38. Utah

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

utah

I was very quickly running out of the kind of mental strength it took to restrain myself while I was inside Memphis. I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to scare her. I wanted her to know she could trust me with as much of herself as she was willing to share with me.

But I also wanted to fuck her until she couldn’t do anything but scream. Little gasps, whimpers, and quiet moans were all I’d had so far. She’d whispered my name. She’d had more than one orgasm because of various parts of my body, but she’d also done everything in her power to stay in control of herself while it was happening. Everything inside me wanted to be the catalyst that set her loose.

I dropped my entire body down on top of hers after several significantly harder thrusts than she was probably ready for, and I buried my face between her shoulder and her neck. I needed a second to get my shit together, just in case she wasn’t really ready for that version of me yet. She exhaled hard and I felt bad that I’d probably forced all the air right out of her with just my weight, but her hands went straight to my back to hold me there.

“You’re so heavy,” she whispered, very much confirming the fear that I was crushing her. She was obviously not human since she had the ability to read my thoughts.

“Sorry,” I sighed and raised up again.

“No,” she said as quickly as she could and tightened her arms around me. “It’s amazing,” she added quietly, as if she wasn’t sure she was supposed to be okay with admitting it out loud. It sure as shit made me fucking groan into my hiding place against her neck.

“Memphis —,” I started to say, but wasn’t sure how she’d really respond to what I wanted to tell her.

“What?” She asked. “Why’d you stop?”

I chuckled before I could stop myself and then hoped like hell that she wouldn’t think I was laughing at her.

“Memphis, I need to know that you’re going to be able to say something if I hurt you.”

Her whole body tensed. “Hurt me?” she whispered.

“I’ll do anything you want, sugar. Anything. If you need me to be slow and easy again, I can and I will,” I said and put my mouth next to her ear. “But what I want, Memphis, is to fuck you until you can’t feel your legs anymore.”

She exhaled hard again and dug her fingernails into my back before she nodded her head. “Yeah. That,” she grinned. “Let’s do that.”

“That’s my girl.”

The most adorable little pouting sound came out of her when I pulled my hips back to free myself from her. I forced my arm under her lower back and flipped her, so she was face down in the span of about two seconds.

“You couldn’t just ask me to roll to my stomach?” she asked and giggled before she tried to look at me over her shoulder.

Instigating.

She was fucking instigating.

Intentionally.

Holy mother of God, she was going to be a great time once she felt safe with me.

“Would you have just done as you were told?” I asked and fucking laid on top of her another time.

“ As I was told ?” She asked. “I said you could’ve asked. ”

Well.

No more oxygen for me.

“Spread these pretty little thighs, Memphis. Wide as you can.”

I didn’t wait to see if she’d be a pain in the ass about it. I held just enough of my weight off of her with one arm so I could get my other hand under her body. As soon as my fingers just barely reached her clit, she shifted her entire body to raise her hips and open her legs until she was arched up toward me.

“Fuck,” she breathed out so very quietly once I was pushing my dick into her. She wasn’t able to hold the arch long. My thrusts had her pinned flat against the bed under me in no time. She tried to push back. She wanted to hold that position against me, but she didn’t stand a chance.

I grabbed her hips to pull her up on her knees and put a hand between her shoulders to keep her entire upper half against the mattress. She started squirming when I reached under her to put pressure on her clit again.

“What in the actual fucking monster-sized dick, Utah?” she panted out in between gasps.

This was absolutely not the time to ask how I compared to her vampires, but I sure as shit thought about it anyway. I had to. I needed to think about anything else. I even wondered what she might fucking want for breakfast in the morning to see if that’d help. It didn’t. She was still perfectly arched in front of me, flawless pale skin and tattoos for miles, legs spread and ass bouncing with every thrust. I was supposed to be able to last longer than this. I was the experienced one, the controlled one.

I picked up the pace and the pressure on her clit because I was un-fucking-willing to accept that I was about to get off before she did when this was only our second time together.

“Colt,” she gasped out in the quietest cry. “That’s — it’s —.”

That was a little better. At least she couldn’t think straight.

“God,” she whispered. “It’s so much.”

She raised up onto her elbows so she could lower her head down to look under her own body.

To watch.

She wanted to see this.

“So much,” I repeated. “And you’re taking it so fucking beautifully.”

I slowed my thrust enough to watch my entire dick disappear into her, so I could experience it with her while she stretched around me, and I realized instantly that I’d made a horrible mistake. If the goal was lasting longer, watching every motion was not the way to go about it.

She was either about to hate the fact that I ever existed, or she was going to think I walked on water.

I took my hand from her clit entirely, and the devastated little squeak that came out of her made me smile before I slapped my fingers right between her legs only to pull my hand back immediately. Her hips slammed back against my thrusts with that very audible, desperate gasp for air. But it didn’t work fast enough. She still hadn’t gotten off. I grabbed as much of her hair as I could reach and used it to pull her top half up off the bed. I let go of her hair when her back was against my chest, giving me room so I could wrap an entire arm around her. My free hand went right back to her clit.

