Chapter Three | Liam

I checked for the house key a second time. The lanyard with it was in my jeans pocket. I wasn't used to having so much to do before I went out for the night.

I went into the kitchen and set out some snacks that would be suitable for Noah and Brody's foster children while I was away at the pub for our Salish Sea Society meeting.

This afternoon, Noah and his husband had headed out for their week-long camping honeymoon. They'd set up a babysitter for tonight so I could go to the meeting. She was the daughter of one of the crown prosecutors Brody worked with. In September, she'd started her first year at university intending to become a science teacher. After talking with her for a few minutes, I felt comfortable leaving the kids with her. I required my own piece of mind.

I'd never been in charge of the kids for an extended period before. I'd only watched them at night when Noah and Brody went for their weekly date night. Brody had been fastidious about writing out what needed to be done each day for the house, kids—and the menagerie of animals.

I appreciated the detail. I didn't want to let them down. Noah and Brody trusted me, and I wanted to honour that trust by being the best kid and animal guncle ever.

"Angela." I walked into the living room. "I've taken Bentley for a walk, but you'll have to let him out before he beds down for the night. And please don't let Rowan pick out a horror movie to watch before bed. Quinn won't be able to sleep. Ze will be up all night."

"Sure thing, Liam." She plopped onto the couch between the kids. "Bed at 9:30?"

"At the latest. They have school tomorrow." I motioned toward the kitchen. "I've left out snacks if they get hungry. I'll be back by 11:00." I wouldn't be drinking tonight or any night I was in charge of my noodles, a word we'd come up with instead of niece or nephew.

"Okay, noodles … be good." I wasn't worried about Quinn. At fourteen, ze was simply happy to be sheltered in a home after living on the streets for four months. Ze didn't cause a fuss. Rowan at seventeen was a bit pricklier. He'd been enjoying being homeless, living without rules.

It had taken weeks for Noah and Brody to build trust and encourage Rowan to view their house as his home. Angela, at twenty, wasn't much older than Rowan, but Noah and Brody felt better with an adult in the house. They weren't comfortable leaving Rowan in charge yet.

Rowan had his wild moments. Drinking, drugging, and staying out until all hours. He'd promised me he wouldn't put me through that while I was staying with them. Time would tell.

Absorbed in picking what they were going to watch, I slipped out of the house without notice. One thing I had observed when minding kids … you were essentially invisible unless you made an effort to connect. Cooking, cleaning, and laundry all happened magically in a kid's eyes.

The times I'd picked them up at school, their attention had immediately been glued to their cell screens. I'd taken to playing obnoxious pop music and singing loudly to get their attention.

At home, I had rules. The same as Noah and Brody had. No electronic gadgets at the table, the only place we ate dinner. And everyone had to share something about their day to be commented on by everyone present. Every one of us took a turn and contributed.

Over time, the kids had warmed to the tradition. There had been a massive transformation in the interactions of their family. The kids were happy and seemed to feel heard and loved.

A small ache formed in my chest as I walked into the Lion and Pheasant . I discounted it as heartburn even though I knew it wasn't. I would've been happy to curl up on the couch and watch a movie with my noodles tonight. But I had plenty of nights ahead to do that. Noah had given me a paid week off so I could dedicate my time to caring for their family.

Ethan looked giddy as I approached. He leapt up and wrapped his arms around me.

"I have news," he said.

"You always have news," Owen replied and looked at me. "He's bursting."

Ethan bounced away from me and took a seat facing the opening in the snug. They each had a pint of some kind of amber ale in front of them. I went to the bar, poured myself a glass of ice water, and headed back to occupy my usual spot.

"Okay," I said. "Spill, Ethan."

His eyes widened. "Paddles."

"Like for rowing?" Owen responded.

Ethan rolled his eyes. "God, you're boring, Owen."

"You like me boring."

"Please." Ethan tsked. "I'm not talking about kayaking."

"His hands weren't good enough?" I said, guessing exactly what Ethan was talking about.

"I love his hands just fine. But the burn of paddles … oh, my god … yummy."

Owen shook his head and took a long sip of his beer .

"Whatever makes our Ethan happy." I grinned. "Right, Owen?"

"Sure." He didn't sound convinced.

"What about your week?" I asked Owen. "Found Mr. Right yet?"

"No. A whole lot of Mr. Wrong last night."

"What happened?"

Owen sighed. "Guy shows up. Looks way older than his profile picture, so I call him on it. I bring up his photo and ask him when the picture was taken. Like twenty years ago, or what?"

