Chapter 29

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

DANIEL

I want to throw up. How am I supposed to go about my day like I didn't just see Margo covered in blood? How am I supposed to sit at our lab table when she's in the nurse's office? I'm terrified of not being by her side if something happens. I know she wants to talk to Annie, but why does it have to be right now? Why does it have to be when she's hurt?

My foot taps on the ground, and I focus on the door, hoping that it'll open and she'll walk in. Minutes tick by, but she never comes. Finally, the bell rings and I dart back to the office. She should be done talking to Annie by now, right?

I need to make sure she's okay. I need to erase my last memory of her with a better one. I need to see her smile again more than I need air.

The secretary jumps up when I run into the room. I race to the nurse's office, jacket wanting to fly off my back, and burst through the door. The cot is empty. Margo is gone.

"They went home," Ms. Peters says, wide-eyed and holding her clipboard to her chest .

"Oh." I grab the doorframe to catch my breath. My chest heaves and my heart sinks.

"Don't worry. The bleeding stopped," she says.

"Okay," I say, staggering back out of the office. "Thank you."

Why didn't Margo tell me?

Is she that upset?

There are beads of sweat building on my brow, and I wipe them away, then start texting Margo. I don't want to be annoying, but I need to know if she is actually okay. If she doesn't reply to me, I think I might lose my mind. I've never felt this intertwined in someone else's life before. It's like she's part of me, and when she's gone, I can't function. Every corner of my mind is filled with her.

When Margo finally replies, my stomach flips. I smile.

She wants me to go to her house after school. Part of me wants to run out the door this instant, but I control myself. Her family will probably be home, and I can't have her parent's first impression of me be me skipping school.

Reluctantly, I head to my next class.

There's a lump in my throat. What if her family doesn't like me? What if Annie hates me? Margo cares so much about what her family thinks that I'm worried I'll mess everything up. They'll take one look at me and show me the door. Or better yet, they might not let me inside the house in the first place.

I knock, planting my feet firmly onto the porch and standing up straight. I cross my arms but then immediately drop them to my sides. I don't want to come across as rude and closed off. I stuff my hands into my pocket—one, then both, then one again. I can't decide what the most natural and friendly pose would be.

Margo answers the door and steps out. She shuts it behind her. "Hi."

"Hi," I reply.

My rigid back starts to relax. She looks better, back to her normal cheery self. She's changed into a light pink dress and tall checkered socks. I don't know many people who could pull off this look, but somehow Margo does. "Will you sit with me?" she asks as she sits down on the porch steps.

I follow her lead and sit next to her. "Are you feeling better?"

She nods. "It looked worse than it was."

I doubt that's true, but if that's what she wants me to think, I'll agree. "Did you talk to Annie?"

"Yeah," she says. "Annie and I are going to be okay."

I know how much she was agonizing over their fight, so I'm glad they figured it out. But I can't help but wonder what that means for Margo and me. Will she give me a chance now? "What about us?"

Her cheeks turn pink, and she rubs her arm. "I don't know. This has all been really confusing."

"Then why did you ask me to come here?" There must've been a reason. Margo always has a plan, an objective.

She looks down at her feet. "I found Meghan."

I had almost forgotten that Margo was waiting for a response. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, I got ahold of her number. At least, I think I did. It's supposed to be Meghan's number, but it's been years so there's a chance she got a different one. I texted it, and now I'm waiting again. "

"Okay." I don't know what else to say. It doesn't feel right that Margo is wasting her time on me. She's wasting all her time on other people.

"Anyway, I just thought you should know," she says, stepping off the porch like she's already leaving.

"Why did you actually ask me to come?"

She shrugs. "Just that."

I shake my head. "No. You could've texted. I didn't need to come all this way for you to tell me that, so why don't you tell me why you really asked me to come over."

Her lips pinch together like she's trying to stop herself from sharing the real reason. Then, her mouth slowly opens. "My list."

I want her to look at me. I want to see her brown eyes. "What about it?"

She tilts her head, overthinking again. She takes a deep breath. "I tried to write something next to my own name, and I couldn't."

"Why not?"

"I think I'm focusing on everyone else because then I don't have to think about myself. I thought I was okay with it all, but the truth is I'm scared." That's when she finally looks up at me. "I'm scared of dying."

I didn't know it was possible for Margo to be afraid of anything. She's fearless, bold, a force to be reckoned with, and yet here she is, vulnerable and on the verge of tears.

"I told myself I was keeping my secret to live a normal life for a little longer, but if I'm being honest, I just didn't want it to be true. If everyone else knows, then I won't be able to pretend like it isn't happening."

The gap between us is small. My nerves are on edge, hoping she'll accidentally brush her arm against mine. Liking Margo is a definite heartbreak. She can't change her circumstances. She'll leave me even if she doesn't want to. She has no choice. That should be reason enough to distance myself, but instead, I find myself wanting to inch closer to her. I want to wrap my arms around her and pull her into a hug, let her know that it's okay to feel the way she does. Margo has spent so much time caring about other people, shouldn't someone do the same for her? Isn't it her turn?

