Chapter 19

In the daysafter Preacher’s sudden appearance, I kept a close eye on Gerald. I wanted to make sure I knew the moment he dropped from the interaction. Because it would happen. Whether it was conscious or not, he would relapse into thoughts of the ranch, and in turn, the man who hurt him.

While I waited for any type of reaction from him, I focused my attention on praising him for every ounce of service he sent my way. Each time he cooked me a meal, I sang his praises. The errands he checked off his list earned gold stars on the page when I arrived home in the evening. I commended him at every turn for making my life so seamless, which wasn’t an exaggeration.

Having Gerald in my life was like breathing clearly for the first time after living with sinus problems your whole life. I had no idea just how stressed I’d been in my previous existence. I wasn’t sure whether it was the farce of an engagement or the lack of stretching out my dominant side. I only knew I was happy to no longer be encumbered by the beliefs of my past.

It was a normal Friday evening when it finally happened. I’d been texting Gerald throughout the day with updates about his day and our plans for dinner. My gut had been so sure that he was nearing the point of needing release. Whether it was to cry until he felt empty or to scream until his lungs gave out. Something was coming.

I realized when I entered the apartment that night that I had been right. While he wasn’t falling to pieces just yet, there was an obvious tension in Gerald’s body. His shoulders were nearly to his ears, and he couldn’t stay still for more than a minute at a time. I knew because I watched him for a full five minutes once I arrived, and he barely made it sixty seconds before shifting to another task.

Food covered the countertops, while several pots simmered on the stove. I could see Italian and Mexican cuisine, so I knew there wasn’t much rhyme or reason to it all. And when he turned at the sound of my keys landing in the bowl on the entry table, I saw the root of it all.

Wild eyes met mine. “You’re home.”

I wanted to bask in the fact that he considered it his home to. I loved knowing he was comfortable here in every way.

But I couldn’t ignore the proof of his anxiety.

“Gerald.” I eased closer to him. “Talk to me.”

He shifted away to go stir something at the stove. I didn’t want to catch him off guard near a hot pan, which meant I had to wait the minute it would take for him to change course.

Sure enough, he turned and ran straight into my chest. He made an ‘oomph’ noise, then peered up at me.

“I need to get to that.” He pointed to something behind me.

Ignoring his protest, I moved to the stove and turned the burners off one by one. I then tugged him out of the kitchen to the living room. He barely fought me, proving just how far gone he was.

When I eased down onto the couch, I didn’t hesitate to bring him with me. As I settled him on my lap, I waited patiently for him to say something. He could have complained about me holding him so tight or about me stopping the cook-fest he had going on in the kitchen.

It took several minutes of me rubbing his back for the knot in his shoulders to loosen. I felt the weight of him build as he let go of his tight rein.

“I don’t understand why I feel this way,” he asked brokenly.

“How do you feel?”

He turned his face into my chest and nuzzled. “I’m confused. I… I don’t know why I’m torn up about it.”

I hummed, waiting to see if he’d piece it together himself. Meanwhile, I kept myself relaxed and continued to give him the support he needed. Gerald had gone so long without truly having a Dominant in the way he needed. He functioned so much better with a strict schedule and a set of rules to follow.

Beyond that, he thrived with praise. I’d been careful about it before, each time keeping things to a minimum. I wouldn’t any longer. Holding him in my arms, hearing the anguish in his voice — I wanted nothing more than to help him through it. I’d promised him we’d take things slow, which I still intended to do. But taking it slow didn’t mean he couldn’t experience more of the benefits of being my submissive.

“It makes sense for there to be confusion. Having someone show up out of the blue like that would jar anyone. Add in everything else, and it’s no wonder you’re feeling overwhelmed.”

He gave a slight nod as he fisted my shirt. “I don’t like being overwhelmed. I wish I could push it all away. I want to let go.”

“Is that why you managed to start a catering company in our kitchen?”

I felt his body shake against mine. With delight, I realized he was laughing.

“I didn’t mean to. Normally, preparing food helps soothe me when I feel jittery. It didn’t work this time. I thought making more would help, but…” His voice trailed off.

An idea hit me. I didn’t know if he’d find it odd or not, but it was worth giving a try. Maybe it would also help him see that I’m not here to rush him in any way.

“I would like to try something new. Something I think that might help you feel like you’re getting that same outlet cooking gave before.”

He made a subtle noise of agreement. “That would be nice.”

I gave a nod. “Yes, it would; however, it requires a bit more of your trust. And maybe even more understanding that this would purely be experimental. I want to help you find all the pieces and parts of your submissive ways. It could wind up being uncomfortable for you. If it is, you only need to tell me to stop.”

“No special words or colors?” I could hear the teasing in his tone.

“Not right now. Simple will keep things from being complicated. Besides, you’d have all the control in the situation.”

With my admission, he leaned back to look up at me. We’d been in a similar position before, that day he shut down because of Clancy’s birthday. Even back then I longed to kiss him, to take his lips with my own. I felt the same urge return, though I kept my focus on the discussion.

“What did you have in mind?”

I kept our gazes locked as I explained, “We would go into my room, where you would then undress me and prepare a shower. From there, you could either leave me to shower alone while you gathered clothes for me to lounge in around the apartment, or, if you were up to it, you could join me in the shower to personally make sure I’m clean.”

His breathing picked up.

“You want me to… to take your clothes off. To see you naked.”

“This isn’t about that. It’s about you being able to serve me in the most basic way. You’d take away something that, while simple, takes more energy than I usually have in the evenings. Your service to me would mean I could let go. No more needing to lead or make decisions. I’d get to be free.”

