Chapter 9

Madison

" A re there any cookies left?" Avar asked after breakfast. "The ones you made last night?"

A few days have passed since the unfortunate incident with the cursed collar. We'd settled back into the routine of working in the cave together as things went back to normal. Or at least I pretended very hard that they did.

"Yes. Why?"

I wasn't big on baking, but Avar had been building me a huge kitchen with gorgeous stone counters and a massive shiny stove I wanted to test. He volunteered to help me make a dessert last night. The recipe for sugar cookies was one of those that I remembered by heart. It also required only a few simple ingredients that we happened to have on hand.

"I want some." He got up from the table.

We had breakfast in the large round room on the very top of the mountain. Despite the huge kitchen, lots of space remained for an eating area as well, and we'd been having all our meals here lately. The heavy, solid table that Avar had placed here to tag and organize items for his collection served well as a dining table too. And the open patio provided the best views of the sunset after dinner.

"You'll have dessert after breakfast?" I smiled.

"Why not?" He shrugged.

I couldn't come up with a single reason why a deadly sin could not have a cookie whenever the hell he wished. So, I opened the cabinet next to the stove and took out the cookie jar.

"Why not?" I echoed, taking one myself too.

His beard spread with a smile.

"These are so good." He took a cookie in each hand, then grabbed a few in his feelers and tentacles too. "For later," he explained.

I wasn't a pastry chef. Baking was never my strength. But sugar cookies were simple enough to make, and I loved that he enjoyed them so much.

"Haven't you had cookies before?" I asked as we walked down the path to the cave for another day of sorting out his treasures.

"Not ones made by you." He glanced my way, stuffing another cookie in his mouth.

Something in his glance sent a warm blush to my cheeks.

Having Avar around had become as natural as breathing. When he stepped away even for a moment, I felt like an essential part I needed for comfort was missing. Maybe it had to do with his size and his larger-than-life presence that left an equally large void in his absence.

Something remained unspoken between us, however. And it had everything to do with that cursed night with the collar.

Even now, as I watched him shake the crumbs from his beard, I remembered how gently his feelers glided down my body when he kissed my breasts or dipped his tongue inside me. I never forgot how wonderful his hands felt on my skin or how tenderly his delicate corollas peppered me with kisses.

I didn't know how much of what I felt reflected on my face, but Avar stopped abruptly. He crouched in front of me, bringing our gazes to the same level.

"Maddy," he said in a rough voice with a pensive look in his eyes.

At some point, he'd switched to calling me Maddy instead of Madison. I'd told him that the nickname was reserved for my friends. Clearly, he must consider us friends now.

Only I was not ready for the conversation he seemed to be starting. I didn't know how to put into words what I felt. But most importantly, I wasn't certain if I should be putting any of it into words at all. Instead of confessing my feelings to the one who held me captive, I should be getting over them.

Freeing my gaze from his, I glanced over his shoulder into the green valley below the mountain.

"It's a beautiful day today," I said, trying to change the subject.

Every day I'd spent in Purgatory had been gorgeous—pleasantly warm and sunny.

"Can we take a break from working in the cage today?"

I didn't know how to explain the true reason why I'd rather avoid working in close proximity with the mortal sin who became increasingly more attractive to me the more time we spent together.

The intensity in Avar's voice and expression eased, and I heaved a breath of relief.

"What would you like to do instead?" he asked.

"Go outside, maybe? For a walk? I could use a few things to make dinner tonight."

E had been bringing me ingredients along with and sometimes instead of food from Gul. I'd been making our lunches for the past few days, but I could certainly do more than that. I missed cooking.

"Can we go to the market in town? E mentioned there is one."

"There is," Avar confirmed.

"Great. I can make us dinner tonight. A curry, maybe? But I'd like to get some fresh herbs for it. Or I could make some tacos," I added excitedly. "Have you had tacos before?"

"I'm not sure." Avar rose from his crouch. "But I'll eat anything you make."

The sins, just like souls, didn't need food for sustenance. But Avar had gotten into the habit of sharing all my meals with me, even the morning coffee. He'd drink a cup with me while we'd be making breakfast.

"I'll take you to the market," he said.

"Or I could go on my own and just ask someone in town where it is."

His beard shifted as he mulled over my suggestion.

"You don't want me to come along?"

"I didn't say that." I wasn't against Avar coming with me. In fact, I preferred his company to my going alone. But I wanted to see if he'd let me go on my own. "You could stay and work a little while I'm gone, get some things done."

He peered at me closely.

"We can get things done together later. What I need to hear from you now is the truth, Maddy. Do you want me to come or not?"

