iii

Jim parked in the Abbey Square and made sure not to pass through the Market Square. He did not want to meet Nancy by accident. He would, he thought, have a bath and a change of clothes and get something to eat before phoning Nancy and arranging to meet her.

The following morning, he resolved, he would go to the bank as soon as it opened and withdraw what money he might need. He would leave Shane to look after his car, but ask him first to drive him to the station to catch the lunchtime train to Dublin.

Shane, when he found him in the bar, agreed to stay for another half an hour and then come back, as usual, at four.

‘Can you tell Colette I'd like to see her?' Jim asked.

‘Today?'

‘Definitely today. As soon as she can.'

Shane glanced up at him. Jim could see that he was about to ask if anything was wrong and then thought better of it.

He would ask Colette if she and Shane wanted to take over the pub.

He went up to the top floor of the house, to the room at the back where he threw things that were no longer needed. There were some old suitcases there; he was sure of that. But when he found them, they looked too shabby. The biggest was frayed at the edges. Another had a broken lock. He selected one whose locks worked even though it was discoloured. Once in Dublin, he could replace it.

He phoned the Mont Clare Hotel, near Westland Row in Dublin, where his parents had often stayed, and reserved a room for three nights, although he presumed he would be there for longer. He would leave a note for Eilis saying that was where he might be found. Maybe he could accompany Eilis and Rosella and Larry to the airport in Dublin and see them off.

While the children might be puzzled at his presence, it would be a good way of signalling to them that he and Eilis had become close.

But he would not suggest this in his note to Eilis. He would say it to her only when they spoke by telephone.

It might be better, he thought, to leave the note for Eilis when it was dark, after he had spoken to Nancy.

He ate something, had a quick bath and changed his clothes. As he was preparing to go downstairs, the phone rang. He did not want to risk answering it in case it was Nancy. Once he had seen Colette, he would call and arrange to meet Nancy early in the evening. He would tell her it was something urgent, something vitally important, but he knew that when he came face to face with her, he would have no idea how to begin.

He listened as the phone rang out before ringing again a minute later.

Downstairs, Shane told him that a woman had called the bar just now wanting to speak to him.

‘Was it Nancy Sheridan?'

‘No, it definitely wasn't. Nancy was here this morning looking for you. No, it was someone else.'

‘What did Nancy want?'

‘I don't know. I told her you were out and would soon be back.'

—

The pub was completely empty when Shane had gone. Usually, no matter what, there would be a few customers.

Jim sat on a stool and looked around him. As soon as he was old enough, his father would let him come into the pub and Frank Fortune, the barman who worked for his father, would keep bottle-caps for him. He would take them upstairs in a box, spread them out on the floor in his bedroom and play with them. He could line them up as soldiers and have mock battles between them or make them into a hurling team. And always there was a faint smell of beer from them and that, too, became part of their attraction.

He could easily, he thought, spend the rest of his life here, serving drinks, keeping business steady, and then going back upstairs once closing time came. Going to live in the countryside with Nancy would have been a big change. Sleeping beside her at night; waking in the morning beside her. But every day he would have returned to this familiar place.

He would have had to make no effort. If someone came in now, he would know exactly how to greet them. Even if he didn't know them, he would be able to make a quick and accurate judgement about them. But once he got on the train tomorrow, his judgement would be of little use to him. Away from the security of the pub his own easy confidence would not matter.

And that would just be Dublin. How would he explain himself in America? In Enniscorthy, his name, the same name as his father's, was written on the outside of his building. In America, he would just be a man who had followed a woman across the Atlantic, a man who didn't even know the names of American beers and whiskeys, who would be unsure how to deal with a difficult customer and uncertain how to work an American cash register.

He would learn. He would find a job but it mightn't be in a bar. It would be strange to have a job that finished at five or six. He and Eilis would spend all their evenings together.

Soon, it occurred to him, he would miss this pub and the rooms upstairs. He thought of a winter night in rented accommodation and nothing ahead. He would think of Shane and Andy, remember that each group who gathered knew where to sit, the new customers in the back, the old timers close to the front door.

