Chapter 4

Madison

I woke up in semi-darkness. Before leaving my cave yesterday, Avar turned the glass around it opaque, blocking the sunlight. Now, I wasn't sure whether it was night, or day, or the following morning. Climbing out of bed that proved way too comfortable to leave without regret, I put my jeans back on and tucked in the t-shirt I'd slept in.

Then I walked over to the glass surrounding my room and pressed a hand to it. For me to adjust it, Avar had "gifted" me the part of the mountain that contained my room. A generous gift from someone who couldn't give. But was it really a gift when both the entire mountain and I belonged to him anyway? As long as I remained in Avar's possession, what was mine was his by default.

The glass turned clear again, revealing the view of a gorgeous sunset. After admiring the vivid colors for a little while, I realized the sun was climbing up, not setting down. It was early morning already. I'd slept through the remainder of yesterday and through the entire night.

A waterfall trickled gently in the creek that Avar had diverted to run through my bathroom. The sound was soothing, but not enough to calm my anxiety. I'd written my will last night. Avar delivered it to my mother's address. She would get it today, and I could only imagine what she'd think. Settling my business affairs and even saying a vague goodbye in a legal paper was not the same as giving someone a parting hug and kiss.

I would never see my mom again, and all because of the whim of an otherworldly entity incapable of letting anything or anyone go. How could I live with that? If I had to spend eternity trying to get out of here, then that was what I was going to do.

Leaving my room, I headed down the path in search of an exit again.

As I hiked down the mountain, along the path that weaved between long shelves and high display cases, the ground under me trembled slightly.

An earthquake?

I grabbed on to the nearest curio cabinet to keep my balance and suddenly wished Avar was here. His large form and over-the-top confidence would give me some reassurance.

Unlike an earthquake, though, it wasn't just the ground that shook. The air around me appeared to ripple too. Even the outlines of the items around me appeared to waver for a moment or two.

When it all stilled again, voices came from below. The deep, growly one I immediately recognized as Avar's. The other voice sounded lighter and far more melodious.

"Can I meet her?" the pretty voice implored. "Please? "

"No," Avar cut off. "Thanks for the food and the dress. Now, bye."

I rushed down the path that led me into an open space at the foot of the mountain. An arch of golden filigree marked the entrance into Avar's domain of rock, glass, and ancient treasures. A lone figure stood inside the arch.

The semi-transparent shape of our visitor glowed like Avar's. Unlike him, however, this glow was of shimmering gold, not purple. By the wide hips and voluptuous breasts, I wondered if the person was some female spirit, provided spirits had a gender.

"Is that her?" The golden spirit grinned, tilting her head to see me behind Avar's massive body towering over us.

Balancing a covered tray in one of his tentacles and a long piece of bright orange fabric in the other, Avar turned around.

"Why are you here?" he demanded, finding me standing behind him.

"The place shook," I said. "Then I heard voices. What's going on?"

He positioned himself solidly between me and the newcomer, as if trying to shield me from her view. It accomplished little, since I could still see the person's glowing outline through his form, and she probably could see me too.

"The mountain doesn't like invasions," Avar explained, scowling in the direction of the golden spirit. "And neither do I."

"I'm here to do you a favor," the spirit protested. "You asked for food." She snatched both the tray and the cloth from him, then turned to me. "Breakfast, courtesy of Gul, my roommate. And a dress from his brother, Sup. If you like it, I'll bring more of both."

I took a deep breath of the mouth-watering aroma that wafted from the tray in her hands, trying and failing to figure out what dish was under the lid.

"It smells delicious." My stomach growled with anticipation. I hadn't eaten in what seemed like forever. "Thank you. You have no idea how happy I am to see you. I'm starving. I'm Madison, by the way." I stepped toward her, offering her my hand.

Avar's tentacles sprang around me but didn't touch me or hold me back. They just hovered around me in a protective semi-circle.

"Hi, Madison." The spirit gave my hand a firm shake, holding the tray in her other hand. "It's so nice to meet you. What part of the world did you come from? Mediterranean? Latin America?" She slid her gaze over my long dark hair and light-brown skin, then paused on my tattered jeans and worn t-shirt with I heart cats written on it in English. "England? North America, maybe?" She waved a hand before I could answer. "Not that it matters. We're all just souls here, all speaking the same language, as you might've noticed by now. I'm E, by the way."

"E? Is that your name? Just one letter?"

"Souls don't have names," Avar dismissed.

E pouted in his direction. "But what if I feel like having one?" She then turned to me again. "I can't remember what they called me back when I had a body. But I have a feeling that most of my names in my past lives started with E."

"You've lived more than one lifetime?

"Mhm." She nodded. "Fourteen to be precise."

"Wow. So many? That's more than a cat has. And you don't remember a single name?"

"For souls, names aren't important. What matters are our experiences during all the different lives and what we learn from them."

"So...right now, you're dead?"

