and I can't breathe.

"I'm not sure. He doesn't know how long he'll be gone. If you want to say goodbye to him, I suggest you get over there and do it. Now," she says, looking up at the clock with a sad smile on her face because she already knows what I'm gonna do.

I slide my flip flops on and make my way toward the door. Looking back at Shy, she has sadness in her eyes as I run through the door to go see Vault. I run across the field between the house and clubhouse and make my way in the back door of the club. Valor is sitting at the bar and I know it's pain he's trying to hide from everyone else. He doesn't want his brother to leave no matter what's going on between them. If Vault isn't here, he can't protect him the way he's done every day of their lives. Even when Vault was pushing him away, Valor still found ways to protect his brother without his knowledge. He's been doing his absolute best to save him from himself and Vault will eventually see that.

Nodding at Valor, I continue on my way until I get out the front door. Vault is sitting on his bike with a bag strapped to the back of it. There's a girl standing near him and it looks like the house bunny he was sleeping on the couch with the last time I saw him. Tears fill my eyes as Slim turns his attention toward me. My dad doesn't tell me to leave or go back inside. He steps aside and lets me make my decision for myself.

I slow my steps as Vault looks at me. A small smile graces his face amidst the pain I see there. He can't hide a lot of what he feels from me. I've learned to read him better than he knows and I've seen the deep rooted pain and emptiness filling him. I've also seen how much he loathes himself for his actions and words. Now, I see the guilt and remorse filling him along with the pain. Vault's walking a fine line and he doesn't know what to do to get back what he's lost or how to completely deal with losing the most important person in his life. It's as if he's leaving to make things easier on me, not because he truly wants to leave. I just hope Slim isn't behind him leaving this time.

"Bell, how are you?" Vault asks, stepping away from his bike, Slim, and the girl.

"I've been better. I hear you're leaving?" I ask him, .

"Yeah. I need some time away to figure out what my next move will be. I want to say I'm sorry for everythin', Bell. I'm goin' to miss you more than you know," he says, pulling me into his arms.

"Then don't go," I whisper against his neck.

"I have to. I need to get past my grief and pain. It's not helpin' bein' here. Not with all my dad's memories and past here. I'll be back one day. If not, you're not gonna be here much longer. You've got great things ahead of you, babe," Vault tells me as the first tears leave my eyes. "Give another man a chance to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Let someone in. I've hurt you too much, Bell. I know you're talkin' to someone from school. Hunter also wants to get to know you better. Let one of them, Bell. I've loved you from the second I saw you and that will never change. I'm just not the man you need. Eventually you'll find your person and I hope to see him make you the happiest you've ever been. You'll always be my Angel. The girl who saved me and never realized it because I didn't let you in enough to tell you that."

I can't hold in the sob. It breaks free and I feel another set of arms wrap around me as Vault walks back toward his bike after pressing a kiss against the top of my head. Breaking free, I run to the man and wrap my arms around him once more. Vault holds me close and breathes me in as I do the same to him. I can feel his entire body trembling with emotion and it kills me to know he's telling me to let him go. To love someone else instead of him because he doesn't think he can be the man I need.

"I'll always love you," I tell him, my tears falling down between us. "I won't ever give up on you, Alex. No matter what. I'll remain at your side and have your back even with a million miles between us."

"I'll love you too, Bell. Don't ever think I don't love you because I love you more than words can say," he tells me, looking at me with a deep sadness in his eyes. "You're the other half of my soul and I will happily watch from the sidelines of your life as long as you're safe, happy, healthy, and in love with an amazin' man. A man who treats you like a queen instead of tearin' you apart and hurtin' you every chance he gets."

Slim pulls me from Vault, wraps me tightly in his arms, and I watch as he gets on his bike. The girl who was standing in the front yard, walks over and climbs on his bike behind him. My heart shatters. I'm the only one who's ever been on his bike and he told me that spot was reserved for his ol' lady. Or the woman who was going to be his ol' lady one day. Seeing her behind him kills me. Vault has made his decision and it's time for me to finally let go of him. I won't give up on him, but I can let go of hoping for anything to happen between the two of us if this girl will make him happy and be able to move forward with his life. That's all I'll ever want for him no matter how much it hurts me.

I cry harder as Slim pulls me into his chest. He wraps his arms around me and holds me even closer as Vault starts his bike and pulls out of the parking lot. Looking up, I see him throw a hand in the air and continue on his way. He doesn't look back and I know this is more than likely the last time I'm going to see the man I love again. Vault won't be coming back. And if he does, it's only going to be so he can get his things. I can feel it in my gut. Vault's path is no longer here in Benton Falls and that's the decision he needed to make in order to save himself.

