20. Chapter 19

"No classes today." Agnus stops me at the door. She looks me over and adjusts a loose hair on the top of my head that has fallen out of its braid, scoffing her frustration.

My heart races as I search her eyes for answers. Her presence here the day after I overheard her conversation seems too strange to be a coincidence. She gives nothing away, neither do I.

"Why not?" I question, hoping that my face does not reveal my thoughts. I"m dressed in my uniform and have a book in hand. A book that I now throw onto the bed, knowing that I will not need it. If I had known I was leaving I would not have thrown my hair up so messily or picked up a dirtied skirt from the ground, I would have put on my trousers and sleeved shirt in case I need to run.

She shakes her head but doesn"t answer the question, not really, anyway. "Not for you." She says instead. I peer out into the hallway and see the others making their way to breakfast. Ava walks towards us, but I give her a look and tell her not to wait up. Her face contorts with worry. I know what she must think, and I am thinking the same thing. When she hesitates, I can"t help but wonder if this is the last time I will see her.

If it"s not about my magic or lack thereof, then the dark-haired man had to have told Lord Andres I was in the library at night. Or worse, I was seen in the servants" quarters listening to a conversation I had no business hearing. Either way, I am fucked. Agnus also gives Ava a sideways glance before pulling me away.

The other servants follow Agnus as we turn the corner. She shakes her head that has them stopping dead in their tracks when we get to a separate wing that I have never been to before. Of course, I tried, but the door was locked.

Agnus moves forward once more, her heels clacking on the pristine tiles. I glance behind me. The group of servants are still in the door frame. They have their mouths pressed up against each other"s ears, their hands concealing secrets. So many secrets, don"t believe anyone, I remind myself as I turn back to stare at the back of Agnus"s head.

The servants are the only shadows that seem to have stuck around, always lurking in the corners. They probably know every detail of conversation had in this place. People tend to overlook servants when sharing their secrets. This was true at House Luz as well. Lupita often knew exactly what was going on while I was left in the dark. So, I took to the servants" quarters, my ears open and ready for information. Just as I had done last night.

Distant voices come from behind the two large white doors that are now in front of us. The room I wait in is just a wide hallway with paintings and statues. Much nicer than the ones that fill the hallway of student"s doors. Agnus points to a spot on the floor, telling me to stand there and wait. She turns swiftly on her heels and makes her way out. I trail her with my eyes as she goes. Then, they wander to the paintings that line the walls.

Flowers paired with women. Swords with men. The others do not stray from this variation. Boring.

Most of the words spoken from beyond the door are muffled like they are talking with their backs turned. Some are clearer as they most likely face the other direction, their words coming towards me. They exchange harsh words about The Vow. "Would be against our customs!" Someone half-shouts from the other side. The voice sounds familiar, but I cannot place it.

My eavesdropping is almost identical to the kind I did last night. This time I am supposed to be here. They cannot blame me for listening in.

Then, "We shall find out soon enough," Lord Andres"s soft, elderly voice. None of the voices beyond this door match the ones from last night, not that I can tell anyway.

Silence falls over the room, making me uneasy. I hook my hands behind my back, swinging back and forth as I wait. My skirt tickles the back of my legs with every move.

Far off, from where Agnus left, the sound of heavy footsteps make their way towards me, I straighten my top and adjust my hair nervously.

The smell of mint hits my nose first, an intoxicating scent that I spent countless nights trying to forget, Kirian. And sure enough, he opens the door on the other side of the hall and enters in one swift step. His nonchalant demeanor changes as he spots me across the room, his face turning from arrogance to worry. He stalks towards me. I can"t help it. I take two excited steps in his direction as well. Ignoring Agnus"s orders to stay put. "What are you doing here?" I ask, looking up at him as he reaches me. I have forgotten just how tall he is.

I"ve suddenly forgotten what to do with my hands as well. I settle for balling them into fists at my sides. "I"ve been called by the court." He says plainly, but his eyes frantically search mine before tracing my body from top to bottom, causing heat to rise to my face. "You look…different, well fed." And there is that smirk, his signature smile paired with playful words. Although I can"t say that telling me I have gained weight is quite the compliment that he thinks it is. I look down at myself for a half second, and sure enough, the shirt no longer droops in the shoulders, and the collar seems to fit around my neck. Just as I had noticed Ava"s appearance change, I suppose I have as well.

"You look the same." I tell him, and it"s true. His uniform is neat and his posture tall and unmoving, like a statue.

He just shakes his head and points to the door before us. "This meeting is about you, you know. I"m here to testify about your gift. A little shy, are we?" He looks to me for answers. You can see the disappointment in his eyes, as if I have let him down in some way.

Which is really a kick in the stomach after the months of torture I"ve had. I have undoubtedly changed, more than physically. I want to tell him everything. The air around him is much lighter than the air of this old school.