Well, if it was the truth that he wanted...

"I want to know if you'll let me go alone. Can you give me up even for a few hours? Or will I have to spend the rest of my life glued to your hip?"

He stepped back, leaning against the mountain wall. The path stopped moving as we stared each other down .

"Giving you space doesn't mean giving you up," he said. "You're mine, no matter where you are."

"My body is yours," I corrected.

"Right." He exhaled. "Just your body. If your soul needs some time for itself—as many souls do—you can very well take a walk by yourself." He gave me a tight smile.

His tone remained casual. His posture was relaxed against the rock wall. But his tentacles went unnaturally still, and the feelers in his beard stiffened as if every word he said pained him.

It was incredibly hard for Avar, the Sin of Greed, to let go of anything he considered his, including me. Now that I got to know him a little better, I suspected it cost him a huge effort to let me out of his sight even for a moment, but I appreciated the effort.

"All right, so then—" I started.

He lifted his hands up, fingers splayed. His feelers flared out too.

"Just...be careful. Please," he said with force.

"What is so dangerous in Purgatory?"

"Not dangerous. Just..." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Don't talk to anyone you don't know, aside from the souls at the market, of course. Especially if you run into any of my brothers."

"If it's Gul or Sup, I should at least thank them for the food and clothes, don't you think? And the others—"

" Don't talk to the others. If it's Lux... Uhgr," he groaned. "Stay away from Lux. And Invi..." He scraped his hand down his face. "If you see Invi, Maddy, just run in another direction."

"Is he that bad?"

"Not bad but maddening. He'd take you, just to vex me. I'd get you back, of course, one way or another. But neither you nor I need that aggravation. "

He paced the path back and forth. His tentacles undulated restlessly, as he tried to foresee every "aggravation" real and imagined that I could possibly encounter while out there on my own.

"Stay on the main road all the way to the town. When you get to the teahouse, ask a soul for the directions to the market. It's pretty straightforward from there. Don't let the merchants drag you into lengthy conversations. Some souls really like to talk. I trust your judgment, but souls change here often. One can never know what new ones come here every day."

"Avar." I went for his hand but missed it and grabbed the tip of his tentacle instead, then squeezed it gently. "It's okay. You can come with me if you want."

He spun around, facing me. "Really? You don't mind?"

"I would love for you to come this time. But it's also good to know that I can leave the mountain and go for a walk on my own, if I feel like it."

"Well, you're a free soul. You should be able to come and go as you please," he said hesitantly, as if trying out a new idea. "As long as you come back, of course."

"And stay away from Lux and Invi, and all the souls who talk too much." I smiled.

He caught on with my teasing tone and matched it. "And everyone else, really." He exhaled a long breath of relief and wound both his tentacles around me. "Just stay with me, Maddy." He lifted me into his embrace, bringing me up to his level. "Just like this."

"Just like this." I cupped his face. His feelers spiraled up my arms. His eye color warmed from deep purple to a gentle violet.

For that one moment, I really didn't wish to be anywhere else but just like this.

THE MARKET IN PURGATORY lay outside of the town's center, taking up an area almost as big as the town itself. The wide aisles ran up and between the surrounding hills. The merchants' stands boasted bright canvas canopies of patterns that seemed to have come from all over the world and beyond.

Souls didn't need anything to survive, therefore the wares in Purgatory market were only the items that someone would want. Everything on display was either meant to bring pleasure to the buyer or had already brought pleasure to its creator, who had made it and was now selling it. Often, it was both.

Rows of stands held all possible kinds of artisan creations—knits, paintings, ceramics, jewelry, tiny figurines, giant carvings, and things I wasn't even sure what they were other than the artist must've enjoyed making them.

"Food is that way." Avar pointed to the right.

The moment we'd merged with the crowds browsing the aisles, his right tentacle formed a protective loop around me. He didn't quite hug me with it, keeping it wide enough for me to walk inside it freely. But no one could bump into me or even come close enough to touch.

THE SOULS STROLLED by, paying little attention to Avar, who towered above all of us. However, the moment they spotted me, they'd often do a double-take, or even stop and openly gape at me. Having Avar close made me feel both physically and emotionally supported in the crowd.

Just like the rest of the market, the food stands held little of what would be considered staple items or necessities back in my old world. I didn't see anyone selling milk, eggs, or sacks of grains. But there was an entire aisle of pastries and elaborately decorated cupcakes. A whole row of stands displayed curried meats and cold cuts, thinly sliced and rolled into visually stunning flowers and rosettes. There were fruit bouquets, and ice sculptures, and spun sugar figurines, making the food aisles resemble an art exhibition.

