Chapter Eighteen

Lumen said he would only be gone for a few seconds, but those seconds are passing like hours. He left me in a creepy house that is dark, cold, and way too quiet. Dirt and debris litter the wooden floor, the furniture is covered in stained white sheets, there are no lights on, leaving me in almost complete darkness. If it weren't for the moon shining through the floor-to-ceiling windows, I wouldn't be able to see a thing. Even with the small bit of light, every piece of furniture looks like a monster preparing to attack, and considering I know they're real now, my fears are no longer unwarranted.

I wasn't able to grab any of my things before we left, so I'm in a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top with fuzzy socks and no shoes. I'm going to turn into a popsicle if I don't get warm soon. My body is shivering, my lips and fingertips numb, and if I could see the shade of my skin, I bet it would be blue. I have no idea where we are, but wherever it is, it is freezing in August which is nuts! It's August! Summertime!

I'm staring at the dirty white sheet covering what looks like an armchair, ready to pull it off and use it as a blanket, when Lumen pops back up. I flinch at the loud zap and squeeze my eyes shut when I'm blinded. The wave of heat that encompasses me is welcomed, but it quickly fades away.

I open my eyes to run to him, needing to make sure he and Ves are okay, but I stop when I find him alone. I'm ready to scream and shout at him, demanding to know why Vesperon isn't with him, when Ves walks out of Lumen. Literally steps out of Lumen's body as if they were one.

My mouth drops open.

"It is the only way for me to travel with a shadow," Lumen explains with a smirk, then his eyes settle on me, and he frowns. "You're cold."

No shit.

"Really? I-I couldn't t-tell," I say sarcastically, not hiding the fact my teeth are chattering.

Lumen hurries toward me, taking off his leather jacket and throwing it around my shoulders.

"I'm sorry," he whispers as he pulls me to his chest. "I should have left it with you. I wasn't thinking straight."

He wraps me in his arms, adding to the heaviness, warmth, and scent of his jacket that's already around me. My stars, this feels so good. I take slow breaths, allowing his heat to seep into my skin.

He runs his hands up and down my back, and soon enough I stop shaking.

"Better?" he asks.

"A little."

He steps back, but keeps his hands on my arms, still rubbing up and down.

"Let me get this place warmed up."

When he steps away, I meet Vesperon's gaze from a short distance away. He's looking at me as if his heart just shattered into a million pieces. A wave of guilt hits me. I don't feel bad for getting warm, I feel bad because Vesperon can't help me. Lumen can touch me all he wants. Vesperon can't. It sucks. I know it sucks, because I feel the same way knowing I can't touch Vesperon either, as much as I want to.

Vesperon moves toward me. "I'm so sorry, my love," he says quietly, holding his arms up like he doesn't know what to do.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I tell him, pulling the jacket tighter and smiling up at him. Now that he's here, the darkness isn't scary.

"Yes, I do," he says. "I cannot help you. I am… useless." His arms drop to his sides. Of course, I get why he feels this way, but it isn't true.

"You're not useless," I argue, reaching my hand out and putting it through his. I smile, glancing down at it for a moment, then back up at him. "You feel like a warm breeze."

He smiles, then brushes his fingers down my cheek, the familiar whisper of a feeling bringing me so much comfort. It may not be much, but it's everything.

"I will be more soon enough," he assures me, then takes a step back. I look at him, then at the floor, then back up to him. "What is it, my love?"

"How are you standing on the floor? I thought you couldn't touch unnatural things? Wouldn't you go right through?" My question is meant to lighten the mood. Any sort of sex talk and mating talk makes me uncomfortable, and I know that's what he was getting at. But also, I want to know all I can about how everything works with him.

"It's real oak," Lumen calls out from over by the fireplace.

"There is your answer," Vesperon says with a smile.

The room flickers with light as the fireplace comes to life. I look around Ves, even though I can partially see through him because it feels rude to do so and find Lumen grinning at me.

"The power of light," he announces with wide arms, gesturing for me to come over. I walk to him but stop after a few steps and gesture for Ves to come with me. I wish I could take his hand, but… not yet. When I reach Lumen, he says, "Stay here, it'll keep you warm. I need to go downstairs to get the electricity going."

