Chapter 18

"I leave to others the decision as to the good or evil tendencies of my character."

Giacomo Casanova

"You are my heir, Julius! You could have been killed!"

"You have Pierce if something happens to me! No need to fret about heirs," Julius barked back.

Lord Stirling paused his pacing to glare at Julius with a pained expression. His features eased. "I meant to say … you are my son, and your loss would have been a terrible tragedy."

Julius frowned, perplexed by this strange version of his father, who had returned home with his mother. "Never say you would mourn my death? I thought I was an incorrigible lout?"

"Both can be true," snarled Lord Stirling in irritation.

Julius grinned. "I am gladdened to hear you have not completely lost your character, Father. For a moment there, I thought your trip to Paris had tamed you into a domesticated pet."

The earl stared at him, tensing his jaw while clearly searching for a rebuke. His father was excellent at concealing his thoughts, which was why it was up to Julius to press him into genuine reactions. He did not wish for his father to harden into a cold marble statue, after all. It was, Julius theorized, important to the earl's flexibility that he be provoked with frequency.

This time, however, instead of breaking into a scathing rant about Julius's deplorable behavior, the earl continued to glare at him until, suddenly, he burst into a gale of laughter.

Julius flinched, taken aback by the echo of his youth, when his father had been more exuberant.

His father caught his breath. "I believe it is you who has been tamed, son."

Julius grimaced. Nauseatingly so. If his father had not insisted on this audience, he would be making reparations to Audrey for his much-lamented offer of non-marriage. He had yet to speak with her since his revelation on the terrace, but his father had caught him heading inside, so he was unfortunate to be entrenched in the study for a scolding. He supposed he must get this out of the way, so he could focus his energies on recovering his romance with his Audrey.

He made a sound that was something between a growl and a groan. What if Audrey did not love him? Perhaps she wished for the marriage in name only?

That was a dreadful thought to consider. He had still to reconcile himself to being besotted with his betrothed, and building a future with her. If it turned out to be for naught, and Audrey did not wish for something more, he would be sorely disappointed. They had not spoken since breakfast, and he was worried about her. He hoped her unexpected meeting with his father had not traumatized her.

His father arched a flaxen eyebrow in question.

Julius gritted his teeth, put out that he was revealing his emotions thus. "It is true! I am … partially … tamed."

The earl's lips spread into a smug smile. "It is more difficult than it appears to be."

Julius gave a reluctant nod.

"I approve. Miss Gideon will make an excellent wife."

He snorted. "Miss Gideon will make an excellent wife," Julius repeated back in mocking mimicry. "Audrey has lived under your roof for five months and you still address her as Miss Gideon. Dash it! I hate the formality of the peerage! You are such a stuffy lot."

Lord Stirling soughed heavily, dropping his gaze to contemplate the intricate navy blue and red Aubusson rug upon which he was standing.

"We could stand to be less stuffy. At least amongst family." He drew a deep breath. "Audrey will make an excellent wife. You have chosen well."

Julius huffed. "There was not much choosing."

His father smirked in response. "I do not believe that is true. The gods themselves may have created her because I think she may just be the perfect match to moderate my rebellious offspring. Minimally, she can patch you up in case of future punctures."

Julius twisted the ring on his finger in seething resentment. This new rendition of his father was amused by Julius's troubles. Lord Stirling probably considered the unforeseen betrothal to Audrey as comeuppance for his heir's prior mutinies. Worse, it might be true.

He just hoped the gods were kind when he presented a new offer to the lady who possessed his heart.

"What of this murder investigation? Is there a risk to your mother and sister?" The earl's abrupt change in subject was to be expected.

Julius nodded. "There might be. We have guards in the house, but Mother and Penelope should remain home for the next few days until this danger is resolved."

His father's face hardened into stern lines. "This is untenable. I expect to meet with the other men, so we may bring this to a quick resolution."

"Agreed." Julius hoped his father might assist him with another problem, so this was not the time to resist Lord Stirling's wishes.

