Chapter 31

Ishould not have gone to the game last night. I wanted to be there for Travis. I was hoping to be there for him without his knowledge, though. When my father handed me a jersey, told me to put it on, that we were going to the game, I couldn’t argue with him. Not after I had been fighting with myself about it all day.

I definitely should not have gone to the locker room, and I should not have let Travis hold me the way he did. I wanted to fall against him and never let go. I wanted to fuse myself to him, sink into how safe I always feel in his arms.

I can’t do that. I can’t risk his safety. My head is so messed up right now. I have no idea what the right thing to do is anymore.

I pick up the phone, scroll to my group chat with my cousins Tilly and Aurora, and hit the video call icon. Maybe they can talk some sense into me—well, maybe Tilly can at least. She’s the smart, sensible one. Not that Aurora isn’t smart. She just doesn’t use her brains for anything good.

“Hey, stranger, how’s Canada?” Tilly picks up first.

“Cold. How are things at home?” I ask, my heart aching a little when I mention the word.

Home.This city was supposed to become my new home. I was supposed to start a life with Travis here. And now, I have no idea what I’m going to do. I quit my job in New York. I had interviews lined up with advertising agencies all next week.

“Quiet, considering everyone is in Vancouver with you,” Tilly says.

“Bitch, why has it taken you this long to call?” Aurora enters the chat with her usual bravado.

“Sorry… I’ve been…Well, I’ve been… you know?” I shrug.

“What happened? Who do I need to make disappear?” she asks.

“No one,” I tell her.

“How’s Travis?” Tilly chimes in.

“He said it’ll be another two months or so before he can play again.”

“But how is he?” Tilly presses. I look at Aurora, and she’s staring right back at me, scrutinizing my every feature.

“I broke up with him,” I whisper.

“Why on this God-given earth would you break up with that man? Have you seen him? Shit, Lil, he’s insanely hot. And I can tell by the way he moves on the ice that he fucks well. So, again, why the fuck did you break up with him?” Aurora lifts a challenging brow. “Unless he did something to hurt you?”

I know what she’s doing. She’s baiting me. Waiting to see if I’ll react. But I’m too exhausted to play into it. “He was shot, Aurora. Because of me,” I tell her. “I can’t be with him and risk it being what gets him killed.”

“Bullshit. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Tilly, you’re the smart one. Tell her that’s stupid.”

“First of all, I’m not the smart one. You’re both very intelligent. And secondly, for once, I agree with her, Lil. That was stupid. It’s not a reason to break up with someone,” Tilly says.

“Keeping him safe isn’t stupid. I could never live with myself if anything else were to happen to him because of me.” I sigh.

“Why do you keep insisting it had anything to do with you in the first place? Wasn’t that King guy shot not all that long ago? That had nothing to do with you.”

“I overheard Dad and Mr. Monroe talking, and they said that whoever shot Travis told him it was for me. Because of me.”

The girls let out a collective gasp. “Wait, but I thought your dad had nothing to do with it?” Aurora asks, and I shrug.

“He didn’t.”

“So who was it then? Who on earth would have a reason to shoot Travis for you?” Tilly questions.

“I don’t know.” I shake my head. “I’ve been trying to figure that out. I have no idea. And no one else is any closer to finding out who it was either.”

“I’m so sorry, Lil.” Tilly wipes at her face. She’s always been emotional—the girl cries over a tissue commercial. While I appreciate all the work that goes into a good advertisement, that’s a little much… even for me.

“Don’t cry. You’ll make me cry, and I’ve cried enough this week,” I tell her.

“Well, I still think breaking up with Travis was a bullshit move. If you ask me, you should be with him. Help the guy mend. Sponge baths and all that.” Aurora waves a hand in the air with a devilish smirk on her face. I laugh when she begins fanning herself.

“I’m sorry, Lil. I have to go. Class is about to start.” Tilly looks around, and it’s only now that I notice she’s in a lecture hall.

“Thanks for chatting. I have to get up and drag my ass out of bed anyway,” I huff.

“We’ll talk again soon,” Aurora says, disconnecting the chat first.