"This is a good one," Ethan said and smirked.

Owen spun his glass on the table. "The guy admitted he'd used a photo of his son."

Oh, my God.

I groaned. That was terrible. Who did something like that?

"I'm assuming you ended the date."

"I asked the guy if his son was gay and single." Owen tipped his head. "He's neither of those."

"Bad luck."

"In a constant string of it. I'm going to rewrite my profile the way I want it."

"I won't be offended," I replied. "Whatever helps you bring in the right guy."

"Maybe Noah should plan a gay speed-dating night here at the pub," Ethan suggested.

I nodded. "Run it past him when he gets back."

"How's that going by the way?" Owen asked me. "You with the kids."

"Too soon to tell. I have another six days and nights with them." I tipped my water to my lips and sucked on an ice cube then dropped it back in my glass. "We'll be fine. It's good they're at school all day. I'm glad Noah and Brody didn't get married over the summer holidays."

"What will you do all day?" Ethan asked. "Keep yourself busy with a dating app?"

"Nah … there will be a lot to do around the house. Plus, I'm not into that right now." The reason was still a foggy concept. My body wasn't craving sex. I suspected I knew why.

Something to do with Jamal's eyes and the way he had looked at me.

Owen and Ethan's eyebrows rose in unison.

"Because of Charlie?" Ethan asked. "I thought you two were open."

"We're not in a relationship, Ethan. Not a romantic one anyway." I dug my fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck. "I'm not sure what we're doing. We both refuse to talk about it."

"Well, that's healthy," Owen replied.

Time to change the subject.

Sort of.

"Jamal and I are going to the Royal BC Museum next week."

Ethan set his glass down and stared at me. "On a date?"

I shook my head. "No, we're just hanging out. It'll be nice to spend time with someone I'm not planning to have sex with afterward. Plus, he's super nerdy about the museum."

"Sounds like he has found his way right up your alley." Ethan smiled at me. "I think it's great you've planned to do something with a platonic friend. If he's into the museum as much as you are, then Jamal is a fantastic guy to hang with. Noah has a lot of respect for him."

"He seems really cool."

"Cool, huh?" Owen pursed his lips at me. He was suspicious. Sure, I found Jamal attractive but that wasn't the path we were embarking on. Every relationship I had with a man did not need to involve sex. Instead of defaulting to seduction with him, I wanted to try for something more.

"My birth mom is coming into town," I said, veering away. "We're going to meet for lunch in a few days. She's in Victoria for a conference."

"Do you need backup?" Owen asked.

I played with my empty glass. "No, I'll be fine."

Normally, Noah would have come with me. Not that I couldn't face my birth mom on my own. I could. The truth was having Noah there tempered her. Eased up her adoration of me a little.

To her, I was a pretty face she could exploit. Her gorgeous gay son. I knew she showed my social media photos to her friends, boasting about me. She'd told me as much.

She wasn't proud of me for all the hard work I'd put in to look this way. If I was the same overweight and awkward guy I'd been as a kid, she probably wouldn't have time for me.

I knew this. Deep down, I knew this, but I kept allowing myself to be sucked into her orbit, hoping one day she'd see me for who I am inside. The core of me that only my friends knew.

Maybe in time, Jamal would find his way in there too.

I liked to get out early for a run, around 5 am, then go back to bed, but I was having to rearrange my schedule. The kids were still asleep when I normally would have been out doing my six kilometres. I'd have to wait until after I dropped them off at school.

I let Bentley into the backyard before I woke Rowan and Quinn, and then while they ate their bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast, I made their lunches. A sandwich, apple, carrot sticks, and a home-baked chocolate chip cookie from Ethan's coffee shop. They had water bottles that I filled with ice water. Bentley and the cats fed, and the parrots let out of their cages and given their morning fruit, vegetables, and seed, I rounded up the kids and their backpacks.

They were in a good mood and joined me as I sang the latest Charlie XCX song in the car on the way to school. Once they were out of the car with a goodbye from Quinn and a grunt from Rowan, I headed for Elk Lake to do my run. The loop there was 6.5 kilometres.

I finished it in forty-five minutes with ease.

Feeling invigorated, I drove to my gym to work out. I started with the leg press doing three sets of fifteen repetitions. Next was the hamstring curl, chest press, lateral pulldown, bicep curls, and shoulder press. After the lateral pulldown, I stopped to take a picture in the mirror. I was sweaty and glistening. I lifted my shirt so my followers could see the ripples of my abs. I'd end my work out with three sets of twenty-five sit-ups to accentuate them for another picture.