His leaving would be just another change. The group of men who once assembled at the bar on a Saturday in the early evening to discuss the week's events had dispersed. One of them died, another became housebound, the others gradually stopped coming. They were, for a few years, he believed, as well informed as any commentators on television. Often, when he came across an article in one of the newspapers, he thought of showing it to them only to realise that the group no longer existed.

It was even possible that, with Rosella and Larry grown up and living their own lives, he and Eilis might drift back to Enniscorthy, take over the business once more. But that, he knew, was just dreaming. He would probably never serve a drink in this bar again. Maybe he had done that for long enough.

When Shane returned, Colette was with him.

‘Can I take you upstairs, missus?' he asked.

She nodded, her expression oddly grave, almost unfriendly.

Usually, when Colette came upstairs, she offered to make him tea and teased him about his untidiness. This time, she went straight to the furthest window and looked out into the street.

‘So why didn't you tell us?' she asked.

‘Tell what?'

‘Tell what Nancy's been telling everyone for the past hour. I met her on Slaney Street where she was showing everyone her ring and we met her just now again when we were walking down Weafer Street.'

Jim was about to ask her what she was talking about, but he realised he should be careful.

‘Nancy is great,' he said.

‘She was all flushed and excited when I saw her first, but just now she seems exhausted.'

‘She works too hard.'

‘She says you've been going out for some time. I can't get Shane to tell me whether he knew or not.'

‘Shane keeps things to himself.'

It struck Jim that he really should go and find Nancy.

‘Nancy says that you're planning to build a bungalow out the country.'

‘Oh aye, if she says it, it's true.'

‘You seem very matter-of-fact for a man who's just got engaged.'

‘There'll be plenty of time for that.'

‘For what?'

‘Oh, you know. Everything.'

‘Is that why you wanted to see me? To tell me about the engagement?'

‘Yes, I wanted to tell you.'

Shane appeared in the doorway.

‘Nancy Sheridan is downstairs looking for you. I didn't say you were here.'

‘No, no,' Jim said. ‘Tell her to come up.'

‘I'll be going so,' Colette said. ‘Congratulations! And everyone will want to know if you're having a big wedding. What will I tell them?'

‘Tell them to ask Nancy.'

Jim moved quickly to the window and stood where Colette had been standing.

Nancy barely nodded at Colette as she met her in the doorway. She waited until Colette was out of earshot.

‘I've been looking for you all morning. There was a terrible crisis. I had to make a very quick decision.'

She gazed directly at him. Even though there was a quaver in her voice she seemed in full control until she looked away again. And then he saw how nervous she was. She closed her eyes and sighed.

‘I don't know who to blame. But I bumped into a woman who had all the news about us looking at the site. And then I had a call from Lily Devereux and she knew all about it.'

Jim had never heard Nancy telling lies before. When he looked down, he noticed the ring on her left hand. It must be, he thought, the ring that George had given her, or one that she had bought or borrowed just now.

He remembered that when she asked him why he had spent a night in Dublin, he had tried to be vague and not go into too much detail. He had told no direct lies. Nancy, on the other hand, was giving him all the details.

‘And then I discovered that the whole square knew. When I met Mrs Roderick Wallace walking her dog, she smiled at me and said she'd been hearing great things about me. And then I met a nurse from the County Home and she had all the news from Mags O'Connor. And I asked Gerard if he had told anyone, but he swore he hadn't. And then I couldn't find you. So I thought I would put on this ring and be absolutely straight with anyone who asked. I phoned Laura and then I phoned Miriam. I was so afraid that they would hear from someone else. That was a big worry.'

As she finished, there was, Jim saw, an appeal in her voice and a sort of desperation in how she looked at him. She could not have known that he planned to leave in the morning because no one knew that. But she must somehow have found out about Eilis. That was the only explanation.

And it seemed to him, because she had not bothered to invent a credible reason for announcing their engagement today, that she wanted him to know that.

When she sat down in an armchair, she seemed tired. He wondered if this might be the moment to spell out to her what he wanted to do. He could tell her about Eilis and inform her that he planned to go to America to be with her. And not only that: he was leaving Enniscorthy the next day so it might not make sense for her to continue wearing her engagement ring.

And then when she lifted her head and locked eyes with him, something else occurred to him. The reason she had put on the engagement ring was not to impress the town. That could wait. The engagement ring was for Eilis Lacey to hear about.

