Chapter Fourteen

"You just have to believe me, Bradyn."

"This is a really difficult thing to believe, Lex. Like really difficult. You barely function on your own, now suddenly you're going to upend your life and move across the country to some aunt you just realized you had?" he argues.

I can picture the disapproving frown on his face. I've seen it so many times over the last month. For a while, I thought it would be permanently stuck to his face.

"She's the only family I have." I bit my lip, feeling horrible for lying to Bradyn, but what else can I do? I can't tell him the truth. Explaining that I'm running away to be with my shadow monster mate… and my maybe-light-being mate, he'd think I was crazy and the men in white coats would be knocking on my door before I can say shadow realm. Then I'd never see them again.

I pause as I realize my concern was for them and not just Vesperon. What a realization to have at a time like this. Closing my eyes for a beat, I take a steadying breath and flop onto my bed.

Bradyn sighs. "I don't want you to leave, Lex. I thought…"

"Thought what?" Though I know what he's going to say before he says it.

"I just thought we were working on things."

I shake my head. I knew this would happen. Deep down, I knew this was what Bradyn was doing, but I didn't want to accept it. I ignored all the small things he did because I couldn't mentally deal with knowing he was only being nice to get back in my pants. Funny enough, it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would.

"I never said that, Bradyn. Not once. I did nothing to make you think that."

"You didn't," he agrees. "I just thought it's what was happening."

"I'm sorry, but you were mistaken. I appreciate everything you've done for me, and I have no way of ever thanking you for it, but I really need to do this. I can't stay in this house where… where my mother was killed. It's too hard."

"Stay with me," he urges. "We can get a place together."

"You know I can't do that."

"Lex—"

"Bradyn, please don't make this more difficult than it already is. I promise I will keep in touch. A lot has happened over the last couple of months, and I need a break from this place."

It's silent for a moment.

"Okay. I understand," he says, and if he were any more deflated, he'd be a flat tire.

"Thank you," I whisper.

"Call me when you land in Arizona."

"I will," I tell him. "Thank you, Bradyn. Seriously."

"Yeah… No problem, Lex. See ya."

The call ends and I squeeze my eyes shut at the prick of tears. Why does this have to be so difficult?

There's a gentle knock at the door, and I open my eyes as it's pushed open. "You okay?"

"No," I grumble.

The mattress dips beside my hip as Lumen takes a seat.

"Need me to kill someone, darling?" he asks. I hear the smile in his voice, but I don't doubt he's being serious.

"You sound like Ves."

He huffs out a laugh. "That's actually funny."

"Why?" I ask as I sit up.

"Because, by universal laws, we are the exact opposite. He is darkness, I am light. The fact we sound the same is… ironic."

"I suppose you're right." I run a hand over my face and yawn.

"Do you have everything you need?"

I look around my room, taking in all I'm leaving behind—just about everything. Do I have everything I need? Yes. Do I have everything I want? No. Unfortunately, we can't travel with a lot of things. Only what I can fit into the car, and that's with Lumen taking up the front seat. I have no idea how Vesperon is going to get there, and we haven't discussed that yet. I don't know how any of the magic works, and I'm not ready to talk about it because I'm already so tired.

"Yeah," I say, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I guess I do."

I'm getting a headache. The lack of sleep these last few nights hasn't helped. I can't wait to get a good night's sleep.

"I've put everything in the car already."

"Thank you."

"There is a small bit of room left, so if you want to take anything else…" I nod absently, wondering if magic could turn my entire house pocket-sized so I wouldn't have to leave anything behind. "Is there anything else you need me to do?"

Shaking my head, I say, "I don't think so. I'd like to shower before we go. A nap too, if that's possible."

"Of course it's possible," he says, placing his hand on my thigh.

I glance down at it, focusing on the warmth that seeps through my sweatpants, settling into my skin. He is always so warm, and it's always so comforting. More than once I've imagined his large body wrapped around mine, sucking out every inch of icy coldness that seemed to have soaked into my very being.

"How can I be the mate of two otherworldly beings?" I ask softly. It's meant to be rhetorical as I'm not ready to dive into this conversation, but of course, he responds.

