Chapter 17

"By recollecting the pleasures I have had formerly, I renew them, I enjoy them a second time, while I laugh at the remembrance of troubles now past, and which I no longer feel."

Giacomo Casanova

Brendan's guards escorted Julius to the front door, waiting for him to enter before departing. As the door shut behind him, Julius cocked his head, his senses telling him something had changed in the few hours he had been gone. His eyes fell on a pile of trunks stacked in the hall.

A vibration of tension ran through him, and Julius exhaled in an effort to relieve it. Striding down the hall, he found the door to his father's study was open. Julius groaned in dismay, taunting himself for the butterflies fluttering in his gut.

Lord Snarling was back.

Rolling his shoulders, Julius stepped into the doorway.

"What is the meaning of this, Julius!" Lord Snarling stood near his fireplace, holding a letter with a frown on his face. It must be another poison letter from the vicious Lady Astley. Perhaps Julius should have anticipated a second message and searched the study to remove it, but he supposed he had been distracted.

"It is a letter." Julius smirked with deliberation as he gathered his thoughts. "As to its meaning—I hazard that is subjective to the reader."

His father looked up, his face set in angry lines. "You ruined Miss Gideon?"

Julius tensed, despite his prediction of its contents. "Ruined is such a … indeterminable concept, is it not?"

Lord Snarling clenched his jaw before responding. "Did you disappear with Audrey Gideon for over a week, when a narrow-minded chaperone with a penchant for gossip was to collect her?"

Julius stared back, wordless. How the bloody hell was he to explain the myriad of details that had led to compromising Audrey's reputation beyond repair? Or that he was now betrothed to the young lady?

"There were mitigating factors," he finally replied, no ready quip in the recesses of his mind.

"What could justify … this?" The earl shook the page, clearly on the verge of losing his temper altogether.

Julius considered a facetious remark but, somehow, he understood his father's point of view on this. They both cared about Audrey, and his outrage was understandable.

"She accompanied me in a bid to save my life. My … circulation was compromised at the time."

His father dropped his hand to his side, the letter crumpling as he scowled at Julius in perplexment. Then Lord Snarling shifted his gaze to over Julius's shoulder and did the damndest thing—he smiled!

Julius squinted in amazement, unable to credit the pleased expression painted across his father's face. He appeared … happy?

"I hate to hear two of my favorite men quarrel so."

That voice!

Julius's spirits soared in startled joy. Spinning on his heel, he found someone unexpected framed in the doorway. She was even lovelier than the last time he had seen her, wearing a colorful Parisian gown. Her hair was twisted into a fashionable coif that displayed the blonde and concealed the brown. As ever, she had a broad smile upon her lips. Julius grabbed the back of an armchair in shock, his knees inexplicably weak.

"Mother!"

Lady Smiling tilted her head, her moss eyes sparkling in the afternoon light. Julius could not believe it—his mother was home.

Audrey was ensconcedin the library, battling through the second chapter of the memoirs. Her lack of sleep, her limited German, and the unfamiliar nature of the subject had made for painful progress through the printed words. She had just woken from a doze, patting her hair to ensure it was still pinned, when a footman knocked and opened the door.

"His lordship has requested an audience in his study, Miss Gideon."

Audrey blinked in bewilderment, bobbing a nod. The manservant left, and Audrey dropped her head into her folded arms, moaning in agonized denial. Lord Stirling was back? How was she to explain what had happened? It turned out there was something worse than facing that fusty lug, Lady Astley. And that was facing someone she respected to explain her mortifying behavior!

Was Lord Stirling aware that Julius had proposed marriage? How was the earl going to react to his heir marrying a nobody from Stirling? No one would defend that she was prepared for the role of a future countess!

Anxiety writhed in her gut. Analytically, Audrey knew it was physiologically impossible for her gut to be tied in a knot, but the empirical sensation of it belied such logic. The scandal had caught up with her, and she must face the first criticism.

Audrey rose, shaking out her shoulders and arms in a bid to gather her courage before heading out the door. Until the footman had announced the earl's return, she had not even thought about the earl and what he would have to say about all that happened during his absence. Lord Stirling had been a proper guardian, so even after months under his roof, Audrey did not know how he would react.