Audrey haddinner with the family, enjoying a conversation with the lively Lady Stirling and delightful Penelope, who was a younger version of the countess. After a warm congratulations on the forthcoming nuptials, along with the European custom of kisses to both cheeks, the countess talked about their adventures in Paris. It sounded like a wonderful place to visit but made Audrey yearn for the simple life she had enjoyed in Stirling. The long nights and endless social events were daunting to hear about.

After dinner, the earl asked Lady Stirling to play the pianoforte, and they adjourned to the music room which Audrey had never visited. It was an intimate room that matched the countess in style, who was wearing an exquisite sea-green dress with froths of white lace which gave the appearance of foam tipping the edges of crashing waves. The walls of the music room were covered in bronze-green wallpaper, and the floor was adorned with a rich rug woven in an elaborate radial design of red, ivory, and gold.

Penelope and Audrey crossed the room to sit on red silk chairs with gilded frames while Lady Stirling headed toward the fortepiano by the windows overlooking the shadowed gardens. The instrument was a work of art—elegant casework in mahogany with a flame maple interior and fine ormolu mounts.

Gathering up her music sheets, the countess took her seat on the bench, and Lord Stirling followed her to lean against the instrument in a relaxed pose of a man satisfied to spend the evening with his wife. Soon she began to play a popular Irish aria while Lord Stirling moved the pages, his expression one of fascination as Lady Stirling sang in a clear, perfect pitch.

The two young women listened with raptured attention. The countess was accomplished at both the instrument and singing, befitting the talent to be found in an opera house.

Audrey's thoughts drifted to her impending nuptials with Julius and her hopes of securing his attentions, entering a dreamlike state that must be ascribed to her lack of sleep as the beautiful music swept over the room like emotional recollection of times gone by.

After a few minutes, she noticed that Julius's sister was staring out the window at the setting sun with what appeared to be yearning. Audrey realized that soon she and Penelope would be sisters, so mayhap she should make an effort to build a relationship with her.

"It must have been interesting to come out in Paris?"

Penelope smiled. "Paris is a beautiful city, and the fashions there are so sophisticated compared to England. I believe Mama will be quite disappointed when she realizes she must return to London modistes for her attire."

Audrey nodded, thinking about the expression of longing she had seen on the young woman's face. "Did you meet any interesting gentlemen in Paris?"

Blinking as if returning from far-off thoughts, Penelope hesitated. Audrey perceived she must be considering that they did not know each other well. Perhaps reaching a similar conclusion to Audrey's regarding their new relationship, she finally responded. "There was one. I was hopeful he might announce his intentions, but when I told him I was returning to London … he did not appear moved in the least. He wished me a safe journey and …" She stopped mid-sentence, her eyes falling to her lap where her gloved fingers toyed together.

"You hoped for a match?"

Penelope gave a short nod, her expression sad, and Audrey wished she could think of something comforting to say. She felt a tormented understanding because Penelope had lost her gentleman and been parted by hundreds of miles, while Audrey was to marry the gentleman who held her heart. They could not be more different, yet in the same predicament. Apparently, they were both lovesick for gentlemen who were all too willing to forget them.

Watching the earl in his blissful reunion with Lady Stirling, it made her want to cry. The couple were overjoyed to be together, their love evident. She wished Julius would look at her with the expression of boundless affection the earl displayed as he moved the music sheet for his wife so she could continue to play.

"Perhaps he will follow you to London," Audrey proffered, knowing her optimism was prompted by her own hopes to win Julius. Yet, she supposed, if she could not win Julius's heart, at least she was gaining a new family. It was strange but comforting to consider she would no longer be alone.

Penelope sighed. "Perhaps."

The countess played several arias, then announced it was time for their beds after such long travels. Rising to walk with her new kin into the hall and up the stairs, Audrey parted ways in the family hall and made for her bedchamber with a heavy heart.

Julius had not appeared, and she wondered where he was yet did not feel comfortable enough to question his family. She had not seen him since the morning, when they had reached their unsatisfactory agreement, and it had been a long day. What with having to meet with the earl, trying to finish reading chapter two of the curst German memoirs, and fighting with exhaustion from her sleepless night.

