Chapter 20

Lucifer's POV

She's here. This isn't a dream. This is real and she is mine.

I thought somehow everything that had happened last night was a dream. That my mind had once again played tricks on me, but when I woke up and felt her warm, soft body pressed against mine, all the memories of the previous night came rushing back. The kiss. The way she felt in my arms, her eyes. The way she welcomed the kiss-

Shit. Not now. Now is not the time.

I peeked beneath the blanket and-

You've got to be kidding me.

Catalina turned in her sleep, her eyes slightly opened.

"Good morning." She whispered.

Damn, she's beautiful.

"Good morning," I whispered back and placed a kiss on her forehead,

"How long have you been awake for?" she asked as she lifted her head off my chest and stretched out.

"Just a few minutes."

Please don't look down. Please don't look down.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

I chuckled,

Because you would kill me if I did.

"I know better than to wake you up before you're ready."

Catalina laughed as she stretched her arms up above her head. Her cropped shirt slightly rising-

Change the subject Lucifer. Say something!

I got out of bed, careful to keep what was happening in my pants hidden, and headed for the shower as I yelled out,

"We should probably start your training again."

Yes, training! Think of that.

"Training is the last thing on my mind right now, It's been utter hell these last few weeks. Can't we just skip it for today?" She asked and I couldn't help but peek my head out as she propped herself up against the pillows and started scrolling through her phone.

"Gabriel isn't that bad of a teacher I'm sure."

"Gabriel isn't the problem. It's your brother Micheal."

WHAT!

"Micheal? Micheal has been training you?"

Catalina shrugged,

"Gabriel told me Micheal would be taking over my training and I gotta tell you, he's a real piece of work." That familiar anger emerged in my body and I could feel it as I clenched my fists tightly. Micheal was training her. Micheal had been around her. That realization made the pain in my chest reemerge.

"Lucifer? What's wrong?"

"When did Micheal start training you?"

I swear if he pulled this shit when I-

"A few weeks after you left."

FUCK!

"Lucifer?"

"Be outside in ten minutes."

I slammed the door shut and started the shower.

He was supposed to keep him away from her!

I knew something was up and I knew Gabriel had some part in it. If Gabriel thought having Micheal close to Catalina would keep her safe then he was sadly mistaken.

* * *

"Maybe we should take a break now? We've been at this for three hours." She was right. She needed rest and a chance to hydrate. I walked over and grabbed her hot pink water bottle for her. It always surprised me, for someone who loved the color black so much she sure owned a lot of things that were pink.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asked as she took a sip from her bottle.

"Talk about what?" I reached over and grabbed my bottle and downed it within 15 seconds.

"Why Micheal training with me seemed to piss you off so much."

Just be honest with her.

"I do not trust Micheal."

"How come?"

How do I even explain this to her? How do I even begin to explain the reason I despise my oldest brother?

I closed my eyes and felt her hand as she reached out and touched my shoulder,

"You know I'll never forgive my mother for how she treated me. Even if she came crawling on her hands and knees begging for forgiveness, I still wouldn't be able to forgive or trust her."

She got it. Catalina understood what it was like to hate the people you were supposed to love. She understood what it was like to harbor so much rage for someone who was seen as good, perfect even but in reality was a nightmare given life. She knew. She knew all too well how I felt. She knew what it was like to be the lie someone else created.

"Most people believe I am locked in some cage in Hell, unable to escape, but this world is my cage. I can go anywhere in this world, except home. I cannot see my friends or my family and Micheal took that from me."

Micheal took everything from me all those years ago. He took everything right out from under me. I never understood why but at that moment I didn't care. If he tried to take this thing I had with Catalina, I would make sure he suffered. He and whoever followed him.

"So Micheal being here is-"

"It is not a good thing at all," I answered her before she could finish.

"We should get back to training," I said as she handed me her water bottle.

"Someone's eager to get his ass kicked." She smirked at me and I saw the amusement twinkling in her eyes.

