Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Zack

We arrive at Meson Ole before it gets crowded. Nobody goes to dinner in Long Beach at six o’clock, except old people. Nikki and I are directed to a quiet spot in the back corner that overlooks the outside dinner deck and ocean beyond it.

“Unless you want to sit outside?” the half interested waitress says as she points to the table in the corner.

One glance at Nikki longingly gazing out the window at the water and I say, “An outside table would be great if you could manage that.”

I hold the deck door as Nikki walks out, my gentlemanly gesture rewarded by the first view of her from behind. Holy shit, this girl makes my pulse race more than running eight laps this afternoon did. And it completely throws me every time.

She’s sexy as hell, but it isn’t just her smokin’ curves in that form-fitting little sundress. There’s an honesty about her — something that makes her so real. In Kardashian California, everything is planned, performed and perfected. Except for Nikki.

“Zack? Are you going to just stand there holding the door or join me for dinner? I think the loser has to actually eat dinner with the winner, not just stare at her from afar.”

Caught fantasizing about Nikki’s ass, it’s my turn to blush— something Nikki does a lot. From the amused look on her face, I’m quite sure she knows exactly where the blush is rising from too. I don’t think for a second that she’s oblivious to the effect she has on me. It would be nearly impossible to miss.

“Is it too warm for you to sit outside?” I ask as the waitress glides past, heading back inside to get us a bowl of chips and salsa.

“I think you’re warmer than I am,” Nikki teases.

As I stand behind her to pull out her chair, a slight breeze catches Nikki’s sundress and exposes her upper thighs. Her petite hand catches it before it goes any higher and smoothes it under her as she quickly sits.

The table is small, intimate. Taking my seat across from her, I pick up the menu, hoping to distract myself from the pulsating sensation I feel everywhere. My leg brushes against her long smooth one under the table.

“What do you like best?” Nikki asks.

It takes me a few beats to realize we’re talking about the menu. Good… let’s stick to the menu. I can handle that.

“I haven’t been here in years. But I used to like the steak fajitas. I was a kid though.”

“I actually know a few adults who eat steak fajitas too.”

Before I can respond, the waitress returns.

“We’ll both have the steak fajitas…from the grown-up menu,” Nikki beats me to the punch, a mischievous smile on her face.

I smile, sitting back to soak in the freshness of whatever is brewing between us. My shoulders relax as I mentally begin to accept what my body has already surrendered to. From the corner of my eye, I notice a pretty, albeit artificial-looking, blonde teen and her mother are seated a few tables away. The girl looks strikingly like Emily. Suddenly, whatever I’d begun to accept seems oh so wrong.

Why the hell did I think that I could be a normal guy flirting with a girl I’m attracted to? It always comes back to Emily. And it should. I’m being selfish, trying to change the inevitable.

As I shutter over the feelings I don’t deserve to feel, the conversation falls quiet. Nikki notices the change. I see a look of confusion replace the sexy smile I was enjoying just moments ago.

I don’t want to hurt her. She doesn’t deserve the crazy ups and downs that I put anyone close to me through. At least Mom and Dad understand why I sometimes withdraw or lash out. They get it. It doesn’t make it right, but at least they know it’s about Emily, not them. Nikki could never understand. And if she did, she wouldn’t want to be here with me in the first place.

Awkwardness sets in. “So,” I say, “what do you think of California? You moved from Texas, right?”

Nikki squints, confused at how the warmth between us turned icy so quickly, although she seems relieved that I’m talking. Unlike a few of our past encounters that went sour, I don’t run away at least.

“Yes, Texas,” she says, without the energy that was in her voice moments ago.

“Why did your family decide to move?” I ask with genuine curiosity since I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about getting out of Long Beach since Emily died.

Nikki hesitates before answering. In her face, I see a look I know too well. Apprehension. Desolation. Pain. Whatever I said to put it there, I wish like hell I could take back. “My…family didn’t move. I moved in with my Aunt Claire, who lives in Long Beach. My mom passed away last winter and I don’t have anyone else.”

I’m speechless once again around this girl, this time for a different reason. She lost her mother last winter when I lost Emily? Is that why she seems so different from everyone else? Does she understand silence?

Trying my best to regain my voice, I clear my throat as I reach across the table and take her hand. “I’m sorry, Nikki. I am so sorry, I— ”

Perhaps uncomfortable with the rawness of the moment, Nikki smiles at me shyly, her voice cracking, “Thank you. I don’t talk about it much. It’s still hard.” She shrugs, an attempt to make light of it, but she doesn’t fool me.

I start to say that I understand. How much I truly understand what she’s been through…what she’s probably feeling. The loss we share may even be the tie that binds us. But before I get to utter a word, the air between us fills with oniony steam as the waitress slaps down our steaming steak fajitas. Instantly, I’m yanked back to reality, my brain taking over for my heart.

I don’t tell Nikki that I understand. I don’t tell her about my loss. About Emily. I don’t tell her that I know what it feels like to have your life torn apart. Instead, I decide to make her feel happy. Even if it just lasts for tonight.

The rest of our dinner is exactly that— enjoyable. It’s lighthearted and full of easy, playful teasing. It’s what Nikki needs. Maybe a part of me even needs it too, because I haven’t felt this comfortable with another person in a long time. I wonder if I’ve ever felt this comfortable with another person.

Normally, I’d be restless in a restaurant after more time than it takes to consume my meal, but she and I while away two hours talking. I fill her in on all things Long Beach High…track, football, teachers, classes. We laugh when I share infamous stories about Keller, and Nikki tells me about her best friend back in Texas. For at least a little while, we’re just two teenagers having a great time, rather than battling our private demons.

As we leave the restaurant and head back to the car, I selfishly make sure that Nikki walks in front of me.