She was almost too short for this to work with both of us on our knees and upright, but the second that she looked down to watch my hand, her entire body tensed. Her fingernails dug into the forearm that was across her breasts.

“Fuck, Colt,” she whispered at the same fucking time that thunder crashed loud enough outside to make the entire house shake. I would’ve asked how she was doing this thing with the weather if I wasn’t about to die from holding back an orgasm.

As soon as she was shaking, I let go of her and used my whole fucking body to push hers back down under me. I heard all the air leave her body in a giant exhale when I crashed right down on top of her in my own orgasm. She giggled when I continued pushing against her with my hips while lightning lit up the entire room.

“There’s not a bonus level,” she whispered and slapped her hand over her own mouth.

“A what?” I asked, very much out of breath and entirely unable to process thoughts on my own.

I couldn’t even hold myself off of her and she was expecting me to decipher her weird shit right now?

“You can keep trying, but you’re not going to get any deeper,” she said and laughed that time. I collapsed the rest of the way down on her and fucking laughed right along with her.

“ That was amazing, Colt. I’ve never had anything so good. You blew my fucking mind ,” I mocked in the highest pitch I could get my voice to go in an attempt to sound like her. “Nope,” I laughed. “Nothing like that. You went right to your nerd shit. Fucking bonus levels. ”

“Am I supposed to stroke your ego after sex?” Memphis asked. “Is that how it works?”

“You’re mean.”

She laughed. “I wouldn’t have crept in here like a psycho in the middle of the night just to get it again if it hadn’t gone well the first time.”

“Yeah, let’s focus on that,” I said quickly. “You’re the weird one here. I’m not in the neighborhood of being a two-pump chump because I have no control when you’re involved. You’re weird. That’s the topic for right now.”

I raised up on my elbows so I could pull out of her, and she rolled to her back beneath me. I laid right back on top of her, and she laughed.

“You might want to let me up. At least for a couple minutes,” she said. “There’s about to be a giant mess in your bed.”

“There’s already a giant mess in my bed.”

Her body jolted again with the thunder outside. I glanced at the window before I looked at her another time.

“How are you doing that?” I asked. “The thing with the weather?”

“What?”

“How are you making it storm every time I fuck you?”

“ Making it storm?” she asked and laughed. “That’s not…that isn’t a thing, Utah.”

“You sure? Your witchcraft shit doesn’t tie your emotions directly to the weather?”

“ Witchcraft shit ?” she repeated, still very much laughing. “Do you hear yourself right now?”

I kissed the tip of her nose in the middle of all her giggles. “I think that’s my favorite sound.”

She looked at me quietly for a while after that. Then her hand found its way to the side of my face and her thumb moved back and forth across my cheek.

“Is tomorrow going to be weird now?” she whispered.

“What?”

“With us? Does this make it weird?”

“ Make it weird? You’re suggesting that everything else about this hasn’t been weird for the last six months that we’ve known each other?”

“Utah.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you think too much?” I asked with a grin.

“Yeah. Think too much. Talk too much. Worry too much. Take your pick. I’m probably too much of it.”

“Memphis.”

I wasn’t sure what I expected her to say after that, but I was terribly uncomfortable with her just staring at me silently while the storm tried to blow the house apart around us.

“Where does the insecurity come from?” I asked quietly. “Why do you look like you’re all thorns and insults from a distance, just to be something else entirely inside? Who made you decide that being this way was easier for you?”

“Nobody,” she answered quickly and shook her head. She was squirming again, like she believed that I would actually just let her escape this moment if she wiggled enough. I squeezed my arms closer against hers so she couldn’t move at all.

“Would you like me to close my eyes so you can tell me the answer?” I asked.

“Utah,” she hissed.

“The only thing complicating this is your own brain, sugar. Sarcasm and sass pour out of you like a fucking waterfall, but you use that shit to hide. You’ll talk about nothing for hours, but you won’t spare a single word to discuss the things that you spend the most time just thinking about?”

I felt like a giant asshole when she stopped squirming just to stare back at me like I’d fucking slapped her. I sighed and shifted down her body where I could lay my head on her chest. I grabbed the hand where her index finger was already scraping at the outer edge of her thumbnail so I could kiss the back of her hand.

“I don’t want you to think you have to hide who you really are from me. I wouldn’t ask you to be something else, angel. I don’t want you to be less of you just because I’m here and you think I’ll change my mind about you if I see what’s really happening in your head. Me being here should make you feel safe enough to become even more of who you already are.”

I felt like an even bigger asshole when I heard her breathing hitch.

And a tiny sniffle followed a few seconds later.

I just wouldn’t be a proper asshole if I hadn’t made her cry right after sex.