Chapter Twenty-Seven

It was a truly gorgeous Thursday evening, the kind of spring weather that made Gray feel like anything, no matter how seemingly dead and hopeless, could suddenly burst into lively color. The past two days had been as transformative for her as they had been for the newly bloomed flowers. Retrospection on her conversations with Molly, Madame Nouvelle Lune, and Cherry, along with some soul-cleansing apartment decorating, had transformed Gray's confused dread of the future into optimism. As she walked into her usual neighborhood park with River's stroller, she felt she couldn't still be the same person she'd been the last time she'd walked on these sidewalks.

As she approached the park, Gray felt a sense of anticipation buzzing across her skin. She wanted at once to sprint to her regular bench and to delay, dragging her feet in case the person she hoped to see wasn't there. Despite her reservations, River's excited chatter about the swing set meant Gray couldn't stall. She held her breath as they rounded the corner within view of the jungle gym.

But her bench was empty. Gray's eyes searched hopefully for dark, shining hair in a long bob, or a precocious kid in an eclectic outfit. But as River pleaded to be released from his stroller, Gray had to accept that the face she was looking for wasn't there.

With all the soul-searching Gray had undergone in the past few days, she knew she shouldn't be so easily crushed. She still had so much work to do to straighten out her priorities. Maybe it was a sign that she was trying to reach out too soon—or maybe she needed to stop looking for omniscient signs in everything that happened to her. That thought didn't protect her from feeling a little glum as she pushed the swing higher and higher. But River's squeals of delight slowly lightened Gray's mood, and by the time she set him back on the ground to run toward the slide, she'd decided to not let her unfulfilled expectations ruin her evening with her favorite godson.

Once River had come barreling down the twisty slide into Gray's waiting arms five times, he turned his attention to the oversized tic-tac-toe set, and Gray settled down on her usual bench. This is fine, she thought. I can focus on me. And River. This is not a disappointment. The universe doesn't work on my timeline.

Just when she'd almost convinced herself it was true, she heard a familiar high-pitched voice calling, "River!"

It was Karys, running from the direction of a different pathway into the park. She was wearing a pair of rainbow-striped leggings, a Wonder Woman shirt and cape, and a cowboy hat. The completely Karys outfit put a huge grin on Gray's face.

Karys and River hugged, and then Karys spotted Gray. She climbed onto the bench next to Gray and wrapped her arms around her neck for a hug, her hat nearly falling off when it collided with Gray's head. "Hi, Miss Gray," Karys said. "I got a new bracelet from my dad. Wanna see?"

"I'd love to," Gray said, her anticipation ratcheting immediately back up.

Gray was complimenting the tiny paintbrush and palette charms dangling from Karys's bracelet when she heard the voice she'd been hoping would reach her ears.

"Karys! Where did you— Oh." Veronica rounded the jungle gym, her hair ruffled by the breeze and eyes hidden by chunky sunglasses. She was wearing the same tie-dyed tunic she'd worn the first time Gray encountered her at this very park, hitting Gray with a rush of nostalgia. After hesitating for a moment, Veronica walked over to the bench and sat down at the far edge. She gave Karys a soft pat on the back and encouraged her to go play with River by the tic-tac-toe set.

Veronica and Gray sat wordlessly without making eye contact, staring out at the playground, both waiting for the other to break the silence. Although Gray had spent a lot of time imagining what she would say in this moment, it was surprisingly cleansing to sit together quietly, letting some of the pain of their last encounter lose its sting.

After what felt like a day but was probably closer to ten minutes, Veronica spoke. "I hoped you would be here," she said so quietly that it took Gray a moment to comprehend her words.

"You did?" Gray asked, turning to look at Veronica's profile.

"And now that you are, I don't know what to say."

Recognizing this as her chance to make things right, Gray jumped. "I do," she said. "I've been thinking about all of the things I want to say to you since the moment you walked out of my office. And I want to start by saying I'm sorry. For a lot of things, some of which were in my control, and some that weren't, but that I'm still sorry happened to you. To us."

