Chapter 28

28

Esbat was upon us, and if my mind hadn’t been occupied by myriad issues, then I might have appreciated that our magus had spent most of the afternoon purifying for the Mother’s healing at the full moon.

In my white esbat gown, and as centered as I’d get, I walked with the masses of coven members and visiting magus who’d joined us for the full moon celebration. Tomorrow, they’d train with us too.

This esbat was important. Tonight, the coven did their first group healing since my grandmother and mother’s time. Yet Spyne’s response to my demon heritage had hit harder than expected. Clearly, I’d hoped beyond reason that my nature was something the coven might accept because being shunned by Spyne felt… terrible. I couldn’t change who I was. I didn’t want to live without my demon, either, because I felt right with her as part of me. Shouldn’t Spyne understand my dilemma more than most?

His reaction made me want to retreat into myself, and I felt disconnected from the coven tonight.

“High Esteemed.” A magus dressed in royal blue bowed before me. “Regards from High Esteemed Turoc. Your mating is a cause for much jubilation in our coven.”

I could switch the word mating for ovaries in that sentence, and the meaning would remain true. The visiting magus hadn’t stopped staring at me and Wild since arriving. If there was one thing I loathed about this leadership gig, it was the constant attention and loss of emotional privacy. I couldn’t lock myself in my room for a few days as I had at points in my time here. If I was hurting or angry or sad, then I could expect to be masking those emotions from dawn until I closed the door to my quarters at night. That felt stifling, and part of me wanted to go through an esbat alone instead of in a group.

I didn’t want to hold hands and force a smile and dance to fucking lute music with people who’d probably tear me to shreds.

“Send High Esteemed Turoc my regards,” I replied to our guest. “May the Mother’s healing find you this esbat.”

The magus stammered his thanks, and I walked on, growing progressively edgier at the lack of privacy amongst the crowd. Wild strode toward me from across the knolls, and I sighed as he gathered my magic in his and bundled it inward.

My shoulders relaxed as he joined me. “I needed that.”

“I know.” Wild hesitated but didn’t say anything more. We were surrounded, and whatever he wanted to say wasn’t the stuff to speak in front of others. “Our first esbat together.”

I leaned into his side. “That’s right. I didn’t realize. You were snubbing me at the last one.”

“And trying to burn your dress off with my eyes alone at the one before that.”

I chuckled. “Really?”

“If I could’ve thought of a way to do it without being caught, I would have. That white dress makes me crazy.”

“Everything about me makes you crazy. My weenus probably turns you on too.”

“A weenus better not be what I think it is.”

I smirked. “It’s the loose skin on the back of the elbow.”

His brows rose. “Really?”

“Yep.” I held my arm up for him. “See?”

He touched my elbow. “Yeah, that works. I’m hard. I wonder why. Has anyone else touched your weenus?”

“You’re the first, handsome. The last too. I was saving it for someone special.”

“This is one of the weirdest fucking conversations I’ve ever heard,” Corey muttered.

He stood between Sven and Rooke, watching our exchange.

Wild stopped touching my weenus, and I lowered my arm. Maybe that interaction was… unusual.

Sven clapped Corey between the shoulder blades. “That might be the first time you’ve sworn since becoming Positive Patrick, man. I feel like I have my friend back.”

“You don’t. It takes two to be friends.”

Sven’s grin widened. “He’s still wearing linen pants,” he confided to the rest of us. “But he’s getting there.”

Rooke moved forward to hug me. “I’m sorry about everything.”

“How did the chat go?”

She drew back, and her expression was sad. “He’s pretty closed off about it. He’ll come around.”

After that, there were only hundreds of other coven members to go through the same process with. Then magus from other covens when Frond told the original coven. Then the supernaturals I was in alliance with.

Everything could fall apart because of what I was. This coven could be slaughtered or enslaved because of my secret.

Varden’s voice floated across the knolls. “Please meet in the meadow for our group healing.”

Wild took my hand, and we walked down the slope to where the coven and our guests had congregated. Once there, Rooke took my other hand, and peace trickled through me. I shared bonds with these magus, and I was touching them both. If anything could settle my discomfort, this was it.