It was a short walk from the library to the earl's study, but even so, Audrey noted the signs of occupation. Footmen were carrying a trunk away, which seemed oddly large for the quick trip that the earl had been on. And the servants seemed on high alert—because his lordship was home?

She knocked on the study door, waiting for a command to enter and taking hold of the handle. Squaring her shoulders as if to prepare for battle, she entered.

Juliusand his mother had departed Lord Snarling's study to talk in private. Sitting on the terrace overlooking the garden, they had a tray of tea between them, Julius still finding his feet after her unexpected appearance.

"It is good to see you, Mother." It was. Julius was still rather overcome about their reunion.

"It has been too long. Over six years since I saw you off at the docks."

Julius could not recall much about that day, other than having his head buried in a bucket. It had been such a sweet blessing to plant his boots on French soil. The winds had blustered something fierce that day as if to mock his propensity for seasickness.

"Is … Penelope …"

"She is upstairs. Exhausted from traveling, but she will be down for dinner."

Julius stared at the hedges, trying to think what to say. The timing of his mother's return was rather awkward. He had yet to explain to his father what the letter from Lady Astley meant, or the macabre circumstances that had prompted Audrey to go into hiding with him. The prospect of explaining any of it to his mother, whom he well liked, was mortifying. Especially when he considered the terrible proposal he had made—that he might pursue other women in the future? Sitting beside his mother was highlighting the despicable nature of it. Brendan had been correct. Why was he not doing the honorable thing? Not for appearances, but from genuine intent.

His mother's presence was making him face an uncomfortable truth. The reason Audrey could not be permitted to leave England was …

He cut the thought off.

"How …"

Lady Smiling sipped her tea, then put her cup and saucer down to gaze at him. "I have to thank you for bringing me home."

Julius stared at her blankly for several seconds, light-headed with the joy of seeing his mother after such a lengthy time apart, while horribly embarrassed that she would learn about his Audrey. Not to mention befuddled by the words she had just uttered.

He swallowed and tried to find words to sort through the morass. "I brought you home?"

His mother smiled and nodded. "You did. You stated the words your father needed to hear. It brings me to an understanding about the pitfalls of being raised in high society."

"Which are?"

"We are raised to not speak our minds. I was unhappy with the state of affairs with your father. I hated he worked so much, and had so little time or energy to spare for me, for our family. So I left for Paris, hoping he would change his ways. Months turned into years, but he did nothing. After a while, I gave up and resigned myself to remaining estranged. The problem was … I never attempted the direct route."

Julius struggled with his mother's intimate confession about her relationship with his father. He had suspected all that she had revealed, but it had never been spoken. His mother was not a typical member of the ton. She was lighter of spirit, less likely to criticize, and pleasant company. Lady Stirling was well-liked amongst the beau monde, despite her colorful fashion and irreverent manners, but she was still a very private person who did not discuss her problems with others. At least, never in Julius's presence.

He licked his lips, which had gone dry, raising his tea to take a sip. "The direct route?"

She smiled. "It was brave of you to speak your mind to your father. I could have saved our family a great deal of trouble if I had done so instead of haring off to Paris. It seemed at the time to be the right move, but in retrospect I was being rather dramatic to avoid"— his mother shook her head, as if to remonstrate her past self—"all in an effort to avoid being dramatic."

"Dramatic?" It was the one word he could get out of his mouth.

His mother laughed, the tinkling quality reminding him of the happiness of his youth. Long before the stilted interactions that were characteristic of the Trafford family. "Melodramatic is more like it. I never told your father that I wished for things to change. How was he to know my wishes if I never informed him?"

Julius was struggling with their conversation. His view of the world had been formed, set in stone, but currently he was back at sea. The decks were tilting beneath his feet, his head was swimming, and he was fighting back a wave of nausea. His mother's proximity, the sentiments she was vocalizing, were forcing him out of kilter as he reconsidered the conclusions he had formed over the years.

"But … do you not … regret being trapped in a marriage with Lord Snarli—Father?"

His mother pursed her lips, the moss hue of her eyes clouding with regret. Julius did not notice the tiny brown spots within the bands of her irises—but hers had always been harder to make out than his. "Is that what you think of your father? That he is a snarling beast?"

