Chapter 10

Madison

" I t could be a good life," I thought while watching Avar getting tea ready in our favorite room on top of the mountain.

I made sandwiches for lunch while he washed the fruit we brought from the market and set the table.

"Why don't we take the afternoon off too?" he suggested.

With Avar being so much bigger than me, his furniture was also scaled to his size, making me feel like a doll. I climbed into the chair and had to fold my legs under me to sit at the table at the appropriate height.

"To do what?" I asked.

"We can stay here. I have some records to organize, and you can read your book. Judging by the clouds, the sunset will be lovely tonight."

He poured the tea in my cup, then let his hand rest on the table close to it. I smiled, feeling the slide of his tentacle on my knee under the table .

"Taking a day off sounds great." I covered his hand with mine.

Avar turned his hand, catching mine in his palm. His fingers curled around my hand, cradling it.

"Touching you is one of the most exquisite pleasures I've ever felt." He stroked his thumb over my hand. "What do you feel when I touch you, Maddy?"

I shifted forward on my chair.

"Well, that night, when I was wearing the collar, do you remember how I acted and what I did?"

His eyes darkened to deep purple. "How could I ever forget?"

"Well, not all of that was because of the collar. I enjoy your touch, too, Avar."

He groaned. "Come here."

Reaching over the table with both tentacles, he snatched me from my chair and hauled me into his lap.

"I don't think I'll let you read any books today." He kissed the side of my neck, his feelers slipping into the neckline of my dress.

"Good." I breathed faster. "I don't think I want to keep reading that book, anyway."

"You don't like it?" He kissed my shoulder, sliding the fabric of my dress down. "Heavens and hell," he groaned softly against my skin. "I wanted to do this to you again so badly."

Warm tingles scattered along my skin from where his feelers caressed and stroked. They skimmed my breasts just above the edge of my bra. I wished they'd slide in deeper, and I hoped they wouldn't at the same time.

Without the collar, my actions were all my own. If I let it go any further, I'd have no one to blame but myself.

But how far was too far?

In my mind, I knew I probably shouldn't allow any of it .

"The book..." I grabbed on our conversation like to a lifesaver. "I'm not sure what to say about it, really. The story started out interesting enough, but the prose is so tedious. The descriptions are insanely long. For example, Evior, the author, describes a random chair in every detail for an entire paragraph, then doesn't even end up sitting in it."

He held me tightly, nuzzling my shoulder, but didn't go any further, as if sensing my hesitation.

"As a child, Evior was an apprentice of a record keeper for a High Lord in Nerifir," he said.

"That explains it. Except that when he talks about something that seems to be super important, he doesn't describe it at all. He goes on and on about how this rare precious thing he made is the only one in existence and how kings would give up their kingdoms to get their hands on it, but he doesn't even mention what that thing looks like."

"What thing?" Avar lifted his head from my shoulder.

Not willing to let go of him yet, I trapped one of his feelers in my hand, then curled its tip around my finger.

"He calls it ‘horologe,' which is like a watch, right? Except that instead of telling the time, it controls it when one travels across the River of Mists."

Avar's features pinched in concentration as I spoke. He leaned closer, as if not to miss a single word.

"What did you just say? A horologe?"

"Yes." I blinked under his intense stare. "Apparently, there is an issue when one crosses the river that connects all these other worlds, including the human world. Evior says one can never know what time one would arrive when leaving one world for another. They can end up centuries ahead or years before the time when they had left."

"From what I've read about the River of Mists, that is true. The river loops and twists between the worlds, making it nearly impossible to return to the same time one has left from."

"Have you ever been to Nerifir yourself?"

"No. But I have found a few items from it back in your world. As I said before, those from Nerifir have been crossing over every now and then, despite the time leap. But I've never heard of a device that controls the time. Where is it?"

"I'm not sure. But Evior says he built it by using the magic of a werewolf goddess."

His frown deepened.

"Ghata?"

"Yes. You know her?"

"Not personally, thankfully. But I've heard of her. She was the embodiment of the Moon Goddess. The werewolves of the Kingdom of Sarnala in Nerifir used magic to grant a physical body to their beloved goddess so she could live among them. Sadly, things didn't go well, as it often happens when deities mingle with mortals too closely. The goddess became corrupted with the unlimited power over her subjects and ended up abusing the very people she was meant to protect."