Afterward, in the change room, I undressed to have a shower. I was standing in the busy space, men buzzing around, only wearing my slinky black thong when a young guy approached me. He was more muscular than your typical twink, but he still had the willowy build.

He was cute and sexy.

He gave me a cocky smile.

"You interested?" he asked and motioned to one of the private shower stalls.

On auto pilot, I nodded and followed him into the secluded space. With the door closed, he dropped to his knees and peeled my thong away.

I squeezed my eyes shut as he drew my soft cock into his mouth and started working it. My gut twisted and churned, and a rise of pressure filled my chest making my heart skip and stutter.

The guy lifted my hardening cock and licked my sweaty balls .

Yup … nope.

I can't do this.

I jammed my hand into his hair and pushed him away, stopping him. He looked up at me, confusion in his eyes. The only excuse I could offer him for jamming out mid-blowjob was, "You're good but I'm not feeling it. Maybe another time. I'm here most days."

The guy rose to his feet, cupped my face, and kissed me, then was off without a word.

I sank onto the bench seating in the shower stall, leaned forward, and supported my head in my hands. What the hell was happening to me? I'd been having my cock sucked by a cute guy and the thing occupying my mind, where there should have been nothing but sexual bliss, was Jamal's smile. I couldn't shake the feeling I had almost cheated on him somehow.

I thought about it all the way to Noah and Brody's house. The big house felt empty without everyone but the animals. I was used to having company at home. I had a roommate, Alesia, one of the bartenders at Noah's pub. We'd been living together for over four years. We'd become good friends. Alesia got me and knew when to call me on my shit. I didn't hide much from her, but I hadn't told her about the emotional turmoil Jamal had stirred up in me.

After storing my gym bag in the guest room, I took Bentley for a walk, enjoying the sunny autumn day. Then I went into Rowan's room to start my clean up. Noah and Brody had completed most of the chores before they went away, but they'd left me the laundry. While I made the beds and picked clothes off the floor of the kid's rooms, the mewling affectionate cats were all over what I was doing. Pretty sure they thought they were helping.

I sat on Rowan's bed when my phone dinged .

Noah: Everything going well?

Me: No issues. Just tidying up.

Noah: No trouble getting them to school?

Me: None. How's the camping?

Noah: Very romantic. It's been a while since we could lounge in bed.

Me: Enjoy yourselves. Everything is good here. I've got this.

Noah: I know you do. Love you.

Me: Love you too.

I pocketed my phone and hauled the two laundry baskets to the laundry room. To make sure I didn't mix up their clothes, I did four loads. Lights and darks for each one separately. While the laundry was going, I went to the backyard to engage in poop patrol. I cleaned up after Bentley and then mowed and edged the lawn. It felt good to be outside, tidying up their property.

Fresh from the dryer, I folded and hung their clothes and took one last look around to make sure everything was in place, then went downstairs to make myself a protein shake. Two-fifteen rolled around quickly after I'd cleaned the kitchen of the breakfast dishes.

In the car, with two occupied teenagers in the backseat, I turned up a Billie Eilish song and annoyed the hell out of Rowan by singing the wrong words on purpose. Quinn laughed at my antics. Positive guncle points on both fronts.

After a snack, I implemented homework time. Rowan balked but eventually listened when I threatened to start singing again. Thankfully, my math skills were still present, so I was able to help them both with their algebra questions. I was no use when it came to Chemistry. Calculus was never a strength. We had to pull up some videos on the internet to figure out those questions.

I toyed with the idea of talking to Jamal to commiserate about the schoolwork. Noah had told me sometimes the volunteer teachers weren't at the centre and Jamal had to help with homework.

I shot him a quick text.

Me: Hating chemistry.

Jamal: smile emoji The subject or the phenomena?

Me: Haha. The equations are killing me.

Jamal: Joys of parenting. How's the rest of it?

Me: I'm enjoying it. Feels good to be needed.

Jamal: You're brave to take this on.

Me: Like I told Noah. I've got this.

Jamal: Loving your confidence.

Rowan glared at me and tapped the page he was working on with his pencil.

Me: Gotta go. Being summoned.

Jamal: Looking forward to Tuesday.

Me: Me too.

