37. Rider

CHAPTER 37

Rider

I picked at my meal of venison and root vegetables knowing eating was a practical necessity for a warrior but unable to concentrate on the job. Stunned green eyes and brilliant red hair kept flitting through my mind's eye, and the more I thought about it, the more I was sure she'd been too stunned to know where she'd been last night.

I shouldn't have let Talon scare her off. I should have taken the moment to find someone I trusted to take care of her. I?—

Why the hell couldn't I stop thinking of her? I'd been thinking of her since I'd left the Garden last night. I couldn't seem to get her out of my mind.

Sage.

Her name rolled around and around in my head. I didn't know her. Didn't care about her. Sure, she'd been new and vulnerable, but it hadn't been my business. I didn't want a mate. I'd had a mate, found that one woman who'd made my soul sing, and now she was dead. I didn't want to replace her. I couldn't. And I sure as hell didn't want the Goddess to force a mate on me, either.

Talon scaring her away had been for the best.

Except I couldn't make myself believe that. What if Wells had found her again? He was one of a handful of young men determined to be mated who aggressively pursued all available women. And while many women loved that, others were intimidated by it, and given how Sage had run away from him instead of telling him off, I suspected she was a woman of the latter group. Winning her bond wouldn't come by pursuit. It came by letting her see your soul and understanding just how special it was when she let you see hers.

Like it had been with Isemay. She'd been ferocious when she needed to be, a match to my wolf's nature, but she'd also been careful with her heart and soul. The human men of her world had scarred her, made her wary of opening up, but when she had, it had been like one of those rare moments when the sun cut through the mist in the Gray.

Had Sage been hurt the same way? Maybe she was just shy. There were so few women they were precious and there were some sects that kept them safe and sheltered, preparing them at the last moment for what to expect in the Garden while training them to look for mates in the men among the sect. Perhaps Sage had grown up in a family in one of those sects and manifested sooner than expected.

"For the love of— eat the damn carrot," Talon said, snapping me out of my reverie.

"What?" I stared at him sitting across the table in my private suite, a cup of wine in his hand, his own meal finished.

He gave a pointed glare to the carrot piece I'd been pushing around my plate. "Just because you favor meat doesn't mean you don't also need vegetables."

"And did you hear the last two things I said?" Quill asked, using his bread to sop up the last of the gravy on his plate.

"You want to test Winter and Rue's magic," I repeated back then shoved the carrot into my mouth.

Quill sighed and ran his hands through his short, blond hair. "Not the last two things I said. I said of the humans there are nine who we can put into advanced training right away. Mikel, Durand, Hamelin, Bramwell, Ambrose, Aldis, Jokin, Sivis, and Sawyer."

There were a few other novices on the borderline who we might want to put in advanced training once this first rotation was done, but those nine were definitely the most skilled of the group… Sawyer being a shocking surprise.

I'd thought because he'd been stupid enough to use the ring after dark and so damn small, he'd have minimal weapons training. Usually extensive training built muscle, something the boy didn't have much of. Of course, if he was only sixteen, he could still be waiting on a growth spurt. Goddess, I hope he was. I didn't think we'd ever had a guardsman of such slight stature before.

That said, the boy could fight, and he had a good eye at archery. Whoever had taught him, had taught him competition shooting, stilling himself and focusing solely on the target, but with a bit of practice he'd be able to speed that up. If, of course, the chaos of battle didn't send him running.

Except I already knew it wouldn't. He'd been losing the fight against the hounds when Grefin and I had saved him, but he'd still been fighting. That and before I figured out he was a hell of lot better with the sword than I — and probably anyone — had first assumed, he'd managed to dodge my attacks and even score a point until I'd raised my skill level to that of the top human novices.

At least until I'd scored my first hit and brought him to his knees.

I bit back a growl of frustration at the boy for not mentioning that he was hurt but mostly at myself for being so angry with him last night that I hadn't bothered to check him out after hauling him into the Tower's bailey. He'd looked shaken but he hadn't been bleeding and Grefin said he'd climbed the stairs to his room without problem. Hell, even Talon hadn't said anything after the boy had stumbled across him in the bathhouse.

And while Talon had assured me Sawyer didn't need a healer, it didn't make me feel better that his guardian had beaten him, and I was now punishing him for protecting his sister. He still shouldn't have come through the ring after dark and it still didn't sound like he'd known how dangerous that was, so he stilled needed to be reprimanded, but that didn't make me feel better.

Maybe I could suggest to Talon to tell Sawyer to appeal his punishment. He had a right to do so and probably didn't even know that, either.

But given how the boy had taken my punishment and the snide remarks from the other novices, I doubted he would. That and just taking a rotation of stable duty with an extra half shift after the evening meal would go a long way to easing the anger of the other guardsmen. Speaking up would just make him look more like a spoiled nobleman that the other novices thought he was, even if Kit, Payne, Lewin, and even Grefin had reported the boy was anything but.

