Chapter 14

14

And so, they rocked on for three weeks, while Mrs. Murdock’s mother survived surgery and rehab, and while Tony and Odalie grew closer by the day. But it wasn’t just a physical closeness. Odalie loved being with him. He was funny and full of stories about things that had happened to him, about the gallery and art that he’d purchased, about his travels. She listened to him by the hour, loving just his company.

Inevitably, they spent time in the bedroom, mostly at her apartment because of Ben’s excellent hearing. But even as they grew closer, Tony slowly started them drifting apart. She had the audition upcoming, and he was as nervous as she was. He wanted her to have her shot at the Met. But he hated letting her go. His life would be empty. It was selfish, feeling like that, but he couldn’t help it. She’d become the light in his darkness. How would he see when she left him?

The audition was less harrowing than she’d thought it would be. She passed it with flying colors, and she was even given a part in the holiday production. It wasn’t a big part, but it was a singing part.

The only thing was that she threw up when she got home, and had to take a tranquilizer as well. The thought of being onstage in a production, even in a minor role, was horrifying to her.

This was why she’d never really pushed herself. She’d done the visiting young artist programs back home, she’d sung in the church choir, but those performances weren’t for the Met. They were, however, just as terrifying.

She’d talked to her therapist back home about her inability to cope with the reality of performing in front of people, that it never got easier, that the terror never left her. He’d suggested hypnotherapy, but she didn’t want to mess with her mind. And then he’d suggested that she might just do operatic recordings, if she felt she really couldn’t manage the overwhelming stage fright.

She’d spoken with her doctor as well. He’d advised her to think long and hard about applying that sort of continual stress to her life. If she was really that afraid of performing in front of a live audience, the rewards might not be worth the price she’d pay. He knew how well she sang; he was always encouraging her to use her voice. But he reminded her that a career should be something approached with joy, not stark terror. All the authorities said that stage fright could be controlled, even eliminated. There were case histories, however, of people who finally gave up their dreams of stardom just to lose the constant stress and upset.

Lastly, she spoke to her mother, finally, about the problem. Heather had never had stage fright. She loved performing. But she’d known singers who’d had to give it up because they became alcoholics or addicts, due to the enormous stress of doing something that frightened them constantly. It was an individual thing. Heather could advise, but it was going to be up to Odalie to decide if she wanted to spend the next decades of her life being terrified every time she walked onto a stage.

There was one last consideration as well, but she couldn’t confide in anyone about it. She loved Tony. She’d never felt such a passion for any man alive, and she knew in her heart that she never would again. She was a one-man woman.

If it came to a choice between life with Tony and a career on the stage, Tony would win hands down, just as Cole Everett had when Heather’d had to make the same choice. It had been harder for Heather, too, because she was already well-known in her profession.

Odalie had already decided that if Tony asked her to stay with him, she’d agree. But he hadn’t asked. If anything, he’d become more distant as the days went by. She knew he still wanted her, but he didn’t come with her to her apartment alone anymore. And while he still kissed her, it was almost as if he did it for appearances more than because he wanted to. The incredible closeness they’d shared in the beginning was slipping away, like an unanchored ship being pulled out to sea. Odalie didn’t know what to do, how to keep from losing Tony. And he wouldn’t talk about their relationship. If she even tried to discuss it, he changed the subject. She was feeling less confident about the future.

As the first performance approached, Odalie was fitted for a costume. She told the folks back home when she’d be onstage. They were all overjoyed for her, especially Heather, who’d once wanted a career in opera as well. But Heather had chosen love over career. She wasn’t sorry.

Odalie had the same choice to make. Heather had heard from Stasia that things had really heated up between Tony and Odalie.

She wondered if her daughter was being tormented with the same choices that she’d faced when she was even younger than Odalie was now. It was a hard decision to make between love and a career. And it was a very private choice. She didn’t interfere. She did wonder if Odalie would be happy without Tony if she decided on her career. Having seen the two of them together, she was convinced that neither would thrive if they went their separate ways. Even when they’d been at the ranch, they looked like two halves of a whole.

