Chapter Eleven

With the weekend trip to Kalispell behind them, everyone was ready for some much-needed relaxation. As Levi pulled into Kinley’s driveway, she turned to him with a tired smile.

“Are you coming in for a while?” she asked.

Levi shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’m too exhausted, and we both have to get up early tomorrow.”

He reached out to touch her hair. “But we do need to talk soon.”

“I know,” Kinley replied, stifling a yawn. “I had a great time though.”

“It was fun,” Levi agreed. “We’ll have to plan another trip.”

“I’d love that.” She went to open the car door.

“I’ll walk you to the door,” Levi insisted.

“No need, you go home and rest. I’m going to take a hot bath and unwind.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, it’s right there,” Kinley gestured toward her front door.

Levi shook his head stubbornly. “No, I’ll walk you to the door.” He opened his own door and stepped out.

Kinley met him at the front of the truck. “Always the gentleman.”

“Well, I do want to kiss you goodnight,” Levi replied with a smirk.

“We could have made out in the truck,” Kinley teased .

Levi chuckled. “True. Come on, darlin’.” He took her hand and led her toward her door.

On the porch, Kinley unlocked the door then turned to face Levi. He cupped her cheeks in his hands, lowered his head, and kissed her softly on the lips. When she let out a contented sigh, he deepened the kiss and pulled her closer against him. Slowly pulling away, he looked into her eyes and smiled.

“Go inside now, baby. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Once Kinley was safely inside, Levi waited until he heard the lock click before getting back into his truck. As he backed out of the driveway and drove home, he couldn’t help but think about the way Kinley interacted with the little girl.

As he pulled up to his house, he let out a tired sigh. Man, he was exhausted. Was he getting too old for weekend trips? He chuckled to himself. No way, he knew that wasn’t the case. It had been a long time since he had gone away for a few days.

Levi had mentioned to Kinley that they needed to talk when they returned, and she must have known it was about their future together. He wanted her to make a decision about when she would move in with him since they hadn’t had a chance to talk about it yet. He wasn’t sure what her response would be, but deep down, he hoped she would choose to move in sooner rather than later. However, as he watched her interact with the little girl, doubt crept into his mind that their talk may not go as smoothly as he hoped.

Entering his home, Levi dropped his keys in the dish on the table by the door and made his way toward the bathroom. After taking a shower, he settled into his recliner with a contented sigh. He would relax here until it was time for bed, which would probably be soon due to how worn out he felt from the trip.

****

The following day, Kinley walked into the pharmacy and saw Addison standing behind the counter.

“Good morning,” Addison greeted her with a smile.

“Hey there. You’re here early,” Kinley remarked.

“I wanted to get started on filling the prescriptions.”

“Are there a lot?”

“Quite a few, actually.”

“All right. I’ll take care of some after I grab a cup of coffee.”

“Didn’t you have one before coming here?”

“Yeah, but I need another one or three to function today.”

“Did you stay at Levi’s place last night, or did he stay with you?”

“No, we decided not to. We knew we had to get up early for work today.”

“Is everything okay?” Addison tilted her head in concern.

“I think so. He said we need to talk. I know he’s going to bring up us moving in together.”

“Don’t you want that?”

“I do...” Kinley hesitated .

“But?” Addison prodded gently.

“Addison, he’s willing to get married, but he doesn’t want kids…” Kinley trailed off.

“Why not?”

“Because he thinks he’s like his father. I don’t think he would hurt anyone and I want to convince him that he is not like his father. But after seeing that little girl at the arena…”

“What did you say when he told you that?”

“I told him I had wanted to have kids one day, but I’d be happy just having him. I always wanted children, but if it’s a choice between Levi and having kids, I’m not sure what to do.”

“Oh no, don’t even go there,” Addison warned her. “You have to tell him you want kids. You already told him you were fine with getting married and not having children, so you can’t lie about it.”

“I know, but I’m just torn. I thought I was okay with it, but when he mentioned talking, my doubts surfaced.”

“If you tell him you want to have kids, he’s probably going to break it off with you. He’ll think you lied to him. Trust me on this.”

Kinley let out a deep sigh. “I’m struggling with making a decision.” She looked at Addison. “I do want kids. I always have.”

“I know you have, but…” Addison shook her head.

Kinley hesitated before answering, “I am so afraid of telling him.”

“There a lot of couples who get married and not have children.”

“I know, but they probably didn’t want kids. I do,” Kinley said .

“Kinley, I love you, but if you tell him you want to have kids, you’re going to be miserable if he walks out.”

“Maybe he’ll change his mind,” Kinley whispered hopefully.

Addison gave her a skeptical look. “Do you really think he will?”

“No,” she admitted quietly.

“I don’t either. Look, no matter what you decide, I will be here for you, but if you’re willing to let him go, then I can’t stop you.”

