Chapter Seven

London

I woke up happier than I'd been in a long time. I hadn't been sure when I called Gray if it was the right move. I didn't want to push myself on him, but, as everything went to shit, he was the only one I could think of.

He'd been perfect. He came over, gave me the comfort I needed, and allowed me to slip into a headspace where I didn't need to worry about anything. He even stayed with me as I fell asleep. The only part of it that stank was him leaving.

I very much didn't like the part where he wasn't there when I woke up, but I understood why he had to leave. Heck, I was the one who asked him to always do so by asking him to stay only until I fell asleep.

But, now that it was morning, all I could think about was how perfect it would have been had he stayed—how much I longed for our time together to have lasted longer. It had been such a crappy day, and to have someone there taking care of me was nice in a way I'd never experienced before. It was fair to say I'd done a shit job of picking caregivers in the past.

And maybe I still did. Truth was, I didn't know what Gray wanted, but I hadn't told him what I wanted either.

Here I was feeling all mixed up about what he wanted, and he could easily be feeling the same about me. That had to end right now. There was no chance we could move forward if we didn't have a conversation about this, and looking back, it was 100 percent my fault we hadn't. I'd been the one to immediately keep him at arm's length, and he wasn't the kind of guy to push.

I took out my phone and did one of the scariest things I ever did. I hit call.

"Hey, how's your morning?" he answered, already knowing who I was, which gave me a boost of confidence because it meant I was in his contacts. I wasn't just some random number.

"I'm nervous," I admitted.

"What? My little conductor, why are you nervous?"

"Because I want to talk to you about all these feelings I have and the confusion in my head. I don't want to make things worse because things are great, and I'm just nervous because I feel like I'm already messing things up, and I don't want to do that." I sucked in a deep breath. I'd already blurted out word salad though. It wasn't like I could make this more awkward. That train had left the station. "Do you have time to talk now?"

"I do, but I feel like maybe this is not a phone conversation."

"Yeah, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called. I'll talk to you later."

"No, no, no," his voice echoed through the phone as I was about to hang up and regret all my choices. "What I mean is, do you want to go maybe for a walk in the park and talk?"

Everything was going to be okay. I wasn't sure what about his words taught me that, but I felt it in my core.

"I'd like that. Which one?"

"Let me see which one has some nice places to sit, and I'll send it to you." We were lucky to be in an area with lots of beautiful parks.

We said our goodbyes, and I put on my shoes, waiting for him to let me know where we'd be meeting. He texted back a few minutes later, and I ended up asking him to pick me up since the park he chose was one he would have to pass by my house to get to anyway. He agreed, thanking me for letting him know what I needed. In return, I teased how I was a passenger princess.

"You mean a passenger conductor."

"That."

The park was busy near the playground, but a couple of picnic benches were farther away and empty. We picked one of those and sat down, the river flowing beside us giving a peaceful sound as well as a beautiful view. It wasn't better than looking at Gray, but it was still stunning.

"Did you want me to lead the conversation, or do you want to?" he asked, taking on the daddy role while at the same time letting me know he'd give it up the second I told him I needed him to.

"Me?" I said, and he nodded. I didn't have a plan, but there were so many things stuck in my head that I wanted to get out and, until I did, I wasn't going to be able to focus on anything else. "I-I like you. I like you a lot. When you asked me to do a scene with you, I declined because I remembered that you had a partner before who you did scenes with, and it looked like that was all it was. And that's fine, if it's how you like things. I just don't want that."

There. I said it. I was brave.

"I mean, I didn't want to do just scenes with you. And anyway, on the train when you helped me, that was everything I needed at the time. But scening isn't all I want, and I was afraid it was what you wanted."

I looked up at him to see what he was thinking. All I saw was kindness, and it was enough for me to continue.

"And when you asked me to go out to dinner, I thought maybe that wasn't all you wanted either and I was so happy. And dinner was great, but then you didn't kiss me good night, and so now I'm all confused. I've been so very confused. Can you help me be less confused so maybe I can stop saying confused?"

He reached across the table and took both my hands.

"Take a deep breath, my little conductor. A good, deep breath. When I asked you to do a scene, I didn't mean I only wanted a scene from you that day. My last relationship…it was scenes only, and it was fun, but it wasn't what I needed. I did it because it was what they needed."

"Oh."

"I wanted more. I wanted someone to go on dates with and watch scary movies with and share life with. I want to take care of them, too, but I want the whole package. And I'm not saying I want the full package with you right now, but I definitely want us to keep seeing each other with an eye on that being our direction. And, it wasn't easy not kissing you good night after our date and even more difficult leaving your side when you fell asleep."

"You're attracted to me?" For some reason, out of all we'd just said, that was what stuck out the most.

He broke out into rich laughter. "I cannot even begin to tell you how tight my pants have been every single time I've been near you. Yes, I'm attracted to you. Have you not seen yourself?"

My cheeks burned.

"I misunderstood why you didn't want to do a scene with me, and I thought you wanted to take it slow all the way around. And that was on me. As Daddy, I should be focused on great communication, and I made an assumption."

We both had.

"So we're gonna do this?" he clarified. "We are going to try to be a couple, a couple who has daddy/little time?"

"Please. I'd like that…a lot," I whispered, suddenly shy.

He stood up out of his seat and helped me out of mine. Once I stood, he pulled me in for a kiss. It wasn't deep or romantic. We were in public. It was just a nice peck, but it told me he heard my words, and that meant so much more than any passionate smooch ever could.

"What do you say? Do you want to go grab some dinner?" I asked.

"Yeah. But, this time, you pick."

"I was thinking steak, but we both have jeans on."

"I take it back." He tapped my nose. "I pick. I know a place with no dress code that has delicious steak. Do you by chance like garlic butter on your steak?"

I licked my lips, not realizing I was doing so until his eyes focused on them. "Yeah, I like garlic butter on strip steak a lot."

"Perfect because garlic butter cancels out garlic butter." He intertwined our fingers, and we walked back to the car.

He drove me to a steak place that was beyond delicious and, for the first time since we met, I felt confident that we were actually going to do this thing—that maybe, just maybe, he would become my daddy.