Chapter 21

Gerald was a cock slut.

I’d known it to be true the minute he admitted he had no willpower once things turned sexual. He flat out admitted that he wouldn’t be able to think straight if we took things further.

While I admired him for sharing his truth with me, I was also a bit disappointed. I ached to show him all the ways I could make him feel good. Together we’d be combustible. I had no doubt.

I woke up with an erection every morning, cum coating my sheets from how explosive my dreams had been. My waking hours were spent keeping things casual. I let him know my interest, sure, but I buried the ravenous part of me that would have taken control the minute he stripped bare in that shower with me. The animalistic side of me had no moral code to stand by. It only wanted to claim Gerald and steal his pleasure every way possible.

He was my obsession. I knew it as well as I knew my own name.

I’d never had a relationship move at the pace we’ve been on. Compared to everything else, we were glacial. In the past, I’d have bedded the person I was interested in by the end of the first week. There’d be no longing glances or stolen touches. No moments where I felt like my heart would beat out of my chest if I didn’t get closer to him, if I didn’t touch him in some way.

Gerald was so much more than I could have imagined. Every minute I got with him only deepened my desire to help heal and nurture all the layers he’d revealed to me. From his pain at Clancy’s death, to his addiction and the aftermath it caused, I wanted to be there for him. No, I needed to be there.

A text alert pinged on my phone as I was mid-thought. Hoping it was the man currently on my mind, I snatched up my phone from its spot on the corner of my desk.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t Gerald.

It was my brother Robin.

I’d made it a point to avoid talking to him in the last few months. Even before the engagement ended, I built a habit of not reaching out to him like I used to.

Given there were only two of us, we’d grown up quite close. Robin was always my shadow, following and mimicking me every which way he could. I loved it back then. He made me feel invincible, like I was a superhero or something.

As we grew older, our preferences changed so sharply that we drifted apart. I hated the idea of making a mess while my brother thrived in the dirt. It was no surprise to anyone that he chose veterinary work. They were also unshocked at my career in an office setting.

Somehow, in the midst of our differences, we lost track of time. Or rather, I did.

Before I knew it, my brother was grown and had run off to build a business with some other vet I’d never heard of in a town that was… somewhere fairly close. I wasn’t all that sure. At least I hadn’t been before Preacher showed up and told Gerald that Robin was in cahoots with his friends. Now I knew exactly where he was.

And as I stared down at the text he’d sent, I realized putting him off wasn’t going to do much good. Too much had changed recently.

Robin: Morning, big brother. Not like, government creepy big brother, just a biological connection, you know. Well, maybe you don’t. SINCE YOU NEVER TEXT ME BACK. Come on man. Let me know what’s going on. I love you. I’m worried.

Instead of texting him back, I dialed his number. It wasn’t the first time he’d texted something in this vein; however, something about the tone broke through. He deserved more than me ghosting him.

What kind of asshole was I to ignore him like I had? Answer: The worst kind. Ugh.

“Is this a prank? Or am I finally hearing from my long-lost brother?” He said once he answered the call.

I chuckled. It was a bitter sound between us. I found no humor in the fact that my brother felt how he did. That I had treated him the way I had.

“Not a prank. Just a brother who needs to make amends.”

Robin hummed as if he was going to continue to listen. It wasn’t like him. He was always so full of energy and life. He was quite literally the light of our family. For him to be this reserved meant that I had truly hurt him.

“I’m sorry,” I pleaded. “It was wrong of me to shut you out. Even with our differences, there was no reason for me to ignore you all this time. We’re family. And I should have acted like it.”

“We are. Which is why I’ve been worried about you for months now. I find out that you are no longer engaged and possibly homeless, yet you don’t respond to any messages. I had to help my friends hire a private investigator to track you down just to ensure you’re alive. And when he comes back, he tells me that you’re perfectly fine living in a nice cushy place with the man that my friends were looking for. It makes no sense.”

I let out a deep sigh. When I’d picked up the phone to call him, I hadn’t thought about the weight of the guilt I’d feel at ignoring him. It was a heavy weight on my chest, pressing down with each breath I took. I wanted it gone, and there was only one way to do so.

Robin needed the truth. As much of it as I could give anyway.

“There’s a lot you don’t know. A lot that I’ve kept from you simply because it’s awkward to talk about. I’m not one to boast, nor do I ever want you to feel bad about the differences in our careers. In the end, I could blame a million things, like work being busy and struggling to keep Danielle content, but the real problem was me. I simply stopped keeping in touch and for that I am sorry. I don’t want you to worry though. Everything is ok.”