Valor pulls me into his arms from my dad's and walks me back in the clubhouse. He leads me to Vault's room and uses a key to open the door. The room is destroyed as we walk in and he leads me to the bed. I sit down and pick up one of the dirty shirts laying on the floor. It smells just like Vault, and as I hold it to my nose, I curl up into a ball on his bed. I'm not thinking of the women who have probably been in here with him. The only thing I'm thinking about is the man who just left and took my heart with him. The man who needs to find love and peace before he completely loses himself and lets his demons win.

"I know you're hurtin', Pretty Girl. He'll be back sooner or later. I'm gonna lock you in here. Take your time and just be. I know you have a game tonight, so I'll make sure you're up with enough time to get ready," Valor tells me, getting off the bed and leaving the room so I can be alone with Vault's things.

I look at the nightstand and see a picture of the two of us. Vault has his arms wrapped around me from behind and his chin resting on my shoulder. We're both smiling at Valor, who's taking the picture. I remember the day Valor took the picture when we were outside the clubhouse. It was the day of a cookout. We had been talking about me going away to college and him waiting for me here. One of our private conversations no one knew about because it was meant for the two of us alone and no one else.

Those were the days we talked about building a future together and as soon as I turned eighteen him making me his ol' lady, of the house we'd build together and the wedding we'd have. Hell, we even talked about our kids and what we'd name them. Now, all those dreams have been dashed. They just rode out of the clubhouse parking lot with another woman on the back of his bike and wrapped around his body.

Letting the tears fall, I'm not sure how long it takes before I fall asleep holding both the shirt and the picture of us surrounded by Vault's things and the smell of him. For the first time in weeks I feel whole and a sense of peace washes over me as sleep finally pulls me under.

Shy wakes me up and I'm disoriented for a minute until this morning comes rushing back toward me. Vault's gone and I fell asleep in his bed at the clubhouse crying. Valor left me here so I could be close to Vault and now I'm a mess. I have a game in a little bit and I'm not going to be in the mood to cheer. Or be stuck at a football game with a bunch of peppy girls while I'm devastated. I'm also supposed to be going on a date tonight. My very first date and it's not gonna happen. I can't let myself go out with another guy after I was just destroyed by Vault. It's not fair to the guy from school and it's time I let him go. If only letting Vault go felt as easy to do.

"Honey, I know you don't want to go to the game, but I think it's important you do," Shy tells me, sitting next to me on the bed and running her fingers through my hair like she's done in the past when I needed to be comforted. "You don't want to let what you're feeling consume you and set you back from everything you've been working toward. Or head down a destructive path like Vault was just on and how you were when you first showed up here. I know it all, baby. No one told me, I saw the signs and I'm glad Vault was able to pull you back from the ledge before we lost you."

"I know. I'm going to get up and get ready. I don't want to go, but I know I have to," I tell her, sitting up in the bed and taking one last look at the picture of Vault and me. "I'm not going out after the game though. I think it's best if I tell him I can't keep doing this. It's not fair to him. Eventually, I'll get to the point I'll be able to give another guy a chance, but it's not today."

"I think that's a smart idea, honey. Your guy is out there and you'll find him one way or another. Maybe you'll end up with Vault when the time is right. After you've both grown some more and finally put your pasts completely behind you. Right now, that's not the case and we all know it," she says, running her hand down my arm before turning and looking around Vault's room at the mess he made when he was drinking and didn't care about anything around him.

I stand up and leave the room with Shy on my heels. While I leave the picture behind because I have the same one in my room next to my bed, I take his shirt with me. I'm not leaving it behind when it's the one thing I have now that smells like Vault. I've got hoodies and other shirts from him, but none of them have his smell any longer. It's disappeared from wearing them to bed and then washing them. They'll all I have left of him moving forward and I'm going to keep one that smells like him for as long as possible.

Shy leads me to the SUV and drives around back to the house so I can take a shower and get in my uniform for the game. I leave Vault's shirt on my bed before heading into the bathroom. I'll be sleeping with it every night so I have a piece of Vault with me. It's the only thing I can do until this crushing pain leaves me. As I strip out of my clothes, I pull out my phone from my pocket and send a message to the guy from school I've been talking to. He's a good guy and doesn't deserve me to play games with him so I'm not going to. He replies before I get in the shower and doesn't make me feel even worse for letting him go. I'm simply told that he understands and knew this might happen from the very beginning. For the first time since seeing Vault today, I let myself smile because this guy is truly too good and a kind person that I know will remain a friend if nothing more.

