3. Three

Three

I wouldn’t say I came to terms with how things had ended with Luke, but I did begin to work out how to live my normal life around it.

Zack and I settled back into our day-to-day routine, and I remembered how much I loved it. Every morning, we’d awake snarled up in each other’s bodies from the night before. We ate breakfast together; we stood side by side at the large bathroom mirror as we did our hair and grinned at each other like love struck teenagers. At work it was rare to have anything to do with each other, but there would be heart-warming smiles and glances if we passed each other in the city center office. Then it was back home to cook tea, curl up on the couch and then, invariably, one of us would make a move to lure the other into bed. Thankfully, things felt a lot more natural there also .

On Thursday afternoon, I was tucked away in an upstairs meeting room as I planned the office rota for the next month.

The heatwave rolled on, relentless and wicked. Nobody seemed able to work to their full capability as we all felt the toll of restless nights. Warmth like this was glorious if you were in a beer garden or relaxing at the beach, but it was smothering when you were in a busy office full of worried clients and overworked solicitors. My phone pinged and I was glad of the distraction as I pulled it from my bag, smiling at the gorgeous photo on the lock screen, which showed Zack and I beaming into a selfie outside of the elephant enclosure at the zoo.

How many brownie points do I have at the moment for being an amazing boyfriend? x

Erm, about four million! Why? What are you after? If it’s that thing you brought up last night in bed, I said I’d think about it! x

Where are you? Keep talking like that and I’ll have to come find you x

Save that thought for later x

I know we said we’d hibernate together this weekend. But is it OK if I go out Friday night and then I promise I’m all yours the rest of the weekend?

You don’t have to ask permission, of course it’s fine. Just don’t throw up when you get home. x

Definitely won’t. Will have plans for you x

What has got into you? x

Mostly the idea of getting into you to be honest. Are you complaining? x

Never. Meeting Room D x

Be there in two minutes! X

Knowing that Zack would be out on Friday night, it seemed a good opportunity to catch up with Hannah. She’d confessed that it was actually Zack’s thirtieth birthday she wanted to discuss, hence trying to get me alone.

Hannah arrived just as Zack was preparing to leave. “You look nice,” she said as she ruffled his hair, interrupting his rummage through the sideboard for his house keys. “Where are you off to?”

“You know that new bar, where they make the cocktails in potion bottles?” He frowned and fixed his hair back into place as he spoke.

“Zack, I have two children, I don’t get to run around nice cocktail bars on Friday nights. Luckily, I prefer hanging out here with your lovely girlfriend, so off you go.”

They always teased each other, all five of the siblings, but it was with love. They all had the same gorgeous dark hair and eyes, despite their differing heights and builds. Hannah and Zack were closest in age with only twelve months between them, and they were so similar - the shape of their noses, the way they held their heads when they spoke. It was something I’d never experienced as an only child, and it only enforced the thought that I wanted more than one child when the time came.

A car pulled up outside as Zack’s phone beeped with the Uber notification. He turned and kissed me, his lips soft and slow against my own. “I love you.”

“Love you too, stay safe.” I smiled as our fingers trailed away from each other, and watched Zack climb into the waiting car. I closed the front door as they drove away, still warmed from the kiss.

I turned around to find Hannah with two large glasses of wine in her hands. “How do you two always look devastated to be apart?” she asked. “I’ve been counting down the days to get out of the house and away from Andy.”

“Things are just…” I paused; I couldn’t conjure up a word for how happy we made each other. I still managed to keep my thoughts of Luke locked away for the majority of the time. “Blissful. I know it sounds si ckening but I can’t think of a better word. Absolutely crazy about your brother, sorry!”

She smiled. “I was worried a few weeks back, he seemed out of sorts, anxious. He wouldn’t open up about it.”

“Nothing to worry about, just a blip,” I said as I underplayed the situation. “I baked your favourite brownies.”

“Amazing,” she grabbed one from the coffee table. “I’m glad things are OK, I’m not having anyone else as my sister-in-law!”

“Oh, I don’t think we’re quite at that point.” I insisted.

“He’s never ever been like this about anyone. I wouldn’t be so sure,” she said as she took a gulp of wine. “About his birthday. The only boy of the family turning thirty has to be celebrated. I might be biting off more than I can chew, but I thought we could book a huge villa in Spain or France. By the time we split it between all of us, it wouldn’t cost much.”

I totted up the numbers in my head. “That would be, what, fourteen of us?”

“Yeah, I think so. Wait until you see some of these places; they have pools and steam rooms and even little play areas for the kids. It would be incredible.”

“Zack would adore it,” I agreed. “He loves to have family around him. Could I invite Cassie too?”

“Definitely! The more the better! Do you think you could tell Zack it’s just the two of you, though? Then when everyone else arrives it’d be a massive surprise?” she asked, as her eyes sparkled with excitement.

“Yes, that’d be amazing. If Cassie’s up for it, that will make eighteen.”

