Chapter 23

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

DANIEL

She doesn't mean it. She can't. She paused when she told me I wasn't her type.

It's almost midnight, but I can't sleep. There has to be more to how she feels. So what if her sister likes me? She doesn't really know me. Margo does. Or at least she's starting to, and I don't let people get to know me.

I eye my messenger bag across the room. Margo said I wasn't her type, but what if I can be her type? I've been the straight A student before. I've been the boy who dresses nice and never talks back. I can do it again. I walk over and take out our latest assignment with her notes scribbled all over it. Then, I set it down on the desk and start figuring out the answers. This is nothing compared to what I did at my old school.

Even though it's easy, it still takes me an hour to work through. I make sure my penmanship is legible and neat. I want Margo to see what I'm capable of—my best. I want to show her I can be good enough. I can be the boy she wants.

I force myself to go to sleep, and my brain wanders into my dreams. Into Margo's dream where it's peaceful and sunny.

She always pulls my hand, begging me to follow her into the field of flowers. She lies down and stares up at the sky, talking way too much, like normal, as I admire her smile.

"Daniel."

I swear I almost hear her actual voice. It sounds real, not like I'm hearing a dream.

"Daniel, it's time to wake up."

I pry my eyes open.

Olive is standing at the entrance to my room. "It's about time."

It's already seven thirty. I jerk up. "I'm going to be late."

"It's okay. Mom's going to drive us. Just get ready," Olive says, ducking out of the room so I can change.

I rush to put on my clothes, but pause. I open the drawer where the rest of the clothes Laura bought are. They're nice clothes, but a little more colorful than I usually wear. They're exactly what I need. I have to make a good impression.

I shove my homework into my messenger bag and brush my teeth before racing to the car, where Laura is waiting with a breakfast sandwich for me.

"Thanks," I mumble as I take it from her.

"You look nice," she says.

"Thank you," I reply. I'm so flustered I don't sulk at the compliment. We have to get to school before the morning bell. I can't start today off by being late. That isn't the message I want to send Margo. That's the normal me. Not the improved version.

Laura smiles and pulls out of the driveway. "If you need any other clothes, just let me know."

I stare down at the outfit. "This is good for now. "

She nods. "I'm just saying if you change your mind, don't be scared to tell me."

"Okay," I say.

Laura turns on the radio and hums to the music. I stare out the window, clutching my bag close, never letting myself be too comfortable around her.

When we get to the school, I'm quick to say goodbye and jump out of the car. I barely have any time to spare. I march right into my physics class.

Margo is sitting in her spot, but it seems like we've switched personalities. I'm ready to take on the day, and she's resting her head on the table. Her skin is a little pale, and her eyes are heavy, but she's still as pretty as ever. She doesn't have to try, she just is.

My heart flutters with nerves, and there's a little tremor in my hands as I walk toward her.

I can be the guy she wants.

Margo sits up, and I set the papers on her desk, trying to be as obvious as possible, then sit down.

Her brow furrows. "What is this?"

"It's my homework." I try to stay calm and not let my nervousness show, but at the same time, I'm not trying to be discreet. I'm trying to tell Margo I like her. I want her to know.

She touches the corner of the paper. "It's your homework," she says, like she's trying to convince herself it's actually in front of her.

"It is," I whisper.

Mrs. Wilkson begins teaching, and I take out a notebook.

"What are you doing?" Margo asks.

I take my pencil and sharpen it before writing down the date on the page. "Taking notes. "

"Why?"

"Why not?"

She crosses her arms. "What happened to sleeping during class?"

I tap the pencil on the desk. "You must have me confused with someone else."

"Margo," our teacher says. "Do you plan on paying attention?"

"Sorry," Margo says, sitting up straight.

Mrs. Wilkson continues talking, and I keep taking notes.

Margo's eyes narrow, and her stare burns into me the whole time. I don't know if this is helping my case, but one thing is for sure—I have her attention, and I like having it.

Not used to writing so much, my hand starts to cramp, but I power through until the end of the lecture. I close my notebook and set it in my bag.

Margo's jaw clenches down. I don't know if she's trying to look mad, but she looks like a pouting puppy. "I don't like this," she says.

"What?"

She rolls her eyes, twisting in her seat to face me. She gestures to me. "Whatever you're doing. You're not acting like yourself. You never do your homework. Why now?"

I bite at my smile before leaning in. I get close enough to whisper in her ear. "You like guys who do their homework."

Her jaw drops as the bell rings.

I stand up and walk into the hallway, a smile breaking across my face. I melt into the crowd of seniors heading to their next class.

"Hold up," she says, running out of class. She chases after me and tugs on my arm.

I turn to face her. "Yes? "

She puts her hand on her hip. Her brown eyes are giant. I want to lose myself in them. "Are you flirting with me?" she asks.

I raise an eyebrow and stare down at her. "I thought that was obvious."

Margo's cheeks burn, and she pushes me. "You can't do that."

I laugh. I've never seen Margo act out. I stand my ground. "I'm pretty sure I can flirt with whoever I want."

She pulls at her hair, turning away. "No, you can't." She turns back to me. "You can't like me. Annie is the one who likes you. Not me."

