Chapter 23

It was amazinghow one single thing could change the course of a person’s life.

Months ago, I’d have thought Danielle was going to be the person I spent the rest of my days with. I was going to marry her and build a family.

But then doubt hit.

And the truth became clear.

Her choices led me down the path to finding Gerald. I’d been thankful for him since the moment we met. Every day I felt my heart welcoming him. My love for him was like a tether between us. Despite knowing it was a long shot, I approached the idea of a relationship. Then Gerald surprised me even further by opening himself up to at least trying to find out what we could be.

Shortly after, he began his group therapy sessions. While they’d originally been intended to be a once-a-month thing, Gage told him he was welcome to go whenever. So, of course, he decided to attend any of the ones he could whenever I had availability to go with him.

That meant that some days, I’d get a text to meet him somewhere for dinner that was on the way to a meeting. Or he’d bring dinner to me so we could eat early, then go straight to the center. He’d built out our schedules to allow him to go at least once a week.

Some might have called it excessive. I saw it for what it was.

Gerald had a need to feel seen. Not in the way that meant he was destined for Broadway shows or to be the next Brad Pitt. It was more that he needed to attend these meetings to get to know people who were just like him. People who dealt with addiction, who found a way out of the darkness, and who learned their new normal just like he had.

He was reinventing himself before my very eyes. Day after day, I watched him discover more of who he was. I basked in the privilege of the experience.

And more so, I worked hard to be an active participant in his journey.

I attended the meetings with him. I spent time helping him test out various hobbies he wanted to try. I made sure to show him just how desirable he was every minute we were together.

Sometimes that meant wrapping my arms around him while he cooked in the kitchen and leaning my head over his shoulder. I’d ask what he was making. He’d tell me to be patient.

Other times, it was making sure I touched him in simple ways. I knew how important casual intimacy could be in a relationship, so I was proactive in my approach. Whether it be a squeeze of his arm before leaving for work to go with the kiss on his forehead, or rubbing the back of his neck at the end of the day when we sat side by side on the couch watching tv. It was handwritten notes that I left him around the house on scrap sheets of paper. Occasionally, when he’d leave out his planner, I’d doodle images on a couple of random dates to ensure he thought of me.

I needed him thinking of me.

Of course, I made sure to show him how I felt in more obvious ways too. We shared kisses goodbye and hello. I’d hug him when I got the urge, and the hand holding was constant. I didn’t like to be more than an arm’s length away from him if I didn’t have to be.

Gerald often asked if I was still ok with the fact that we weren’t having sex. I tried to explain to him that I didn’t need it, but I think he still struggled with the idea that I could be content without anything more.

As the days and weeks passed, I felt his resolve slowly shift. He didn’t want to pull away nearly as much. He sought me out first, his hands reaching for me even when he couldn’t see me. It was as if my presence was something he felt intrinsically.

Eventually, he settled on one meeting time in particular. It was the first one with the ragtag group of people that he loved most. Despite trying so many options, it always came back to that one.

Six months after he showed up in my life, I faced the first real challenge of our relationship. It was less about my reaction to things and more about how he’d feel. I refused to put him in a tough situation, yet I also knew better than to make assumptions about his wants. That meant I had to be upfront with him.

“Gerald,” I called out as I stepped inside the apartment early one afternoon. I was home way earlier than usual thanks to a lack of focus.

It was mostly due to the talk we were about to have. I knew that once we discussed it, and I had an answer, I’d be able to focus. I’d either go back to the office or work from home to finish things up.

But again, all that relied on my ability to simply ask the man one question.

“Wes! What are you doing here? You’re so early.” His voice carried down the hall, along with the echo of his hurried steps.

I hadn’t meant to make him worry, though I couldn’t bring myself to feel guilty that he rushed to me. I loved that he came when I called.

“Yes, I am. I wanted to talk to you about something. Do you have a minute?”

He nodded. “I wasn’t doing much right now. I’d been texting with Gage about what we could convince Benji to make next. Apparently, he’s really skilled with sweets.”

“That he is. I’m sure whatever you two cook up will be fun for him.” I led Gerald over to the couch, then tugged him down with me. Our legs were pressed together, and I kept his hand locked with mine.

His gaze was curious, though under that, I could see his fear creeping up. He thought this was bad news when, really, it wasn’t. Not truly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I replied quickly. “I wanted to ask you something. I’m nervous about it.”

His shoulders dropped at the confession. “Oh. That’s… different. I’m sure it”ll be fine. Did you need to add to my tasks? Was there something else you needed?”

I shook my head. We’d initially set up a two-week period for Gerald to act as a service submissive to see if he liked it. While it was a no brainer for me, he took the full two weeks to come to grips with his newfound world. And after that, we didn’t expand much more beyond what he was doing. Sex was off the table for the time being, which would have been the only real change.

“My company is hosting an event next month. It’s a black-tie thing. The executives are required to attend for the sake of visibility. There will be several people there I know, including a few club friends. We’re allowed to bring a plus one.” I took a breath to give him a minute to absorb my words. “I’d like to take you as my date, Gerald. Would you like to come?”

“I don’t own a tux,” he said. It wasn’t a yes, but it also wasn’t a no.

I grinned. “I have a tailor. We can go get you a suit, then have it tailored to fit you. You’d look amazing.”

He would. That wasn’t a lie.

He didn”t look all that amazing at that moment, however. I’d never seen the look on his face, though if I had to guess, I’d consider it panic, or maybe caution.

“You want to take me? To something public for your company?”

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

The relationship he’d had prior to us was one built on secrets. And while we hadn’t been trying to hide this thing between us, we also hadn’t broadcasted it. At least, we hadn’t to his knowledge.

I’d been texting my brother more since we reconciled. He knew how much I cared for Gerald. He’d even started calling him his brother-in-law as a show of support.

Then there was the support group. They all saw the way I fawned over him. Surely, they knew how deeply infatuated I’d become.

Work was the worst. With the constant visits each week, they’d all assumed I’d had an awakening when I left Danielle and found Gerald in the process. It wasn’t for me to correct them so long as they didn’t approach my man.

“I would buy a commercial spot on the Super Bowl to tell the world how much I care about you if I had the funding and didn’t think you’d hate me for it. There isn’t a single person in my life who doesn’t know how important you are to me. In fact, if I showed up without you, they’d wonder why. I don’t say that to manipulate you. I’m merely sharing because I think that you might believe I’m keeping you a secret when I’m not.”

“They all know about me? How?”

I laughed at the question before breaking down all the things he hadn’t noticed. It would have been amusing to watch him figure it out had he not burst into tears when I finished.

I pulled his body against mine in a tight hug. “Easy there. What’s got you so worked up?”

I had a feeling it had to do with the weight of realizing things weren’t what he thought. That I’d been fully invested this entire time when he believed I was keeping him hidden.

He leaned back. “I can’t believe… This all feels so unreal. Like I’m living someone else’s life.”

“You are,” I told him. “You’re living the life of the new you. The you that’s working to heal, to love again. And in this life, I’m really fucking proud to have you by my side. What do you say? Will you be my date?”

His smile stretched wide. “I’d love to.”

I kissed him then, the rush of emotions too great to hold back. And thankfully, he kissed me right back. I felt everything he couldn’t quite say in the space between us. It was enough for now. It would be enough until he was ready to say it all out loud.