“High Esteemed,” Varden said from the opposite side of the circle. “Might you do us the honor of selecting minerals for this healing?”

I wasn’t picking moss agate again, that was for fucking sure. That mineral did shit all for my negative energy last esbat.

Summoning salt, I surrounded the entire coven in a ring of it; then I placed a Howlite to the north, chosen for its ability to calm the mind and bring clarity, comfort, and balance. A black tourmaline went to the south—protection of our home. Rose quartz went to the east for instilling loving energy in the coven.

On a whim, I called forth one of my four relics—the unidentified gem. The gem hummed at my touch, calling to my magic, and I realized anew how much there could be to explore with Ryzika’s relics. For instance, I felt certain on an untapped level that using the divination gem tonight would help to shift the energy in the coven from stagnant and chaotic to harmonious. The relics could probably do a whole bunch of stuff.

When I found time—if that ever happened—then I needed to play around with these things.

I set the gem at my feet on the west side of the circle.

There were murmurs at my choice.

“Let us begin,” Varden said.

The coven and our guests were joined together. We were one, and I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the positive of that occurrence. A lot of people in this coven didn’t agree with me, but even Spyne had attended tonight.

I started the process of drawing my magic into my center. Our center.

Once that was achieved, I found doing that much wasn’t enough. Looking to my bond with Wild, I discovered him waiting on the other end for me to join him. We began the walk to center our mating bond too.

Existing in that space didn’t come with a sense of passing time, and when I retreated to myself again and opened my eyes, it was to find Wild and me bathed in the moon’s light. The rest of the coven and our guests had finished some time ago, by the looks, but everyone continued holding hands, watching our display. Unlike before the Mother’s healing, I didn’t feel bothered by their perusal. If the first mated magus couple was standing in front of me, I’d look too.

I should be more understanding of their interest.

The coven remained still in the light of the Mother and her moon for a while longer before Varden’s soft words filtered across the meadow. “A beautiful esbat. One to remember. And now, we celebrate who we are and what we have been gifted with, our treasured guests alongside us. Let us eat, drink, and be merry.”

Rooke squeezed my hand before leaving for the food tables with Sven. Most here wouldn’t have eaten all day as part of purification.

“You feel better,” Wild stated.

“I shouldn’t have doubted the power of the Mother’s healing to help me,” I answered.

Corey was on Wild’s other side. “You guys were sending out some serious love during the healing. Everyone could feel it. Big-hug energy, guys.”

He left, linen pants swishing with every step.

“I’m glad Sven left before he heard that,” Wild mused.

Positive Patrick was back. “Must be weird to have known yourself one way, then need to discover who you are all over again.”

Wild kissed my hand. “You and Corey share that, my love.”

“I need to find the time. Believe me, I want to know myself better. My magic, and Ryzika’s relics too.” My demon had only just returned to me, though, so maybe I couldn’thave gotten to know my new self any earlier.

“You’ll get there. Once everyone settles into training and we feel more prepared, you’ll find the time.”

Wild was far more optimistic than I on that front.

The following hours of small talk, food, and drink weren’t as horrible as I’d expected. The coven had taken to the group healing well, and those who’d doubted Varden’s new push appeared convinced after experiencing it for themselves.

The drinking had ramped up, though not to usual levels—everyone was still sorely aware of the threat surrounding us and didn’t want to make themselves vulnerable.

“The sentries just switched?” I asked Wild as a group appeared in the meadow and set about completing their own group healing.

“Yes, and that’s my cue,” he said. “Are you sticking around tonight?”

Part of me wanted to, and part of me wanted to keep my distance and lick my wounds. Wild’s hand in mine had made tonight bearable. “I’m going to head in.”

I watched him walk away, then started my round of goodbyes for the evening. Rooke was waving off a drink from the laughing Sven. Corey was dancing with a magus about twenty years older than him. Interesting.

Huxley was with Spyne across the meadow. They looked miserable. In part because of me. Or mostly. I kept getting between them, and I really hoped Huxley didn’t come to blame me in time.

I walked up the slope and entered the caves. As soon as I descended the few steps at the entrance, the smell of smoke hit me.