Being someone who lived by a better-to-ask-for-forgiveness-than-permission motto, Gray was experienced with apologies. But this one felt like the most important apology of her life, and she wanted to get it right. "First of all," Gray said, "since you probably won't get much regret or sympathy from the source, I'm sorry that parent took those incredibly personal and invasive pictures, and I'm sorry that the board president felt entitled to share them widely. You have a right to privacy, even if you're something of a public figure. That's completely inappropriate. I hate that it's something you'll likely have to deal with the consequences of for a long time, and something you'll have in the back of your head whenever you're outside of your house in the future. That should never have happened to you."

Veronica didn't say anything or even turn her head to look at Gray, but her lips tightened in a way that made Gray know she was listening.

"And while I'm not sorry about what happened between us that night, I am sorry that it started in such a public space that exposed you to this kind of difficult situation." Gray looked to make sure River and Karys weren't within hearing range and then continued. "I was…I was so wrapped up in kissing you that I didn't think about where we were or who might see. I wish in retrospect that I'd been more cautious in that moment. But I could never regret what it led to between us later that night, because it was one of the best nights of my life. Even knowing what happened afterward. And it honestly hurts me a lot to know you wish it never happened."

Gray angled her body toward Veronica, wishing she would give her some kind of sign of how she felt about Gray's words, but seeing none, she carried on.

"I'm also sorry that I quit like that without giving you a chance to weigh in, without taking the time for us to consider options. It was rash, which I know is one of my bad habits. But I don't regret the decision I made, because I made it out of care and concern for you and your students. I promise you that I wasn't walking away because I didn't care about your goals. In fact"—Gray swiveled to pull a binder out of a bag hanging from River's stroller—"over the past few days, I've worked on some of the projects I left unfinished. Updates to the school's mission statement, a letter to parents about the curriculum changes for next school year, suggested language for advertising those new sponsored scholarships, some talking points for various potential situations with the board, including the, um, rather tricky one we found ourselves in a few days ago. Take or leave whatever you want from it. I just wanted to save you some late nights drafting or waiting for the next PR specialist to be hired."

Gray placed the binder gently between them, a kind of peace offering to Veronica. Veronica's gaze shifted from the playground to the binder, although she didn't pick it up.

"I know that things got complicated between us really quickly," Gray said, "and I know that was because, as soon as I realized I had feelings for you, I put a lot of unnecessary weight on it. I've been in a weird place lately. I felt like I was falling behind, like I wanted to suddenly level up ten steps without doing the work, or even figuring out if those are the steps I wanted and needed. I'm still working on breaking that mindset. But what I'm trying to say with all of this is that you're the best thing that's happened to me since I moved to New Orleans. Since I broke up with my ex, even. And I don't want this to be the end of us. However you'll have me—playground acquaintance, friend, something more, to be determined—I'll take it. I won't force it into some box. I'm here to figure out, with you, what we are. I've seen all of these wonderful aspects of you that you don't always show the rest of the world, and I know there are still so many sides of you I haven't seen yet. You're brilliant and fierce and compassionate and fascinating, and I'd do anything to be even a footnote in your story."

Gray didn't have anything else to say after that big finish, so she sat quietly, hoping Veronica wouldn't suggest she fall into a hole and leave her alone forever. Her eyes still locked on the binder between them, Veronica ever so slowly reached out her left hand to pick it up, then began thumbing through the thirtyish pages included. "You did all of this in the past few days?" Veronica said, her voice hoarse.

"Well, some of it I'd started before I left and put on a thumb drive when I was packing up," Gray said, feeling a rush of relief that Veronica was engaging in the conversation. "Don't tell Dr. Donovan, I'm pretty sure that's against the rules."

Veronica carefully closed the binder and set it on the other end of the bench, scooting a few inches closer to Gray. "I'm…I'm incredibly grateful that you did all of this work for me," Veronica said, seeming to find her voice. "That you quit your job for me, that you still want to be around me when I should be the one apologizing to you. You said all of those kind and thoughtful words, and I'm still at a loss."

"You don't have anything to apologize for," Gray said.

"Of course I do." Veronica pushed her sunglasses on top of her head and angled herself toward Gray. "Those things I said on Tuesday…They were horrible, Gray. I'm sorry, truly. I was obviously furious about those pictures, panicking that they were already making the rounds, and scared, so scared of what it meant. And they've been a nightmare since, although things are starting to turn around."