Damn this woman.

* * *

6 Hours Later

"It's getting late, we should get inside." I tossed her water bottle and she caught it,

"Oh please you just don't want to lose again."

I laughed,

"Oh really, because according to my memory, you lost eight times compared to my measly three." I unscrewed the cap on my water bottle as she punched my shoulder.

"That is not true! I demand a final match!"

Of course, you do princess.

"Maybe tomorrow, but for now let's get you inside and get you something to eat." I draped my arm over her shoulder and led her back to the house.

"What should we do for dinner?" She asked as she tossed her water bottle into the sink.

"What are you craving?"

"I could honestly go for Chinese food."

I nodded towards her,

"Chinese it is then."

She smiled as she made her way over to grab her purse,

"Why don't you go and shower while I go and get dinner," I said as I gently pried the bag from her hand, placing it back on the kitchen island.

"Trying to keep me hidden away are you?" Catalina said as she wrapped her arms around my neck. A playful smile accentuated her face.

"Never. I just like seeing you relaxed."

Seeing her relaxed put me at ease. Knowing she wasn't upset or angry but just content, seeing her calm helped me stay calm. Seeing her happy made me happy.

"The usual right?" I asked as she pulled back.

She nodded her head and I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her into me, and gently kissed her. She tasted so damn sweet. Like strawberries on a summer day.

I love this. I love being able to do this.

She pulled away and gave me a slight nudge towards the door,

"Go I'll be here when you get back and be careful."

"Always." I placed a kiss on the top of her hand and walked out the door.

This was right. Being here. Being with her. I wasn't afraid to be honest and open with her and she was always there, ready to listen. She wasn't afraid of me. She wasn't frightened or appalled by me or the things I had done. I missed her so much when I was gone. I regretted leaving the moment I walked out that door. I should've stayed, I told her she was worth fighting for and I fucking left. I wouldn't do it again. I needed her then and I need her now.

* * *

Catalina's POV

I must've taken a longer shower than I thought because when I finished in the shower, got dressed, and went downstairs, Lucifer was already back. Eight cartons of food were splayed out on the island. He must have heard me coming down the stairs because as soon as I got off the final step he turned around. Those dark lustful eyes widened as he took me in.

Shit, I forgot.

"Is that your natural hair?" He asked quietly.

I walked over and grabbed two plates from the cabinet and gently placed them on the island.

"Yeah, it is."

Lucifer reached out his hand grabbing a small curl framing my face and slowly twisted it through his fingers.

"It's beautiful."

Truth be told, I hated my curly hair. I never learned how to properly style it so it was always frizzy. My mother used to say it looked like a rat's nest and that my hair looked prettier and more acceptable when it was straight. She would spend hours flat ironing my hair to make it pin straight. As I grew up I just accepted it as part of my routine. The fact that Lucifer thought my curls were beautiful was..surprising.

"You should wear it like this more often."

"Maybe I will."

We were silent for a brief moment as we piled food onto our plates,

"So about training tomorrow I was thinking-"

"There's no training tomorrow." I cut him off and he looked at me with a look between puzzled and concerned.

"I have plans tomorrow at noon. There's someone I have to visit."

"Would you like me to come with you?"

I shook my head at him as I leaned over and opened the container of steamed dumplings.

"No, it's fine Gabriel is going with me."

"Does Gabriel know this person?"

"Knew. We knew this person."

I could see the instant regret in his eyes,

"Catalina I'm sorry I didn't-"

I reached down and grabbed his hand,

"It's alright."

Lucifer laced our fingers together,

"Who was this person?"

"A friend. He died a few years ago and I've made sure to visit him every year on his birthday."

He was more than just a friend. TJ had been my safe haven. My person. And at one point he was my entire world.

"How did he-"

"He was murdered by his father."