"It happens, darling," he says.

Oh, the way he says that word. Each time, it gets more and more… lust-filled. Or maybe that's just me.

"Not with humans."

He chuckles huskily. "You're right. There must be a reason for it."

"Why does it seem like that reason is something huge?"

"Because it probably is. I don't believe in coincidences."

"Neither do I. Not anymore." I place my hand on top of his. It's so soft. So very different from how his hand looks, covered in tattoos, like he spends his days shooting people and being the reason people are afraid to walk the streets at night. I laugh at myself, because the irony is comical. Lumen isn't that person, but Ves kind of is. I focus back on Lumen. "How will we know if we are mates or if I'm some secret mystical being who can see the mate markings on you for some other reason?" I ask, looking up at him with a smile and hoping like hell he understands that this conversation needs to stay light.

He doesn't smile, which causes my stomach to twist. Lumen looks at me with this intensity I almost can't handle. I want to pull my gaze away, but I can't. I'm stuck.

"There are ways," he says quietly. Too quietly. Almost… suggestively.

"Like what?" I whisper.

He flips his hand beneath mine and locks our fingers, holding tight. His gaze stays there, watching our hands fit together.

"By mating."

"How?" the word barely comes out, and much faster than I thought it would. Why am I not saying no? Why am I telling him I don't want to mate with him?

"How do we mate, or—" He grins, bringing his gaze to mine.

I slap his chest playfully and he groans as if it hurt. "I mean, how would that tell us?"

He licks his lips, holding my gaze. "I'm told the pull of your mate is the most beautiful feeling. The feeling of everything good, locked inside of you. But it's everywhere. All over. Consuming. But when you mate… that all-consuming love settles." He reaches out with his other hand and places it on my chest. "Right here. It seeps into your very being and connects you with the other person in a way you can't begin to imagine. There is no mistaking it. You are no longer two separate souls, but one."

My heart is thundering in my chest as I hold his golden gaze, his hand scorching my chest where he's touching me. He licks his lips again, and my eyes flicker to them. His lips are glistening, full, and so tempting. I could kiss him right now. He's so close, I could just…

"That sounds intense," I whisper, blinking a few times and looking back at his eyes. I can't go there with him. Not now. Not with all this other stuff going on. Now isn't the time for sex, no matter the reason.

He nods, dropping his hand and looking away. "I hear it is."

"And mating is…"

"Sex. That's what humans call it."

"You don't call it that?" I ask.

He shrugs, and simply says, "We call it mating."

"Do you not do it with anyone other than your mate?" I question. Do otherworldly beings think humans are a bunch of promiscuous fools? We think that about each other, so I wouldn't be surprised if they did. I'm convinced it's why aliens haven't come here. Everyone wants us to believe it's them who will do the anal probing, but I'm pretty sure the humans will be the ones probing the aliens.

"Well, yeah, but it's still the same thing." He brushes his thumb along my knuckles.

"Do you think you could be here because of what's going on with Ves's realm?" I change the subject because talking about sex isn't a good idea. Not with Lumen, who is hotter than anyone I've ever seen in real life before. And who looks at me like he wants to absolutely devour me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

He sighs, running a hand over his head. "It's hard to say. Whatever is going on in his realm could be tied to what's going on with him and you. That would mess with the balance. So yeah, I guess it could be something like that. But don't think I'm here to save him. That's not it." I didn't know that's what I was asking until he says it. I hold his gaze, and after a moment, he gives my hand a squeeze. "You should get to sleep."

I nod absently. He gets up to close my blinds and curtains as I get under the blankets to get comfortable. I wanted to shower, but I can do that later. My bed is too comfortable to leave.

I'd love for Lumen to cuddle with me. I'd fall asleep in seconds with his warm body around me. Probably sleep better too. I don't like being alone, knowing these shadow monsters can just walk through my walls. I don't understand magic enough to trust his wards—I can't see it, therefore it's hard to believe it's there at all.

"What are you going to do while I sleep?" I ask as he moves to the door.

He stops in the doorway, hands on either side, then glances at me over his shoulder with a smile. "Keep you safe, darling. Sweet dreams."