“Can you explain some of it to me? Maybe give me the abbreviated version of stuff. How did you wind up in that spiffy new place? And how did you end up with Gerald? Are you working together or dating? Why call off your engagement? I didn’t know you were into guys. Or maybe I did and forgot. That happens when you don’t speak for AGES! Plus, Preacher didn’t give me much to go off of. He’s very cagey, that one.”

“Preacher kept quiet mostly because Gerald was clear that no one needed to know anything more than a proof of life type of thing. He and I both prefer to keep things private. Since it’s you, and I’ve done a shit job of being a good brother, I will answer a few questions that don’t give away too much about Gerald. You have to promise me that you won’t tell his friends anything I say to you now, Robin. He’s very adamant about keeping that distance right now.”

I wouldn’t normally be so forceful when I was also trying to plead for forgiveness, but I wouldn’t budge on this. Gerald’s trust was something I yearned to keep intact. That meant only giving my brother the bare bones of our relationship as it pertained to his questions.

“You have my word,” he said fiercely. “I know about the situation with Gerald. The guys at the ranch have shared with me how things went down. They’re all torn up about it, but they’re doing the best they can to adapt. I work with Griffin, who is Harlan’s partner. Harlan is the ranch chef — aka he has all the best gossip. Griffin passes it along to me since he knows I can’t resist.”

I didn’t need him to tell me that. Any of it. Losing Gerald would be a hard hit to anyone, whether for the purpose of work, or for a romantic entanglement. He gave his all to every task, to every interaction. The men at the ranch were surely missing him.

And as far as the gossiping went, Robin was disastrously curious. He was like a bloodhound with the way he sniffed out everyone else’s secrets. I had no doubt had he been living in the city that he’d have figured out all of my posturing was a lie within a week’s time. It was merely distance and a lack of opportunity that kept him in the dark for as long as he was.

“Thank you, brother. The short version of things is that I have been doing well with work. Really well. As in, multiple promotions a year well. This cushy office job as you used to call it provides me with a substantial salary and benefits. In fact, I owned the place that Danielle and I had together.”

“No shit! She said it was her place when I talked to her.”

I scoffed. “Of course she did. She has to keep up appearances still.”

“So you owned your own place. Why did you move then?”

“Danielle didn”t believe in monogamy. At least not in the literal definition. She had multiple partners, including the entirety of my staff. When I found out, I gathered proof and sent her packing. Because of how deeply woven into my life she was, I decided a new place along with new help was needed.”

“And that’s how you found Gerald,” he finished.

“That’s correct. A friend of a friend led me to him.”

I could hear him tapping a pin on his desk through the receiver. It was a nervous gesture, and it warmed my heart a bit that I recognized the sound. Not speaking to my brother for so long made me feel like I was clueless to the man he had become.

It was really just me projecting, because I had made it a point to keep my true self from him. In some ways, I still was. But most of that was due to protecting Gerald. I felt like he was more important than me baring every piece of myself to Robin.

Eventually, when Gerald felt it right to make peace with his past, then everything could be laid out on the table. Though, picturing myself explaining my BDSM preferences to my brother almost sent me into a tailspin. That was a discussion that definitely needed more time to brew.

“Well, I guess I’m glad then. If Gerald had to wind up anywhere else but the ranch, then at least it’s with you. I know that you”ll take care of him.”

I sucked in a breath at the punch of emotion his words brought forth. They were too close to reality. I was taking care of Gerald. Just as much, if not more than he took care of me. There were nuanced differences between the two. Where he enjoyed serving me at a base level, I thrived on the idea of providing a home and tasks for him. It was through me that he could find bliss in service. Our dynamic was more than sex. It was deeper.

“Thank you for believing in me and trusting me enough to know this. I’ve kept a lot from you throughout the years, and I’m sorry for that. It feels like I blinked, and time flew by. The less I reached out, the easier it was to pretend I didn’t need to.”

He snorted. “Yeah, that sounds about right. I won’t push for anything further because I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. And I promise not to tell anyone at the ranch about us talking. Just be sure to take good care of him. He deserves a second chance.”

I didn’t need him to tell me who he was. Because Gerald did deserve a second chance. A second chance at love. A second chance at life after his addiction. A second chance at happiness.

And I intended to provide all the above.