Hannah squealed and hugged me, before showing me the amazing places that she’d already been researching. “I thought if we started to plan now, it gives us loads of time before next year.”

“It’s a brilliant idea, Hannah, I’m excited already.”

Later in the evening, I waved goodnight as she climbed into a taxi, remembering not to put the chain on as I had done in the past and left Zack unable to get in.

I slid between the soft sheets of our bed, a corny smile on my lips as I thought of Zack; it still left me stunned at times how I felt about him. As much as I adored him, though, it was nice to get into an empty bed for once. Warm and fuzzy from the wine, I curled up with a book I’d wanted to finish for ages.

Maybe Luke had done the right thing… The stabbing pain shot through my stomach in a flash. I tried to set my mind to something else. My brain focused on the complexities of getting eighteen people on one holiday as I fell asleep, ignoring the ache in my heart, the missing piece of me.

Hot breath rolled over my face, it smelled like whiskey and orange peel. I opened one eye and became aware of Zack’s face close up against mine, a wide, tipsy grin on it.

“Are you awake?” he asked. The mattress bounced as he moved.

“I am now.” I stretched and yawned; I knew he’d wake me up. I pretended to be annoyed every time, but I loved it to be honest, he was lovely all drunk and cuddly.

“I missed you.” He kissed me and I sucked on his bottom lip, enjoying the tang of whiskey sours. I was getting involved in the moment when he pulled away, utterly frustrating me. “I want to talk to you.”

“Can’t you talk after?” I was awake and frisky now, I tried to pull him back.

“You know I was with the guys from Astfangin tonight, yeah?”

I nodded as I sat up and began to unfasten his shirt buttons. I flicked my hair behind me and tried to get his attention back. “I don’t know how you say that drunk, never mind sober. I’ve not been able to say it since they started working with us.”

“They offered me a job,” he said, unable to hide the pride in his voice.

“In Iceland?” I spluttered. My fingers stopped on his bottom button.

“No,” he said as he pressed his fingers onto mine, encouraging me to continue. “In their office, here, as their in-house legal counsel. Please don’t stop what you’re doing, by the way.”

“Seriously? That’s huge! They asked you, out of the whole team they’ve worked with?” I ran my fingers through his hair as I smiled.

“They’re emailing me the offer to look at over the weekend.”

“You’re so in demand. Also, you taste incredible right now, Zachary.”

“I know you love it when I’m drunk, you always take advantage of me.” He slid his hands up my sides which caused me to suck my breath in; the power in him as he climbed on top of me. His stubble tickled as he kissed the warm skin on my stomach. “I love summer,” he said with a satisfied sigh. “Love you feeling all hot like this.”

“Maybe don’t go to Iceland then?” I tried to wriggle down the bed, but he stopped me, a sexy smile on his face as he shed the rest of his clothes.

“Don’t worry, we’ll find a way to warm it up.” Then his mouth was on mine as we became a hot, clammy mess of skin and fingers and lips. I burrowed my mouth into his neck as the frantic exchange peaked, caressing the skin of his back with soft strokes as he ran kisses over my face, telling me over and over how much he loved me. We eventually fell fast asleep - bodies hot, minds happy, hearts full.

At around ten, I slid out of the bed and tiptoed to the kitchen, deciding to make breakfast and let Zack sleep in as late as he wanted. We were now officially hibernating until Monday morning. I messaged Cassie whilst I cooked.

Morning trouble x

I was going to call you later, you ok? x

Yep, really good, things have felt great this week. Odd moments you know but it feels like progress

Good. Girls are still going on about last weekend, they loved it x

I’m glad x How is he?

Which ‘he’ are we referring to?

You know…

You have to let this go

I am! I just want to know if he’s ok

He’s coming round tonight, I’ll call you tomorrow ok? But promise me you will stop, just concentrate on Zack. I’m not finding you another one!!!

Ok, sorry. Speak soon. Love you x

I sighed at myself, frustrated at my moment of weakness. It was ridiculous, but I was jealous of Cassie that she got to see Luke and I didn’t. As I heard Zack’s footsteps head to the bathroom, I slid the phone to silent and put it in my back pocket, plating up a huge breakfast for him as I ignored the negative feelings that ran through my mind.

“What did I do to deserve you?” he asked as he kissed the top of my head and took a seat. He surveyed my lonely poached egg on toast compared to his full English. “You didn’t have to go to all that effort just for me, you know?”

“Well, if you have international companies headhunting you now, I figured I better step my game up in case you start expecting a girlfriend upgrade too.”

“I should have let you sleep, sorry, was just excited,” he said as he tucked in. I watched him, all scruffy hair and stubbly chin. We’d been together a good while now, but I still couldn’t stop admiring that handsome face, all chiselled, dark, and brooding.

“Well, yeah, I hate it when I get woken up by a gorgeous man who has good news, and then wants to have super intense, hot sex. Worst Friday night ever,” I teased. “Have they emailed you yet?”