"The book says that Evior escaped Nerifir because of her. She demanded he become her brack , which is like her monk or something? So, his father found a portal to our world and sent him there for safety."

"It's a good thing he did. Ghata's bracks lost their free will and became her slaves in mind, body, and soul."

A shudder ran along my spine. Evior didn't have a single good word to say about the goddess. It'd be a terrible fate to become her slave for life.

"In the book," I continued, "it's said that Ghata used her powers to conquer the time leaps. Then, she sent her bracks back and forth across the River of Mists multiple times, always bringing them back to her with no time leap issues. Evior then figured out how to harvest her moon powers and lock them in that horologe thingy. That's when I stopped reading as he went on and on about the mechanics of how it all works, using a lot of words I've never heard before. I fell asleep while reading and never picked it up again. Maybe I should just skip a few chapters and see if it gets better later? Some scenes from Nerifir were neat to read, like his family history and the place where they lived."

Avar got up from the table with me in his arms.

"Where is the horologe now?" He paced the room, looking deep in thought.

"Oh, I didn't make it that far in the book. Why?"

He kept pacing, turning so swiftly, my head started to spin.

I squirmed in his arms. "Can you set me down, please? I'm getting dizzy here."

"Sorry." He returned me to the chair. Gripping the back of the chair on each side of me, he leaned down to my face. "Maddy, I really need to read that book."

THE TACOS TURNED OUT pretty good. I had two. Avar had none. The food on his plate was slowly turning cold as he kept reading the book he'd started before I even began making dinner.

"It's in Nerifir," he said, setting the book aside.

"Are you talking about that watch thingy?" I asked from across the table.

"Yes. Horologe. Evior brought it back to Nerifir, afraid that Ghata's magic would lead her to him. He wrote the book because he wanted people to know about his genius. Then he tried to burn it because he was afraid that someone would actually read it." Avar shook his head. "This man lived his entire life driven by fear, despite his greatness."

"Have you ever met him? Did he come to Purgatory?"

"No. He couldn't ever come here. Evior was a werewolf. His people have different beliefs about the afterlife. Our Purgatory isn't a part of it."

"It makes sense." I eyed the tacos on his plate. "So, are you going to eat those or...?"

"You can have them," he said, glancing back at the book. His mind seemed to drift far away from the food, from this room, and even from Purgatory.

"You want that thing, don't you? The horologe?" I took a bite of one of his tacos.

"I do." He turned his attention back to me. "You have no idea how much, Maddy."

"Oh, I do have some idea about how badly you can want things and people," I assured him, munching on his taco.

He smirked into his beard, not defending his actions.

"Evior is right," he said. "He could get a king's ransom for his device. Many in Nerifir would want the horologe that gives power over the unruly River of Mists."

"What would you do if you had it? How would you use it?"

"I'd use it to return from Nerifir without losing any time."

"And then?"

"Then, I would keep it here safely."

I huffed, rather disappointed. "But that'd be a waste of all its power."

"It'd be safer that way." Avar remained undeterred. "The worlds connected by the River of Mists are not supposed to intermingle. The horologe makes it way too easy to travel between them, which can bring all possible kinds of troubles. The best place for it is in my collection."

I finished one of his tacos and took another one. Clearly, his mind was not on the food tonight. It was a good thing he didn't need to eat to survive.

"When will you go?"

He raked his hands over his temples, then laced his fingers behind his head, staring straight ahead.

"I can't go." He exhaled slowly.

"What? Why not? I'll look after this place in your absence. You don't have to worry. I promise not to touch anything and definitely not to try anything on anymore."

He smiled, obviously remembering the collar.

"I trust you, Maddy, but I can't go to Nerifir. I mean, I can, but I won't be able to bring anything back, including the horologe."

"Why not?"

"In this world, humans or their souls believe in my existence, which gives me my form." He lifted a tentacle as if in demonstration of his tangible state. "In Nerifir, I'd be nothing but an apparition, unable to touch, to take, or to carry anything, no matter how small. The few things I have from Nerifir, including this book, I acquired from your world, after someone else had brought them there, not by getting them from Nerifir myself."

"Well, that sucks. I'm really sorry, Avar."

It must feel terrible, especially for someone like him, to discover something special only to realize that he couldn't have it.

I finished eating and took the plate to the sink while a thought was churning in my mind.