Kinley struggled with her thoughts, unsure of what to say. She loved Levi deeply, but the idea of never having kids was something she wasn’t sure she could do. Perhaps if she expressed her desire for children in the future, he would be willing to get married until he was ready. Despite her fear, she knew she had to tell him. It was the only way to determine their potential future together.

Addison let out a deep sigh, her brows furrowing with concern. “I didn’t mean to sound harsh, Kin,” she said softly, her voice laced with sympathy. “How long have you two been seeing each other?”

“Since November,” Kinley replied, her voice tinged with hesitation.

“So, it’s been six months,” Addison mused. “You have to make a decision about what to do and once you decide, you have to tell him. This is something you cannot keep from him.”

Kinley nodded, a small knot forming in her stomach at the thought of having this conversation with Levi. “I think I’ll tell him we should wait a while before we get married. I want him in my life, but you know how I feel about having kids, and that would give me time to make a decision.”

“That is not a good idea. He’ll think you were just stringing him along, thinking you could change his mind.”

“He’s been hurt enough, but I can’t be dishonest with him.”

“No, you can’t,” Addison affirmed. “I don’t envy you.”

“I don’t envy me either,” Kinley said with a shaky breath. She nervously nibbled on her bottom lip, dreading the conversation ahead and the potential of losing Levi if he couldn’t understand.

As the day went on, Kinley found it difficult to focus on anything else aside from the impending discussion with Levi. Her mind raced with worries and fears of what his reaction might be. What if he walked away from their relationship? That thought alone was enough to send a wave of anxiety through her, but she knew she had to be truthful with him.

****

Levi rode his horse across the north pasture, checking the fence. It was just another routine task that everyone took turns doing. However, his peaceful ride was interrupted by a buzz from his phone. He pulled it out of his pocket to see a text from Tara.

“Damn,” he muttered as he opened it.

Why didn’t you tell me you were seeing someone ?

Because it’s none of your business. There’s nothing between us anymore. Levi replied.

Well, there could be. I’m getting divorced.

No, there couldn’t be. I’m in love with Kinley.

Well, I hope she feels the same way you do about not wanting kids.

She does. I don’t want to sound harsh, but don’t contact me again. He grinned as he added: You could contact Kinley if you want to discuss it with her.

As he put his phone away, it buzzed again, this time with a text from Kinley.

Are we still on for this weekend?

Of course. Unless you don’t want to.

Of course, I do.

We can grab dinner at the diner on Saturday night.

Okay.

I’ll pick you up at six. Love you, darlin’.

Love you too. Kinley wrote back, along with a heart emoji.

Saturday arrived and Levi was excited to see Kinley again. As he drove to her house, he couldn’t help but wonder if they would finally have a chance to talk about their future. It seemed like she had been avoiding the topic lately and that made him worry. What if she changed her mind? What would he do then? But she had told him she would be alright not having children, so he hoped she meant it.

Pulling into her driveway, he parked and walked up to her door. Before he could even knock, she opened it and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in for a kiss.

He pulled away with a grin. “I like that greeting,” he said teasingly.

Kinley laughed. “Come inside while I grab my purse.”

Levi wiped his feet on the mat, took off his hat, and entered the house. He watched as Kinley picked up her purse and then glanced over at her cat.

“Behave, Tootsie,” Kinley scolded playfully.

Levi chuckled as he saw the cat’s reaction to Kinley’s words. “I think she just said fuck you,” he joked.

“I swear, if she could give me the finger, she would do it every day.” Kinley replied with a laugh.

“I’m sure. Are you ready to go?” Levi asked.

“Yes, and then we can come back here and relax,” Kinley answered with a smirk.

“If by relax you mean have sex, count me in. It’s been a whole week,” Levi joked.

“Do you actually keep track of the days?” Kinley teased.

Levi checked his watch. “Seven days, four hours, and thirty seconds. But who’s counting?” he said with a wink.

“Well, apparently not you.” Kinley replied as she stepped closer to him. Levi could smell her perfume and couldn’t help but feel eager for their evening together.

When they were on the porch, he took her keys from her hand, locked the door, handed them back, then led her to the truck.

After arriving at the diner, he parked, stepped from the truck, and started around to her side, but she met him at the front of the truck.

“You’re making me look like I lack manners.”

Kinley placed her hand on his cheek. “Anyone who knows you knows better. ”

“Thanks, sweetheart. Let’s get inside, I’m getting hungry,” Levi said as he held her hand and led her into the diner. They greeted familiar faces with nods and smiles before finding a booth.

As Kinley started to slide into the bench seat facing the door, Levi shook his head.“Take the other side. I don’t like my back to the door.”

“Oh, okay. Sorry. You never said before.”

“Because I’d stand on that side so you’d have to take the other bench.”

Kinley smiled. “Very tricky.”

Connie came by to set two glasses of water on the table, then she took their orders, promising to be right back.

“What do you want to do after we eat? Go to a movie?” Levi asked.

“Sure, we can do that, but I thought we decided to go back to my place and… relax,” she said with a grin.