I had thought that I would never see Kirian again, I suppose if my magic did not disappear that would have been true. Maybe I should not put so much thought into our last night together, the kindness that he showed me. My chest is tight with unease as I think of what it meant. The way he looks down at me, with that look that I cannot place. A friend, I realize, just as Ava.

"I-"I begin to say, but then the doors open, and Kirian stands face to face with the raven. The same man who sat across from me upon my delivery and the same man who darkened that library with words of doubt.

The two men who stand before me could not be more different. Kirian is taller, but not by much, and broader in the shoulders from years of hard labor. His light eyes and hair are a stark contrast to the brooding features of the man before him, black hair, brown eyes, and a permanent scowl. The sun and the moon.

I make sure to look down to avoid remembering our encounter in the library. "Hello Augustine." Kirian says as he straightens his spine. Augustine Nero? That"s the name of the man that Kirian told me about. The man who delivered me is the King"s right hand. Why would he be doing something so insignificant?

Suddenly I have so many questions but no time to ask them as Kirian strides past Augustine and into the room. The softness that I saw for just a moment is long gone. I look between the two. Kirian"s muscular back as he confidently walks into the room and Augustine"s flickering eyes as he looks me over. That same look of disgust as when we first arrived. Augustine gestures for me to enter. I walk too close to him, so close that I can feel heat radiating off of his body.

He closes the door gently behind me. Augustine then takes his place at a long white stone table. Behind the table are large windows overlooking a garden. The head of the table belongs to Lord Andres, whose voice I had recognized earlier and the other one must have belonged to Augustine. There are others lining the wall in observation. Sofie is not here. It"s her time to be in the library with everyone else. The others I do not recognize, aside from Madam Christoph. I cringe at the sight of her, evil woman, but she pays no mind to me at all. Kirian has already taken an empty seat and leans back in it nonchalantly, as if he has done this a million times, I expect nothing less from him.

Augustine is next, he pulls out a chair closest to Lord Andres, eyeing Kirian the whole time before he takes his seat. And finally, it"s my turn to choose a spot to sit. Surprisingly, I do not hesitate long. The chair next to Kirian squeals as its legs drag on the floor. I think I hear Kirian let out a breath of air, but I pay no attention as I take my seat. As soon as I do, the room grows unbearably quiet.

Hopefully, the thump of my heart is only in my own ears and not loud enough for Kirian to hear how nervous I am.

Lord Andres finally speaks, and I can"t help but to stagger at the break in silence. "Katsia, how are you enjoying your time here?" he asks. Enjoying is not the word I would use to describe my last few months here. And I know better than to try and lie to the man before me, it would be no use.

Truth, something I used to avoid. Now I speak it without a second thought. Ava being the only one to listen. She does not ask many questions and I do not offer many explanations. My only lie was one that was trying to protect her. Maybe even from whatever this is.

I make sure to look him in the eye, silver and milky, just as they were when they first looked upon me. "It"s been rather difficult," I answer clearly and loud enough so that all can hear. Not allowing the fear I feel in my chest to transfer into my words. Kirian"s presence aiding in my confidence somehow.

"We do strive for the best." Andres says as he folds his hands on the table before him. His posture relaxed and much unlike the time we were in the carriage he barely even glances in my direction, as if he knows what decision I have made.

"Tell us, where do you think you stand amongst the others?" What strange questions. Questions that are leading to something bigger, I can feel it.

"The bottom, I am afraid," I tell no one in particular. Augustine shifts in his chair and the others nod in agreement. All except for Madam Christoph who now wears a small but visible smile as she scratches her chin. I ignore her and find Kirian"s eyes instead.

I tell myself that it"s not embarrassing to be failing at something in which I took no interest in the first place.

My cheeks still flush as I try to decipher what he is thinking from his expression. Nothing, he sits motionless, his attention elsewhere, I follow his eyes to see that he is studying Augustine Nero intensely. Augustine himself seems not to notice at all. Except for a small shift of his eyes in our direction, then back to the task at hand.

Lord Andres nods his head slowly. "I see. Do you know why we have all gathered here?" He spreads his hands and gestures to the people seated in the room.

"It is my understanding that there are questions regarding my gift." I guess from the small indication from Kirian"s and my conversation outside the doors.

"Kirian, tell us what made you think it was so urgent to get Miss Luz enrolled here." Now it"s Kirian"s turn to be under judgmental eyes. He is unaffected. I feel a bit defeated, like they moved on from me too quickly.

He no longer has his attention on Augustine and instead addresses the room. "Unfortunately, I was not there when it occurred." He tells them nonchalantly. Augustine suppresses what I think is a laugh.

Kirian pays no attention as he continues. "What I can tell you is that she escaped the western jail in Thorn Row, but not a single man saw her leave, nor was a key missing." He looks at me before continuing.