Despite her wish to speak with Julius, she was relieved to head to bed so she might lay her weary head on her pillow.

Sleep claimed her quickly, pulling her into its dark embrace. Sadly, it was as belligerent in its affection as Julius had been. It presented her with disturbing outcomes to her future. Her alone in Stirling, searching through the empty rooms. Before flittering to her as a silent witness in Lady Astley's home, overhearing the latest on dits about that disgraceful bit of muslin, Miss Gideon. Audrey had just found herself standing in the earl's study preparing to be lambasted for the social crisis she had created, when the one person never physically present in her dreams called her name.

"Audrey?"

She looked about the study in her dreams, but she could not find Julius anywhere. It was a common theme in all the dreams—that he was absent while she yearned to find him. To hold him and find out where he had been, all the while struggling with the impending doom that when she located him, he would be in the seductive arms of a trollop who had stolen his adoration.

"Audrey?"

She walked out of the study amid the earl's stern lecture to look about the hall outside, but still she could not find him.

Hesitating for a second, Audrey set off down the hall, racing up the staircase to fling open doors in the family hall. He must be here somewhere! Surely he would have informed her if he was to abandon her to her fate?

"Audrey?"

Slowly, Audrey's eyelids flickered open to discover she was in her bed and a candle must have been lit because the room was not shrouded in the shadows of the night. She blinked in a daze, her eyeballs dry and grainy. Rolling to lie on her back, she turned her head to find the source of the light, letting out a low shriek when she found Julius's face peering at hers from mere inches away.

"Good! You are awake." He rose to his feet, still dressed as she had seen him for breakfast.

"I am now. What are you doing in my room?"

He pressed his lips together, frowning. "You do not wish to see me?"

Audrey scrambled into a seated position, pressing the covers against her night rail in the manner of a proper miss. Realizing what she was doing, she released the bedding. "I … wish to see you. I am just surprised."

"I know the hour is late, but I wish to speak with you without anyone about. I have news."

Audrey's spirits plummeted. He had found some other solution than to wed her! He was here to cancel their betrothal! How she wished they had never left Aunty Gertrude's. She had been so happy there.

Her eyes misted. She needed time to read Casanova so she might work out a strategy to win him! It was horribly unfair to spring this on her?—

"Your father's journals. I have found a solution."

It was as she thought! He was here to inform her?—

"My father's journals?" she echoed in bewilderment. Julius did not wish to retract their arrangement?

"The guild would not budge. I used leverage on several members, but I could not make them agree."

"A-agree?" Audrey wondered if perhaps she was still asleep and this was some new hellish dream.

"To approve your membership."

She ran her hands over her plaited hair, trying to make sense of what he was saying. "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

Julius had been pacing, but he froze at her question before hastily returning to the side of the bed and sinking to his knees. "Never! I was thinking about how much you wanted to publish your father's works to help people better understand their health. I was hoping I could help, but it was to no avail. Father says he will see what he can do on your behalf, but he does not know anyone at the guild, so he must find a connection that can help."

"I … see." She did not understand, but it seemed Julius wished to help her with her goals. Perhaps he wished to balance the scales after what she had done for him? But she did not want his gratitude. She wanted his love.

"When I failed to make progress, I reconsidered the problem. You can treat people if you wish. No one will stop you from doing so. But that did not solve the problem of your father's journals—that you wish to publish his works. Father gave me the names of physicians he had been researching. Men who share similar philosophies on treatment with your father. He wishes to tempt one of them to reside in Stirling in your father's place. I met with all four men this evening and found one!"

Audrey nibbled on her lip, attempting to follow what he was saying, but she was still half asleep. With a bleary head, she noted that Julius was no longer referring to the earl as Lord Snarling. Did that mean they had reconciled some of their differences?

"One of the doctors is willing to move to Stirling?"

"No! That is up to Father to sort out. I found someone willing to add their name to your father's research!"

Audrey straightened up, sleepiness tossed aside as her mouth fell open. "What?"