It was as if my words unlocked something inside of him. The broken look he wore faded before me. His eyes brightened, and his hands tightened their hold.

“I want to. But is it too fast for that? This feels like a sudden shift. And…”

Pressing a finger to his lips, I stopped him before he’d work himself up again. He’d only just relaxed after being worked up for who knew how long.

“We don’t have to. It was only a suggestion. I’ll sit you here on the couch and go get clean. Why don’t you pick one thing for us to eat and set up a movie? Does that sound good?”

He gave a nod, then climbed off my lap. I stood slowly; my movements careful so as not to startle him. Gerald was still on edge. I just wasn’t sure which way he was leaning towards or how he would feel once I left.

Everything in me said I had to be more patient. That my idea wasn’t something he could get behind just yet. Maybe one day. Eventually. Pushing him wouldn’t help. I had to let him make his own choices, and if those didn’t align with what I wanted, then I needed to deal.

I left Gerald in the living room as I moved to get ready for my shower. I”d shown him what I wanted, what I was willing to offer. And as I”d expected, he”d turned me down. It was probably for the best, really.

As it was, I needed the time alone to deal with the erection that had formed the minute he”d sat in my lap. I wasn”t a man who couldn”t control his arousal. Not really.

But the man in the other room had some otherworldly effect on me. There was no hiding how he made me feel. Not when it was so obviously fighting against my zipper.

In my bedroom, I went about emptying my pockets one by one. My wallet and phone landed on the dresser. My cufflinks came next, then the tie. I was unbuttoning my shirt when I heard a noise in the hall. Never one to assume, I figured Gerald was simply going to get something from his room.

I startled when I heard my door opening. I turned to find the man I craved standing in the doorway with wide, hungry eyes. He ate up the exposed skin of my chest without a moment”s hesitation.

”I... I”d like to try.”

Part of me wanted to question him. I wanted to be sure he was in his right mind and that this wasn”t borne of him thinking I was disappointed or something. Before I could ask, he was walking into the room and pushing my hands away from the buttons.

Some part of me still worried how this would go down. It”s the only reason I interrupted him by saying, ”Are you positive this is what you want?”

He nodded without hesitation. ”I”m sure. The minute you left I felt so — cold. And empty. Like you”d been filling this space around me, and I needed you back. You”ve known what I needed all this time. If you feel like I can do this and it will be a good outlet, then I should trust your word.”

I closed my eyes as I basked in the pleasure his words brought. It was every Dominant”s dream to have their partner”s trust. While I knew we still had mountains to climb, Gerald was already taking great strides. Every instance of him giving a bit more of himself over proved to me that there could — and would — be a future between us.

”Then please continue,” I told him after his confession.

From there, I watched him work his way down the buttons one by one until the shirt was free. Then he slid it down my shoulders and eased it onto the dresser. My pants came next, with his focus being more thorough than I expected. He checked each pocket for left behind items, and after ensuring they were empty, he lined up my belt and dress pants next to the shirt. It was all so orderly that I couldn”t hold back smiling at the sight.

Left in just my underwear, he studied me like I was a painting he longed to understand the meaning of. A lesser man would have flinched under that curious gaze. I reveled in it. I craved more of it.

My cock tented my boxers obscenely. Gerald didn”t appear bothered at the sight though. He eyed the appendage with, if I had to guess, curiosity.

”I think I should warm up the shower now.” He turned abruptly and walked into the closet.

”Wrong door,” I called out. ”Let me show you how to work everything.”

I led the way into the large bathroom. The shower in my place wasn”t all that complicated, but I knew he likely had to be smarting after fleeing into the wrong room. I made a show of pointing out the care products and towels before motioning to the control panel for the shower.

Gerald moved close enough for me to catch that delicious scent of his as he watched. When I finished, I encouraged him to press the options he felt most comfortable with.

”I can do any temperature, really. It”s whatever you like best since you”ll be joining me.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed with the force of his swallow. His gaze fluttered from me to the shower panel and back. It took another minute for him to nod before selecting a temperature and spray setting. At the force of the water starting, he jumped back.

I caught him around the waist. ”Careful now. Don”t want you slipping on the tile.”

He gave a nod, then pulled from my arms. I waited to see how he”d move next. Would he finish stripping me, or would he begin to disrobe himself? I could admit that I was eager to see what was underneath all that fabric. He”d been careful not to be too ”underdressed” during the workday. Beyond that, his evening wear wasn”t much more revealing.

Most people got comfortable in their own homes. They”d walk around in their boxers or without a shirt. Not Gerald. He was the biggest fucking cocktease that way. Not that he knew my opinion on the matter or anything.

Which is why he couldn”t understand how excited I was to see him bared to me.

As he tugged his shirt over his head, I sent up a thanks to whatever deity I needed to for putting me in this moment with this man. I let my gaze trail over every centimeter of skin he revealed. The slight roundness of his belly made me want to nuzzle him there like he”d done my neck earlier. Then came his muscled arms and the swell of his biceps. He might have hated some of the memories of his time on the ranch, but they were marked all over his body. Scars from work accidents. Muscle from the hours of labor. He maintained quite a bit of it even through his addiction and rehab.

So caught up in his upper body, I almost missed the reveal of the rest of him. I only caught sight of his pants hitting the floor for a second when I realized there wasn”t anything left to see. He was naked underneath. My quiet, broken man had been commando this entire time.

I let my head fall back on my shoulders. He was too much. Too sexy, too enticing. I shouldn”t have suggested this. How the fuck would I keep my hands to myself when he was so close? How would I not blow my fucking load on him the minute he put his hands on me? It was already a losing battle despite not having even truly getting started.