"Are there humans in Nerifir, Avar?"

"None who would be born there. But there have been a few who have come from your world. There have even been a few human queens. "

I turned around to face him, wondering if he realized the same thing I did.

"I could go to Nerifir instead of you then. Since I have a body, I can take and carry anything, including the horologe."

"No." He shook his head adamantly. "Every full moon, the werewolves turn into monsters with claws that would tear you to shreds and with teeth that drip poison."

Cold dread ran down my spine as I imagined running into a beast like that, but I ignored it the best I could.

"I'll just have to go there during the day, then, or on any night other than the full moon."

"Without the horologe," he argued, "it's impossible to choose or even predict the time of day one would land after crossing the River of Mists."

I thought about that for a moment.

"But the full moon happens only once in twenty-eight days. The chance of me landing on any other day is much greater. Where is that thing, anyway? How long do I have to stay in Nerifir to find it?"

"Evior says he left it in care of a trusted keeper in a women's monastery that is located on the shore next to the portal."

"So, I'd just have to do a short walk to the monastery and sweet talk a nun into giving up her timepiece. That doesn't sound like a dangerous mission at all."

He came closer and crouched down to my eye level. Smiling, I put my hands on his wide shoulders.

"You want that horologe, Avar. Badly." It wasn't a question. I knew he did.

"More than anything..." He inhaled, then corrected himself, holding my gaze, " Almost more than anything in any world. "

This was my chance, my one and only chance to make it right between us.

"You make deals, Avar, don't you? That's how you've acquired a lot of things in your collection. The only way you can give something up is to trade it for something else."

"What are you saying, Maddy?" He sounded wary.

My heart pounded hard. I fisted my sweaty hands on his shoulders.

"Make a deal with me. I'll go to Nerifir and get the horologe you want so much. And in exchange, you'll let me go. Let's trade my freedom for that precious relic you want."

He shrank back as if I'd slapped him.

"I can't lose you."

"But it'll be a trade, Avar. Not a loss."

His beard moved as he flexed his jaw. His eyes searched mine.

"Why, sweetheart?" he asked so tenderly, my heart all but broke right then and there. "Do you hate it here so much? Do you not like being with me?"

"No, it's not that, please..."

"Tell me how I can make your life here better? I'll do anything to make you happy." He seemed to forget about the horologe already, reaching for me. "Do you still hate me for bringing you here?"

"I can't hate you, Avar."

When it came to him, I faced a much bigger emotion than hate. I feared I could fall in love with him.

"I wish things were different between us." I said. "I enjoy being with you, and I wish I could do that without reservations. But... How can I, if you remain my captor?"

"Is that what I am to you? A captor?"

He looked as if every word of mine was a stab of a dagger. It pained me to hurt him. But our truth was ugly, whether I spoke about it or not.

"I'm here because of you," I said. "Against my will. With no way out."

"You don't like staying in Purgatory?"

"Purgatory is lovely. But it's still a prison I cannot leave unless you release me. Please, let me go," I implored. "Set me free. Become my rescuer instead of my jailer, Avar. Make the deal with me."

He gripped the granite support of the sink behind me, caging me with his arms as if someone was about to whisk me away from him already.

"A deal would only work if what I got was of a higher value to me than what I'm giving up. But there simply is nothing more precious to me than you, Maddy."

His heartfelt confession should've made me happy. Anyone would want to be treasured as much as I knew Avar treasured me. But the word "precious" brought to mind his collection of rare, beautiful, priceless things. And I felt like a thing, too, the thing that didn't get locked up in a cabinet only because I proved to be more "amusing" outside of the glass box.

I already cared about Avar too much to be content with the role of one of his precious relics.

To stay with the man I was falling for, to keep him happy, I had to give up so many important parts of myself—my family, my friends, my life's purpose, my very life as I knew it. What would be left of me without all that? I deserved better. Avar deserved more. A true relationship could never work like this.

Yet seeing his crestfallen expression was simply gut-wrenching.

"Maddy," he said softly, swiping a tear from my cheek I didn't know I'd spilled. "Nothing is worth this. " He stared at my tear glistening on the tip of his finger.

I sniffled, wiping my cheeks with both hands.

He got up, straightening to his full, impressive height.

"I'll have my horologe," he said firmly. "You'll have your freedom. We have a deal."