Besides that, there was Odalie’s fear of going on the stage. It was much more than just stage fright, which could be conquered. It was an actual phobia that even years of therapy hadn’t lessened. What sort of life would that be? Odalie had a beautiful voice. She did. But if she was going to spend her career being scared out of her mind night after night, that was no sort of life. Better she married Tony and sang in church on Sundays. Considering how Odalie spoke about Tony these days, her daughter wanted him much more than she wanted a career.

Mrs. Murdock was due home the next day, and Tony had become remote. He was the perfect host, welcoming and enjoying working in the kitchen with Odalie. But he’d stopped gathering her into his arms at every opportunity or even kissing her from time to time. He was more like a big brother now.

She didn’t understand. Ben wasn’t around all the time, so that wasn’t an excuse, either. It was like Tony was having second thoughts.

“Do I have to go?” Odalie asked after they’d cleared away the supper dishes.

“You do,” he said with a breezy smile. “Mrs. Murdock will be giving us hard looks. Not that Ben would give us away. But it would be awkward.”

“Oh.” She sighed, her sad eyes glancing off Tony’s, while he pretended not to have a care in the world. “Well, then I guess...”

The doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it,” Tony said, because he knew who it was. He’d called her.

He’d done a lot of soul searching. He couldn’t jeopardize Odalie’s career because he wanted her. She had a voice that was a gift. What could he offer to balance the Met? He was older than she was, he had a cold and dangerous past, and he couldn’t give her kids. He’d lived in dreams for the past few weeks, but it wasn’t fair to her. He wanted the world for her. And she was never going to leave of her own accord. She thought she loved him, but that was just because she had nobody to compare him with. She’d meet men, nice men, as she progressed in opera. Young men who could give her kids, who could give her a good, clean character.

No, he couldn’t be selfish, even if it was going to be like amputating a limb without anesthetic. He had to let her go. Make her go. And this was how he was going to do it.

He opened the door. “Mauve,” he said, then caught her up in his arms and kissed her hungrily.

She kissed him back and then laughed and protested, patting her hair back into place.

Tony put an arm around her and led her into the living room, where a pale Odalie was standing like a young statue in her sweats.

“Odalie, this is Mauve,” he said, introducing them. “ Cara ,” he told Mauve, “you remember that I’ve mentioned my adopted daughter’s best friend, Odalie? She’s going to sing at the Met. Ben and I had her over for the night while we got some more protection at her apartment.” His face hardened. “She had a peeping tom.”

Nice lies, Tony , Odalie was thinking. She forced a smile. “It was kind of Mr. Garza to look out for me,” she agreed, not missing the way Tony flinched when she said that. She smiled at Mauve. “Ben and one of his guys took care of my problem so I can go home now!”

Mauve laughed, apparently not noticing any undercurrents. “Ben can take care of most problems all by himself.”

“Yes, he can. Well, I’ll get my bag...” Odalie began.

“Ben, drive her home, and make sure you check around the place first, you hear me?” Tony added.

“You bet, boss!”

Tony sat down on the couch with Mauve. “So, tell me about the ballet you saw,” he began.

Odalie didn’t say a word all the way home. She just sat, like somebody in a trance. In one hour, her entire world had collapsed. She could hardly believe how quickly it happened. What had she done to make Tony turn his back on her so completely? Was he afraid that she was getting too attached to him? Did he have cold feet about the future?

She had no idea what was going on. And that woman. She knew who Mauve was. She was Tony’s girlfriend.

They pulled up at Odalie’s apartment. Ben was on his walkie-talkie as he opened the back door, talking to one of his men.

He walked Odalie to her door, carrying her bag. He put it down just inside the front door.

“If you hear anything, you call me, okay?” he asked quietly. “You’ve got my number on speed dial, yeah?”

“I do,” she said. She forced a smile. “Thanks for bringing me home.”