The other thing I noticed that made this market different from any other I'd ever visited back home was the small quantity of products being sold. Most merchants only had one tray of cupcakes, each differently decorated; or a basket of pastries, each of a different kind; or a single platter of fruit. There was no need to produce or sell a lot. Everyone made only as much or as little as they enjoyed making it.

And of course, no money was exchanged. During our walk down here, Avar had explained to me that after their arrival in Purgatory, many souls still found comfort in the familiar routine of having an occupation. They returned to something they enjoyed in their past life or picked up a new activity that they couldn't do back in our world. The souls baked, or painted, or sang on the town square. Some enjoyed gardening, cooking, or painting. They then brought the fruits of their creative labor to the market.

I spotted the herb I needed on a silver tray in one of the stands.

"Is this cilantro?"

"Indeed, it is." The soul selling it beamed. "I found it over there on the hill. There is a lot growing there. Smell it. Doesn't it smell nice?"

I picked up the small bundle and took a sniff.

"It is nice. What do you want for it?"

The soul shrugged. "I'll take a smile, if you feel like smiling this fine morning."

"I do. I have some very good reasons to smile today. It's a beautiful day, and I just found cilantro in Purgatory." I grinned, putting the herb into the small basket we'd brought with us. "Thank you."

As we walked away from the stand, I tugged Avar's tentacle for him to bend down to me.

"What a steal, isn't it?" I whispered excitedly. "I knew souls didn't trade in money. But I only just realized that I could afford everything here. Absolutely everything."

Avar didn't seem as excited as I felt.

"Your smile is worth far more than a bunch of herbs, if you ask me."

"I have lots of smiles, dear Avar. Here," I grinned at him. "Have one for free. My gift."

He shook his head.

"That smile, Maddy, it's one of the biggest treasures in this world. Don't sell it short."

He held my gaze as his beard moved, his feelers spreading in that particular way they did when he smiled. It reflected in his eyes, too, making them sparkle with warmth and humor.

I wondered how much his smile would go for and how much I personally would give just to see it every day.

The air seemed to heat up around us as our gazes connected. Unable to stand the intensity, I glanced away and grabbed the first fruit I saw from the closest stand. It was a plump, purple grape, so big, I could barely eat it in one bite.

"Hey!" the seller yelled, making me jump. "You haven't paid for that."

"Sorry," I said around the mouthful of the juicy grape. It wasn't like I could spit it out and return it now. "What do you want for it?"

"I sell them for conversations, but now I'm not sure if I even want to talk to you at all."

Avar moved forward menacingly. I squeezed his tentacle, holding him back. There was no need for him to fight my battles. Especially since there was no battle at all. It was just a misunderstanding. I felt stupid for grabbing something without asking first, even if it was just a grape not sold for money.

"I'll gladly talk to you," I said sweetly, trying to pacify the grumpy soul .

Sulking, it didn't reply to my gesture of goodwill. The colors within its frame undulated in swirls, ranging from dark blue to silver-gray, and I wondered if that was the sign of the soul being annoyed with me.

"What's your name?" I tried my best to salvage the situation.

"I don't have one."

"All right. Do you go by he, she, or anything else?" It wasn't easy to tell by the soul's appearance. Either way, appearances were often deceiving.

The soul considered my question for a few moments.

"He. I was a man in my past life," he finally said with certainty.

His tone remained displeased, but at least he was talking to me.

"I'm very sorry I took your grape. I was distracted..." I let my voice trail off, not wishing to shift the blame on Avar now. It wasn't his fault that I found everything about him so fascinatingly distracting.

"Do you think it's forgivable to take things that don't belong to you?" the vendor asked.

"I think most sins should be forgivable, yes. As long as one genuinely regrets the wrong they have done. This is what this place is all about, isn't it? To cleanse one of their sins?"

"Purgatory for everyone is what they make it to be," the soul replied quizzically, then added unexpectedly, "I used to take what wasn't mine too. A lot. Do you think the circumstances in which the crime was committed can make it either more or less forgivable?"

I considered my answer carefully.

"I would think so, yes."

"Like, would it matter what I took and who I took it for?"

"Probably," I replied, a little uncertain. It was hard to pass judgment on a situation I knew so little about because I had a feeling he was not talking about the grapes.

He stared at the tray with the remaining fruit.

"I forgive you," he said somberly, his eyebrows shifting into a pensive expression.

"Thank you." I lingered by his stand, unsure if our conversation was enough for the grape to be considered paid for. Our exchange felt a little odd, but it seemed to make sense to this soul.