I nod in approval of what he wants to say next. "Then after the escape, she was stashed in an Inn, close to the wall, when the guards were on a search for her, they found no trace, yet she never left the Inn itself. Tell them what you told me that morning after the search." His confidence never wavers as he turns to me. I try not to think of what else transpired that morning, forcing the image of us entangled together on that mattress to the back of my mind.

"I was there, and not there. Stuck in between." I have no better explanation than that, nor do I try to think about the traumatizing event itself if I can help it. Every face scrunches together in confusion all at once, all but one, Augustine Nero, in fact. Escaped many prisons, much worse than the one you were in. Kirian"s words from the Inn when he told me of someone who shared my gift.

Everyone"s attention falls on me, and their judgment seems to settle into me like a knife, making it hard to breathe. Augustine crosses his arms as if bored by the whole thing. "I was pulled into an abyss of sorts." I try again, looking over to Kirian, who nods his head at me, making my unease settle for only a moment. But the words came out weak and unsure.

"How are we supposed to believe a word she says?" My attention is pulled from Kirian as Augustine"s deep voice echoes through the large room.

"Just say what you mean, Augustine." Kirian blusters.

"I mean." Augustine stands quickly and walks over closer to us but still on the opposite side of the table. His features darken even more with the light from the window at his back. He sets his hands on the stone and narrows his eyes at Kirian. "You made a mistake. She has no magic, and you have convinced her that she does to spare her life." The room is so silent that I can hear my own heart beating in its cage. I want to speak, to tell them that I have had the Shadows a long time, since before I knew of Kirian Bears" existence. Before I can speak, Augustine beats me to it. "That is within your power, is it not?"

I swallow my near spoken words and look to Kirian for an explanation, but he doesn"t offer one. "What is he talking about?" I ask. He doesn"t look at me. He doesn"t move, it"s infuriating. I look about the room. The others whisper amongst themselves, for they do not have the answers either. All but Madam Christoph, who stares out the window past the garden and to the lake that I have come to know well over the last few months, its platform still untouched. For a short moment, I wonder what could possibly be more interesting than what is currently happening in this room.

My thoughts are cut off as the man before me speaks again. "Tell her," Augustine demands. "Or shall I?" This time his words make Kirian move but only slightly and away from me. Augustine slowly turns his fiery gaze away from Kirian and stares at me for what feels like an eternity, all I can do is wait. There they are again, those red eyes. "Your friend has a knack for getting women… and some men, to do his bidding."

"Do not take out your frustrations with me on her," Kirian says through gritted teeth.

"I can"t help but notice the similarities." Augustine sneers. He cocks his head to the side. Kirian"s face turns a shade of red, but he does not offer a response.

Again, and for what I"m sure is not the last time, their not-so-subtle accusing faces and words of past events are not something that I can make sense of. Always, these people speak of things that only confuse me further.

"You may choose not to believe me, but I have magic. I may not have always known what it was, and I have never known how to use it, but it was there until I got here anyway." I try to get back to the reason we have gathered and away from the tension that has built between Kirian and Augustine.

"For God"s sake," Augustine turns his head to Lord Andres and then back to me. "Well, if you say so." His sarcasm so pointed, no doubt to make me squirm. His eyes catch fire once more, like they did when I first saw him upon his horse. No one seems to notice, but I can"t help myself. It"s as if the House of Hades lives behind those eyes. I become entranced by this new discovery. He catches my eyes for only a second. His eyebrows pinch together, but only for half a second, long enough for only me to see. Then the flame extinguishes, and he pivots slightly so that I can no longer see his face.

"Let"s not get ahead of ourselves." Lord Andres finally speaks up. "Kirian has not led us astray before. He would not send us a girl with no magic. Especially if he wished for her life to remain intact, isn"t that right, dear boy?" A chill runs down my spine. There it is. What I already knew. What happens if my gift never returns. It was always meant to be this way. You were not meant to live a long life. Medla and Cedric"s wishes for my death have come to fruition.

Kirian, who has not shown an emotion in so long that I am beginning to think that he may very well be a statue, doesn"t even acknowledge me when I look at him.

Everyone waits for Kirian to speak but he does not, and if I say anything now, they will only think it is Kirian"s words flowing from my mouth, as Augustine suggests, so instead I stand. My legs wobble beneath me before I force them to straighten. My chest pounds and the room becomes a blur.

Beyond furious, beyond confused. But one thing is for sure. I have fallen victim to another one of Kirian"s tricks. One that he has so obviously perfected if what Augustine says is true.

A distant voice, one that I have heard before, like a dream, threatens to make those around me disappear, make me disappear if only it could reach me. The Shadows or my own thoughts, I cannot tell. Fear and anger swirl in my stomach, but I do not, will not, let it take me to that dark place that has me hunched over and expelling my guts like it used to.

No one says a word, or at least their voices do not carry over the ringing in my ears as I slide the chair out from under the table with a screech. Then, I leave without so much as a glance at the faces behind me.