Gray felt a little tension release from between her shoulders. "They are?"

"Yes, but that's not what matters right now," Veronica said. "What matters is that I had no right to yell at you for sacrificing your source of income to save me. That was a life-altering gift you gave me, resigning, and I didn't know how to accept it. And all of this…" She gestured to the binder Gray had brought her, then shook her head, stunned. "What am I going to do with you, Gray? You're this wild fireball of optimism and determination and no-mountain-we-can't-climb attitude, not to mention the best kisser I've ever met."

Gray felt her cheeks go pink. "So you don't regret our date?" she asked hopefully.

"Of course I don't regret our date," Veronica said immediately. "I regret that parent thinking they could invade our privacy like that. Maybe I regret letting myself become so unaware of our surroundings. But kissing you, going home with you? I wouldn't change it for the world."

"Me neither." Gray reached out to place her fingers over Veronica's hand where it rested on the bench. "But if you felt that way, why didn't you reach out afterward?"

Veronica laced her fingers through Gray's. "I still don't have all the words I want to say to you straightened out in my head," she said carefully. "I always know what to say, but something about you ties my tongue in knots. I haven't been able to get you out of my mind since you walked into my office that first day, late and disheveled and brimming with tenacity. I was glad you gave me a compelling reason not to ask Donovan to fire you, because I wanted to see you again before you'd even walked out the door."

Gray squeezed Veronica's fingers gently, her heart soaring, wondering how she'd been the last to notice what had been going on between them.

"And the more I got to know you, the more intrigued I was, the more I wanted to spend every moment together. But I'm cautious. I have to be. At my age, with my job, with Karys, I have to be careful." Veronica looked off toward the kids, who were still fully engaged in their play, unaware of the intense conversation happening on the bench. "You told me how you wanted to get married quickly, start a family as soon as possible…Gray, I like you so much it scares me. And in the midst of all that stress and anxiety when you quit, you saying that us being together was our destiny…Well, it sent me into this wild panic. This terror that things were moving too quickly for me to be thoughtful and deliberate. But underneath that fear was a tiny glimmer of hope, of wanting that for myself, for us." Veronica paused, her lip barely trembling. "As much as I care about you, jumping into the deep end with you is completely terrifying. If that's what you still want, a wife and kids as soon as possible…I don't think I can be that for you. I need time. To figure out what that means for my life right now. To figure out if it's the right thing for Karys."

Gray followed Veronica's gaze to where Karys was helping a smaller child onto the seesaw in front of her. She smiled fondly, then turned back to Veronica. "Well, I've been doing some thinking about that," Gray said. "I went to see that astrologer I told you about, Madame Nouvelle Lune, and had a bit of a realization that I was looking for answers she couldn't give me, and neither could the stars."

Veronica turned to look at Gray, her head tilted to the side curiously.

"It feels obvious now," Gray said, looking down at her shoes against the recycled-rubber ground. "But so much of this recent quarter-life crisis or whatever you want to call it was a reaction to how my parents raised me. The way I threw myself into astrology looking for answers, feeling like I was running behind in life, even the image I have in my head of the family I want—I think it was all part of this need to prove myself as worthy and successful and happy without them. But if I'm happy without them, why am I still measuring myself against their yardsticks, you know?"

Gray had forgotten they were still holding hands until Veronica squeezed her fingers a little tighter. "So getting married and having kids…You don't want that anymore?" Veronica asked.

"I think I do," Gray said. "I love kids. I want a partner who loves me to be my co-parent. I think those desires are mine, not forced on me by my parents. But the rush is off. I don't have anything to prove to anyone but myself. If those things are right for me, I'll find them in my own time."

"Oh, Gray," Veronica said, moving even closer so their hips were touching and their joined hands rested on Veronica's knee. "That's a lot to figure out all on your own."

"Yeah, I know," Gray said. "Which is why I talked some of it out with Cherry. And I set up an appointment with a queer-friendly therapist for next week. I've got to stop looking to astrology for answers and start looking inside of myself, and I think I could use a professional's help for that. And as soon as I get a new job and new health insurance, I'm going to freeze my eggs so I have that option when I'm truly ready. I actually have an interview lined up for a PR job with the city council, thanks to the Capricorn I went on a date with, and I've got a good feeling about it."

