36. Talon

CHAPTER 36

Talon

Sawyer's eyes flashed wide at my command and the panic grew. "You want me to what?"

"Take off your shirt and show me." Goddess above I was disgusting. I hated using my allure like this. I hated using my allure at all and yet in this case, I needed to be able to tell Rider that the boy was all right and he hadn't done more damage by sparring with him, or I needed to drag the boy to Flint and get him fixed up or put on bedrest.

Boy was Rider going to be pissed at himself if he forced someone who should have been on bedrest to muck out the stables all morning. Of course, if that was the case, part of it was Sawyer's fault for not saying anything.

"I, ah…"

The fear in his eyes grew and his breath turned sharp as he tried to look away from me but couldn't, reminding me that he was just a boy and human. What he felt for me came with other issues, ones that might have been the reason he'd flinched at Rider's sharp dismissal and how I knew he had experience with being beaten.

Fuck. What was wrong with me?

I released him and forced myself through the pasture gate into the bailey. A few of the novices were on the other side of the bailey headed toward the barracks and Quill stood in the doorway of the indoor practice hall, waiting for me and the last of the weapons.

"Quill," I said, grabbing Quill and pulling him back inside the building. As feared, even though I'd stopped making eye contact, my allure on Sawyer was still strong and it compelled him to stumble after us. "Show Quill."

"I'm not— It's just a bruise. I swear," Sawyer insisted, his voice regaining strength now that he wasn't captured within my gaze. "There's no point in bothering the healer. I— I'm used to it." He undid the clasps of his jerkin with trembling fingers and raised his shirt just enough to reveal the large dark purple bruise staining across his ribs and up his chest. "The Marquis of Herstind March has a temper."

Quill stiffened, his sudden change in demeanor shocking and not like Quill at all. "What about your sister? Does he hurt your sister?"

Sawyer's hands shook harder as he tried to reclasp his jerkin.

"I'm going back," Quill said, taking Sawyer's silence as a yes. "Tell Rider we'll discuss the novices in the Garden."

What the hell? Where had this come from? There were only a few hours of daylight left in the Gray. If Quill left now, he wouldn't be able to return until morning.

He shoved past me to get to the door, but Sawyer caught his arm, stopping him.

"Don't. She's not there. I—" More panic flashed through Sawyer's expression. "It's why I used the ring so late yesterday. I couldn't leave her at the castle."

"So, she safe?" Quill asked, his reaction shocking me.

I had no idea why Quill was so interested in Sawyer's sister. I'd never seen him interested in a human woman before. He didn't even visit the brothel in Lehyrst with the other Guardsmen. And while yes, it went against everything we believed in to hurt a woman, there were a lot of human women being hurt in the human's realm and we had to turn a blind eye to it. What made Sawyer's sister so special?

"She's safe." Sawyer's gaze dropped to his feet, adding to my frustration.

He was so timid. I knew he had a spark within him. I'd seen a glimmer of it when he fought Rider and he'd killed a hound for goodness' sake, but I suspected his submission had been beaten into him and was going to be a hard habit to break.

Then, much to my surprise, he jerked his attention back up as if he'd suddenly remembered what I'd told him last night. "She's safe and I'm fine. I still have half a shift of stable duty at the eighth bell and I'm hungry. Am I dismissed?"

From the set of his jaw, it was clear I'd have to push to get anything more from him and I didn't want to push him. His spark had returned, but that didn't mean it was here to stay.

That, and I needed to know what the hell was wrong with Quill, and I couldn't demand answers in front of Sawyer. Quill was acting like a soul-bonded male with his sudden need to rescue Sawyer's sister, which was impossible because she was human and they'd barely met.

"Yes. Go." I took the practice sword from him and waved him off, watching him run out the door then turned to Quill. "What the hell was that?"

"Nothing." Quill said, heading for the door as well.

I blocked his path and met his gaze, trying to figure out what was going on with him. "That wasn't nothing. You were ready to leave the Gray without a second thought. You only met Sawyer's sister briefly and she's not fae so there's no bond."

"I know." The look in his emerald eyes slid from frightened to grief stricken and confused. "I know," he repeated as if he couldn't make himself believe it, then his shoulders sagged and he stepped close, pressing his forehead against mine, his breath feathering over my cheeks and lips. "She's human. Her life is so short. She doesn't even know me. And I can't stop thinking about her. I've been trying all day and I can't. Every time I look at the boy, I think of her… can see her in him. Which is crazy. I barely got a look at either of them, but I know they're siblings and I?—"

I dropped the practice weapons and wrapped my arms around him, holding him close.

"It's a fascination. Not a bond," I murmured against his jaw, more to convince myself than him. We both knew fae couldn't bond with humans so what he felt wasn't more than a sudden, shocking obsession, not a soul bond.

"I know it is, and yet—" His breath picked up. "I can't seem to convince myself of that no matter how impossible it is."

My throat tightened. It sure sounded like he'd fallen for her, and while it was rare, some fae men did fall instantly in love with their mates before the female even acknowledge them. Except that was only for bonded mates and bonding was only ever between fae.

So, what he felt was impossible. But he wanted a female mate so badly and knew in his soul that having one was impossible because he had no magic. He'd latched onto this human female in a desperate, probably unconscious need to fulfill his heart's desire.

"She'll break your heart," I whispered.

And that would break mine. I loved Quill so deeply it hurt. It had taken me far too long to figure out how I felt about Quill and by then I'd spent years succumbing to the desire of the shadow trapped with in me. Just like it compelled humans to desire me, it compelled me to desire them— hell, to desire everyone. Human, fae, man, woman, it didn't matter.

I'd slept with almost everyone who was interested because I had to and had convinced Quill and myself that what we had was casual. Just like the relationship a lot of fae men had with each other.

And then I'd realized the truth. That I was desperately in love with Quill and that the shadow took something it needed from my sexual partners. I weakened them when we had sex, but I couldn't ignore the compulsion to have sex, or I'd lose control of the monster inside me. And that could never be allowed to happen again.

But I knew Quill wouldn't take bonding vows with me because he wanted a family and wasn't ready to let go of that dream even though we both knew it was never going to happen.

Except falling for a human wouldn't give him a family, either.

"Guess it's only fair she breaks my heart," he said, sliding his cheek against mine and burying his face in my shoulder, "because I think I broke hers by delivering her brother's summons to the Gray."

I clung to him, fighting the urge to turn the embrace into something more. He needed comfort. He didn't need sex. Besides, we'd had sex last night in the Garden and I didn't want to weaken him further.

"He said she's safe," I murmured into his hair.

My thoughts leaped to the ugly bruise marring Sawyer's torso. I shouldn't have just taken his word for it that he wasn't hurt worse. A bruise that size and that dark indicated a serious beating. He might not have broken ribs, but they could be cracked. Still— "He's better off here. He'll get roughed up in practice and on duty, but he won't be beaten just because." And he certainly won't be beaten because he was fae-touched. "Here he has a fighting chance. And by bringing him here, she got away, too."

Quill sucked in a sharp breath and shoved whatever he was feeling back behind the mask he'd built up over the years that made him a good captain. No matter what he was feeling, he always gave a sense of control. He was the calm to Rider's ferocious determination and my charming allure… while Ash was the shadow watching our backs.

And if I was smart, I'd ask Ash to watch Sawyer's back. If the other novices didn't back down, the boy could reach a point where he'd be forced to fight back or break, and I really didn't want to see the boy break.