TJ and his dad always had fights and arguments. Sometimes he would come to school with bruises all over him. He never talked about it though. He always kept stuff like that to himself. He wanted to leave. To be able to find a new place and start over. He worked so hard to save up money for his own place but his dad always found it and would spend it. TJ had enough one day and had his father arrested for theft. No one knew how he got out exactly but he did and he decided to visit TJ. He fought. He fought hard but it wasn't enough and at 5:45 AM TJ was dead. My best friend. The first man I had ever loved. Gone.

"He meant a lot to you didn't he?"

"Yes, he did."

For a good part of my life, he was. Everything.

"And Gabriel goes with you to visit him?"

I nodded my head at him. Gabriel and TJ didn't get along at times but they made it work. For me. Gabriel always thought TJ was trouble and had this idea that I would run off with him, while TJ thought Gabriel was a possessive asshole with a stick up his ass.

"Why doesn't he stay here at the house with you then?"

"Because he knows during this time I need space for myself."

Usually in years before during this time, I would shut down and push everyone away. I didn't want people near me when the one person I wanted most to be here wasn't and would never be.

"What will you do after tomorrow?" Lucifer asked, squeezing my hand gently.

Dammit.

Lucifer gazed up at me,

"Catalina."

I glanced back down at my plate, unable to meet his eyes.

"You're going to go back aren't you?"

"What do you want me to do Lucifer?"

"Are you going back because you want to or because you feel you have to?"

"What am I supposed to do!"

"DECIDE YOUR OWN FATE! DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT TO DO BASED ON WHAT YOU WANT NOT WHAT OTHERS WANT FOR YOU!" he yelled as he stood and began to pace back and forth.

I glanced down at the floor still unable to meet his eyes,

"Catalina look at me."

I can't.

"Catalina please."

"Why does it matter anyway!"

"YOUR CHOICE MATTERS! WHAT YOU WANT MATTERS! YOU MATTER CATALINA!"

Still unable to meet his gaze, I watched as Lucifer sunk to his knees before me as he took both of my hands in his.

"Tell me what you want to do. Do you want to stay or do you want to go?"

Stay! I want you to stay!

I wanted to scream those words out but I was stuck and I couldn't speak.

"I am not leaving, but I will give you some time to think and if you want this, want me and us, then meet me here tomorrow at four and we will figure this out together." He stood up and kissed the top of my head. Finally, I glanced up and watched as he walked out the door, spread his wings, and disappeared into the night.

I wanted him to stay. I wanted to tell him that I wanted him, That I wanted whatever this was. But I knew the moment Gabriel found out I would have to choose between them and I couldn't do that. I didn't want to have to choose between the two people that meant the world to me.

What the hell am I going to do?

* * *

The drive up here was always the worst part.

Gabriel had picked me up at noon exactly and we drove in silence for the entire fifteen-minute trip to the cemetery. I always got a bad feeling in my stomach when I came to visit. I used to think it was because when I was younger I didn't understand what death meant or what it was exactly so it always scared me.

"You know I'll never understand this whole grieving thing," Gabriel said as he laid out the blanket in front of TJ's headstone.

"Eventually you'll have to learn how to grieve when I die."

Gabriel snorted,

"Yeah can't wait to visit your expensive fancy dirt pile every year."

I smirked up at him,

"At least you'll be able to keep me up to date on all the latest drama."

"Only the juicy stuff." He winked back at me and we each took a seat on the scratchy flannel blanket.

"Does it ever get easier? The grieving?" He asked.

I placed a stone atop the headstone before I replied,

"Some days it does, some days they are all you think about and the idea of physically getting out of bed to face the world seems impossible without them. Some days you are so happy that you forget they aren't there with you until something pulls you back."

He glanced back at me,

"So what's the point in grieving if you don't know how it'll make you feel." I smiled up at him and said,

"To remember." I rested my head on Gabriel's shoulder and we stayed like that for a while.

Remembering him was hard. Sometimes memories would flood my mind out of the blue. I could be sitting in the grass and the memory of us rolling down the hills at recess would enter my mind. I could be drifting off to sleep and the memory of him giving me his stuffed animal at nap time in kindergarten would keep me up.