After I'm ready for the game, I grab my warm-ups and head downstairs so Shy or Slim can take me to the school. Another thing I haven't learned how to do is drive enough to take my road test. I've got my permit, but not enough hours and confidence to actually take the driving portion to get my license. Valor's been working with me and I'm getting better, but I don't feel ready. I'm not going to get behind the wheel of a car when I'm not ready to. I'll only end up hurting someone. So, I need a little bit more time. I just hope I'm ready before I leave for college so I don't have to walk everywhere and depend on everyone around me for rides. Especially if I want to come home over a break or anything like that.

"I'm ready to go," I tell Shy as she pulls something out of the oven.

"Okay. This needs to cool down anyway," she answers, grabbing Rayven in her car seat as I pick up Kinsliegh to take out to the SUV.

We ride through town in silence with the girls chatting in their baby babble and the music playing softly in the SUV. Shy will never force me to talk because she knows it will only make me close up even more. It's my way of coping with things that are too hard to deal with or talk about. I've gotten better about it with my counseling, but I'm still a work in progress and will be for a long time. I'll have to make an appointment with my counselor to talk about this stuff with Vault. She knows all about him and what he means to me. It's the only way I'll be able to work through things because I have a tendency to close myself off and keep everything bottled up. It's why I can recognize when someone else is doing the same thing so easily.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Shy asks as she pulls into the school parking lot and parks close to the curb so I can get out and meet my team.

"I don't have a choice but to be okay. He's been pushing me away and today is the final straw, I guess," I answer, thinking of the girl he took with him who's not me. "He left with someone else on his bike and I know that seat is reserved for his ol' lady or the woman who will be his ol' lady. He told me that the first time I rode with him. Vault has made his decision and I hope he can find happiness with her and finally start to mourn Hound in a way that's not self-destructive. Maybe she's been helping him and none of us know that."

"He loves you. He's just lost right now," Shy says before I get out. "He'll be back, Annabell."

I nod my head and will myself not to start crying again. If I start crying now, I won't stop again. That's no way to go through a football game as a cheerleader. I have to get a hold of myself and make sure I can pretend to be cheery and peppy as I cheer for the next few hours. Shy wants to believe he'll be back, but I know deep in my soul that he won't be returning to the club. Everyone needs to believe he'll be back because he's family to them. They aren't thinking about the fact that he can no longer live in Benton Falls without seeing the ghost of Hound everywhere he looks. With how deep he's spiraled, Vault doesn't need to be reminded of his dad with every step he takes. Or every beat of his heart as he looks around him. He carries his memories of Hound deep in his heart and will always have them. In order to start to properly heal from losing his dad, Vault needs to cut ties to Benton Falls and leave to form his own path in life. Even if it means leaving the Phantom Bastards behind and not being a member any longer.

As soon as I get on the field, I begin stretching with the rest of the girls and warming up. We'll put our warm-ups on before we go say our hello to the other cheerleaders for the opposing team. Then, we'll take them back off once the team runs onto the field. I'm not sure why we do it this way, but we do and I'm not in the mood to question it. Tonight I'm not in the mood to question anything, think of what needs to happen, or anything else. It's a good thing cheerleading comes naturally to me and I don't have to think about what I'm doing. I can focus on other things throughout the game and know I'm perfectly executing every cheer, jump, and routine we perform. It's only because I've been doing this for so long and it's ingrained in me.

During the first quarter of the game, the entire club shows up. They take their normal seats in the bleachers while Slim and Shy stand at the fence for a while. The girls are here with them tonight and I turn to face them and wave. Shy has Kinsliegh dressed in her little cheerleader outfit, complete with pom poms in the school's colors. She looks absolutely adorable as she gets excited when she sees me. I laugh as her little squeal sounds loud and proud in a quiet moment. Everyone on the team with me starts laughing and saying how adorable she is. I have to agree with them. My baby sister is the most adorable little cheerleader ever.

I turn back and pay attention to the game with reluctance. By halftime, we're winning by two touchdowns. The squad goes out to do our routine and we kill it. As we run back to the sidelines, Hunter stands at the fence with a bottle of water for me. He hands it over and doesn't move from his spot. I know something's on his mind and he's just waiting to find the time to say it. Hunter takes his time with big decisions and overthinks things at times. There's nothing wrong with that. I've learned to read the signs and know when he needs me to be patient for him.