He shrugged. He grimaced. “You take care.”

“You, too.”

She smiled and closed the door behind him. She went into the bedroom and put on her gown, climbed under the covers and cried her eyes out.

It had been almost three weeks since Tony had invited Mauve over as Odalie was leaving his apartment. Odalie had gone home for Thanksgiving. Tony and Ben had planned to go with her originally, but Ben had called. In a subdued, reluctant voice, he said he was sorry, but the boss was spending the holiday with Mauve and Ben was going to Jersey to have dinner with Tony’s cousin Connie and her family.

It broke Odalie’s already shattered heart. But it was just one thing more to prove that Tony had put her out of his life.

She wished Ben a happy Thanksgiving and hung up, tears in her eyes. Even though she’d half expected Tony to back out, it was painful. She remembered lying in his arms, being kissed so hungrily that she thought her passion would set them both ablaze. She remembered sitting next to him while they watched movies, walking beside him as they went around town, looking at the holiday decorations that were already going up, holding hands in the nippy cold wind.

And here she was, on Thanksgiving, sitting back home with her family, pretending to enjoy herself. While inside, she was slowly being smothered by sweet memories of another time, another place. It was the most painful holiday she’d ever had. The Brannts came over to visit and she and Maddie talked about the Met, but Odalie’s heart wasn’t really in it. It was almost a relief to get aboard the big jet and go back to New York.

Odalie was rushing around to get ready for her first performance, while her family lounged in her living room trying to help her keep her cool.

“Don’t go loopy,” Stasia laughed as Odalie picked up and discarded the same skirt twice. “Just put on anything. You’ll have to change into a costume at the Met anyway!”

“I know. I’m just...” She looked at Stasia with eyes tormented with anguish.

Stasia understood more than Odalie realized, because she’d talked to Ben earlier. She drew her back into the bedroom while the others were talking.

“What happened?” she asked solemnly, because there had been little opportunity to talk at the ranch on Thanksgiving for all the visitors.

Odalie sighed. “I don’t know. We were a couple, really a couple, for weeks, and then, all at once, he started distancing himself. Finally, he had Mauve come over and he kissed her in front of me and sent me home.” She looked up at Stasia. “It’s like whiplash, only worse. I don’t know what I did wrong.”

Stasia hugged her. “Men are hard to understand. Tony especially.”

“He had second thoughts,” Odalie said quietly. “That’s not hard.”

Stasia sighed. “Well, we aren’t going to let it ruin your first performance, now are we?” she asked with a sympathetic smile. “Not after you’ve worked so hard for so long to get here.”

Odalie looked at her with wide, wild eyes. “If I can just manage not to throw up onstage...!”

“Odalie, if this isn’t what you want, you should tell them,” she said softly, meaning the family.

“They’ve all sacrificed for it,” she argued. “All the voice lessons, the travel, the expenses...!”

“They love you. So do I,” Stasia replied. “None of us want you to do something that threatens your health. You know that.”

She looked down at her feet. “It’s all I have left,” she said in a faint whisper. “I thought I had Tony...”

“You’re going to go onstage and give a magnificent performance,” Stasia assured her. “You’re not going to even think about Tony. Not tonight. Got that?”

Odalie looked at her and managed a wan smile. “I’m not going to think about Tony,” she agreed.

And the fates laughed.

Everyone was seated. Odalie was backstage in her costume and makeup, trembling with fear, almost in tears as she heard the murmur of the enormous crowd outside the curtains.

“Odalie!”

She actually jumped as she heard Stasia’s urgent voice.

She went to her quickly, surprised. “Stasia, you can’t...!”

“Tony’s been shot.” Stasia’s face was white, and she’d been crying.

Odalie’s gasp was audible. “When? How? Is he alive?!”

“I don’t know. Ben said they took him to the nearest ER...”

“We have to go, right now...!!”

“But you’re going onstage,” Stasia protested.

