Chapter Three

London

It was train day. I was so giddy I could barely contain myself. Being one of the first to sign up had meant I had to wait forever and ever and ever. One good thing was that my little yellow engine arrived just in time to come with me.

I packed everything in my little backpack and flung it over my shoulder. Somehow, Ms. Lily had managed to arrange it so that we even had a place to change before we got on the train. I'd been nervous that I'd have to come in my conductor's uniform, and I wasn't even wearing a onesie like I often did. This was so much better for everyone. It shouldn't surprise me that she had ironed out every last detail. Of course she did. This was a Chained fundraiser.

There were many days where I preferred to be in a onesie, diaper, and knee-high socks, looking just as adorable as all the other littles. But there were others when I wanted to be London the Conductor. Usually I did that at home though. It didn't really fit in with the little room vibe. No one would have pushed me out or anything, but I'd have felt weird, and that was the antithesis of why I spent time there.

Today was the day to wear it with pride, and I'd be doing so one of the most beautiful trains I had ever seen, all while helping queer teens who needed it. It was a win-win-win-win-win-win kind of day. The only thing that could make it better was glitter. And I had a feeling that was a big nope on the train. You can't have everything.

I hopped in my car and drove the short distance to the station, where I was greeted by Ms. Lily. She waited at the front entrance, making sure everyone knew where to go. One side of the station was curtained off for littles on their own to get dressed. The other side was for the daddies and mommies to help their littles get ready. She had everyone else waiting on the platform where they had people from the agency we were helping, ready to talk to anyone who was interested, and snacks.

Everything was set up perfectly.

It didn't take long for me to get on my uniform, complete with my vest, ticket clicker, and my brand-new hat.

One of the littles looked up at me. "You're a real conductor."

"Do you have a ticket?" I held out my hand.

She shook her head.

"I have one for you," I whispered and pulled it out of my pocket. She grabbed it eagerly.

"Ticket time."

She handed it to me, smiling wide, and I click-click-clicked it and handed it back.

"Be sure to be on board when we take off. Rails wait for no one." I slipped my ticket punch back into my pocket.

"Wow, Mr. Conductor!"

I hadn't even boarded the train, and the day was everything I hoped it would be.

Ms. Lily had the single littles get on first, then the couples, and finally the daddies and mommies. I understood why she arranged it the way she did. She wanted to make sure that we felt safe, not pressured to sit with any daddies, and for us to realize we had all the power. I loved her attention to detail. As far as I knew, she wasn't a mommy, but she would be a great one if she were.

It was an antique train, and they kept the velvet seating. I sat next to the little I'd given a ticket and across from two other littles, neither of whom I recognized. I soon discovered they weren't even from here. Some of the attendees had come over from one of the sister clubs called Collared. They'd made a weekend trip out of it. I loved that for them.

This event was such a big deal it sold out fast. Ms. Lily had taken me up on my offer and opened up a few more spots to those she knew would love it, but, for all intents and purposes, there were no tickets left within the first week. I had been wise to just click, click, click and look at the details later.

I loved how they were doing it all for a cause. I'd never been in a position where my family didn't accept who I was. And society? It wasn't me being queer that had them looking at me sideways. Being a dentist did. As a profession, we were not the most well-loved. Even though dentistry had gotten a million times better than its origins, there was always a bit of fear that came with dental work, and that often got projected in my direction.

Ms. Lily came on board and gave us an explanation of how the day was going to go. There was a dining car when it came time for lunch. She told us about the path we'd be traveling and the landmarks we'd see and gave us a surprise. She'd arranged a car in the back where there was more room if people wanted to spread out and play. We had free roam of every car.

The entire train ride had been donated for the fundraiser. My heart soared, knowing how much money was being given to such a great cause.

I opened up the window, my face close to the open air, and reached into my pocket to pull out my engine.

"Chugga-chugga chugga-chugga choo-choo," I spoke in a low voice as I ran the engine up and down my arm like it was a track. I wasn't whispering because I was embarrassed, more that I didn't want to get in trouble with Ms. Lily for riling up all the littles. The last thing anyone wanted was a chorus of train noises. Fine, maybe I wanted it, but that would be about it.

"Chugga-chugga chugga-chugga chugga-chugga chugga-chugga choo-choo," I chanted faster and faster as we pulled away from the station, matching the speed of the ride. When a bug nearly hit my face, I sat back down in my seat. Getting stung would ruin my day. Or having it go up my nose.

I asked the littles with me if they wanted to get something to eat. None of them did. All three of them were there in the hopes of meeting a daddy, and until they went into the dining car en masse, they were gonna stay right in their seats.

I wished them well. There had been a time I might've done the same. That was before I learned my heart couldn't handle it.

As I traveled, I asked everyone for their tickets, click-click-clicking them and then putting my punch back in my pocket right next to my yellow engine.

I even ran into a real conductor. He was so nice. He answered all my questions, let me try his puncher, and told me if I needed anything at all to find him. If nothing else happened, my day had already been made.

I crossed between the cars, loving the feel of the unevenness beneath my feet as I went from one to the next.

It was early, and most people weren't ready to eat yet. Worked for me. It made it easy for me to pick the perfect table. Sitting right there, waiting for anyone who sat down, were two menus, one especially designed for kids. They had some of my favorites, and, when the server came over, I asked for Chicky Nuggies and Tracks—the train tracks being french fries—along with milk.

Ms. Lily had gone so far as to have it so that we could pick not only what kind of milk we wanted but also the vessel it came in—juice-box-shaped milk, school cartons, a sippy cup of milk, and even a bottle. When I discovered that the sippy cups were train-themed and could be kept as souvenirs, there was no question. I was going with the sippy cup.

As I looked up from ordering, one of the daddies who had caught my eye numerous times was there talking to his friends and looking at the menu. Gray had been someone's daddy the first time I saw him, and he still might be. I didn't see him often enough to know if his little was just not with him that day or if they possibly had broken up. But, in any case, he was so far out of my league, we were probably not even playing the same game.

Thankfully, I was easily distracted and, when my meal came, it stole all my attention. The first thing I did was to drink all my milk and then ask the server to rinse my cup. I was weird like that. Milk tasted funny to me if I didn't guzzle it down.

After I was done eating, I carried my sippy cup back to the car where my seat was, trying not to let Gray see that I was staring at him. He didn't look up, and that was good. My day was going magnificently. I didn't want to ruin it by making a fool of myself with a hottie.

My little friends were still there, and we talked about the train and the view, but, one by one, they got picked up by daddies who wanted to go and play. I did my best to not show any interest in them when they walked by. I didn't want to give the impression I was there for that and have to turn them down. Today was about the train, and that was that.

I was happy for my new friends, but even with my new engine, I was getting bored. It was time for me to collect more tickets.

One after another, I asked people for their tickets and punched them. If someone didn't have one, I'd slip them one so we could play. As I reached the last seat, there was a little playing with his train. I put my hand in my pocket to show him my yellow engine, but it was gone.

Crap.