He was reeling like all human novices were when they first arrived, more so because his arrival hadn't been pleasant. That was all. Just like a certain red-haired beauty had been reeling.

Fucking Shadows. I had to stop thinking about her. "We'll put those nine into the accelerated training with the fae novices when the initial first rotation is done," I forced out.

Talon sat forward. "Not Sawyer. He's a child and he's timid. A few extra rotations with the other novices will be good for him."

"The humans say he's a man and he already knows the basics," Quill replied. "He'll be bored and think it's another punishment. He has extraordinary potential. He could become an elite hunter. But if we're not smart, we'll break his spirit."

Which was the biggest challenge with the human novices. The fae chose to be in the Guard. They had to commit to fifty years of service, but most stayed for the rest of their lives unless they were soul bonded with a woman or chose a male mate and wanted to settle down.

The humans were here for life whether they wanted to be or not. Some saw it as their purpose before they were even summoned, but the rest had to discover that it was their purpose or find peace with it. Those who'd had a full life, like our new smith who'd had three children and a wife before his name had been drawn, struggled, and it was a delicate balance between pushing them to turn them into decent Guardsmen and not breaking their already damaged spirit.

"I'm not sure he is a man." Talon took a long sip from his cup then sighed. "We all saw the way he fought. He studied you with the other novices, knew his best chance at scoring a point was right at the beginning before you figured out how fast he is. Which means he's smart. He's also not arrogant and doesn't parade around like some of the other noblemen we've had to deal with, so Grefin's idea that he thought he was too important to pay attention doesn't make sense."

"Maybe the humans messed up and a priest didn't give him the talk," Quill said.

"Or maybe he's not sixteen yet," Talon replied.

That thought made me almost as angry as forcing a father to abandon his children. Except human children weren't rare like fae children and neither were female mates. Family wasn't as precious to the humans as it was to us, and it wasn't my place to try to fix how the humans selected their half of the Black Guard. Even if Sawyer wasn't sixteen, he was probably close enough.

"He's been bound to the Tower. He's a Guardsman now," I said, my voice gruffer than I intended.

If Talon was right, then the humans really were sending me children now. Thank the Goddess this child at least knew how to swing a sword and hadn't pissed himself squaring off against me or the hounds.

"We can keep him off the most dangerous shifts for a while," I said. "But the rest of the men have sacrificed enough lieu time. They're getting tired and tired men start fights and have accidents. We need more bodies and he's a body."

"And what good will he be if he's killed?" Talon insisted, sitting forward and glaring at me as if that would get me to change my mind. Which he knew wouldn't. It never did. "I'd rather we risk breaking his confidence in himself than throwing him to the shadows."

"No. There's no point in even debating this," I growled, spearing another piece of carrot with more force than I intended. Talon was right. The boy shouldn't be thrown into active duty so quickly, but we couldn't afford to hold him back.

"There sure as hell is. He's a child. He doesn't even know himself." Talon's breath picked up and the shadow trapped under his skin that he couldn't get rid of but usually managed to keep under control by regularly having sex started swirling up his neck.

Quill set a hand on Talon's knee, making Talon tense.

"Fuck," he hissed as if he'd just realized he was losing control of his shadow. He ran his hands through his hair and drew in sharp breaths, trying to calm himself and his shadow.

"When was the last time you fucked?" I asked. I couldn't afford to have him lose control, not when I needed him to help me with the novices, especially the boy he'd gotten so worked up about.

"Last night," Quill replied, his expression tight with worry.

"Well, you need to fuck someone tonight as well," I growled back. "I don't want to have to put you in the infirmary because your shadow took over."

Talon snorted. "Are you making an offer?"

"If that's what you need," I growled back, making Quill's eyebrows rise in surprise, because while Talon and I had fucked before, I hadn't had sex with him or anyone since I'd mated Isemay. "You're losing your shit over a boy and with barely a day after sex. That's not like you at all."

"A boy who's fae-touched," Quill added softly, making Talon shoot him a dark look.

"That isn't your secret to share. I'm not sure he fully realized the truth until he walked in on me in the bathhouse last night."

Ah. Well, that explained it. Talon's shadow wanted Sawyer, but Talon was the kind of man who didn't take advantage of someone. If the boy didn't know he was fae-touched, then Talon's magic was influencing him toward something he might not be ready for, and Talon wouldn't be able to tell if the boy was a willing participant or not.

"I'd rather you find someone else, but I'll feed your shadow if I have to," I said. "But it has to happen tonight, and we're putting Sawyer into the advanced training."

"Fine." The muscles in Talon's jaw tightened and a hint of shadow curled up his neck. "Let's get to the Garden and find out what Ash has learned. Then I'll find someone to fuck."

"And we need to warn him that we've got three novices who should be on suicide watch," Quill said.

My pulse picked up at the thought of going to the Garden. Would she be there? Would she still be just as stunned?

Fuck. What the hell was wrong with me? I had to stop thinking about her. Just. Stop.