"He is a beast!" Julius asserted, but he was not as certain as he had been.

"Your father shoulders a great number of responsibilities. More than is fair for one man to shoulder. Your remonstrations over our family affairs have made him re-evaluate his priorities. Which is why he has informed the King that he cannot continue with his duties on behalf of the Crown. He is to make time for his other affairs. Us."

Julius frowned, dropping his gaze to the teacup and feeling a little like a boy who had been caught sneaking into the pantry. It was uncomfortable to reveal his criticism. "Father has neglected you for years. It is untenable how he abandoned you."

He glanced up to gauge her reaction and discovered his mother's lean face reflected regret. Her fingertips stroked over the rings on her fingers as she contemplated Julius. "Son, I do not regret my marriage. I wish I had spoken with your father and attempted to assist him with his burdens. The mistakes were just as much mine as they were his. Instead of insisting he pay more mind to his duties at home, I added to his burdens. A simple conversation would have accomplished much. Your words to him were taken to heart, and I regret … I should have been more sincere in my communication with him. I cannot expect him to guess my grievances, which is why I appreciate you stated your thoughts more openly than I."

Hearing his mother accept her role in the decline of her marriage was the last thing he wished to hear. He had put his mother on a pedestal and laid all the blame on his father. Blamed it on marriage when the truth was far more complicated. Lord Stirling was a great man who had made mistakes. His mother was a wonderful woman who was flawed.

It had been easy to witness the stern countenance of his father and the merry mien of his mother and assume who was at fault but, if he understood her correctly, marriage was a cooperation that required efforts from both parties to succeed.

Julius dropped his face into his hands, groaning his despair as the hypothetical deck tilted to throw him off his feet, his head dizzy with the revelation he had been trying to conceal from himself.

He was in love!

There was not another on earth like his sweet Audrey!

He could not pursue his usual women, bed any widows, when all he could think about was the incredible creature who had stolen his heart. His horrible proposal was a total muck! Audrey must feel so unappreciated after his contemptible assertions that he did not know his mind and might wander off like a grubby child distracted by sweets!

Of course, he knew.

He knew that each day with her, his ardor would increase. She was bold and courageous, and he admired her more than any other he had ever met. Even Lady Smiling could not compete with such magnificent perfection. It was as if the gods themselves had forged the perfect female and presented her to his ignorant self.

Which meant he had gravely insulted the one woman who could challenge him into being a better man. A woman who could act as his true partner. Who did not attempt to chain him down, but rather tempered him into more thoughtful action.

Brendan was right. I am a fool.

Audrey wasthe most nervous she had ever been as she walked into the earl's study. Perhaps if she had not invited Julius to deflower her two nights earlier, she would have felt more confident meeting with Lord Stirling. She would have had the confidence of one who had done no wrong.

But she had, and they had engaged in carnal relations, which meant Audrey was mortified to speak with the father of her lover about the terrible cloud of scandal she had visited upon the Stirling household.

Lord Stirling was standing by the fireplace, his hands clasped behind his back as he stared into the hearth. Audrey waited in nervous anticipation for him to turn, but after a prolonged pause, she decided to speak.

"Lord Stirling?"

He glanced over his shoulder, not quite looking at her directly, before turning his gaze back to the hearth. "I am afraid I have let you down, Miss Gideon."

Audrey fidgeted, confused about what was unfolding. "I am afraid it is me who let you down, Lord Stirling."

His shoulders tensed. Heaving a sigh, he spun on his heel to face her. He still did not make eye contact, gesturing for her to take a seat on one of the plump navy-blue armchairs facing the fireplace.

Audrey hesitated, moving forward to perch on the edge of the seat while the earl sank into the other and then picked at the pristine lapels of his coat as if to divest them of some invisible lint, as if he were ashamed to face her.

"Your father entrusted me with your welfare, and I believed I was up to the task. I never considered that my son would … Lord Trafford has never dallied with maidens before now, or I would have kept you apart."

Audrey swallowed. It would seem that the earl had not yet spoken with Julius and was unaware of the details.

"Jul—" She stopped, stricken that she had used his Christian name.

The earl tensed in alert surprise.

Audrey blew out in distress. "Lord Trafford has not informed you of the circumstances?"