I move closer to the fire, turning so the heat focuses on different areas. My legs and feet are so happy to feel the warmth. When I face Ves, I barely see him. The light snuffs out the darkness and shadows of him.

"How does it feel to be… not solid?" I ask carefully.

He's quiet for a moment as he thinks it over. "It's hard to explain. I guess it feels similar to being solid until I try touching things. I've never thought of the difference in feeling."

"Even when you disappear? Like now." I gesture to him with a flick of my hand.

He looks down at himself, then back at me. "It doesn't feel any different for me. I only feel my energy depleting. Tired, I suppose."

"Depleting? Why?"

"I gain strength from the darkness. The light tires me."

"Then stand over here," I say, waving toward the wall where it is still dark.

He shakes his head. "I want to be next to you." He steps closer to me, bringing himself more into the light, meaning I see even less of him. "I won't allow it to get too low, but I need to be near you."

"Such a romantic," I say.

Despite my anxiety over him dying, I love the way his words make me feel. He's always spoken truthfully about me. There's something in his tone when he speaks that tells me how much he means what he says. So much emotion to his words. They linger long after he's spoken them. Ves makes me feel good about myself because he is open and honest with how he feels.

"What are we going to do, Ves?"

With a slow shake of his head, he answers, "There are other ways to get into the shadow realm. There are many openings. It does not need to be the one by your house. It will be trickier as I'll meet with people who are unfamiliar to me, but I will make this work."

"This is such a mess," I mutter, rotating again, suddenly feeling like a rotisserie chicken.

"At least we are safe here. We have time to speak to one another and come up with a plan."

I nod, wishing he could hold me. Wishing I could lose myself in his warmth and strong arms, and sleep for days if only to forget about all of this for a little while.

"I know the radiant is your mate," he says softly, and I look up at him, another wave of guilt washing over me. Damnit. This one is warranted, though. I should have told him. Should have been honest with him like he is always honest with me, but I was afraid of hurting him. Especially when I'm unable to hug him or kiss him to make it better.

"H-how?" I ask.

He steps back, out of the direct light of the flames, and presses his back against the stone of the fireplace.

"The paper I procured and gave to the radiant, the one given to me by the shadow witch; there is a prophecy upon it that explains a lot." His tone is soft, sad almost. Maybe disappointed. I'm not really sure how to describe it, but it makes me feel awful. I move toward him, stopping inches from him.

"I wanted to tell you, Ves, I swear. I just… didn't know how," I admit honestly.

What I would give to hold him this very second. I'd apologize to him with affection instead of just my words.

"I understand, my love." He brushes his hand down my cheek, a small wave of heat passing where his fingers caress. "I'm not angry with you. I only wish I could touch you the way he can."

"You will," I assure him. He has to.

"Have you…"

He trails off, but I know what he wants to ask. His eyes, though dark like the night sky, are so expressive. The sadness is apparent.

"Neither of us feels it."

His eyes flicker with something. Relief, maybe? "Then how do you know?"

"I see his gold markings."

He nods his head carefully. "This only solidifies my thoughts."

"Thoughts on what?" Lumen asks as he walks toward the front door and flips the light switch, causing the lights in the room to flicker to life. The room looks so much bigger all lit up, but it makes Vesperon hard to see. I hate it.

"Everything going on," Vesperon answers.

Lumen nods, then gestures around. "The heat will kick on, but it'll take some time to warm the place. It may smell weird for a while, but only because it's been a few years since anyone has been here. The upstairs is cleaner than down here, but only one of the bedrooms has a bed. There are other rooms, but the only sleepable furniture, other than the floor, are the couches down here."

"I cannot sleep in a bed anyway," Vesperon says, and that makes me sad. I hate all of this. Hate how I'm finally with him, which is all I've wanted for months, yet it's like we aren't together at all.

"You can go up those stairs and to the second floor. Everything is made of real wood."

"I am at least grateful for that. I'm used to being awake at night, so I won't sleep anytime soon, though."

Lumen looks around the room. "We can play with the lights too. Keep most of them off or cover them. I think a few have dimmers, but I don't remember."

"Where are we?" I ask when neither of them says anything for a few moments.

"Montana," Lumen answers. "Robinson Mountain. High on the peak, which is why it's so damn cold. It'll warm up during the day. If we want to head upstairs, I can prepare the room so it's ready when you want to sleep."