"You seem two years wiser after only two days," Veronica said. "So does this mean you don't believe in astrology anymore?"

"?‘Believe' is a complicated word," Gray said, considering. "It's still kind of interesting, right? I might check my horoscope sometimes. But when it comes to life's big questions, I'm going to look inward for the answers instead of to the planets."

Veronica nodded. "That sounds like a reasonable approach."

Gray looked down at their intertwined hands and swallowed. "So does all of this change anything for you? About feeling like I'm asking you to dive into the deep end? Do you think we could take our time and figure out what we want together?"

Veronica closed her eyes for a moment, seeming to contemplate Gray's question as the spring breeze ruffled her hair. "I would like that. Taking our time. Together," she said.

Gray's heart soared. She'd had no idea where this conversation might go when she'd arrived at the park; her main priority was simply seeing Veronica's face again. But now she knew what she wanted, more than anything, was to figure out what was next in her life with Veronica by her side. No pressure to hurry their relationship along. No rush to take things to the next level. Just the two of them, and sweet Karys, taking things one day at a time. "Oh, Veronica," Gray said, her voice heavy, while the rest of her felt light as air. "I would like that too."

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, enjoying the feeling of their fingers intertwined.

"So what happened with the board and those pictures?" Gray asked eventually. "You said things were looking up?"

Veronica settled in closer to Gray's side with a sigh. "Well, your resignation must have lit some kind of fire under Dr. Donovan," she said. "You know he's always been a little standoffish when it comes to conflict with the board. But he went all in this time. He called an emergency meeting to demand they stop circulating the pictures, pushed the president to resign for sharing them so widely. He even used some scary legal threats about revenge porn, since you could kind of see up my dress in that one picture. Turns out Dr. Donovan and I had more allies on the board than we realized. They just weren't as vocal as the other side, until now. They forced the board president to step down early, and the president-elect took over with a demand that the photos never be shared or discussed again, since you'd already quit." Veronica crossed her legs so her foot brushed against Gray's knee. "And Dr. Donovan told me that he's planning to retire in a couple of years and wants to position me to take over as superintendent when he does."

Gray's eyes went wide. "For all three schools? Veronica! That's incredible!" She reached her arm around Veronica's shoulders in a side hug.

"And I realized," Veronica said, resting her head against Gray, "that the first person I wanted to tell—about the stressful board stuff, about the good news when they chose to defend me, about Dr. Donovan's plan, the good and the bad and the hopeful stuff for the future—was you."

The sun was making its descent over the playground, lighting up the sky with pastel colors reminiscent of their date at City Park. Gray looked down at Veronica, and Veronica glanced up. Their eyes said more in that moment than all the words they'd shared. They inched closer, eyes drifting toward each other's lips, a kiss feeling wonderfully inevitable, until they were interrupted by a small voice.

"Aunt Gay, I hungy."

Gray and Veronica looked at River as one, blinking away the intimacy of the moment. "You're right, River," Gray said, looking at her watch with surprise. "It's past dinnertime, huh? I'll take you home to your mom and dad."

Karys approached them right behind River. "Ma, can Miss Gray and River come over for dinner again?"

"Sorry, Karys, but River has to go home for dinner with his parents," Gray said.

"Okay," Karys said. "What about you? Can you come over for dinner?"

Gray looked to Veronica, who nodded encouragingly. "Sure, I can come to dinner," Gray said, barely trying to conceal her joy at how the evening had turned around. "Thanks for inviting me, Karys."

"You know, I think we can do better than that," Veronica said, her foot nudging Gray's knee. "What if Miss Gray has a sleepover at our house?"

Karys's face lit up. "On a school night?" she asked, delighted and scandalized.

"Well, it is a special occasion." Veronica looked at Gray, a familiar mischief dancing in her eyes. "What do you think, Miss Gray?"

Never breaking eye contact with Veronica, Gray grinned. "I love sleepovers. I'm in."

