Chapter 23

TWENTY-THREE

Annie

"And I know another guy who'd like to hire you. He plays for our farm team in Hartford."

"Oh wow."

I've just told Dillon Landry I can't coach him while I'm working for the Bears. It's kind of a bummer, but I need to focus on doing the best job I can with the team I work for. I've been busting my butt and I think I'm winning over the guys and seeing results. I can't screw that up.

We end the call and I tell him I'll let him know if things change.

Now I have to deal with my mom.

She's still here. And even though I thought I'd managed to get her stop her matchmaking, I underestimated her tenacity. She is a hockey mom, after all. There's a saying that the only thing tougher than a hockey player is his mom, and it is truth .

"I don't believe you have a boyfriend," she says to me over dinner at Ellington's Steakhouse. "I think you made that story up to get me to go home and leave you alone."

"Would you blame me?"

She gasps. "Annie! Am I right? How could you lie about something like that?"

"I'm not lying!" Well, at the time I sort of was. But now…Logan and I are actually…a couple. I guess. Even though it's secret. "I just can't tell you who it is."

"Why not?"

"Because…reasons."

She shakes her head and cuts a piece of her steak. "Well. Here's what I think. If a relationship has to be secret, you shouldn't be in it."

I sit back in my chair and blink. Ooof. That hit a little too close to home. "Dammit, Mom," I mutter.

She raises her eyebrows and lifts her fork to her mouth, regarding me provokingly as she eats her steak.

I look down at my plate. My filet mignon was delicious, five minutes ago.

I hate not being honest with my mom. I love her. She loves me. I know that. Even when I screwed up, she was always there for me. I know I always felt overshadowed by my brothers, but I never felt like my parents didn't love me and want the best for me. Guilt lodges like a stone in my gut.

If I tell her the truth, she'll still love me. Right?

I nibble the inside of my bottom lip and play with my food.

But if I tell her the truth, she's not going to be happy. I don't want to make my mom unhappy. Or my dad. Or my brothers.

On the other hand…I really care about Logan. We haven't known each other long—unless you count that night in Pyeongchang, and hey, why not count it, it was one of the best nights of my life and now I know why, because Logan is one of the best men I've ever met—but there's an undeniable chemistry and connection between us that I've never experienced with anyone else.

It's not fair to him, to hide him like a dirty secret. He doesn't deserve that, I know now. I care about him and I want everyone to know that.

My breath catches in my esophagus. I press my fingers there. Oh. My. God.

I'm falling in love with this man.

I close my eyes as the room starts slowly turning around me. I've never really been in love before. I've had a few boyfriends, but my life was so focused on skating that relationships never really had a chance to grow into love.

I can't stop thinking about him. I want to be with him all the time. I hate how his dad makes him feel and I love that he's working so hard on his goal.

How can I keep him a secret?

But I have to.

"Annie. What's going through your mind?" Mom sets down her fork and picks up her glass of cabernet. "Tell me."

I want to tell her. No matter how old a girl gets, she'll always need her mom. I want to tell my mom that I'm in love with the best guy in the world. The lump moves from my stomach to my throat. "I love you, Mom."

Her expression changes, a crease forming between her eyebrows. "Oh, Annie." She closes her eyes. "Is he married?"

"No! It's not that." I sigh.

She pierces me with her gaze again. "Then what is it?"

I swallow. "It's Logan Coates."

Her head jerks minutely but her expression doesn't change. Then the furrow in her forehead reappears. She blinks. "Logan Coates."

I press my lips together and nod.

"The player who broke your brother's ankle and put him in the hospital."

I close my eyes. "Yes."

"Good God."

I straighten my spine and open my eyes. I have to own this. "He's not a bad person, Mom."

Her lips part. "He's a goon!"

"No, he's not. Yes, he's a physical player." I want to tell her everything about Logan's dad and his upbringing and why he's always played so tough, and how he's working on changing that. "But he's not a goon. You know teams don't have ‘goons' anymore."

She makes a scoffing noise. "There will always be enforcers."

"Oh God. Now you sound like Logan's dad."

She frowns. "What does that mean?"

"It's a long story. Do you want to hear it, or no?"

She slowly moves her head from side to side. "I really don't think I do. I can't believe this. Why would you get involved with someone like him? You know that's a slap in the face to Jensen."

"I get that it seems like that, but it's not my intention. I wouldn't want to hurt Jensen. But that happened years ago. And it was a mistake. Logan never intended to hurt Jensen."

"But he did."

What can I say? I pull a slow breath in through my nose. "I know."

"Well, you need to end things with him."

My mouth falls open far enough for Mom to see my tonsils. I snap it shut. "No."

She blinks again. "Annie. It can't be serious. How long have you known him? Three months?"

"Six years."

"Whaaaat!" Her hand goes to her throat, her eyes bugging out.

"We met in Pyeongchang. Nothing came of it then, but when we met again here, there was still a connection. Even though I hated him at first."

"Good lord." Mom sits back in her chair. "You never said anything."

"No. I mean…" I wave a hand. "What was I going to say? Anyway, I'm not ending things with Logan. We almost did. Because we both knew this would be an issue. But…" I roll my lips in briefly. "I missed him."

"I can't believe this." Mom pushes her plate away. "You and Ivan make a perfect couple. We all love him."