"I think I want to sleep now," I say. I'm so tired—both physically and mentally.

Lumen nods, then gestures toward the stairs. I head that way, Vesperon by my side.

He guides us to the bedroom that is down the short hall on the right, and flicks on the overhead light as we enter. I'm surprised at how clean it is. Much better than the first floor. It's a decent-sized room with a king bed against the center of the wall to the left. The mattress is free of sheets. A tall dresser against the far wall and a long one just inside the door. The floor is wood like downstairs, except for the throw rug that covers a good portion of the floor. The furniture looks old and sturdy, but not exactly expensive.

Lumen digs through the closet and pulls out plastic tote bins. Through the clear plastic, I see layers of blankets and sheets inside clear protective bags.

"They may not smell the best from being stuffed in here, but they are clean," he assures me.

Better than nothing. I'll sleep like crap if I'm cold, so even the sheets downstairs would be better than nothing.

Lumen gets the fitted sheet on the bed, then the top sheet and thick comforter. "Do you want them tucked in?" he asks. I shake my head. "Didn't think so. Your bed at home was a mess."

"I like it like that," I whine.

He smirks, then adds a quilt on top and pulls the top down. "Get in," he says with a slight jerk of his chin.

I hurry over, the chill of everything causing me to shiver, but I know it'll warm up soon. He covers me with the blankets, then steps back and watches me as I shift around to get comfortable.

"Warm enough?" he asks.

I shrug, my teeth chattering again. "I g-guess."

"You should lie with her," Vesperon says so softly I barely hear it. I do hear it though, and so does Lumen, if his shocked face is any indication. "You are a light-being, you are warm. She is a human and needs warmth. I do not need my mate getting sick."

Lumen looks at me, raising a brow.

"I don't hate the idea," I admit meekly, because the thought of being warm is appealing. But the look he gives me tells me his thoughts went in a different direction. Which I hadn't considered until he looked at me that way. Now I'm blushing and I hate it because all I want is to be warm while I sleep. I don't need dirty thoughts of Lumen right before he crawls into bed with me with the intention of pressing his hot, firm body against mine.

My attraction to Ves is very different from my attraction to Lumen, but it would be, wouldn't it? My feelings for Vesperon are so deep, and my initial thoughts about him aren't that he's attractive just by looks, but instead by my emotions. Like how men of power are more attractive than those who hold no power at all. Ves has a dark power that radiates from him that feeds something primal in me. And it's not that Vesperon isn't attractive. He is. His body is perfect, and his face is handsome, but it's hard to use those words to describe him when he isn't human.

Lumen is beautiful on the outside, so my attraction was physical before anything else. And as I've gotten to know him, I find I like him. He's happy, positive, thoughtful, and nurturing. It's hard to think he's some big bad ass agent because he doesn't act like it. Not with me, anyway. But both men are dangerous. They are protectors. And… they are mine.

Lumen sits on the edge of the bed to kick his shoes off, then gets under the blankets with me. His warmth is immediate, well before he pulls me against him, crushing me to his side. I curl up beside him like a cat, and his arm rests around my shoulders.

My stars… how will I ever sleep with this sexy as sin man holding me like this? We're going to wake up in a puddle of my arousal. How embarrassing!

"That chair should be okay for you to use," Lumen says to Ves, pointing to the wooden chair by the desk. "In case you want to watch us." There's humor in his tone, and I swear these two are going to drive me nuts with their back and forth.

Vesperon doesn't argue with him. Doesn't comment at the jab or joke or whatever it was meant to be. He walks to the chair, grasps onto it, and pulls it out. I don't miss the small smirk on his lips when he faces us.

"Do you get cold?" I ask.

"I feel the temperatures change, can tell when it's hot or cold, but it doesn't affect me. I can withstand any temperature. At least in this form. I'm unsure about my solid form, as our temperature is consistent in my realm."

"So, what do we know?" Lumen asks, digging into his pocket with his free hand and pulls out the paper Vesperon gave him. It's only now I realize he still has all his clothes on, and I wonder if he did that on purpose. For both mine and Ves's sake.

