Chapter 30

It’s been a week. A long-ass fucking week without Lili. I’ve tried to talk to her. I’ve tried and failed to give her the space she wants. I’ll keep calling and messaging her until she decides to talk to me. Even if it’s just to tell me to fuck off and leave her alone. At this point, I’d take anything if it means getting a response from her.

I’ve heard from Grayson that she’s still in Vancouver. She didn’t return to New York like she planned. She’s with her family, and according to him, the whole tribe is here. I’ve had a few visits from her brother and cousins. I think they’re on some kind of rotating roster, checking that I’m still alive. They’ve tried to not make it obvious, but it is. I couldn’t give a fuck about myself, though. I’m worried about her. It’s always her.

She’s on my mind constantly. Even now, as I sit on the bench in the locker room, watching my teammates get ready to play the first preseason game, I can’t stop thinking about her. Don’t get me wrong… I’m fucking pissed as hell that I’m benched. This isn’t exactly how I pictured my first game with the Knights going.

I pull out my phone and text Lili for the millionth time.

Me:

Is it weird that I’m more worried about you and what you’re doing than what I’m having to do right now?

I see the read notice on the message, and then the three little dots pop up, indicating she’s typing a reply.

Sweet Lili:

What are you doing?

Me:

About to sit out my first Knights game.

Sweet Lili:

I’m sorry. I know how much you love being out there. What have the doctors said? When will you be back on the ice?

This is the most she’s spoken to me in a week. And I’ll do anything I can to keep her talking. Which means I’m overthinking my reply. I don’t want to scare her off.

Me:

I love you more than hockey, Liliana. I hate sitting on the bench, but I hate going to bed at night without you more. I hate waking up and not seeing your beautiful face.

Me:

Doctors are saying two months.

Sweet Lili:

I hate it too.

That’s it. Just… I hate it too.

Fuck, my hand clenches around the phone. I know she loves me. I know she’s scared that her family connections will impact me. But she doesn’t get that living without her isn’t fucking living at all.

Me:

Then come home.

Sweet Lili:

You know I can’t do that, Travis. I can’t be the reason you get hurt again.

I don’t tell her that right now she is the exact reason I’m hurting. I don’t tell her that I’m breaking down without her.

Me:

This isn’t your fault, Lili. I love you.

I tuck my phone away and follow my teammates out through the tunnel. My parents are in the stands. I told them they could go home, that they didn’t need to be here tonight. I’m not even playing. They refused, saying that whether I was on the ice or not, this was my first game as a Knight, and that they were not missing it.

I sit down and look out to the crowd. Something has me glancing up at the boxes. Where the Monroes usually get together to watch the game. And I can’t look away. She’s here. Staring right back at me. Lili is standing between her father and Gray’s sister. I pull my phone out of my pocket.

Me:

You’re here.

Sweet Lili:

I wasn’t going to miss your first game as a Knight.

Me:

Come down to the tunnel.

The little dots pop up on the screen before they’re gone again. I watch Lili turn to Aliyah and then step away from the window. Fuck, I fucking scared her off.

I run my hands through my hair. I’m so fucking frustrated. I feel out of control, out of my depths when it comes to her. I keep telling myself that I just have to be patient. That she’ll come to her senses. I know she will. I have to believe that. Because the alternative—the idea that I’ve lost her forever—isn’t something I can live with.

I try to turn my attention back on the ice. I should be cheering on my teammates. I should be focused on the game. Hockey used to be the love of my life. I honestly never thought anything could top it. Until I met Lili.

At the end of the first period, I get up and walk down the tunnel before the rest of the team is even off the ice. I stop dead in my tracks when I get to the locker room and Lili is standing with Aliyah just outside the door. I stare at her. Frozen to the spot. Almost too scared to move an inch and risk her running off.

“Hey.” Lili gives me a sad smile.

“Hi.” The rest of the guys make their way inside the locker room—well, everyone except King. He stops and scoops Aliyah into his arms and spins her around.

She reaches out a hand to swat at his chest. “Ew, put me down. You’re all sweaty.”

“You love it when I’m sweaty.” King grins and earns himself a slap upside the back of his head from Gray.

“That’s my fucking sister, dick.”

“I’m well aware,” King replies before setting Aliyah back on her feet and following Grayson into the locker room.

I wait until everyone is gone before I speak again. “That’s a good look,” I tell Lili. She’s wearing my Knights jersey. Seeing my number on her is always the biggest fucking turn-on.

“Thanks. I couldn’t not support the best player on the team,” she says.

“I heard that, Lil,” Grayson yells out from the locker room.

I take a step towards her. “Thanks for coming.”

“My dad forced me… It’s not that I didn’t want to be here. I just didn’t want to complicate things,” she says.

I reach out and grab hold of her hand. Such a simple fucking touch. Yet the instant my skin makes contact with hers, I feel a strong sense of peace wash over me. Like I’ve just come home after being away for a long time.

“I’ve missed you so fucking much,” I whisper and pull her against me.

She’s tense for a moment before I feel her body relax and lean into mine. Her arms close around my waist. “I’m so sorry. I wish things could be different. I really do,” she says.

“They can be, Lili. The only people who get to decide our fate are us. You and me. That’s all that matters. As long as we’re together, we can overcome anything.” I kiss the top of her head.

“I wish it were that simple.” Lili pulls away from me, and I can feel her trying to put distance between us in more ways than one.

“Tell me that you don’t love me… Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll stop fighting for us.” It’s a lie. I’m never going to stop fighting. But she doesn’t need to know that.

“I can’t…” She shakes her head and drops her eyes to the ground.

“Then I’m going to keep fighting for us. I will never stop.” I tip her chin up and force her to look at me.

“I have to go. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come down here. I just wanted to… I needed to see you,” she admits.

“You should stay. You can watch the game from the bench with me.” I lift a shoulder in a half-shrug. Pretending like it’s no big deal.

“I can’t,” she repeats. And without another word, Lili turns and walks away. It’s only then that I notice the two bulking men in black suits trailing behind her. I was so wrapped up in seeing her I didn’t notice anyone was even watching us.