"He has not. Julius made some jest about his circulation being compromised. My son is a law unto himself, and I fail to understand him at the best of times."

"I see … um … well … Lord Trafford was attacked right out in the street." Audrey gestured toward the front hall. "When I saw the knife, I had to help. I grabbed one of your swords from the display to frighten the scoundrel off. Jul—Lord Trafford sustained a laceration to his torso, he was losing a lot of blood, so I was compelled to treat him … but he insisted we were in danger so … we dashed over to Lady Hays's so I might … clean and stitch the wound?—"

Lord Stirling leapt to his feet with an expression of alarm. As he was a gentleman in his fifties, with a solid build, Audrey had not been aware he could move so fast. She supposed he was rather fit, so it should not have been astonishing, but still she stared at him in consternation.

"Are you telling me Julius could have been killed?"

Audrey nibbled on her lip, giving a slight nod.

"What the blazes is going on?"

She licked her lips, trying to think how to respond. It felt disloyal to reveal what Julius had been doing without his approval. "Perhaps Jul—Lord Trafford should explain the situation himself," she proffered with a hopeful tone.

Lord Stirling shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. "I shall speak with him. Nevertheless, we have your reputation to consider. The specifics notwithstanding, I will impress on Julius that he must do the honorable thing. His outspoken objections to proper behavior matter not—he will be required to marry you. If that is what you wish?"

That was a relief. Audrey had been worried the earl would disapprove of a wedding. It was rather heartening that he held her in sufficient regard to accept her into his family. She was not a high-born lady of the ton—the kind of daughter-in-law that Lord Stirling would have intended to be the future countess of his people. For him to accept her despite her lower status was a considerable compliment.

"Lord Trafford has offered me the protection of his name. He informed me that a special license is being obtained by the Duke of Halmesbury in order that we wed by the end of the week."

The earl's brows drew together in a perplexed frown. "Julius offered you marriage?"

"He did."

Lord Stirling scrutinized her, cocking his head as if seeing her for the first time. He was a busy man, frequently tied up with his duties to the Crown. Audrey had no complaints; he had collected her from Stirling and taken her into his home with no indication of impatience. She understood he had had little time to take note of her, and they did not know each other all that well. But he seemed to notice her now with a studied interest. He raised a hand to rub his clean-shaven chin, his blue eyes intrigued.

"Then there is no doubting that you are unique, Miss Gideon. I was prepared for him to put up a great resistance to being wed. That he will marry you willingly … You may have done me a great favor by bringing him up to scratch. I thought … Well, never mind that."

Guilt and remorse flashed through her mind. Julius had made the offer to salvage her reputation. She still had to prove herself by winning his regard as a wife, or they would be forced to part when he pursued other more enticing paramours. The thought of losing him was enough to make her tear. Reading Casanova's memoirs was proving more difficult than she had anticipated, which meant she yet had no inkling how to win the heart of such a contrary buck.

"Thank you, my lord."

"Is this what you want? I feel I may have neglected my duties as a guardian. We should have discussed the future before now."

Audrey fortified her courage. This was her chance to make her wishes known, at least in this one subject, and she did not know when she might be granted another opportunity to do so. It was imperative she forge her path, or she would continue to be bandied back and forth by the determination of others.

"I wish to be a healer. My father taught me much over the years, and it is my earnest desire to care for the health of others."

The earl grew thoughtful, considering what she had declared while the ormolu clock on the mantel announced the passing of seconds. "It is remiss of me to not have known this. As a future countess, you cannot engage in paid work, but it is customary for ladies of the household to care for the tenants' needs. Your father was a skilled physician, and I would be gratified to have his apprentice help me with the welfare of the servants and tenants on my many estates. There are issues that you can assist me with in the coming days."

Audrey beamed, pleased to hear the earl would support her contribution. She knew that the apothecaries' guild might never allow her into their ranks, but she could forge an alternate path for herself with his patronage, which would make it much easier to be accepted by the villagers in Stirling. Through the earl, she could reach thousands of people with her knowledge.

Now if she only knew how to impose her wishes on her betrothed. She hoped she did not disappoint Lord Stirling's hopes that she could manage his son. Not only would failing break her heart, but it would prove humiliating within her new family, too.