Odalie was already running toward the stage manager. She was back in two minutes, headed for the dressing room. Stasia followed her, still crying, and waited while she got into her street clothes and grabbed her coat.

“But you’ll lose your chance,” Stasia sobbed as they started out the stage door.

“I don’t care,” Odalie said recklessly. “Where’s Ben?”

“I’ll call him...”

“He has to be alive,” Odalie was whispering to herself. “Even if he ends up with someone else, he has to live. Please, God, he must live, he must...!” Her voice broke. In all her life, Odalie had never been so terrified, not even on the stage in front of hundreds of people. If Tony died, what would she do? How would she live?

Please let him live, even if I have to lose him to another woman , Odalie prayed silently. Even if I have to do that. Just let him live!

Stasia managed to text Heather while Ben was pulling up at the curb, saying only Tony had been shot and they were en route to the hospital and assured Heather that Ben would protect them both—there was no need for Tanner and Cole and John to come after them. Heather sent a reluctant Okay. Talk later.

The women dived in the back before Ben could even get out to open the door for them.

“Go!” Stasia called to him. “Where is he? How is he?”

“I don’t know,” Ben groaned. “All I got was a message from my guy that he was shot, and they took him to the nearest ER,” he added, naming the hospital. “It’s only a few blocks away. One of my guys is going to get his butt kicked for this!”

“I’ll help,” Stasia said, her voice breaking.

“Hey, now you calm down,” Ben said gently. “You’ve got a baby to worry about.”

Stasia’s hand was on her belly. “I know. Who did this to Tony?!”

“That James man,” Odalie said through her teeth.

“I don’t think so,” Ben replied.

“But he was out for blood,” Odalie said, her own voice unsteady.

“Yeah, but he was after your people,” he told her, “not the boss.”

“There was that interloper that tried to finger Tony for a murder he didn’t commit,” Stasia said. “The New York bunch.”

“Just what I was thinking,” Ben said. “So, I called Teddy.”

“Good.” Stasia’s voice was harsh. “There will be retribution. I just hope Tony’s still...”

“Boss is tough,” Ben said through his teeth.

“Yes,” Stasia said.

She reached out and took Odalie’s cold hand in hers. Odalie wasn’t saying much, but her face was pasty white and her eyes were huge.

“We’ll know something soon,” Stasia assured her. “Just hold on.”

Odalie nodded, too choked with fear to speak.

They piled out of the car at the emergency room entrance and hurried in past EMTs and police and civilians milling around.

They’d just turned the corner where the admission desk was located when they spotted Tony walking toward them, ruffled and with blood on the white shirt under his suit coat, but walking.

“Oh, thank God!” Odalie whispered.

“Yes!” Stasia said.

“Boss!” Ben called as the three of them surged toward him.

Tony looked at them and then at Odalie with horror on his face. “What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded. “You’re debuting at the Met tonight! Mauve and I were on the way there when someone started shooting near the subway entrance. He shot two of us before the police tackled him.”

“It wasn’t an attempted hit?” Ben asked under his breath.

“Not tonight,” Tony replied. “What are you two doing here?” he asked again.

Stasia grimaced. “We thought you were killed,” she groaned, and hugged him.

“Not hardly,” he replied. He glared at Odalie. “You get right back over to Lincoln Center and get on the stage!”

Before Odalie could even speak, Mauve came out of the restroom, drawing her mink coat close. “Why do they keep it so cold in here? Oh, hello, how’s your peeping tom?” she asked Odalie.

“No problems,” Odalie managed to say with a wan smile.

“Peeping tom?” Stasia asked.

“It’s a long story,” Tony said. “Get going! You’ll miss the curtain!”

“Yes, we...we should go,” Odalie said, all at sea.

“We’re glad you’re okay,” Stasia said.

“Yeah, boss, we was worried,” Ben chuckled. “I’ll get them back to the theater. Eddie will drive you two home,” he added, motioning to a big, husky guy hanging around the waiting room. “I’ll see you later.”