I hated to end the thread, but we had a few more equations to do. With their homework eventually finished, I shooed my noodles into the family room to watch television so I could make dinner. I wouldn't have any, but I made a lasagna from scratch. I hadn't had anyone in my life who taught me to cook. I'd had to muddle through by watching Food TV and practicing. Now I enjoy cooking. My roommate, Alesia, was appreciative of my efforts.

My dinner would consist of the salad that I was making to accompany the main dish. I'd add a hard-boiled egg to a side plate for protein.

While the lasagna baked, the animals were given their second meal, including filling the hedgehog's dish with pellets and making sure the gecko was happy. It wasn't a feeding day for him. Brody's instructions were very clear on when, what, and how much food everyone was fed.

After dinner, there was more television. Later, once Rowan and Quinn were tucked in their beds, I dropped onto the couch, exhausted. It had been a good first day. I stretched and yawned.

I was tired enough to go to bed early.

After letting Bentley out and returning the parrots to their cages for the night, I succumbed to the urge to sleep and climbed into the comfy queen-sized bed I had all to myself.

I spread out, exhilarated by the fact Charlie wasn't there crowding me.

Not sure why we spent overnight together. Convenience for sex maybe. Charlie didn't like when I tried to hold him. We usually slept back-to-back, the position cold and impersonal.

I tried to analyze why on earth we continued what we were doing. Almost everything was negative. The only positive being the sex. That was not a good foundation for anything serious.

My mind wandered back to Jamal. He'd probably like for me to hold him if we ever spent the night together. But what would that be like, cuddling with someone who couldn't move their legs?

It scared me a little to imagine it .

And that made me feel like crap about myself.

I focused on his eyes and his smile.

And drifted off to sleep.

It wasn't raining, so I met Jamal outside the museum. He flashed me a brilliant smile and gave me an enthusiastic wave when he spotted me walking toward him.

My heart fluttered a little and took a tumble into my gut.

Friend.

Jamal was a friend.

"Beautiful sunny day," he said as I joined him.

"Won't be too many more of those before the weather changes in November."

"Did you know Victoria has 317 days of sunshine a year on average?"

I smiled at him. "I did know that actually." Jamal started rolling and I kept pace with him as we headed for the main doors. Jamal pressed the wheelchair button, and the doors opened.

After he bought his ticket and they confirmed my membership card, we took the elevator to the second floor. The Stonehenge exhibit was in the first section. Jamal was thrilled with all the facts he was learning. It was an endearing habit of his, gathering and sharing random facts. He kept me entertained filling in blanks about the prehistoric exhibit that weren't mentioned.

We continued to the Living Land, Living Sea Gallery . And wow, Jamal knew a lot about what we were seeing. I'd been in here tens of times, but Jamal was creating a whole new experience.

Of course, as we moved on, we had to take a picture in front of the full-sized mammoth. Jamal held my phone so we could get a good angle that included us both and the beast.

I texted him a copy. His smile lit up as he viewed it .

It took us almost an hour to finish the floor, then we proceeded to the third floor First Peoples Living Languages Gallery. We started in the replica long house to look at the totems and listen to the indigenous chanting. Next, we went into a room with buttons to push that would speak a sentence in an indigenous dialect found in British Columbia. There were at least twenty-five. Jamal pushed them all. It had been a while since I had taken my time and soaked it in. Jamal liked to experience everything like it was his first time there. His enthusiasm elicited feelings of unprecedented affection in me. I wanted so badly to touch him.

The cobblestones in Old Town were tricky for Jamal to navigate. He asked me to push him down the frontier street. We took a lift upstairs to see the hotel, checked out Chinatown, and stopped at every shop window and Jamal told me all sorts of facts about the Hudson Bay's presence in early Victoria, BC. We emerged from the building after being inside for more than two hours.

"You hungry?" Jamal asked.

"I could eat. Should we go across the street?"

"I'm always game for pasta."

"Their salads aren't bad."

"I need more calories than that to get around." Jamal rolled down the sidewalk. I kept up with him and crossed the street. The host in the restaurant found us a table with enough room to accommodate Jamal's wheelchair. It was a stark reminder. His navigation with his equipment was ever-present. It felt as if his entire world revolved around his disability.

I took a seat and watched Jamal scan the menu. He chewed on his bottom lip as he did. My heart fluttered again. He was adorable. I had more than enjoyed sharing our love of the museum with him. Did I dare ask him on a real date?

What would dating a guy in a wheelchair be like? I wasn't sure I could do it and that realization made me feel disgusted with myself. Jamal was an amazing guy and I was attracted to him.

What was stopping me?