Chapter 16

Earlier in the day

“What’s that tune?I remember it, but I can’t place it.”

I turned to face Dexter, one of the men on my team. “What tune?”

“The one you’re humming,” he replied, face scrunched.

I hadn’t even realized I was making any noise. Shrugging, I stacked the papers in my hand to give me something to do. Maybe then the moment would be a little less awkward.

“Not sure. Something I heard somewhere I guess.”

He shook his head, then turned back to the project we were working on. I needed to focus if I wanted to get things done in time for lunch. We had about half an hour, then Gerald would be showing up with food for us to eat in my office.

It was a bit odd at first, having him here in my space so often. Not because I didn’t want him around. More like I wanted him around all the time. It was hard simply due to my own desires that I’d worked to suppress. The more effort Gerald put into his work, the deeper I felt connected to him.

What a fucking joke I was.

I’d been sure about Gerald from the moment we met. I knew he’d be a good fit in my life, and he’s proved to be invaluable. There’s a natural submissive energy to him. It called to me like no other before him had.

Problem was, we were both only so far removed from our haunting pasts. Danielle would probably pop up sooner or later in my world. We ran in the same circles, so it was inevitable. And as for Gerald, he was going to have to face his past at some point. I knew it would probably be sooner than later.

After he’d mentioned his addiction to me, I’d researched the fuck out of it. I didn’t know anyone personally who’d faced such challenges. Digging through the Internet seemed to be the best resource I could find, since I hadn’t wanted to ask the man directly.

My research led me to a somewhat better understanding of things. While every person was different, there was a clear agreement across the board that for many, the chances of relapse were possible. It was heightened for those who lived in a world of denial — much like Gerald was doing.

Eventually, he’d have to face his past. If he didn’t, well, things wouldn’t keep up the way they had. He’d likely relapse. Or maybe he’d find another addictive substance to latch onto.

I hoped neither would happen. I wanted to be there for him. A part of me longed to hold him as he spilled his pain out. I wanted to piece him back together and show him another way to deal with the pain. A way that would allow him to tap into that submissive side of himself. I had a feeling if we got together, it would be explosive.

At least, I hoped it would be.

Gerald had no clue the amount of space he took up in my mind. It was a daily battle to keep myself focused. Even when he wasn’t around, my thoughts went to him and wondering how he was.

Like this particular moment when I should have been wrapping up the project meeting I was in so I could be ready for lunch. Rather than focusing, my mind was already thinking of what he’d look like and how he’d light up the second he got off the elevator. His lips would curve slightly, not too much, though enough to be noticeable. There would be a bounce to his step. A relaxed pose to his body despite his formality of treating me like his boss.

Sometimes I wondered if he was treating me like his Dom. Of course, that was mostly hopeful thinking.

I doubled down my attempts to focus on work. Time would only continue to move slowly if I let my mind wander further into the imaginary world I’d built up. The one where Gerald and I were so much more than work partners.

Doubling down my efforts to get back to the meeting worked a bit too well. Before I knew it, the half hour passed with ease. I hadn’t even known how much time passed until a knock came on the conference door and a delivery guy showed up.

“Mr. Weston?”

Frowning, I nodded. “That’s me.”

The young guy approached with the food. “Tip was covered. Thanks.”

He left before I could ask anything further. The rest of the staff left, likely because of the scowl I sported. It wasn’t like I was trying to be a jerk. It was just… today was a Gerald sighting day. He was supposed to come in so we could eat together. It was the routine. Messing with it now meant something wasn’t right.

I took the food to my office, then dialed his phone. Normally, he would answer by the second ring. When the third came and then the fourth, worry burrowed within me. The beep sounded, so I left a message for him to call me as soon as he got it.

Maybe he was preoccupied. Maybe he had other things to do on his lunch.

Before I could dwell on it further, there was a knock at the door. “Come in,” I called out, my heart racing at the thought of it being Gerald running late.

When Vivi stepped into the room, I deflated. I shouldn’t have been so devastated at the loss of Gerald’s company. It wasn’t right for me to be this invested. I had to get control of myself.

“Is everything ok, Vivi?” I asked after a long beat of silence.

She shook her head. “No, sir. Not really.”

Thus began a torrent of information that took my mind completely away from the worry I had over the man I missed. I had to step in to put out fire after fire, all of which grew more urgent than the last. By the end of the day, I’d had to fire one person, reorganize the points of contacts for half the team, and write up multiple reports for behavior complaints for HR.

I was so worn out that I never registered the dinner delivery or how odd it was that Gerald was still nowhere to be found. It wasn’t even a thought in my mind. Not until I got home, and my doorman told me he’d tried to deliver a package.

“Normally, Gerald answers right away. I figured he might be taking the day to rest or something. Here’s your package.” He handed it over, then took off to open the door for another resident.

As I walked into the elevator, my brain went haywire with thoughts of what could be going on. If no one had seen him, and he didn’t answer the door or his phone, there had to be something terribly wrong. Was he hurt? Did he need me, and I’d ignored all the warning signs throughout the day?

I couldn’t exit the elevator quickly enough once it reached my floor. Pushing the door open, I stepped inside to listen for any sign of him. The apartment was silent, giving off tomb-like vibes compared to the normal jovial greetings I’d gotten since Gerald came in my life.

“Gerald!” I cried out his name as I swept through the house. Each room proved to be empty, which only increased my worry. “Gerald! Where are you? Fuck!”

Once I’d checked every room in the house, my own included, I went to his bedroom. The door was open, and the space was just as empty as the rest of the house. I couldn’t fathom how he’d made it outside without anyone seeing him, but what else could be the answer?