"The information in that prophecy is all I know. Brace yourself when you read it. It's a lot. Oh, and—" Vesperon holds his hands palms together, one on top of the other, and a moment later, a black leather-bound book forms. He holds it up in one hand. "Before the shadows came, a friend showed up to warn me. He gave me this. There should be information in it as well." He places it on the desk behind him.

"Let's hope it does," Lumen says before holding the paper between us so I can see it too. I read it, but I'm not sure I understand what it's saying.

"You look confused," Lumen whispers.

"I am," I admit. "It sounds like a lawyer wrote it. I think I need a diploma from Harvard to read it. What does it mean?"

Lumen looks at Vesperon, who is rubbing his forehead. He seems stressed. More distant than I remember him to be. I suppose that's normal with everything going on. He's worried.

Vesperon gives us his attention, then says, "There is magic everywhere in our world. It's why witches exist. They have something within them that connects to the magic and allows them to use it. When they do, more is created, but there must be a balance of magic and non-magic. There must be places that hold the excess magic. Sometimes natural, sometimes witch-made. I suppose the natural places could be similar to the shadow realm and light realm, though maybe not something so tangible. Over time, the magic has built up—shifting the balance. It's overflowing. There is too much, and the universe's way of remedying this is by finding a new place for it. Only, something must have gone wrong somewhere." He shrugs.

"So, it's kept in like a warehouse?" I ask, smiling so they know I'm joking.

Lumen chuckles, but Vesperon stays serious and shakes his head.

"I doubt the place it's kept in is something as simple as a warehouse, but I suppose it's possible," Ves says. "But what that paper really means is that we have been chosen to take on this task."

"Task of what?" I ask.

"Of balancing the magic," Vesperon answers patiently.

"What does that mean?"

Ves shakes his head, then says, "I am not entirely sure, but considering that prophecy says there is another mate, I can only assume the four of us make up some sort of tetrad that will withstand the magic. We could be meant to hold on to it, use it, filter it out, release it, move it. There are many options, and there is no way to know."

"Can't we just destroy it? Have witches use more or something?" I ask.

"It doesn't work that way," Lumen says. "The magic that a witch uses is barely anything at all. Like a child scooping sand into a bucket, then pouring it into the ocean. How long until the beaches are sand free?"

"Because the tides and waves will only bring it back anyway," I add with a slow nod.

"It sounds like this has been going on for a long time. If the end of existence is being threatened, then the amount of overflow is astronomic. Perhaps if so many witches were not killed from your world so many years ago, it wouldn't be this way."

I furrow my brow, glancing up at Lumen. "You mean like in Salem?" I choose to ignore the end of existence part because—wow. Just wow.

Lumen nods. "The population would be higher had they not been put to death. I don't doubt for a moment that is part of it. A lot of them went into hiding after that. Less and less witches were born into the world because they weren't reproducing with one another. They chose to keep their true identities hidden and have normal lives with normal humans."

Oh man, Mr. Schwartz, my American History teacher, would have a field day with this. If only we were back home, it wasn't summer, and I wasn't a recent graduate. Maybe he'd be able to help.

"Hold on…" I say suddenly, holding my hand up. "Did you say there is another mate?"

"A grey," Vesperon explains simply, as if this isn't a big deal.

Lumen huffs out a laugh, but then his smile falls. He turns to me, giving me a questioning look, and I already know what he's asking.

"Yes, he knows."

He winces, then turns to Ves. "Sorry. We weren't trying to lie."

"I know," Vesperon says. "There are no hard feelings."

"Another mate…" I mutter. "I know it's unlikely, but… are you maybe just kidding?" I lift my shoulders to my ears, trying to hide as I await the answer.

"I would not joke about something so important, my love," Vesperon says, keeping that serious but patient tone.

"It was worth a shot." Lumen hugs me tighter to him. "What is a grey?" I ask, which causes Lumen to chuckle again.

He stops, clears his throat, then says, "A shadow is the opposite of a radiant, and a grey is the opposite of everything. He is just grey, representing nothing, as our world is everything."

"Why do you find it funny?" I question.

"Greys are… interesting," Lumen says.

"Interesting?" Ves questions. "That is the word you choose?"

"Well," Lumen goes on. "I could also say cheeky, cocky, blunt, arrogant, narcissistic—should I keep going?"

"That sounds more accurate," Ves adds. I smile at the hint of humor in his tone. It makes me happy to hear it. Especially when responding to Lumen.