And Eilis might already know. If she didn't, someone would soon tell her. Eilis, of course, would not believe it. How could she believe it? And what would he say to her if she asked him if it was true?

Nancy stood up.

‘You look as though you've caught the sun,' she said.

He nodded.

‘Well, I'm glad the announcement is made,' she went on. ‘Maybe we can have a proper celebration later?'

‘That would be good,' Jim said. ‘I'll phone you.'

‘Why don't we arrange it now?'

‘Sure.'

‘I'll ask Gerard to close the shop himself. And maybe you can ask Shane to do the same? What about midnight? And you must have a bottle of champagne languishing in the store?'

‘I'm sure I do.'

She made her way towards the door and then turned and walked back as far as the armchair. For a moment, he thought she was going to sit down again, but instead she took him in directly, evenly, fearlessly. She beckoned him to come and embrace her. He moved slowly across the room and put his arms around her. Soon afterwards, he accompanied her down the stairs. At the front door, they held each other again. When he reached to touch her hand, he felt the engagement ring. She smiled.

‘I'll see you later.'

When she had left, he was struck by what she had done. She had spoken in a tone that he could neither resist nor argue with. She could easily have confronted him directly about Eilis, but that would have opened the way for him to tell her he was leaving.

As the phone rang, he was sure it was Eilis. There was still a possibility that she did not know. For a few seconds, he was tempted to answer it. But no, he would need to see her in person. He would even call in to her mother's house if he had to.

A while later, when the phone rang one more time, he was in the bathroom. He stood listening to its echoing sound.

He sat in one of the armchairs in the living room wondering what he should do.

Fifteen minutes later, he heard a knock on the front door and went downstairs. When he opened the door, Eilis slipped in without speaking. In the living room she sat first in the same armchair where Nancy had been, but then she changed to a less comfortable chair. Jim went back to the window.

‘You've not been answering the phone,' she said.

‘I wanted to see you face to face.'

‘That's no reason not to answer the phone.'

‘It's good that you called in, anyway.'

‘I am here because Nancy Sheridan appeared on our doorstep brandishing an engagement ring that she says you bought for her.'

‘She came to your house? At what time?'

‘I wasn't there. I stayed in Cush after you left to clean up. Have you been engaged to Nancy all along?'

‘I can explain what happened.'

‘Can you explain how you are engaged to a woman who was once my best friend?'

‘It's not as simple as that. The truth is that I love you and I want to be with you.'

‘And you told Nancy that?'

‘Told her what?'

‘That you'd asked me if you could follow me back to Long Island.'

‘I didn't tell her anything.'

‘How did she know, then? It was hardly a coincidence that it's the same day as we were on the strand in Cush.'

Eilis stood up and looked across the room at him.

‘You didn't tell her,' she said. ‘I didn't tell her. So who did tell her? No one else knows. Unless you've told someone. Have you told anyone?'

‘Of course I haven't.'

‘Yes, it's not like you to tell anyone anything. Have you seen Nancy today?'

‘I saw her just now. She came here.'

‘Did you give her the ring?'

‘No.'

‘Is today the first day she has been wearing it?'

‘Yes.'

‘You learned about it when you came back from Cush?'

‘Yes, Colette who's married to Shane told me.'

‘Did Nancy mention me by name when she came today?'

‘No.'

‘But you agree with me that it is too much of a coincidence that she chose today to put on the ring and she chose our house to visit. She wasn't just passing. She told my mother that she had come specially to let me know.'

‘Yes, it's too much of a coincidence.'

‘How long have you been together?'

‘A while.'

‘And why didn't you get engaged before?'

‘She wanted to wait until after Miriam's wedding.'

‘So now would be about the time for the announcement? And that's why you wanted me to make a decision. Before any announcement.'

‘Yes.'

‘And eventually she guessed. Isn't that what happened? You must have done something or said something that gave her a clue.'

‘I'm sure I didn't.'

‘In any case, she guessed.'

Jim nodded.

He noticed how calm Eilis had become. While some of her earlier questioning had an edge of anger, she now sounded almost gentle and curious, and intrigued by what Nancy had done. He realised that one wrongly judged answer could cause her to stand up and leave. A long silence could do that too, he thought. But he also knew that he should not try to change the subject.