"Do you think he'd be proud of me?" I looked up at Gabriel and found him staring down at me,

"I do not doubt that while you've had your ups and downs over the years, he would be incredibly proud of you."

"I ran though. I ran from my family. I ran from my problems. I ran from everything and everyone."

I ran. I always did yet no one had ever cared enough to come after me. To fight for me.

No one until him.

"You ran because you were going to die in that household. You ran to survive. You wanted to get out of that house and live. And you did." Gabriel said

"Does it make me a coward though? For leaving when things got bad."

Gabriel pulled me in a little closer,

"You made a decision for yourself, and you got away from someone that was causing you more harm than good, you are not a coward for running from that. You are not a coward for deciding to live. You are not a coward for deciding to do what you want."

Maybe he's right.

"So you think I'm better off making my own decisions, no matter what anyone thinks?"

Gabriel chuckled as he pressed his head against the top of mine,

"You've always been capable of making your own decisions Catalina, now you're learning to stand by them."

For so long I had either done what other people wanted me to do, changed what I wanted for them, or if I had done what I wanted to do I was always worried about the consequences and punishments that would come along with them. I was always doubting myself and wondering if I had made the right choice or not. I was always worried about what other people would think about the decisions and choices I had made. Maybe it was time to learn to do things my way and to make my own decisions and stand by them despite what others might think. And what I wanted was Lucifer.

* * *

After another hour we began to slowly pack things up.

"Do you want me to drop you off at my place so you can shower while I get us dinner and grab your stuff from your place?"

Well here goes nothing.

"I'm not going back to the house Gabriel."

He slammed the trunk closed and looked at me,

"Where do you plan on going?"

You can do this Catalina.

"Back to my place. I have someone waiting there for me."

"Who do you have-" He stopped himself and I watched as the rage and anger slowly took over his face,

"Gabriel, this is my decision. This is what I want. He is what I want."

"HE IS GOING TO GET YOU KILLED!" He screamed as rage and panic filled his eyes,

" I can take care of myself and you know Lucifer wouldn't do anything to hurt me."

"Lucifer is my brother, and I love my brother Catalina, but I also know what he is capable of and the kind of person he is. He will get you killed!"

I walked over to Gabriel and grabbed his hand,

"He is your brother and maybe you should have a little faith in him. He isn't the person you think he is."

He stared at me with a look that told me he had nothing but pure anger coursing through his veins. I went to pull my hands out of his but he gripped them tighter,

"You need to let go of me, Gabriel."

"Do you love him?"

Yes.

I couldn't say it to him. Not when he was like this.

"DO YOU LOVE HIM?"

"Why does it even matter?"

He ignored my question completely,

"Do you honestly believe someone like him is even capable of love!"

"I don't know what he feels but he is a person too Gabriel, he has feelings just like you and I!"

"Do you think someone who loves you would keep secrets from you!"

What?

I shook my head and asked him,

"What are you talking about?"

"That vision from The Fates! He left out a major detail. The Fates showed us what freaked your mother out so badly. It's because someone showed her a vision of you and Lucifer. Together. Hand in fucking hand! And she hated it!"

Lies!

"HE IS THE REASON YOUR MOTHER WANTED YOU DEAD!"

"STOP IT GAbrIEL!"

He chuckled,

"He never showed any emotion towards you before that vision, you didn't think it was suspicious that after that day he started trying to get closer to you?"

Maybe he already knew he had some kind of feelings for me asshole!

"You don't know what he was thinking before then. You aren't able to see in people's heads. YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING GAbrIEL!"

"I knew enough to know to keep him away from you."

"THAT WAS NOT YOUR DECISION TO MAKE!"

I stood my ground, Gabriel did not frighten me. He might have had a right to get involved when I was destroying myself but he had no right to decide who I shared my life with, who I gave my heart to. Standing face to face with him, I continued as his dark, anger-filled eyes gazed down at me.