We're quiet, not speaking for a few minutes. I'm trying to think of how to respond, and whether or not I can be the person Margo needs. I'm nobody.

Our silence is broken by her sniffling back tears.

"Sorry," she says, rubbing her wet cheeks. She forces a smile, but it isn't big enough to hide her pain. Her watery eyes lock with my heavy stare, and her smile disappears. Her bottom lip wobbles, and her shoulders shake with her sobs. "I'm really scared," she says, voice cracking.

It's like a knife twisting in my chest. I hate seeing her cry. Her mascara streaks down her face as the tears pave their way to the tip of her nose and fall onto her dress.

"Let me help you," I whisper.

Margo frowns, glancing down. She shakes her head.

With a timid hand I wipe away one of the black streaks under her eyes. Her skin is smooth and perfect, and my hand is on fire. It's the way I'd imagined it would be. "Let me help you live."

Margo's ears turn pink. "I can't."

"Yes you can. Everyone deserves at least one adventure in their lifetime." I think I might forget how to breathe, and my pulse spikes. "Let me be yours."

I can only imagine what's going through her head. All the people she's trying to please. Annie .

My stomach ties itself in knots with each passing second as I wait for her reply.

"Okay," she says, smiling.

My heart is beating so fast, I swear it's about to jump out of my chest.

So what if she's dying? She isn't dying right now, and I tell myself that's the only thing that matters.

She wipes her eyes and clears her throat. "We better head inside. Everyone's waiting to meet you."

"What?" My eyebrows shoot up.

She laughs and stands up. "It'll be fine. Trust me."

I follow her inside, and as I'm taking off my shoes, a tall man who I assume is Margo's father comes into the entryway. His hair is thinning a little at the sides, and he's dressed like he's about to go golfing—white pants, tucked-in polo shirt.

I gulp.

He looks me up and down, and I quake in my shoes. "You must be Daniel," he says.

I nod, holding out my hand. "Daniel Hansen, sir."

A smile cracks across his face. "Matt Blakely."

"Nice to meet you," I say.

"Make yourself at home," he says. Then he turns to Margo. "I'll let Mama know he's here."

Does my arrival really need to be announced to the entire family?

From the outside it's an older house, but inside it's sleek and modern. The walls are gray with white trim, and everywhere I look, there are black and gold accents. Photos of Annie and Margo from the time they were little to now plaster the walls.

I follow Margo into the kitchen where Annie stands in front of a popcorn maker. The kernels pop and crackle into the bowl she's placed next to the machine.

"Hi," she says. I think she's scared to look at me because she doesn't hold eye contact very long. Either that, or she's embarrassed by the fact that I knew she had a crush on me.

"Hey," I say. "What's the popcorn for?" I'm trying to break the ice. Maybe if I act normal, Annie will too.

"We're watching a movie," she says.

Margo smiles at me. "I hope that's okay."

I smile at the sisters. "What are we watching?" I don't really care what we watch as long as I get to spend time with Margo.

Annie is about to respond when the front door flies open.

"Where is he?" Margo's mom runs through the house like there's a fire. Margo must get her eyes from her mother, because her mother's eyes are brown and the size of saucers. She locks onto me and barrels toward me.

For a moment, I think I'm about to be tackled as she grabs me and forces me into a hug. She holds on to me so tight I can't breathe. "Hello?" I squeak.

"You wonderful, charming, beautiful boy," she says.

"Mama!" Margo and Annie say in unison.

She steps back. "I'm allowed to be excited," she says, letting me go. Mostly. She's holding my arms, but she leans back to get a better look. "This is the first time either one of you have brought a boy home."

"Careful, this might be the last time," their dad calls from the hallway.

Margo smiles wide. "Well, this is my family. Hopefully, they haven't scared you off yet."

Her mom rolls her eyes. "Oh hush. We aren't that bad."

"How's Mrs. Jackman?" Margo asks .

Her mother steps around me to grab a small handful of popcorn. "She'll be okay. She needs to rest, though, and I told her she needs to be honest with her doctor about how she's feeling."

"Well, I'm glad you were able to help her today. You look happy," Margo says. There's a silly expression coating her face as she watches her mom. I don't know why. I haven't known these people long enough to understand how they interact with each other. I feel like I'm missing half the conversation from the glances they're exchanging.

Her mother waves her off and turns back to me. "You're staying for dinner?" she asks, but before I can respond, she starts talking again. "Of course you are. I don't know why I asked. We're having salmon, mashed potatoes, and salad."

"He's a vegetarian," Margo says.

"Oh," replies her mother. She blushes and fans herself with her hand. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make it sound like you had to eat salmon. We have other things. I could make you pasta or a sandwich. Or I could run back to the store and buy some tofu. I've never actually cooked tofu, but today is as good as any to learn—"

"You don't need to do that. I'll just eat the potatoes and salad."