He wanted to let her know that everything he had said this morning was still true. He wanted to follow her to America. But if he said that, she could ask him to tell her what he had promised Nancy. Did that still hold? Was that still true? No matter what he said, Eilis could remind him that he was engaged to another woman.

Eilis sat down again. It was possible, he saw, that she had already, in her own mind, dismissed any idea that they might still be a couple. All she was doing now was piecing together what had happened.

If he wanted to speak, he believed, he would get only one chance. She still said nothing, but gave no sign that she was preparing to leave.

‘There's one question I want to ask you,' he began.

She looked up.

‘Just one?'

‘If the phone rang in your garage on Long Island one morning, or one day, and it was me and I was in New York, or was even closer, and I had come to see you, what would you do?'

Eilis appeared puzzled, as though she hadn't heard him properly. But he knew not to repeat the question; instead, he should give her time to take it in. He kept his eyes on her and let the silence linger. She didn't move at all. He wondered if she was thinking about something else or if she was working out how to reply.

He began to count the seconds as they went by, until he got to a hundred and then two hundred. He could feel that his own face was burned from the midday sun at Cush. But Eilis's colour had not changed. She was pale. She looked around the room and then directly at him. He sensed that his question still hung in the air and then it became obvious that she wasn't going to answer it.

The light was beginning to wane when she finally stood up. He wondered if there would be a moment now in this room or in the hallway below when he could embrace her, maybe even kiss her. She kept him at a distance, however. He followed her but she was behaving as though he wasn't there.

When she had gone, he decided that he would go down to the bar. He did not want to sit alone all evening. He smiled ruefully at the thought that if he went for a walk around the town he would meet people who would congratulate him on his engagement and he would hardly know how to respond.

—

He was not prepared for what happened when he went into the bar. Led by Andy, a loud roar of congratulations went up. All the fellows who had been at the match in Bellefield were gathered at a number of tables. They stood now, yelping, raising their fists in the air.

‘Jimmy is the champion,' they shouted.

When Jim saw Shane, Shane raised his arms to indicate there was nothing he could do to stop this. Gerard and Larry and Martin were among the group who made towards him, and they set about raising him on their shoulders.

‘Jimmy Farrell, sportsman of the year,' Andy shouted.

‘Jimmy for the cup,' Gerard roared.

Jim was resting precariously on Larry's shoulder while Martin held his leg.

‘Free drinks! Drinks on the house!' someone shouted. ‘Jimmy's engaged!'

Jim searched desperately for Shane and, when he got his attention, intimated to him that he should intervene, come over and rescue him. Shane told the group to let Jim down.

‘Leave the man alone.'

Behind the bar, Jim hardly knew what to do. He kept away from the group who had lifted him into the air and he avoided Andy too. For a second he was tempted to tell Andy to go home, but he restrained himself. All the time, Shane stayed close to him, saying nothing.

And Jim, irritated by Shane's close attention, and worried that Gerard and his friends were planning some further celebration, decided to go to the store and find a bottle of champagne. He would hide it under his jacket and disappear back upstairs.

He sat in the living room as it grew dark. The end of August always made him sad. How strange this year, he thought, that he didn't have any time for that! But there would be time. Ten o'clock came and then eleven.

He went down and stood in the hallway without turning on the light. He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to slip out into the street where he would hope to encounter no one. And then he would walk slowly, keeping in the shadows, towards Eilis's house. He would ask to see her, even though it was late. He imagined her coming to the door, her mother calling from the back of the house or from an upstairs room, asking who was it, who was it at this time of night? Jim would not come in, he would stand in the doorway and, in a whisper, he would repeat the question he had asked Eilis earlier. But when he tried to imagine her response, he saw no one at all. The front door of her house was open, but the hallway was empty, and there was just her mother's voice repeating, ‘Who is it? Who is it at this time of night?'

Jim stood in his own hallway trying to see Eilis, trying to hear what she might say. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. Maybe tomorrow he would have some idea what to do. But for now he would wait here, do nothing. He would listen to his own breathing and be ready to answer the door when Nancy came at midnight. That is what he would do.