"I have been meek and quiet all my life. I bit my tongue and kept my thoughts to myself, so forgive me if now I am learning that I have a voice and I will pick and choose how I use it, regardless of what you or anyone thinks,"

I took a step forward, my chest inches from him,

"So listen to me when I tell you that Lucifer is who I want."

Gabriel brushed a hand through his golden hair, a twisted smile that was anything but kind dressed his face,

"You are so fucking predictable you know that, little broken Catalina so desperate for someone to love you that you'd let anyone, even the damned devil himself win your heart."

Gabriel's words hurt. A pain in my chest radiated as I took in his words.

Broken.

"Why does it bother you so damn much! Why does the possibility of Lucifer and I being together bother you so damn much?"

Gabriel didn't get a chance to answer as familiar white wings landed behind me.

"Because if you truly love him then he can return to Hell and we can't have that now can we, my dear."

What is he talking about?

I was so focused on Micheal and what he had said that I didn't even notice that Gabriel had moved to stand next to me before he placed a hand on my neck and whispered,

"I'm sorry Catalina."

And I felt a slight pressure and then nothing as my world went black.

* * *

Lucifer's POV

Where is she?

I had been at her place since three and now I was starting to get worried. There was so much I wanted to tell her. Things that I had needed and wanted to tell her. I thought for hours about how to tell her and what exactly I would say. Yet if she rejected me-

BANG!

The sound of the front door springing open cleaved through the house.

I turned and found Gabriel standing in the doorway looking pissed as ever.

"YOU FUCKING PRICK!" Gabriel yelled.

"Where is she? Where's Catalina?"

She said she would be with Gabriel so where the hell was she?

Gabriel raced over and grabbed the collar of my shirt as he backed me against the wall,

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!" He screamed at me.

What the fuck is he talking about!

"Where. Is. She!" I asked again.

"Far from you, where she'll be safe."

I kicked his knee, causing him to release my collar just enough that I could pull free, grab him by the throat, and shoved him against the wall.

If she's hurt because of him I will take my time cutting him into tiny fucking pieces.

"Where. Is. She."

This was the last time I was asking before I started breaking his bones.

"With Micheal!"

BASTARD!

I tossed him across the floor and watched as his back hit the wall by the front door.

"HOW COULD YOU EVEN LET HIM GO NEAR HER!"

"She's safe with Micheal. With him, she'll live."

I finally reached him and kicked him in the gut while he was still on the ground. Gabriel clutched his midsection tight as he rolled over, groaning in pain.

"I WOULD NEVER HURT HER!"

Gabriel coughed as he slowly began to sit up. His legs shook as he propped himself up against the wall.

"I wonder though brother if you had to pick between your home, with your people and friends that you haven't seen in eons, or a twenty-five-year-old human girl that you've only known for five months, what would you pick?"

Gabriel finally stood up,

"Forgive me brother but I am not willing to take that chance."

What the hell is he talking about?

"What does Catalina have to do with my home?"

Quickly, Gabriel stormed over, tackling me to the ground,

"You're a damned idiot!"

He shouted as his fist connected with my face.

"Micheal wanted to make sure that if you ever figured out how to break the lock it would cost you everything."

"What are you saying, Gabriel?" I spit at him causing him to loosen his grip and allowing me to toss him off me and back against the wall.

"To open the lock and let you be able to go home, you had to find someone that loved you and you loved them. Pure love, Not coerced, Not forced. Pure love."

He knew. He knew all these years how to break the damn lock.

This time it's my fist that connected with his face,

"Why are you just now telling me how to break the damn lock!"

"Because it'll get my one friend fucking killed!" He screamed.

What?

Gabriel scoffed and said, "The lock to get you home, Catalina can break it, but it would cost her."

NO!

Gabriel continued,

"The blood of that person is what would open the lock. Not just a drop but all of it, all of their blood. Their life. Her life."

* * *