Odalie didn’t look back or she’d have noticed the expression on Tony’s face. Odalie had spent her life training for her big debut at the Met, but she’d thrown it up to rush over here because she thought he was hurt. And he was hurt, that he’d treated her so badly, even if it was for her own good. He wanted her to succeed. He didn’t want to be the reason that she lost her chance at a golden career.

But that look on her face, that stark terror that he was wounded...he’d never forget it as long as he lived. It would humble him until he was an old man. Her career had been life itself to her. But it was obvious that Tony was more. His eyes closed on a silent groan of agony. She loved him. She truly loved him.

He was never going to forgive himself for hurting her so badly by turning to Mauve. Yes, it was for her own good. He wanted her to have what she’d spent her life studying for. He wanted her to sing at the Met.

But for himself? He’d have given anything in the world to have her walking beside him on lazy afternoons at the park, in his arms in the darkness loving him, laughing at his stories of the old days back home. He would have the memories at least. Sure. Cold comfort. Very cold.

“Well, at least you only had a flesh wound,” Mauve said on a sigh, bringing him out of his thoughts. “Are we going on to the Met?”

“I’d rather go home,” he said heavily.

“I guess so,” she replied. She looked up at him and recognized the pain, the acceptance of loss, the anguish of what he felt for that pretty young blonde woman. She smiled sadly. He was a good man. She hoped he could compete with the Met and win. After all, she had other prospects. “Well, Tony, we had a good run, didn’t we?”

He stared at her blankly.

“Are you really that ignorant?” she teased. “She threw up her debut at the Met because she was afraid for you.”

His heart jumped. He hadn’t really thought of it in words just yet. He drew in a breath. “Yeah.”

“She’s really pretty.”

“She’s pretty. She’s also worked her whole life to go on the stage and sing opera. She’s going to be a star,” he replied quietly. “She has the voice of an angel.”

“Is that what she wants, or what you want for her?” she asked gently.

He paused as they got to the street, and he shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. He wasn’t enumerating his faults and shortcomings, but he was aware of every one of them. He had nothing to offer her. He was going to let her go. He cared too much to sacrifice her happiness for his own.

“Let’s go,” he said curtly, and motioned for his bodyguard to get them into the stretch limo pulling up at the curb, with one of his men driving it.

“Maybe we can get you back in time,” Stasia was saying.

“I’m not going back,” Odalie said quietly. She turned to her friend, noting that the window to the front seat was closed, so that Ben couldn’t overhear what she said. “This is not what I want, Stasia. I’m not sure it ever was.” She went over the misery of the past few years and the truth of her so-called great career.

“But you’ve had therapy,” Stasia argued.

“And it didn’t work” was the quiet reply. “I’ve gone through half a dozen therapists, I’ve tried all the steps except for hypnosis—and there’s no way I’m risking that. Nothing has made it any easier. One of the doctors even said that considering some of my risk factors, the constant stress could even result in a heart attack.”

“You never told me that!” Stasia exclaimed.

“I was afraid you’d tell Tanner. You guys don’t keep secrets. And if Tanner mentioned it, Mom would worry herself sick.” She didn’t add that she’d had some fainting spells lately that had her concerned, and that was just because of the audition.

“I didn’t realize it was that bad,” Stasia said gently.

Odalie drew in a long breath. “I’ve been pretending. It was a lovely dream. But I can’t bear going out on a stage night after night after night feeling this way. Especially now,” she added softly. “I never knew what love was, before.” She met Stasia’s eyes. “Part of me wishes I’d never found out,” she added with a laugh.

“What do you really want to do?” Stasia asked.

She looked at her sister-in-law. “Marry Tony and have half a dozen kids and sing in the choir on Sunday?” She shook her head. “That will never happen. I don’t know what I want. But it isn’t a career on the stage—I’m absolutely sure of that. My voice teacher suggested doing recordings. That’s not a bad idea. Maybe I’ll look into that. But right now, I just want to go home and put tonight behind me.”