“Where? Where would he be? Did he mention family or friends? I know about the place — the ranch — but I don’t know where it is. Should I call Robin? No, that’s dumb. What would he know? It’s not like all small towns know one another or something.”

I rambled endlessly as I tried to figure out what came next. Pacing the length of the living room, I dialed the police and then waited for an officer to assist me. They’d had to forward me since my call was considered a non-emergency.

It really felt like a fucking emergency to me.

“Sir, we are unable to assist you at this time. Are you sure he’s not in the home?” The gruff voice said across the line.

“Yes, I understand you have a policy about how long it takes before a missing person report is filed, but this is urgent.”

The officer hummed across the line. “You’ve checked everywhere, including closets and under beds? Can you check his room again to ensure this isn’t simply him leaving on his own?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Check his bedroom again? Oh! Yes, I guess I should check to see if he packed his stuff up and left.”

He didn’t sound too pleased to have to deal with me, yet he still managed to trigger my mind enough for me to realize he was right. I’d only opened each door to see if he was in the space. For all I knew, Gerald could have been tucked away somewhere in the house.

I hated to think of what that could mean. While we hadn’t discussed his addiction much further than that original conversation, I knew through my own research that desperation could lead to self-harm.

But what could have caused it? Things were fine. They had been, right? This wasn’t me not noticing the signs all along, was it?

“It looks like his stuff is still here so maybe — oh fuck!” I felt relief at spotting him. That feeling quickly morphed into fear when I realized what position he was in. “He’s here. I found him. He’s on the floor.”

I moved my hand to his back as I leaned down to look into his eyes. The cop was saying something in my ear, but I couldn’t focus on it. I needed to check on the man I’d been hunting.

“Gerald? Are you ok? What happened?”

Wide eyes met mine as he slowly shook his head. It was barely a shift, though I was watching closely enough to see the change.

“Ok… ok. We’ll figure it out. I’ll get you help. Is it… are you in pain?”

He gave another small signal, this time a nod. Panic welled within me. How badly was he hurting? And was it self-inflicted or due to some outside force?

“Where does it hurt? Should I call an ambulance?” I showed him my phone to let him know I could reach out. It would only take a few buttons for me to get the best care for him.

His soft-spoken ‘no’ did nothing to ease the stress this entire encounter was giving me.

“You have to give me something.” I ignored the urge to press myself against him. I wanted to fight whatever darkness had taken hold of him. I’d slay anything that wanted to take this amazing man from me.

I watched as his eyes closed, then he slowly but surely rolled onto his side. Reaching out, I helped him move into a sitting position. His body drooped to one side, as if it longed to hit the floor again. I hated the idea, so I reached out and tugged him to my chest.

The second he was pressed against me, it was like a fireworks show went off in my mind. The explosion of colors tore through my mind, then settled inside me, creating a warmth I’d never felt.

I could have held him in my arms forever. The connection was utter perfection. There wasn’t another instance in my life where I could remember feeling so utterly connected with a person with a single touch.

“I’ve never been quite as scared as I was when I got home, and they told me you hadn’t answered the door today. And I knew you’d missed my calls already and skipped lunch. I thought you were…” I forced myself to stop the thought. No need to manifest horrid things after I’d only just gotten proof he was ok.

Well, maybe not ok. Something was still very, very wrong.

I just had to find out what.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered against my shoulder. His head burrowed further into my suit jacket.

“Shhh. No need to apologize. I only want what’s best for you. Can you tell me what happened? Or should we move somewhere else so I can get you comfortable? I don’t want this to be any harder than it needs to be.”

Gerald tilted his head back. His watery eyes gazed at me like he couldn’t believe I was real.

I couldn’t believe it either. Danielle would have had a field day at this entire moment. She and I had never balanced out properly. It took her infidelity and ending the relationship for me to see it.

Because the truth was that I loved this exchange as much as I hated it. Maybe more so.

There was a submission in Gerald’s body that spoke to the Dominant in me. Danielle had never been one to let go enough for the type of dynamic I wanted. Or I guess, maybe it was a need.

Being dominant wasn’t something I could suppress. I’d done it for a long fucking time and look where that got me.

I wouldn’t force anything on the man in my arms, but I sure would work to figure out what this all meant. My instincts were rarely wrong. Not about this.

“Here,” he said carefully. “Legs are asleep. Can’t move.”

“I can carry you. It’s nothing for me to get you wherever you’d like.”

His eyes widened. “Couch?”

At the single word, I eased from under him, then scooped his dead weight up. I took us to the couch, where I eased us down, all the while keeping Gerald partially on my lap like he’d been in the bedroom. My gut said the more touch he had, the better he’d feel about sharing.

“Now then, let’s talk. Can you tell me what happened? I’d like to know from the beginning, please. You had me worried sick, Precious.” I couldn’t stop my hand from reaching up to cup his cheek. His head was leaning against me again, though those gorgeous eyes of his weren’t tucked away. Instead, his gaze was right upon me, searching and evaluating for what came next.

He cleared his throat, then motioned to the water on the table. I grabbed one of the bottles he always had lying around, then uncapped it. He drank half of it in one go, then sighed.

“That’s better,” he said carefully.

I smiled. “Yes, it is. You already sound better. Are you up for sharing still?”

His head bobbed, then I felt his hands on my shirt. I realized it was a nervous fidget. He didn’t look at it, and really, I didn’t think he was looking at me at all.

Gerald opened his lips and then began with a sentence I least expected. “Today was his birthday.”

His birthday? Who was he? And why was he so important to the man in my arms that he’d gone damn near catatonic at the simple thought of a birthday?

“Whose birthday?” I asked when he didn’t immediately continue.

“Clancy’s…”

And with that, he broke. The words poured out of him like he’d been waiting ages to share them with someone.