Chapter One

London

I held my finger over the Buy Now button on a little yellow engine that had been calling to me for the past week. It was hand carved by someone in Alaska, and the most adorable little thing I'd ever seen. It wasn't even super pricey—not that the money held me back. I didn't need another train.

Some would argue I didn't need as many as I possessed. That didn't stop me from looking at the new listings every once in a while, seeing if there was anything to add to the collection I started as a small child and had never stopped adding to.

I no longer picked up commercially made ones. They were fun to play with, sure, but there were only so many you could have before they all started to look the same. Hand-carved pieces were my weakness. I loved how unique and special each one was.

I could've moved up to models, and, as a teen, my parents encouraged me to join the culture wrapped around loving the miniature houses and fields and moving trains. I appreciated them and would visit exhibits from time to time, but they weren't for me. No, I loved the little wooden ones I could slip into my pocket and bring with me, the ones I didn't feel needed to be put on a shelf so they didn't break. I preferred the toys.

I didn't care that I liked something younger people enjoyed, but it did make it more challenging to find ones that fit in with my collection. It went through popularity cycles. Some years, they were everywhere and others, not so much. Online marketplaces and craftspeople opened up a lot for me.

I reached into my nightstand and grabbed my little purple engine. It was my first hand-carved piece and the one I reached for most often.

"What do you think? Shall we get it?"

Using my hand, I had it nod in reply.

"I think so, too. You will have a new friend." I hit the Buy Now before I could change my mind. It told me that a receipt was heading to my email, and I clicked over to the next screen to make sure everything went through properly.

Sure enough, the receipt was there waiting for me. It wasn't the only new email there. Sure, there were some junk advertisements, ways for me to make passive income with only one little course, and a bunch of political ads, but that wasn't what caught my eye.

The subject line A Little Day on the Train stole all of my attention. It was from the local club I was a member of, Chained. Normally, I kind of skipped over their emails. They were usually about upgrades to some of the changing rooms or fundraisers they were having. The information was valuable, but never anything that wasn't on their bulletin boards there. For some reason, I preferred that mode of communication. It felt more personal.

But today's email? It might as well have shouted, This one's for you!

I'd been a member at Chained for years. I wasn't one to go there and scan for single daddies and mommies to play with like some of my little friends. When I went there, it was because I didn't want to be little alone that day. Most of the time, I didn't mind being home by myself, playing with my trains and snuggling with stuffies. In many ways, I preferred to have a daddy who was mine only for a scene or two.

I understood why some littles like to play house with a caregiver. I did. But to me, it was too personal an experience and led me to catching feelings, someone who was always off the table in situations like that. It was best for me to play with other littles while I was there and to call it good. It would be nice if I were able to compartmentalize like some people, but try as I may, I wasn't able to separate my feelings from the scene.

If I was being taken care of by a daddy, he felt like mine, and it was best not to allow that confusion to set in.

I tapped on the screen and pulled up the email. Sitting at the top was a picture of one of the most beautiful trains I'd ever seen. It was the kind I wanted to be a conductor of when I was a small boy. I used to walk around with my train whistle in the pocket of one of my dad's old vests, pretending I was the train conductor. I would ask anyone and everyone, whether at home, at the picnic, or at the grocery store, if they had their ticket. Most of them played along. There were a few grumpy people who told my parents to watch their kid. But, for the most part, they fed into my fun. I loved it and had planned for many years to be a conductor. But then reality set in.

I was a straight A student in high school, and my teachers encouraged me to look at "appropriate" career paths. And because I was a good student, I did all the research, instantly regretting that I did. As well-paying as train conductors could be in certain regions and usually for commuter rails, the burnout rate was high. It wasn't a career path as much as a job, and between all the pressure from school and my desire never to hate trains, I picked a new route.

Did I get all scientific about my choices? Absolutely not. I picked the first job I saw that looked like I could handle it. In my case, it was dentistry. My decision made my parents proud. It made my teachers proud. I didn't mind. It allowed me to help people, something more important than riding on a train.

But my desire to be a conductor never left me. Instead, it took on a new place in my life—or maybe recaptured an old one would be more accurate. I was still playing the same pretend game I had all those years ago only now, I did it at a kink club. If my teachers could see me now… I giggled at my own thoughts.

I read the information about the event as far as the date and the time and clicked to sign up. It was first come, first serve, and I wasn't about to miss out on an opportunity to not only be little but be little on a train. I couldn't think of a better way to spend the afternoon. Fine, I could think of one, if I had a daddy with me, but I didn't need one. This was enough.

I was gonna be a conductor on a very real train.

Once that was submitted, I went back to my internet shopping. Only this time, instead of looking for a little train for my collection, I looked for a conductor's hat. I already had my vest, complete with a pocket watch, because every conductor needs to know what time it is. I had a little punch for the tickets. I even had extra tickets. But my hat had an unfortunate incident with some bleach and needed replacing. A few clicks later, it was on its way.

I had everything ready for my day on the train. This was going to be the best event ever. Maybe I'd even recognize some of the littles. It was a bit pricey because of the fundraiser aspect, and I hated that some littles might not be able to attend. I pulled the email back up and replied to it, letting them know I would like to sponsor a couple of littles if they had any they thought would enjoy the day. I wasn't sure if they would take me up on it, but it was worth a go.

I shut my computer and grabbed my keys. The day was getting away from me, and I still needed to get some grocery shopping done and stop at the hardware store for a new light-switch plate for the living room. Good old big fun.

But, maybe, when I came back, I'd be able to spend my afternoon little. It all depended on work. It was my on-call weekend. Being big was fun…