"You look good out there," he tells me, his cheeks turning red as he looks at me while I take a deep drink of the water he got me.

"Thank you. And thank you for the water," I answer, feeling my own cheeks heat up with a blush from a few words from Hunter.

"What are you doin' after the game?" he asks, pulling his eyes from me and looking at the ground between us.

"I'm not sure. Probably going to get some sleep. I'm not exactly in the mood to be here right now," I answer honestly, thinking of the date I already broke off but not telling Hunter about it.

"Oh. Well, one of these days, I'd like to take you to dinner. If you want to go," he tells me, digging his boot into the small mound of dirt in front of him.

"Alright. That sounds good," I tell him, offering him a smile.

"Hunter, bleachers," Slim says, walking up to us and staring at me and only me.

Hunter nods his head and does as his President orders him to do. Slim looks at me for a minute as I drink more of the water Hunter gave me.

"Don't play with him, Annabell. I heard Vault gave him permission to date you. I've also heard rumblin' of him sayin' he'd leave the club because I won't let anyone be with you. I don't want to lose him," Slim tells me, not as my dad right now but as Hunter's President.

"I'm not playin' games with him. I see Hunter as a friend and I'll make sure he knows it. My heart left this morning and you know that as much as everyone else. I tried to move on with someone else. Which is something you also know. However, right now I can't. I already told the guy from here that I'm not going out with him after the game. And I'll make sure Hunter knows that I truly love hanging out with him and I'll go to dinner with him, but as friends and only friends. If he doesn't want to go because of that, I'll respect his decision. Hunter is a good guy and I'm not going to hurt him. Vault owns my heart and soul and I won't get it back again," I tell him, not looking away from my dad so he sees the truth of my words.

"Make sure Hunter knows that," Slim says as my coach calls us back to formation.

I nod my head at Slim, set the water down with my warm-ups, and get back in line. I've known Hunter had a thing for me, I can see it in his eyes. Maybe I shouldn't have been so quick to accept the invitation from him. I won't do anything to come between the club and him. And I don't want him to leave because of the way he feels about me. It's the same way I feel about Vault. I'm in a hard spot, but I have to be honest and hope that Hunter understands where I'm coming from. If not, then he won't have to see me for much longer. I'm already counting down the days before I leave here and it won't affect him being in the club. I'll make sure it doesn't, no matter what I have to do.

I'm glad I have all the cheers and movements memorized because my head isn't in the game. It's torn between thoughts of Hunter and Vault and what I'm going to do. I need to be careful with my next decisions. Because Hunter won't know the pain I'm in now because of Vault and the decisions he's made in his life recently. He knows how I feel about Vault, but not that he completely destroyed me earlier when he left with that girl. It's killing me and Hunter will know as soon as I get a chance to talk to him.

We win the game and I cheer along with the rest of the girls though my heart isn't in it. I have to pretend I'm excited and here in the moment. It's something I'm going to have to get used to doing, I fear, but I'll get through this and make it out the other side. Vault has made it extremely clear how he feels about me now for some reason. All of our dreams and future mean nothing to him. I honestly wonder if they ever did mean a damn thing to him. Yeah, I know he said he loves me and to never doubt that he does, but it doesn't seem that way right now. If he loved me, he'd fight for me. Hell, if I loved him, I'd fight for him harder than I have. Maybe this was something else and we just called it love for some reason. It's something I'll have to think about.

I don't think Vault's selfish anymore. I feel like he's lost his way and doesn't know how to get it back. He won't let anyone in enough to help him find it again. Including his twin brother. The thought of them being separated hurts my heart because they used to be closer than anyone else I've ever known to be blood related. And not just because they're twins either. Vault and Valor had one of the greatest relationships and bonds I was ever lucky enough to witness. They were always what the other one needed in that exact moment. If Valor was upset, Vault knew exactly what to do to pull him back and get him out of his head. When Vault first got back to the club the day they lost Hound, he relied on Valor to carry him and hold him up. I don't know when that changed, but something snapped deep inside him and he's the only one who can fix it now.

Slim and Shy drive us back home and I head to my room. After taking off my make-up and brushing my hair out, I pull Vault's shirt on with my shorts. Sliding between the sheets, the tears once again start to fall as I think of the man riding out of my life and away from the club he's been a part of his entire life. I hate that it's come to this for Vault, but there's nothing anyone can do about it now. It's just too bad he chose to cut me out instead of talking about this with me. Again, that's his decision to make and one I'll have to learn to live with.