"But I like you."

Margo's breath catches, and she staggers back. "No. You can't."

My heart races, and the hair on the back of my neck stands. Why can't she accept my feelings? "I can be a better person. I can be the person you want to be with."

She shakes her head, and I don't know if I'm imagining it, but I swear her eyes start to water. "You shouldn't have to change your entire personality to be with someone. You don't have to change to be with Annie. She likes you the way you are."

"And you don't. Is that it?"

"No, I—" She huffs, eyes darting. "I like you the way you are. I wouldn't want you around Annie if I didn't... I just don't like you the way Annie does."

"So you like me, but won't do anything about it because of your sister?" It makes sense now. While I admire her for being loyal, at the moment it's incredibly frustrating.

"That's not true. It's complicated."

"Oh, so you do? You just admitted it. "

She scowls, and her hands clench at her sides. "You are so infuriating! I didn't admit anything. If you spent more time with Annie, you'd see how great she is. Go flirt with her."

"You'd really be fine with that?" I know I'm right. Margo likes me but is afraid to say anything because she doesn't want to hurt Annie.

"Of course," she says, but her eyes falter.

"I don't believe you."

"It's true! I want you to get to know her!" She must think if she says it louder, it'll be more convincing, but I can see through her lies.

I give Margo space the rest of the morning, but that only makes me more agitated. How could she honestly say that she'd be okay with me flirting with Annie? I don't want to do that. I want Margo to tell me how she feels, but she's never done what I want. Why would she start now?

When I walk into the cafeteria at lunch, I spot Margo sitting by herself, and I find myself gravitating toward her.

"Hey," I say, sitting across from her.

"Hi," she replies, stirring her mashed potatoes around her tray. "So you sit with people at lunch now too?"

"No, but I'll sit with you."

She sighs. "Look, Daniel. I think you're a great guy, but that doesn't mean I'm interested in you." She takes a bite and looks away.

"Then why can't you look me in the eye when you say it?" I know how Margo acts when she believes something. She's confident. Determined. Unmovable. If she meant what she's saying, she should be saying it with her head held high.

She looks up, and the smile I've grown so used to seeing is gone. It's replaced by a scowl. "You think you're so smart, that you have me all figured out, don't you? But you don't really know me, or what my life is like."

"What's that supposed to mean?" It's true, I don't know what her life is like, but that doesn't mean I don't know who she is.

She sighs. "Just forget it."

"No, tell me," I say.

Annie sets down her tray next to Margo, face turning pink. "Hi, Daniel."

"Hey," I say, heart sinking because I know Margo isn't going to keep talking to me about this with her sister here.

Margo starts to gather her things.

"Where are you going?" Annie asks.

"I forgot I need to print something off in the computer lab before my next class. Could you keep Daniel company?"

My jaw locks, and I rub the back of my neck to keep myself from saying what's on my mind.

"Sure," Annie says.

Margo rushes off, leaving the two of us awkwardly staring at our lunches. This isn't the same as sitting with Margo. This silence isn't peaceful. It's loud and abrasive. This won't do.

Annie clears her throat after a minute. "Did you start reading the book you bought yesterday—"

"I like Margo."

I didn't mean for it to slip out the way it did, but I can't do this. I can't pretend to like Annie when I don't. It's not fair to her. She looks like a nice girl who doesn't deserve to have her heart strung along.

Annie swallows whatever she was about to say before I interrupted her. "Oh." She shifts, picking up her fork and setting it back down. "Yeah, Margo is— Uh, that makes sense. Of course you like Margo."

"I'm sorry, Annie."

"Don't be." She stands up. "I just need to— I have to go." She leaves almost as fast as Margo, but she leaves her tray of food behind.

I groan. What did I do? She's probably running off to find Margo, and Margo is never going to talk to me again after this. I smack the table and dash out of the cafeteria. I have to explain to Margo why I did it.

I expect to see Annie on the way, but the hallway is empty. I run straight into the computer lab. The only person inside is Margo, seated at the front of the room. I trudge toward her. "Where's Annie?"

Margo spins around. "What do you mean? I left you two alone to talk."

I should bite my tongue, but I'd rather have Margo hear it from me than Annie. "I told her."

She narrows her eyes, which I've noticed seems to be becoming her normal response to me lately. "You did what?"

My gaze shies away and heat rises to my face. "I told her I liked you."

"You fool!" she says, jumping up, hitting my arm. "Why would you do that?"

"Because it's the truth, Margo!" My gaze focuses back on her as my chest heaves.

Her face turns bright red, and her hands are balled up into fists at her sides. "Well, you can't like me! I already told you that!"

I shake my head. "Give me a good reason why I can't. And don't tell me it's complicated. Don't tell me it's because of Annie. Am I not good enough for you? Is that it? Do I embarrass you? Do I not fit the perfect picture you have for yourself in your head?"

Tears prick at the corners of her eyes, and she takes a deep breath. "It's not like that."

"Then why can't I like you!" Why does everyone I care about push me away? I don't understand why I'm so hard to love.

She opens her mouth to speak, but she doesn't say anything right away. Then, she whispers, "Because I'm dying."