He slid his phone across the table, an open email on display. There were multiple attachments, but the body of the message had the main points of the contract in a bullet list. I glanced down them, and my eyes widened in shock. “How much money? That can’t be the right salary, can it?” I asked.

He nodded, unable to disguise the look of glee on his face. “Look at the number underneath. They’re offering a signing bonus.”

“Oh my god! I don’t know what to say! That’s like, twenty thousand a year more than you get now? And you get the other twenty thousand for just accepting the job? That’s insane.”

“I’d have to go to Iceland once a month, be weird to be away from you. It’s such a good job, but it takes me out of that partnership career path, I guess,” he pondered. His mouth pulled away to one side as it always did when he was thoughtful.

“It does, but you always knew that was just one path. Depends on what you want. Where you are now, you just get given the clients and cases and don’t have any say. I can tell you enjoy working with these guys, and they obviously think a lot of you to offer this. Worst case scenario, if you hated it, is just apply back to legal firms, right?”

“True,” he replied. “But I’d worry about being away from you.”

“Looking at this it’s… five days each month? That’s not so bad. It’s only a short flight. I could sneak away with you; you could lock me in your hotel room like a dirty secret, they wouldn’t know.”

Zack laughed. “That does sound pretty appealing. I just worry that maybe now isn’t the right time. I’d be concerned about your…” He chewed his lip before he continued. “Mindset, if I was away.”

I let out a slow breath. “Zack, please don’t let what we did affect your choice here. You’re who I want. I understand if you don’t trust me right now, but honestly, if you went away, you wouldn’t need to worry about me. It’s done, that whole episode is done.”

“I hate that I have to say this. But I’d worry that it would be an opportunity for you to see him.” Zack put his knife and fork down, his eyes sharp and focused as he paid complete attention to me.

“And you don’t think I’d be worried about you staying in that hotel again? Going to that bar again? We have to trust each other.” I reached for his hand and stroked across it, back and forth. “I wouldn’t see him. When I came back here, to you, I swore to myself I wasn’t ever going to hurt you again. I understand why you feel reticent. Please believe me, I don’t ever intend to see him again. You’re it for me. I love you.”

He placed his hand on top of mine and held it still. “Ninety per cent of the time, I feel that, Lily, but every now and then you just look like you’re somewhere else; you look sad. In those times, I feel like you regret it. Part of me wants to know how you decided to come back to me, part of me is petrified of the truth.”

I walked around the small table and slid sideways onto his knee with my arms wrapped around his neck. He held me against him and brushed soft kisses upon my cheek. “Yes, there are moments I feel sad, not going to deny it. Putting everything else aside, I lost a best friend who had been through traumatic times with me.” I looked into those deep, brown eyes as I spoke, the beautiful swirls of chocolate and caramel within the iris, under thick lashes. “For each sad moment, though, I have a thousand others where I’m happy. Happy because I’m with you. Beyond happy. I love you; I love our life. That weekend was painful. I don’t dwell on it for that reason, but if you want to know details, I will tell you. We can’t keep revisiting it though, I want us to move forwards, not backwards.”

“Has he been in touch with you at all? Would you tell me if he was?” Zack asked.

“No, he hasn’t. The last time I spoke to him, we agreed it was clear we couldn’t carry on our friendship. I removed his number from my phone. I went to look at his socials before I set off home, more to check he was OK than anything else, and he’d already blocked me. We aren’t in touch in any way and don’t plan to be. I don’t expect to ever hear from him again, but if I did, I promise I would tell you. I wouldn’t risk what we have.”

“You know that phone call we had while you were away?” Zack asked, his eyebrows knitted together in that tell-tale sign of tension of his. He continued when I nodded in acknowledgement. “Did you do that with him too?”

“I can say, with all honesty, I’ve never done that with anyone but you. It always seemed a natural occurrence between us, much to my embarrassment in the early days.” I smiled as the memories flooded my mind. “That’s purely a you and me thing.”

He kissed the tip of my nose. “Is there anything else I should know? I don’t want us to bring it up again. If there is - say it now.”

“No, the only thing that matters is that I’m home, with you.”

“Subject done then?” asked Zack with a hopeful smile.

“You won’t stay in that hotel, will you?” I asked, somewhat scared of the answer.

“Never. I don’t want to. I wouldn’t.”

“Subject is done then.” I confirmed with a kiss. “So, Iceland?”

“I think I want to do it.” Zack grinned. He looked pleased with himself, and who could blame him? He worked hard and was so good at his job, seems the charms that had got me that day in the coffee shop worked wonders on his clients too. “Plus, if we put that signing bonus in with the money we already saved up, we could buy a house now, wouldn’t have to wait.”

I swung around so that my legs straddled him and the back of the dining chair, our eyes still focused on each other. “I want to buy a house with you.”

Zack reached up and ran his fingers down the length of my hair. “Let’s do it then. The job, the house, us, the full package. You’re my everything.” He pulled me into a deep and delicious kiss; the wooden chair creaked ominously as our bodies pressed against it.

“Your breakfast’s getting cold,” I whispered.

“I don’t care…”