She giggled. "Of course not. Souls don't die. I'm just, um...well, between bodies at the moment." She slid her hand up my forearm, prodding and squeezing. "It's so bizarre to see a real body in Purgatory."

I didn't mind her touching. I imagined I'd be even more amazed if I saw a disembodied spirit back in my world.

Avar cleared his throat, hands propped on his hips, his tentacles undulating irritably.

"Well, you've seen her. Now goodbye, E." He gestured toward the exit.

"No. Stay," I said quickly. "Please, can she have breakfast with me?"

I wasn't ready to let E go. I had so many questions. And the talkative, outgoing E seemed to be just the right person to answer them all.

"I'll gladly join you," she chirped, sashaying past Avar, who appeared to have gone speechless at her audacity.

"Who said she can stay?" He finally found his voice.

"Just for a little while, please?" I pressed my palms together in a pleading gesture. "I'd love to have company for breakfast. It sucks to eat alone."

His beard moved as he mulled over my request, looking tormented. On one hand, he clearly disliked the invasion of his space. On the other hand, he seemed committed to keeping me happy, probably out of guilt for snatching me away from the only life I could remember.

E smiled at him sweetly. "I promise not to touch any of your things."

"You'd better," he grumped, then waved along the path. "You can go up to Madison's room. But only for as long as it takes her to eat breakfast. "

That was better than nothing.

"Thanks." I hurried away before he might change his mind. "Do you want me to take the tray?" I asked E.

"I'm fine." She waved me off, easily carrying the large thing in one hand.

"It's not too far," I assure her. "This mountain looks huge, but it doesn't take that long to get around."

"It's because the path moves."

"It does?" I stopped and stared at the smooth rocks under my feet.

There was no discernible movement, but when I raised my head, the cabinet I'd stopped next to was now way behind us.

"I never noticed." I headed forward again. "Have you been here before?"

E nodded. "A few times. Between my past lives. But I'm mostly staying with Gul this time. It's more fun at his place. He also really knows how to cook. Wait until you try this." She tipped her chin at the tray in her hand.

"Souls don't need to eat, do they?"

"No. I don't need food, but I do enjoy it. Isn't it great? You can eat all you want, and it doesn't matter how you look."

Like Avar, E had not a stitch of clothing on her, but I wouldn't call her naked. Her shape lacked the details of a physical body—like fine hair on her arms or pores on her skin. Her breasts had no nipples, and the area between her legs was also perfectly smooth. Gathered into a long, high ponytail, her hair streamed down her back in a mass that had no definition of individual strands.

"You're staring." Her voice snapped me out of my contemplation.

"I am," I admitted. "Sorry. It's just that I've never seen a soul without a body before. "

She cocked her hip. "So, what do you think?"

"It's...interesting. Is that how we all look inside?"

She laughed. "Oh God, no. Wouldn't that be the most boring sight in the afterlife? The visible shape of a soul bears no meaning. It's the inner substance that matters. The shape is easy enough to change." Balancing the tray away from her, E gestured down her torso. "Look."

Suddenly, her full breasts shrank, and her curvy hips narrowed, giving her a slimmer appearance. But E's transformation didn't stop there. The hair on her head shortened. Instead, a full beard sprang from her chin and cheeks. Her shoulders widened; her chest molded into a pair of well-defined pectoral muscles.

"I can go all the way if you want." She laughed. Her voice remained completely unchanged, despite the dramatic visual transformation. A huge dick suddenly sprouted between her now very muscular thighs. It grew longer and thicker, reaching grotesque size and proportions, until its bulbous head dangled somewhere way past her knees. "Every guy's dream, isn't it?" She winked at me. "Or is it every girl's?"

"Um...not to that extent. Please," I laughed with her. "At least, not for me."

With a relieved "ooomph" E released a breath, snapping back into her previous shape. The beard and the giant penis were now gone.

"Oh, this feels much better," she said. "A firmly defined appearance is an attribute of a physical body. A soul can be anything it wants. But I feel more comfortable in this shape right now. Probably because I was a woman in my most recent life. Sometimes, it takes a while to...you know, decompress from your last physical form once you leave the constraints of a body. "

"Have you been a man in some of your past fourteen lives too?"

She nodded. "A man, a woman, and everything in between and outside of that. I've been around long enough to try it all, or almost all, I think."

It was all so fascinating, I could chat with E forever. But I had to focus and stay on topic if I ever wanted to figure a way out of Purgatory.

"How do you travel to and from here?"

Her smooth forehead creased with a frown. "Well, the travel has never been up to me. The Higher Judgement evaluates all the deeds of the soul during its lifetime, then decides what to do with it next."

"And what are the options?"

"Not many. If deemed worthy, the soul is sent to the paradise of its choosing. Those who have really fucked up end up in hell. And some of us who supposedly need more ‘learning,'" she made a quotation sign with the hand not holding the tray, "keep getting sent back to Earth over and over again." She rolled her eyes. "It gets fucking exhausting, to be honest."