“You poor kid. You’ve got it bad for Tony,” Stasia said.

“I love him, Stasia,” she said softly. “I love him with all my heart. For a little while, I thought it was mutual. We were almost never apart. He seemed to be just as crazy about me as I was about him.” She laughed harshly. “Then he invited Mauve over just before I left the apartment, and he kissed her half to death in front of me, to make sure I knew how little I meant to him.”

Stasia flinched. “Odalie, I’m so sorry.”

The other woman fought tears. She looked out at the bright lights dotting the darkness along the streets. “Life teaches hard lessons,” she said sadly. “We learn them, sooner or later. I just need...a little time. I hope the family won’t take it too hard.”

“Don’t be silly,” Stasia said. “They love you. We all do. It will be all right.”

And it was. They were all sympathy, especially Heather, who knew from personal experience how little a career mattered beside the love of a good man. Of course, she hadn’t shared her own past turmoil of career versus love with her husband or either of her sons. It was Odalie’s business.

Poor Odalie. She looked as if she’d lost the world. How odd that Tony would be so close to her and then suddenly develop a taste for his former girlfriend. It didn’t really make sense.

Or perhaps it did, Heather thought as she read her daughter’s drawn face. Odalie was like her mother. She was capable of loving only once, just once, with her very soul. She’d give up anything for that love, sacrifice anything. Maybe Tony already knew that. But he was making the decision for her. Probably he thought she’d be sacrificing a great career and he deliberately chased Odalie away. Could it be that simple? Maybe it was. Anybody with eyes could see how Tony felt when he looked at Odalie. It had been that way from the time they met.

A day would come when Odalie would want to talk. When the memory of tonight wasn’t so raw, Heather could talk to Odalie about this and help her find a solution. Tonight, of course, was for tears. So the sooner the family went home and let her cry it out, the better things would be. They all hugged Odalie on the way out.

“You’re sure Ben’s got your back?” Tanner asked while he and Odalie were briefly alone at the stretch limo that would take the family to their plane at the airport.

“Ben’s got everybody’s back.” Odalie teased, “Even yours, while you’re up here.”

“You trust him a lot,” Tanner said gently.

“I do. He was a navy SEAL before he went into wrestling and then forged a career as a bodyguard. They don’t come any tougher.”

“Okay. I’ll stop worrying,” Tanner said.

“I’m tough enough, mostly.” She grimaced. “Well, usually. There was this guy who tried to get into my apartment...”

“What?” Tanner exclaimed.

“Ben found out who he was and told Tony. Tony made a phone call...” She closed up. She hadn’t meant to let that slip out.

“Who was the guy? Did Tony tell you?”

She nodded and grimaced. “He was a contract employee of that man who’s been after you, Tanner.”

“Phillip James,” he said through his teeth.

“Yes.” She studied her brother. “I didn’t mention it earlier. I didn’t want to worry you all, especially on the night I debuted at the Met.” She laughed hollowly. “Some debut, huh?” She lifted her eyes. “What now?”

“Now we go on the attack,” he said tautly. “I’m tired of giving him free shots at us. James is more dangerous now than ever before,” he said. “I sent a photograph I’d taken of two of the victims in Iraq to a senator I know, who’s high in the intelligence community. I thought he’d help, but he said he couldn’t be sure the picture wasn’t photoshopped.” He looked absolutely disgusted. “So now I’m looking for somebody else in Congress who doesn’t mind taking risks for a worthy cause.”

Stasia, shamelessly eavesdropping, moved closer to the two of them while the others were talking to Ben.

“Tony said that a lot of people have things they want to hide, things that James knows and uses against them,” she told Tanner. “It’s not that people don’t want to help. It’s that they’re afraid their pasts will come back to haunt them. Probably he’s got something on that senator you know, and made threats.”

Tanner sighed. “I’ve been around DC long enough to know that’s true,” he confessed. He looked at Odalie and then back at Stasia. “You two are my softest targets,” he said gently. “You have to be protected, all the time.”