"Dr. Hawley. I showed him one of your father's journals, and it turns out he has dabbled with some similar research. He said if you can assist him in organizing your father's notes along with his, he will publish the works and he agreed to credit your father."

Alarmed, she sprang from the bed to run over to her dressing table. There lay her valise along with her father's collection. Indeed, a single volume of her father's journals was missing. Spinning around to face Julius, she cried out, "Where is it?"

His face was tense at her distress. He pulled the leather-bound notebook from his pocket and held it up for her to see. "It is here. Did I make a mistake?"

Audrey stared at the notebook, befuddled. She had panicked when she had thought it was gone, but now that she knew it was safe, she was gathering the threads of what Julius was trying to tell her. He was usually more lucid, but she supposed the hour was late and he must be weary after such a long day.

"Thank you."

Julius's face relaxed in relief. "You will like Dr. Hawley. He reminded me of Dr. Gideon … actually, he reminded me of you. We spoke about the barbaric practices rife within the field. I told him about what you had done, and he was most impressed. He examined my sutures and said it was some of the neatest work he had seen. He thought my wound had healed well in such a short time."

She licked her lips, tentatively excited to meet this Dr. Hawley. An informed discussion with a fellow healer was a tempting prospect, and securing her father's legacy was welcome news. That the doctor had not been contemptuous of her skills was a promising sign. "Why did you do this?"

Julius walked over to where she was standing, returning the journal to its place and shifting to gaze down at her. He tucked an errant lock of hair behind her ear with gentle fingers. "It is my apology."

His proximity distracted Audrey. She had yearned to see him all day, and now they were alone in her room. If she moved ever so slightly, she could put her arms around him in a hug so she might hear the comforting sound of his heart beating against her cheek. Yet … it seemed ill-advised to appear needy, even if she was feeling so. Instead, she drew a thready breath.

"What are you apologizing for?"

"For being a complete arse."

She tilted her head back so she might look at his face, and was rather amazed by what she saw there. Julius was gazing at her with a deep affection, and Audrey could not help feeling hopeful about what he was here to tell her.

"And why do you think you have been an … arse?"

"This morning, I proposed to the most ravishing woman in London … and had the temerity to suggest that I could ever consider bedding any of the mere mortals treading the earth when I am to marry a veritable goddess."

The damn tears threatened yet again, and Audrey was overcome by a wave of hope. "Am I dreaming?"

"You are not. I deeply regret my proposal this morning. It bothered me to have made such an ignoble offer. After speaking with Ridley and my parents, I concluded I was fighting my very destiny."

"Why?" Audrey realized the question was poorly worded, but she was enthralled by the implication they were destined to be together. "Why were you fighting destiny?"

"I suppose … I was enjoying our time together and I feared what would happen if I committed to something more. I did not wish to be trapped in a terse marriage. My parents have been unhappy for many years, so I thought it was inevitable that we, too, would grow apart." He took hold of her hand, raising it to press a kiss to her knuckles. "But I remembered what you said about me being my own man. I am not my father, and you are not my mother. We can forge our own path. Together. Which is why I would like an opportunity to restate my esteem."

Audrey swallowed. "Esteem?"

"It would be my great privilege to wed you, Audrey Gideon. Not because of the scandal, or because it is the honorable thing to do, but because I want to. You are the truest soul I ever met and I wish to wake up by your side for the rest of my days." He reached up to tuck another lock behind her other ear. "Fixing your hair, listening to you rant about the follies of ignorant medical professionals, and kissing that poor abused lip of yours better after you have nibbled it without mercy."

She winced, realizing she had been doing just that when his gaze fell to her mouth. "I … would like that very much."

It was a weak response, but Audrey was too overcome to think of words to express her joy that her dreams were coming true.

"We have much to consider. I do not wish to live in Stirling all year round, but I thought perhaps that your work with Dr. Hawley would occupy some of your time?"

Audrey grinned. "We can work something out that is mutually acceptable as long as you are by my side."

Julius smiled in agreement, lowering his head.

"Always, my love," he promised before their mouths fused together.