"But I don't love him. Not that like, anyway. I love him as a friend."

"Well." Mom looks across the restaurant. "I think we should go now."

My eyes feel hot. "You haven't finished your steak."

"I know. I'll take care of the check." She gestures to our waiter.

Neither of us talk as she does that and then we walk out of the restaurant onto West 52 nd .

"Are you going back to the hotel?" I ask.

"I need to come to your place to get the things I left there. I'm going to fly home tomorrow."

"Okay. Right. We can walk then." We set off toward Ivan's place. It's dark and chilly and I wrap my scarf around my chin and pull on my gloves. "I'm sorry, Mom."

"I'm just so disappointed."

"I know." I sink my teeth into my bottom lip. "Are you going to disown me?"

"Disown you?" She turns wide eyes on me. "What does that even mean?"

"I don't know. People always say that. Like, kick me out of the family."

She snorts softly. "I don't think we can do that." She fills her cheeks with air then blows it out.

She didn't say she doesn't want to kick me out of the family. And I know as soon as the others hear about this, I'm going to be in shit up to my shoulders.

We walk into the apartment, and I stop right inside the door when I see Logan sitting in the living room with Ivan. My eyes widen. "Hi."

"Hi." Logan's gaze shifts behind me to see my mom. "Oh…hey."

They both stand.

"Hi," says Ivan.

I move in so Mom can follow me inside and close the door. Then a skunky scent reaches my nose. I lift my chin and my gaze sharpens on the joint in Ivan's hand. "What's going on?"

Logan stands too and gives me a loose smile. "I came over to make friends with Ivan."

I stare at him. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. He's not gay."

I blink rapidly a few times. "I know that, Logan."

"Yeah, I did, too. But I kept hoping. Ah well. We're getting to know each other better."

"Over a joint." I lift an eyebrow.

"Well. Yeah."

Mom goes around me and stops. "Logan Coates."

"Yes, ma'am." He straightens. "You want to punch me, don't you." He looks like he's prepared to take his punishment. For a wild minute, I think she might do it.

Holy laughing grass, what is happening? I rub my forehead.

"I do," she agrees, frowning. "Annie told me about you two."

"Oh." He gulps and looks at me.

I make a "sorry" face and shrug.

"Well, this is great!" He rubs his hands together. " We can get to know each other, too!"

Mom sighs. She takes off her coat, turns, and hands it to me. I hang it on the coat rack near the door, along with mine.

Mom walks farther into the room, plucks the joint from Ivan's fingers, places it between her lips, and takes a long puff. Then she sits on the couch and exhales a long stream of smoke. "It's been a day."

I gape at her. I look to Ivan who's trying not to laugh, then Logan who looks like Mom just stripped naked. That's probably how I look, too.

Logan tips his head at me and I walk over to him and lean on him. "Holy hell what is happening."

"You broke my son's ankle," Mom says.

"I know. It was an accident." Logan sits back down on the chair he was in. I perch on the arm of it. "I didn't intend to hit him like that. I apologized to him. I got suspended and fined for it."

"Yeah. Four games." Mom takes another toke.

I cover my eyes.

"The department of player safety assessed that. I accepted it."

Mom hands the joint to me.

"Mom, I don't do that stuff."

She gives me a look. "Annie."

I reach for it and take a drag. Then I hand it to Logan. "Well, if we're getting everything out in the open, Mom's not happy about us."

Logan nods. "I understand."

"I don't know if my opinion counts for anything," Ivan says to Mom. "But I like him."

"Thanks, man," Logan says cheerfully.

Mom gives Ivan a sad look. "It should be you."

"Stella." He puts a hand on her arm. "No. It was never going to be me."

Mom wiggles her fingers for Logan to pass her the doobie, which he does, saying, "Ivan's a good guy, too."

"Thanks, man." Ivan beams at him, then looks at me. "Did you know this guy helps kids learn to play hockey?"

"I did know that." I smile. I love that he does that.

Mom appears unimpressed.

"And he likes Luke Combs."

My mouth twists. "Country music. Ugh."

"Country music is great," Ivan and Logan say at the same time.

I have to laugh.

"And Ivan likes the Spy Museum!" Logan adds. "We're gonna go back there sometime."

I regard my best friend and the man I love with amusement and affection. "That sounds great."

"Well," Mom says. "Annie always has been a rebel."

I frown. "What does that mean?"

"I should have known when you found a man it would be someone we don't approve of."

My mouth drops open and I straighten in outrage. "That is not what happened!"

"I should go." Mom stands.

"You can't go. You're stoned."

Mom laughs. "I am not. I'll Uber to the hotel." She pulls out her phone.

We collect her things and the car arrives quickly. I walk out to the sidewalk with her. "Text me when you get to the hotel."

"How things change. The kids worry about the parents now."

"I just want to know you make it there okay."

"I'll be fine."

"You're going to tell everyone about me and Logan, aren't you?"

"Well, I'm not going to keep it a secret."

"We're, um, trying to be discreet. Because we work together."

She regards me somberly. "Like I said earlier… if a relationship has to be secret, you shouldn't be in it. You should have thought of that before you got involved with him."

I did. But I did it anyway. And now I'm going to face the consequences of that. I lift my chin. "You're right."

Her eyes flicker and she swallows. Then she hugs me. "Bye, Annie."