Levi smirked. “We could definitely do that.”

“Okay.”

“Is everything alright with you?”

“Of course, it is. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Kinley, anytime we’ve talked this week, you’ve been avoiding the one conversation we need to have.”

“We’ll talk at the house.”

“Now, see? That worries me. To me, that’s like saying, we need to talk, and that never ends well.”

“Don’t worry. I’m sure it’s nothing we can’t handle.”

He stared at her but she wouldn’t meet his eyes and his gut clenched with the fear of her telling him something he wasn’t going to like.

After finishing their meals, Levi paid Connie, then took Kinley’s hand and led her back to his truck.

Levi wrapped his hands around the steering wheel as he tried to calm himself down. He jerked when she placed her hand on his, then he glanced at her.

“I’m fine,” he said.

“No, you’re not, but trust me, it’s nothing bad. I just have to get something out.”

“Shit, Kinley, that doesn’t help me a damn bit.”

When she didn’t say anything, he knew he wasn’t going to like it one bit. Something was troubling her and he hoped it wasn’t that she changed her mind about having kids. He had no idea what he’d do if that were the case.

****

Kinley unlocked her door, and they entered the house. Levi hung his hat on a hook then looked at her. She smiled.

“Stop worrying,” she said.

He sighed. “I’m trying.”

“Do you want anything?”

“Just you.”

Her heart skipped a beat at his words. Would he still want her after she tells him?

“Let’s talk first.”

“Alright.”

Kinley took his hand, led him to the sofa, and she sat down, tugging on his hand to make him sit with her .

“Levi, this isn’t easy to say, so I’m just going to say it.” She took a deep breath. “I want to wait a while before we get married.”

“Why?”

“Because we’ve only been together six months. I think it’s a little soon.”

“Okay, so when?”

“At least a few more months, maybe when we’ve been together a year.”

She watched his face and he didn’t look mad about it, but he did look like he was giving it some thought, then he nodded.

“Alright. If that’s what you want.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’ll do whatever you want.”

Kinley exhaled in relief. “I’m so glad. I was terrified to tell you.”

“Kinley, don’t ever be afraid to tell me something.”

“I never want to make you angry at me.”

“What do you mean by that?” he asked in a low tone.

Kinley frowned. “I just meant I hate the thought of you being mad at me.”

Levi nodded. “Okay, but that’s inevitable, sweetheart. There will be times we both get angry with each other, but we’ll work through it.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. He raised his and stared into her eyes.

“We’ll take each day one at a time,” she said.

“Alright. As long as we can be together.”

“Yes.” Lord, she was going to hell for doing this. She knew she couldn’t bring up kids or he’d walk out that door and she’d never see him again. He meant so much to her. Then why should having children matter? “It shouldn’t,” she murmured.

“What shouldn’t do what?” Levi tilted his head.

“Nothing. Just thinking out loud.” She turned from him, but he wrapped his fingers around her wrist, making her face him.

“You’re not telling me something.”

“It doesn’t matter right now.”

“Oh, I think it does because if it’s something you know I’m not going to like, you shouldn’t keep it from me. So, what is it?”

“It’s something we don’t need to discuss right now.”

“Kinley,” he snapped.

“You’re not going to like it.” When he didn’t say anything, she took a deep breath and told him. “I do want to have kids one day. I’m not saying right now,” she quickly added.

“You lied to me,” he snapped. “you told me you wouldn’t change your mind. I should have known better. I’ve been here before. Twice .”

“I’m not saying right now, but in the future.”

“No.”

“I love you, Levi. We can get married, but I’ve always wanted children. I even told you that when you first told me you didn’t want any.”

“Yeah, you did, but you also said you didn’t want to lose me, and if we don’t have kids, you’d still have me. Was that a lie?” he snapped.

“No, I was honest about wanting kids, and I was sure I could do without them, but I’d love to have a baby with you.”

“I have been through hell and back, Kinley. I told you how I feel.”

“Levi—”

“I’ve been honest with you from the time we got serious and you said you were fine with it. You fucking lied to me. I told you I didn’t want kids, and I never lied about that.” He shook his head. “Why do women always want to try and change a man?”

“If we could maybe live together for a few years, you’d change your—”

“I won’t! I knew it when I saw you talking with that little girl. And when I still don’t want kids after that? Then what?”

“I-I don’t know. You told me you’d do anything for me,” she whispered.

“And you knew, I didn’t mean having kids.” He clenched his jaw as he stared at her. “Didn’t you?” he replied angrily.

“Yes. Maybe you should have been more upfront with me in the beginning,” she snapped.

“Oh, so it’s my fault? I told you I had to know you better before telling you about my past. It’s not something I want to share with everyone.”

“Yes, but you could have mentioned not wanting children,” she said as tears rolled down her face.

“I hope you find someone who can give you want you want, Kinley because I sure as hell can’t.” He grabbed his hat from the hook and without looking back at her, he opened the door, walked out, and slammed it shut behind him.