"And this grey is going to be my mate too?" I blurt out. "That sounds awful." I bury my face in my hands. Ves is great. He is sweet, loyal, protective, and romantic. I have no issues with him being my mate, even though the thought of a mate is still strange. And Lumen… he is so kind, nurturing, supportive, and funny. Though I'd already made some peace with having a mate, my issue here is that he is the second mate. Two. How can I have two?

But this new creature—a grey? All those things that Lumen named off and Ves agreed with…. I can believe that Lumen would be dramatic, but Ves agreeing with him tells me it's likely Lumen's assessment isn't so farfetched.

"I'm sure he won't be so bad," Lumen says to me, then brings his gaze directly to Vesperon. "At least, I hope."

I groan loudly, then sink all the way down and pull the blankets over my head. Lumen chuckles again, so I slap him in the chest. Only I don't get his chest, I get him in the stomach. Very low on his stomach, and the sound that leaves him sounds more like a moan of satisfaction than a groan of pain. My cheeks heat incredibly, so I stay hidden here while that passes.

"What else do you know?" Lumen asks after a brief bout of silence.

"Someone else knows of this prophecy, and fair to say it's someone in the shadow realm. My friend, Jhai, the one who gave me his journal, said that Jlenar, the Chief of the Guardians, was the one who wants Lexia dead."

"The chief?" Lumen barks. "Gods above. So this is huge."

"And," Ves starts. "According to the witch, this isn't the only lifetime Lexia and I have been together."

"What?" I bark as I throw the blankets off me and shoot upright. "What does that mean?" I'm pretty sure I know what it means, but I need to hear it. Because it can't possibly mean what I think it does… My heart is pounding so hard I think I'm going to pass out.

"It means your soul was recycled, my love. Mates are connected by souls. And because of that, it's possible you aren't entirely human. Or maybe you are. It's hard to say at this point. But we have been together in previous lifetimes. Or at least, tried to be. I can only assume this battle has been going on for years and we have never had enough of the pieces to see the bigger picture."

"So…" I lick my lips, wanting to ask a million things, but nothing comes out. Lumen pulls me close to him again, and I just breathe.

"That prophecy is old. It's likely whoever is directly behind this has been trying to keep us apart from the very beginning. They've killed you before. Wiped my memory before. I can't be sure about any of this, but it's what makes sense. Whoever knows about this prophecy wants that magic and knows we are the ones who are destined to get it."

"With that magic, they could rule the entire world," Lumen says. "They could destroy anything, build anything. They would have control over all the realms."

"That's scary," I comment mindlessly, still stuck on the fact that Ves told me we've been together in past lives. Like real reincarnation.

"The curious thing is that she keeps coming back and you keep finding each other. How many times has that happened?"

"Could be two, could be two thousand. It's impossible to know."

The more they talk, the more I feel this is all a big fat joke.

"Then the universe is doing everything it can to make sure we succeed," Vesperon says.

"Which is a good thing," Lumen adds. "Having the universe on our side is good."

"This is crazy," I say, darting my gaze back and forth between them.

"It is, my love. But it is the truth."

It's so hard to believe, but I'm also sitting in a room with a shadow man and a light being. Is it so hard to accept that reincarnation is real too?

It's quiet for another few moments, and I find my mind going back to the grey. So, because there is no way I'll be able to sleep right now, I ask, "So, what do greys do? Are they agents or guardians like you?"

Lumen rolls his lips between his teeth, his eyes shining bright. I know he wants to laugh again.

"Greys do nothing."

"What do you mean?" I ask carefully.

Vesperon explains, "They exist solely to keep the balance. They have no other purpose."

"So, they just…"

"Do whatever the hell they want, when they want, like the spoiled child of a billionaire.," Lumen adds.

I sigh. "He sounds like he's going to be a pain in the ass."

"He will be. Best you prepare for that now, darling. And convincing him to take all of this seriously?" he shakes his head. "Let's just say I will not enjoy doing it."

I groan again, burying my face in the crook of Lumen's arm. He smells so good. So warm.

The guys chat back and forth, but I zone out. My body is giving up. I settle closer to Lumen, daringly throwing an arm around his waist, and he hugs me tighter. His warmth envelopes me and sleep finally takes over.