The next morning, Gray awakened to the mattress shifting with someone else's weight. She cracked her eyes open, realizing first, that she wasn't in her own bed, second, that she was completely naked, and third, that she was incredibly happy with how the previous day had ended. Vignettes flashed through her head of Veronica revealing the smooth golden skin beneath her tie-dyed tunic, Veronica's lips against Gray's collarbone, Veronica's finger tracing a pattern along Gray's inner thigh, Veronica's tongue on…Suffice it to say, it had been a fantastic night. Gray opened her eyes to see Veronica sitting on the edge of the bed. "Good morning," Gray said, her voice cracking.

Veronica leaned over to plant a kiss on Gray's lips. "Good morning, sunshine."

"What time is it?" Gray asked, still squinting at the sun beaming in through Veronica's gauzy curtains.

"Almost seven." Veronica stood up and tossed Gray a pair of sweatpants and an LSU hoodie. "Better put these on. Karys has something she wants to show you before she leaves for school."

Before Gray could ask any questions, Veronica disappeared through her bedroom door. Gray rolled out of bed, threw on Veronica's clothes, and brushed her teeth in the en suite bathroom, then wandered toward the living room. As soon as she rounded the corner of the hall, Veronica and Karys, decked out in party hats and the matching aprons Gray had brought them from the Tabasco factory, started singing "Happy Birthday." It appeared they'd been up for a while. They had decorated the dining table with a construction paper banner, balloons, and Gray's favorite part, a crayon drawing of what appeared to be Gray, Veronica, Karys, and a dinosaur, rendered in a style Gray recognized from Karys's artwork framed around the house.

"Thank you! What a wonderful surprise," Gray said when the song ended. "I'd honestly forgotten today was my birthday."

"How could you forget your birthday?" Karys asked. She grabbed Gray's hand and pulled her to a chair at the head of the table. "Sit here, I'll be right back."

Gray gave Veronica a joyful and surprised smile as Karys ran into the kitchen.

"I told her it was your birthday, but the rest was her idea," Veronica said.

Karys reappeared at the door of the kitchen, a plate of pancakes topped with whipped cream and sprinkles in her hands. She carefully placed the plate in front of Gray, then pulled a blue birthday candle from her apron pocket and stuck it in the middle of the pancakes. "Ma, fire please."

Veronica walked over to Gray's side and lit the candle with a match. "Make a wish," she said.

Gray squeezed her eyes shut, trying to come up with a wish. She'd spent so much time contemplating the future, worrying she was falling behind, wanting more than what she currently had. But sitting between Veronica and Karys, in this beautiful moment, she couldn't dream of anything more perfect. She thought, I wish for more of this, then blew out the candle.

Karys and Veronica joined Gray at the table to eat their pancakes over a conversation about the best birthday cake flavors. When they were done, Veronica sent Karys to finish getting ready for school. Despite Veronica's protestations, Gray helped clear the table and wash dishes in the kitchen.

"Do you have Karys tonight?" Gray asked while organizing plates in the dishwasher.

"I do," Veronica said, passing over a handful of forks.

"Do you have plans?" Gray closed the washer and straightened up. "I'm having a little housewarming-slash-birthday party at my apartment. Nothing big, just a few people I've met since I moved. I know River would love having a friend to play with. And, you know, I'd love having you there."

"To play with?" Veronica smiled mischievously.

Gray tucked a hand into Veronica's back pocket. "That's for the after-party."

For all her worries about living alone in her new apartment, Gray was delighted to realize how much it already felt like home. Part of that was because she'd hit a sale at the antiques store down the block and gotten a great deal on a lot of gently used and refurbished furniture. The walls were still a bit empty, but for now, Gray had dotted them with streamers and balloons.

But what really transformed the space was filling it with new and old friends. Once the party was under way, she took a moment to watch her worlds pleasantly colliding. Cherry was asking for feedback on the punch she'd made from Jackson the Gemini and their partner, Céline. Riley the Taurus and Tara the Capricorn were lounging on the new couch, telling a couple of Gray's local journalist acquaintances the story of how Gray had introduced them. Robbie was helping Molly the Pisces hang a small work of stained glass she'd brought as a housewarming gift. Arielle the Sagittarius was checking out the cheese and veggie trays on the breakfast bar, trying to goad one of Gray's new downstairs neighbors into tasting the hot sauce she'd given Gray upon arrival. Here they all were, beautiful and bright and charming, showing Gray that she'd found exactly where she was supposed to be.