“I’m really sorry, Lil. You should follow whatever your heart tells you to do. If it wants you to be with Travis, then go to him. If it doesn’t, then come home and we can get drunk.”

“Thanks, Tilly.”

The screen goes blank and I lie back down on the pillow. I don’t know how long I stare at the ceiling, but eventually the rumbling of my stomach has me crawling out of bed.

“What are you doing here? And what the fuck happened to your head?” Zio Matteo calls out from the foyer.

“I’m here because my cousin needs me. And I dyed my hair because Zia Izzy said blondes have more fun. She was right by the way,” Aurora replies, smirking while she pops a piece of chewing gum into her mouth.“I’ve been having all sorts of… fun.”

I run down the hall as soon as I hear her voice. “Aurora?” I just spoke to her this morning and now she’s here. My cousin shoves past her father, rushes over to me, and wraps her arms around my neck. She squeezes me tight. A little too tight.

“I can’t breathe,” I tell her.

“Sorry. I just missed you,” she says as she pulls back.

I reach out and run my fingers through her hair. “I love it.”

“Right? So do I,” Aurora says and then turns to her father. “I look good, right, Daddy?”

“You always look beautiful, Aurora. You don’t need to be blonde to accomplish that,” he grinds out.

“Ma’s blonde,” Aurora reminds him.

“Your mother is a natural blonde,” he counters. “And stop trying to change the subject. How did you get here?”

“I took a flight. First class, of course. It’s not the same as the jet, but it wasn’t bad, I guess.” Aurora smiles.

“By yourself?”

“Yep, all by myself. Who would have thought little ol’ me was capable of such a thing?” Aurora rolls her eyes before she grabs my hand. “Come on, we have so much to catch up on,” she says as she drags me back up the stairs.

“Aurora, we’re not done talking about this,” Zio Matteo calls after her.

“Okay, Daddy. I’ll come find you after I’m done with Lil.”

I turn and offer my uncle a weak smile, and he just shakes his head at us.

Once we’re closed inside the bedroom, Aurora turns to me with a wicked grin on her face. “Okay, we’re going to plan how to get that boy back,” she says.

“No, we’re not. And there is nothing boyish about Travis O’Neil—trust me.”

“Yes, we are. You’re miserable as hell and I am not going to sit by and watch you hurt yourself because you’re all stuck in your own head.”

“Aurora, it’s not that simple.” I force out a long sigh and flop onto the bed. “He got shot because of me.”

“You know Zio Luca jumped in front of a bullet for Zia Katy, right? And they’re doing just fine.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“Zio Luca was part of the life. He knew the risks. And besides, he’s always getting shot. It wasn’t anything new to him.”

“He was a football player when he jumped in front of that bullet. I’ve watched some of the news clips. He was a hero, really. But that’s not the point. The point is… Travis got shot, but he survived, Lil, and you’re over here acting like the guy is dead.”

“No, trust me, I would not be functioning if he actually died.” I shake my head.

“Your hair looks like you haven’t washed it for a week, and you have the darkest bags under your eyes. But, sure, let’s pretend everything is just fine,” she says while gesturing to my face.

“Thanks a lot.” I shove at her shoulder.

“You know I love you, but I’m going to be honest when I think you’re being an idiot. You love him. He loves you. The end.” Aurora claps her hands together. Like that’s it. Like it’s a done deal.

I wish it were that simple. I wish love was enough to overcome everything. But it’s not.

“You’re being a martyr because you’re scared of getting hurt. But here’s the thing, coz… You’re a Valentino. We do not run from anything. We look our fears in the eye and suffocate it. What we don’t do is give it the freedom to grow and smother us.”

I look at her and snort. “Who gave you that little bit of wisdom?”

“Nonno.” She smiles. “And he’s right. No one is scarier than Nonno,” she says. “Well, except maybe Zio Theo. Your dad is on the same level.”

“He is.” I laugh.

Is she right, though? Am I only running from what Travis and I have because I’m scared? I know I’m terrified of something happening to him, of losing him forever. And pushing him away… well, that’s practically the same thing. Either way, I don’t have him in my life anymore.