We turned off the path and up the stairs to my platform.

"Well, here's my room." I led E under the glass dome, took the dress from her and lay it onto the bed as she set the tray on the round table in the middle of my living space.

"This is cute." She took a twirl around before lifting the lid off the tray. "Dig in since you're starving."

The appetizing aroma intensified. My stomach cramped, and I almost tripped, rushing to the table.

"God, it smells so good."

E grinned. "See why I'm staying with a mortal sin instead of getting a cute little place of my own in town?"

"What town?" I gaped at her.

"Purgatory, of course. "

"Is it an actual town?"

She nodded and picked up what looked like a dumpling from the platter on the tray. "A town for us poor souls to hang around until the Higher Judgement about our future is made."

I looked at the platter laden with all possible kinds of food, from pierogis, to sushi, to things I'd never seen before. Grabbing something that looked like a steamed bun, I bit into it and moaned in pleasure.

"So good."

E gave me a knowing look. "Told you." She finished her dumpling and took another one. "Coffee?" she asked around a mouthful while picking up a small silver carafe with steam curling out of its curved spout.

"Please." I sat at the table and pulled the platter closer.

The more I ate, the bigger my appetite grew.

"Something I don't understand," I said, taking a cup of coffee from E. "I'm not an expert, but if I remember correctly, the purpose of Purgatory is to cleanse us of our sins, right? How is your living with one of them supposed to help you with that?"

E stuffed an éclair into her mouth, speaking around it as she ate.

"If a pleasure-less paradise is your thing, by all means, cleanse and go. That's not what I want, though."

"What do you want?"

"I want to have fun. Both in life and after. Often, joy is the only thing that gives life any meaning. I don't want to give it up."

"Is there a paradise like that too?"

"There is any kind you like. Whatever you believe, it exists. The real trick is to get there." She flicked her glowing ponytail behind her shoulder. "I don't even mind Purgatory that much. One can find anything they want or need here. What is really growing old for me is going back to Earth. I'm not sure what hell looks like, but let me tell you, some of the things I've seen in that good old world of ours couldn't be any worse than hell." She sighed.

I believed her. But I also missed the life I'd left behind. I took a big gulp of coffee, trying to keep the melancholy at bay.

"Well," I said. "After fourteen lifetimes, I can see how things can grow old."

"How many have you lived?" she asked.

"I have no idea."

"Oh," E smiled sheepishly. "I keep forgetting you're still alive."

We ate some more of the delicious food. The tray didn't really contain any typical breakfast foods that I was used to, but the samples of finger foods from around our world provided for an excellent mix of tastes and textures, which I truly enjoyed.

"Please thank Gul for all this." I gestured at the now almost empty tray. "This is probably the best breakfast I've had, in terms of food, and I know a thing or two about cooking myself. I'm a chef."

"You are?" E glanced at me with interest.

"Well, I was. Back home."

E licked chocolate off her finger. "Gul will love to hear you enjoyed his cooking. Now..." She got up. "Let's get you into that dress, shall we? Unless you prefer to wear no clothes?"

"No clothes" was a valid option around here. But unlike E's nudity, mine would feel far more naked to me, with all its human details on display.

"I don't think I'll be comfortable running around without clothes," I confessed.

"Fair enough." She took the dress from the bed.

Printed with bright orange and gold designs, the dress had a long, voluminous skirt and a tight-fitting bodice. It was nothing I'd usually wear, even to a fancy event. But it was my only change of clothes at the moment. I promptly got out of my old outfit and let E put the dress on me, then lace it.

She took a step back, running an assessing gaze down my frame.

"It looks pretty on you."

"Thanks. I just wish I could get in and out of it on my own."

"I'll see if I can find something simpler next time. Sup is so over-the-top with all the outfits in his possession. This is probably the least flashy thing he owns."

I smoothed my hands down the luxurious fabric of the skirt. Hopefully, I wouldn't spend long enough in Purgatory to worry about clothes. E had been chatty and forthcoming with answers to my questions. Maybe she could point me in the right direction to get out of here.

"How long have you been in Purgatory?" I asked.

She tapped her chin with her finger.

"On and off, probably a century or two combined. This last time, it's been a few years already."

"So, you know this place well?"

"Like the back of my hand." She grinned confidently. "Things don't change much around here."

"Would you mind showing me around, then? If you aren't too busy."

"I'm never busy with something I can't set aside, but I doubt Avar would let you leave even for a little while."

"We don't need to tell him," I suggested. "Do we?"

She shook her head adamantly.

"Oh, we absolutely have to. If you sneak out, he'd raise a literal hell in Purgatory, trying to find you. This guy just doesn't know how to let go. The reason he doesn't ever have any souls living with him is because he couldn't suffer them leaving at the end."

"Has he been alone all his life?"

"Pretty much. I'm sure a random soul may drop by every now and then to keep him company for a night or two. But I haven't heard about anyone sticking around for longer than that."