Gray's moment of reflection was interrupted by a knock at the door. She opened it to find the two people that made her party complete. Veronica greeted her with a warm hug, while Karys peeked in the door looking for River.

"Carrots!" River said, toddling over to his friend. "Wanna play unicorns?"

Karys held a pointed finger against her forehead and galloped into the living room, River close on her heels. "Hey, what if we played narwhals?" she suggested. Seeing River's confused expression, she said, "They're like unicorns, but in the ocean."

River's eyes went wider than Gray had ever seen them. "Water unicorns? Whoa!" They disappeared into a play space Gray had set up in her office.

Gray turned her attention back to Veronica. "Can I get you a drink? Beer, wine, seltzer? Cherry's signature pink lemonade punch? Warning, it's potent."

"Seltzer sounds great."

Gray walked to the kitchen and came back with Veronica's drink. Although she knew the polite thing to do was to start introducing Veronica to the rest of her guests, she couldn't help but steal one more private moment first. Tugging Veronica's belt loop, she led her around the corner into her bedroom and wrapped her in a short but passionate kiss. By the time they reentered the living room area, they were giggling like teenagers.

"See those two over there?" Gray pointed toward the fireplace. "Local journalists. The woman on the right is the one who helped us fix that hit piece in The Times-Picayune."

"I'll have to thank her," Veronica said. "Are any of your astrology dates here?"

Gray blushed. "Um, yeah. A few." She discreetly identified Jackson, Riley, Tara, Arielle, and Molly as they walked toward the kitchen. "I guess with you, that makes six. Half of the zodiac."

Cherry appeared before them, her face lit up with excitement. "Oh my god, you must be Veronica." She started to hold out a hand, then instead grabbed Veronica in a hug. "I've heard so much about you."

"And I you," Veronica said, seeming unfazed by the hug from a stranger.

"Don't believe everything Gray says," Cherry stage-whispered. "She's the one who stole the Beanie Baby from me in second grade."

"Noted," Veronica said with a laugh. "Thank you for designing those posters with the Gina Byers Kane quote. They light up my day every time I see them in the school library."

Cherry seemed to glow at the compliment. "You're too kind."

"Now, there's something I don't hear often," Veronica said.

Cherry laughed heartily. "Well, I like you already. But I'm also an air sign, so we're meant to be friends." Cherry turned to Gray, who was watching the interaction play out with immense delight. "She knows about the whole astrology thing, right?"

"She does," Gray said, "but maybe we shouldn't talk—"

"Wait, is the Leo here?" Veronica said in a conspiratorial tone. "I've always wanted to meet an Olympian."

"No, she's out of town," Gray said. "And don't you think it's weird to—"

"I knew Gray would be compatible with an Aquarius," Cherry interrupted. "I was rooting for that or Gemini. Isn't the Gemini here?"

"I'm a Gemini!" Jackson said, catching the word from across the room. "Why? What's up?"

Molly jumped in, connecting the dots. "Oh my god! You're the Gemini Gray went on a date with? I'm the Pisces!"

"We also both went on dates with Gray. Right, babe?" Tara said, turning to Riley.

"Are all twelve of your astrology dates here?" Molly asked loudly.

"Astrology dates?" Arielle said. "Was I part of this too?" Fortunately, she seemed more intrigued than betrayed.

Gray looked between Cherry and Veronica, who, like everyone else in the room, were staring at her expectantly.

"I think it's time you told them," Veronica suggested.

Cherry nodded emphatically.

Gray cleared her throat, a little nervous to come clean about the experiment in which several people in the room had been unknowingly involved.

Seeing Gray's uncertainty, Veronica placed a hand on her lower back and gave her an affirming nod. "It's a good story," she whispered. "They'll enjoy it."

Gray gave Veronica a private smile, then turned her attention to the room at large. "Well," she said, "it all started when I went to see this astrologer."