"Maybe that's what I have to figure out now?" he mumbled to himself. "The ratio of guilt to the pleasure of possession where the value of what's stolen is determined by the individual need of each party. If I solve the equation and find the balance, then maybe I'd be able to move on."

It sounded like a rhetorical question to me, but he seemed hopeful, like he had stumbled upon something important.

"Well, good luck," I wished him sincerely. "And thanks for the grape."

He perked up as I moved past his stall.

"Wait!" He caught up with me. "This was worth much more than one grape. Here." He shoved the entire tray in my hands. "Take it. I hope you'll enjoy it."

"Um...thank you. I will," I muttered, somewhat confused, then turned to Avar.

He silently moved our basket closer for me to put the fruit in. The transaction between the soul and me seemed to make sense to him. So, I accepted the grapes and thanked the soul again before moving ahead.

We picked up a few more items. But I quickly realized that even in the market that demanded no money, there were still prices I couldn't pay. Frank, genuine conversations took time and an emotional toll. Most vendors also refused to accept fake smiles, but genuine ones proved harder to muster the more tired I grew.

Thankfully, there wasn't anything else I needed.

"We can go home," I said to Avar when we reached the end of an aisle.

He nodded, leading me back toward the town. As we came to the main road, a familiar voice called from up ahead.

"Madison!" E rushed to me. Slipping under the protective hoop of Avar's tentacle around me, she grabbed me into a hug. "I'm leaving Purgatory! Can you believe it?"

"Where are you going?"

"Back to Earth." She beamed, excited. "The Higher Judgement has finally been made for me."

"You're to return to Earth?" I asked carefully.

To my knowledge, E's goal had been to enter a paradise, which wasn't what she got. But she seemed excited, and I didn't want to dampen her enthusiasm.

"Yes. I'm finally moving on. And this time, it'll be totally different. I was told I'll be born into a filthy rich family. Fast cars, huge mansions, amazing parties. I'll have it all! It'll be so much fun. I can't wait. I'm so glad I ran into you before leaving. I went to the mountain, but you weren't there, and I wanted to say goodbye."

"Thank you for finding me. I'm really happy for you, E. Enjoy your life. I'll see you again but hopefully not too soon?"

"Maybe I'll see you straight up there next time?" She laughed happily, pointing up at the sky. "This has got to be my last life on Earth, I can feel it. And what a life it would be. I'm going to have my own private jet!"

Avar swept aside his tentacle, and E headed out along the road that led to the Gates where she'd have to take the path to the left again to start her fifteenth lifetime in our world.

"Bye, Avar!" She waved, grinning over her shoulder. "I hope I'll never see you again. No offense."

"None taken." He moved both his right hand and right tentacle to wave her goodbye.

I watched E skipping along the road with a bounce in her step and tried to feel happy for her, but I feared she was excited for all the wrong reasons.

"She'll be back to Purgatory, won't she?" I asked Avar.

He nodded confidently. "We'll definitely see her here again."

E was a restless soul. She craved adventure, excitement, and fun. Purgatory, with its small-town feel, where everything seemed to be suspended in a wait for something, wasn't the ideal place for someone like her.

Or maybe that merchant at the market was right when he said that Purgatory was what one made of it. For E, it had always been just a place of transit. She was happy to move on, even if the destination wasn't exactly what she had wished for.

As we passed the teahouse, I spotted Charity in her usual place at the table with a teacup in her hand.

"Good morning." I waved at her.

She gave me a tight smile and a small wave but didn't invite me to have tea with her this time. I caught the glare she tossed at Avar. He grunted, promptly walking away.

"You don't get along with your sister at all, do you?" I stated the obvious.

"We're polar opposite. Charity disapproves of anything I do. If she had it her way, she'd let me die, then celebrate my demise with glee." He shrugged. "It's hard to love someone like that, even if we are related."

Would the world be a better place without greed, like Charity believed? A little while ago, I would've said yes with no hesitation. Now, just imagining Avar gone forever filled me with profound sadness.

"Souls can't die but sins can?" I asked.

"We can cease to exist, yes. Many people would welcome that."

That was true. Many would.

"They think you're part of the evil that plagues this planet."

He lowered his head, catching my upward glance. "What do you think?"

"I believe there is good in you," I spoke from the heart. "Maybe if you acted on that good, you'll prove to the world you aren't evil? There are many sides to you. Show them the side they have never seen."

"Which one? How?"

"Give back to humanity what you've taken from it."

"The very act of giving would kill me, Maddy, and I'm not virtuous enough to die for the greater good. I want to live."