“I’m almost always with you,” Stasia said, laying her head against his broad shoulder. “And Ben’s got Odalie’s back. We’ll be fine. You go after that salamander and serve him up fried!”

“Exactly!” Odalie seconded, with a little jerk of her head.

Tanner chuckled. “If this was old days in the West, and I had to stand off bandits, you two would be my choice of companions. The bandits would run like hell.”

“Absolutely,” Stasia laughed.

Odalie seconded that opinion.

“So I’ll see how much trouble I can stir up for James,” Tanner said finally.

“With my blessing,” Odalie replied, and kissed his tanned cheek. “You two be safe.”

“We will,” Tanner said.

“You be safe,” Stasia said. She hugged Odalie. “And rethink that career business. There’s no sense putting yourself through that torture for a job, even a dream of a job. You’ll die young. Stress kills.”

Odalie sighed. “Yes.”

The family reunited at the curb, where the limo stood with its doors opened. Heather kissed Odalie. So did Cole and John.

“One day at a time, kid,” Cole said with a grin.

“Yes, Daddy,” Odalie said, and laughed, because it had been his favorite saying since she was a little girl following him around the cattle pens.

He chuckled. “Things work out if you just let them,” he said a minute later, and his face was solemn. “Give it time.”

She grimaced.

“You’ll see,” he added as they all climbed into the car.

Later, with her doors locked, Odalie sat down in her living room, in the warm silence that was like a comforting blanket.

Tony had been here. The room still held his imprint, the sound of his deep voice laughing, the scent of his spicy cologne in her nostrils, the warm, delicious hardness of his mouth grinding insistently into hers as his hands found soft flesh and touched it so very tenderly...

She groaned and got to her feet. And almost fell. She was having dizzy spells, and at night she barely had enough energy to fix food or wash dishes. She went to bed with the chickens. She got sick if she smelled potatoes cooking, and it was her favorite food. Mashed potatoes. Scalloped potatoes. Potato soup. She loved it all. And now it made her sick.

Something had to be wrong with her. She was usually very healthy. Could it be that even the stress of this little part in the Met holiday special had caused her problem? She’d had the dizziness and fatigue for a month or more...six weeks?

Her heart skipped rope. She counted the days since she and Tony had first been intimate. No! It couldn’t be! He’d said he was sterile. He and his wife could never have children.

But was he sterile? They’d assumed he was, so neither had used any precautions. And now...morning sickness?

Her mind stopped working. That would certainly put paid to a career at the Met, if she was pregnant! Plus, it would be the greatest joy of her entire life. Tony’s baby. A little boy, maybe, with wavy black hair. Or a little girl with long blond hair.

She shook herself. She was daydreaming. She just had some stupid virus. She went to bed.

But the next morning, she went to a drugstore and bought a pregnancy kit. They knew her in the store and the female clerk grinned. “A pregnancy kit?” she teased.

“For my outdoor cat,” Odalie lied with magnificent indifference. “She’s been stepping out. If we’re in time, maybe we can stop at least one litter!”

“Heartless woman,” the other clerk snorted. “Poor little mama cat!”

“She’s had two litters in a year. That’s enough,” Odalie replied. “Cat food is expensive,” she added, and because she was wearing sweats, as she usually did, they accepted that she was in the same income bracket as her companions.

“Tell me about it,” one clerk moaned. “I’ve got a German shepherd. He’s eating me out of house and home!”

“I’ve got two bull terriers, a golden retriever and three tabby cats,” the other one sighed. “I work to feed them. Good thing I’m not having to support a baby as well!”

They all laughed.

Odalie went home and used the pregnancy test, then held her breath while she waited for the results.

She watched the field slowly, slowly change color. As it did, her face grew whiter and whiter.

She stood staring at the plastic thing in her hand, while her mind fought against science to refuse the conclusion.

“I am not pregnant,” she told herself firmly. “I am absolutely not...pregnant...!”

She barely made it to the commode to throw up.