She crosses her arms. "Nonsense. That is utterly unacceptable. Those are side dishes. I insist on making you something to go along with it."

"You don't have to."

"Yes, I do." She starts going through her cupboards. "I refuse to send any guest away hungry. You will be fed in this house, and that's final."

"But— "

Margo tugs on my arm, and I almost trip over her as I twist to follow her out of the kitchen.

"There's no point in arguing. She'll win," she whispers. "Besides, she likes to cook."

Annie lifts her giant bowl of popcorn off the counter and leads the way to the living room. She side-eyes me, and I wonder what's going through her head. She twists her mouth and after much deliberation, she says, "I don't know what to watch with you here."

"Just watch whatever you want?"

She scratches her head. "But we always watch rom-coms. You probably wouldn't like those."

"Why not?"

She shrugs. "It doesn't seem like something you'd watch, but I could be wrong." She raises an eyebrow. "Do you watch rom-coms?"

"Not really."

"See, that's what I thought," Annie replies.

Margo sits down next to Annie, and I sit next to Margo.

"That doesn't mean I can't watch one right now," I say.

Margo nudges Annie. "Stop stalling and pick one."

Annie settles on Leap Year .

The three of us sit there awkwardly next to each other. I'm stiff, afraid of my arm rubbing against Margo's. Annie keeps stealing glances at us. I'm pretty sure she thinks she's being subtle, but she couldn't be more obvious. And Margo sits forward, pinching her wrist.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

Her eyes are heavy, but she smiles. "Trying to stay awake."

Annie groans. "This is a good movie. I swear."

"I never said it wasn't," Margo replies.

"Do you want me to pause it?" Annie asks .

"No. I'm good. Really," she says.

I don't buy it. Not after this morning. Margo doesn't feel good, but she knows Annie wants to watch a movie with her, and I came all the way from school to visit, so no matter how tired she is, I know she is going to sit here and continue pinching herself. I don't like that. She's going to give herself a bruise—if she hasn't already.

Forget about feeling awkward. I put my hand on Margo's shoulder and ease her back on the couch. "You need to rest."

She tries to resist, but her eyes are too heavy. She falls asleep not even two minutes later. I can tell by the change in her breathing. Each breath is soft and consistent, easing my mind enough to relax too.

I find myself watching her more than the movie, trying to mesmerize every inch of her face.

"You really care about her," Annie says.

My gaze drifts to Annie. I nod.

Annie seems like a quiet person, someone who only speaks when she has something important to say. I admire that about her. She thinks carefully about every word. "Make sure she knows. Don't forget to look at her like that when she's awake."

My cheeks burn, and I shift my weight. I figured I was just staring at her like a normal person, but apparently not.

Annie chuckles. "I didn't mean to make you feel weird."

"You didn't." She did.

"I don't know if she's told you yet, but she likes you."

My heart leaps.

Annie continues, "I want you to spoil her. You're her love story. She won't have another, so make sure you make it a good one." She props her elbow up on the arm rest and leans her head on her hand .

I look back at Margo, at the curve of her lashes, at her soft pink lips, at the silly expression she's making, and I know Annie is right. Margo deserves to be spoiled. The problem is I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to spoil a girl. I don't know the first thing about romance.

"Will you help me?" I ask.

"Me?" Annie says, almost choking on her popcorn.

"You're the one who watches rom-com movies and reads romance novels. Shouldn't you know what to do?"

Her eyes widen. "That doesn't make me an expert. Besides, you seem to be doing a decent job."

"You know more than I do. You could tell me all the things I don't have time to learn about Margo. Help me learn what she likes and what she hates." Margo has that list, the list of things she wants to do for other people, but I want to help her live for herself too.

"Margo's the one who's good at planning things. Not me."

"Says who?"

Annie opens her mouth to argue, but she's left searching for words.

"You're the one who said I need to spoil her. Aren't you going to help me?"

Annie pinches the bridge of her nose.

"What are you doing?"

"Thinking."

"Oh."

Annie takes another bite of popcorn as she continues to think. "Margo is happiest when everyone around her is happy too. When we were little, every time I cried, she cried too even if she didn't know why I was crying. If you really want to spoil her, be the best version of yourself. If you get upset, try not to let her know, otherwise she'll spend a bunch of time trying to fix whatever is bothering you."

I wonder if this is what Annie is doing now. Maybe she's pretending to be okay with Margo and me because she thinks that'll make her sister happy.

I also wonder if I misunderstood Margo's list. Adding to it isn't enough. I need to help her cross off what's already on it. Margo won't be able to focus on herself while her family weighs on her mind.

I need to get a better look at her list.

"She also likes strawberries."

I laugh. "That's random."

"Well, this conversation got a little heavy. I'm trying to lighten it up." Annie smiles. "Take her on nice dates. Buy her flowers. Do all things a boyfriend is supposed to do."

"What are all the things a boyfriend is supposed to do?"

Annie shakes her head. "I think you need to come over for a few more movie nights for research purposes."

I laugh.