How could I fault him for that? I didn't want to die either, even temporarily. I kept holding on to my body with everything I had.

"But could you not share even a little bit?" I wondered. "Or maybe lend things for people to use? There is so much good that could be done back home with what you have."

He heaved a long breath as we started our ascent along the path up the mountain.

"Many of my treasures could just as easily be used for evil as for good. Also, what if they got destroyed if they left the safety of my mountain?"

"But why would anyone destroy things so valuable?"

I tried to climb over a root growing across the path. Wrapping his tentacle around my middle, Avar lifted me over it.

"Because that's what people do, Maddy. Humans tend to ruin everything they touch, even the things they value the most. Do you know why I came to your world the night I took you?"

"To wreak havoc?" I offered with a teasing smile.

Technically, Avar remained my kidnapper and Purgatory was a trap, but I no longer thought about it with as much bitterness as I used to.

"Humans are good at wreaking havoc on their own," he retorted. "That night, I came to save a priceless piece of research that had been tossed into the garbage."

"You said the professor's ex-wife threw it away. Why would she do that if it was so valuable?"

"Out of lack of appreciation, of course." Avar scoffed. "Professor Lozhkin was a genius, though somewhat guilty of vanity. Since his previous research was stolen and the credit for most of his work went to someone else, he rigorously guarded his new project. No one knew what he was working on. He didn't have a single assistant and did everything on his own. When he suddenly passed away from a heart attack, there was no one to take over. His ex-wife inherited the apartment where he lived. She cleaned it, and all his priceless work ended up in the dumpster behind the building with the professor's apartment. That night, I mistook you for her. I thought you were bringing more of the professor's stuff to throw out."

Had I come out into the alley a little earlier or a little later than I did, I would've never come to Purgatory. Would I have been happier if I'd never met Avar?

Again, just a little while ago, my answer would've been a resounding yes. Now, I wasn't so sure. The mere thought of possibly never knowing his glowing presence, his rare hidden smiles, and the warm, supporting hugs filled me with sadness and regret.

"What was Professor Lozhkin working on when he died?" I asked .

"An exoskeleton that would allow people with spinal cord injuries to walk, run, and do a lot of other things as good or even better than they did before the injury."

"Really?" I gaped at him. "Was the device any good? Would his invention actually work?"

"It wasn't just a device, Maddy. Professor Lozhkin created a complex system that combined mechanics, electronics, and medication regiment. The project still needs a team of scientists from different areas to make it fully functional. The professor lacked the detailed knowledge of every subject necessary for his invention to work perfectly, but he was on the right track with his research. It could work. As it often happens in human history, however, his genius work ended up in the dumpster. I saved it. And now, it's mine."

"Surely, it was a misunderstanding," I protested. "It ended up in the dumpster by mistake. The professor's wife didn't know or didn't understand—"

"I don't think it would've made any difference if she knew. The woman was set to destroy every shred of his legacy. I have a good reason to believe she was instrumental in his death too."

"Where is Professor Lozhkin now? Is he here?"

"Not anymore. He departed for a paradise of his choosing. But his isn't an isolated case. Humans shouldn't be trusted with valuable, irreplaceable treasures. Most of the things in my collection wouldn't exist if it wasn't for me. My one regret is that even I can't save it all. I only managed to get about half of the scrolls from the burned warehouse of the Library in Alexandria. The rest perished in the fire and can never be recovered. However, if I left it up to humans, all the over forty thousand scrolls would've been gone."

"Wait a minute." I stopped him, my mind reeling. "Did you just say you saved some writings from the Library of Alexandria? "

He nodded somberly. "I got to the warehouse early enough, just after the docks caught on fire. But I still failed to save it all."

"Do you realize what that means?" I gestured for him to bend down to me, needing to see his face closer. Instead, he lifted me to him, settling me in the crook of his bent arm. I took his face between my hands and brought it to mine. "Can you imagine how much people could learn from the works that you saved?"

"Sadly, humanity doesn't learn much, and what little they do learn, they tend to forget quickly." Just like his words, his eyes held little faith in my kind. "Humans go back and forth in circles. You have no idea how frustrating it is to watch them stumbling around for so many centuries."

From what I knew about human history, his frustration was warranted. But Avar hadn't just been watching us "stumble around in circles," he tried to make a difference by saving and keeping what would've been otherwise irrecoverably lost.

"So all this time, you've been trying to preserve what we've been wrecking?"

There were many aspects to greed, just as there were many sides to Avar. It thrilled me to discover all the new facets of his personality. I enjoyed the process of getting to know him so much, I almost didn't notice how much closer every discovery brought me to him.