Something was burning. I picked up my pace, and soon the smoke was visible where it clung to the roof of the tunnels. Shit. I broke into a run, and a sick feeling settled in my gut as I entered the set of smaller lanes that led to my quarters. Whatever was burning was in my esteemed rooms.

The demon gate was there.

But the alarm hadn’t gone off. Why hadn’t the alarm gone off?

I lifted the sentry pendant to my lips, panting, “Wild, possible fire at the inside demon gate.”

His sentries should already be there. Why hadn’t they raised the alarm? We’d come this far without losing any coven members.

What if I was about to enter a room filled with slaughtered magus? What if they’d been dragged to the demon realm, and we never saw them again?

And as I skidded into the room, I saw that the sentries were in the room. Alive.

“Thank fuck,” I gasped.

Only then did I realize that all of them were staring at the wall, and not the one with the demon gate.

They stared at the walls where my quipu hung. My burning quipu.

No.

The piece was done for; even I could tell that at first glance. Bits of it were falling to the stone floor. Horror drove me to my knees, and the smack of my kneecaps on the hard ground didn’t hurt me through the numbness overtaking every bit of me.

My quipu was burning. My hours and hours and hours of time entering details. All the information we needed to give us an advantage.

My magic.

Someone had set it alight. They hated me that much.

Tears slipped down my cheeks. I didn’t care who saw them.

Wild’s arrival was like a cool breeze. He strode to the fire and extinguished it with a crushing motion of his hand. Steam and black smoke continued to rise up, the perfect cover, because if there was a time to expect my demon to show from emotion, it would be now.

“I will stay hidden,” she whispered to me. “Do not fear my smoke and scales.”

It wasn’t her I feared.

“What happened?” Wild snarled, and I could feel the restraint in his anger. “Who did this?”

Someone stammered, “I-It was burning when we arrived, sir.”

I lifted my head, then pushed to my feet and turned. “And why did no one put it out?”

I saw the answer on their faces as soon as I faced them.

Like me, horror had struck them immobile. Or they’d seen that the quipu was too far gone when they got here too.

“I’m so sorry, High Esteemed,” one of them whispered. “Who could do such a thing?”

Most magus in this coven might not understand why my magic chose this form, but all magus could sense magic. Magic was a gift from the Mother and often presented itself in unique ways. To burn magic was to spurn her gift.

“It’s an abhorrent act,” another said in equal shock. “Surely not one of our own.”

I had an exact idea of who—or who gave the order to others anyway. When I’d made my quipu general knowledge, I’d inadvertently given Frond an idea of how to weaken me. One he hadn’t taken until the coven decided to favor me again.

Wild planted himself between me and the sentries. “They took advantage of the sentry change—knowledge our coven has access to. The alarms didn’t go off, so this wasn’t done by demons. I don’t believe your quipu was known to our guests either.”

Unless the original coven sent them. But no. My gut told me Frond was behind this. He’d just taken our ploy for the coven to the next level. He was willing to hurt me to get what he wanted. He’d hurt my magic. The Mother’s magic.

I’d never expected an attack of this kind.

“What do you want to do?” Wild said low, stroking the back of his hand across my cheek to dislodge a tear.

The easiest course would be to summon a recount in the room. Unfortunately, while the deceased were fair game for such things, this coven had laws that protected the privacy of its members. If I wanted to summon a recount of this evening, then I’d need permission from the entire coven. Which could be an option—in that those who refused would clearly be to blame. “Get rid of the smoke. Until our guests are gone, this remains a confidential matter between those in this room.” Our new supporters couldn’t guess at the real level of division in the coven. We may lose their support if they believed the situation had become dangerous from a demon and magus perspective. “Once they’ve departed, we’ll find the culprit.”

Wild dipped his head, then faced his sentries. “News of what happened doesn’t leave this room. The high esteemed will handle this attack on her magic in her own time and way. Respect that.”

“Yes, sir,” they murmured.

“This is her pain,” another added. “We wouldn’t dream of it.”

I wouldn’t have dreamed of this happening, though, and from one of our own. Frond had gone too far. The urge not to storm to his quarters and demand the truth was hard to cage.

“We will slip a dagger in his spine when he least expects it,” my demon purred within.

I was usually a stab from the front kind of gal, but for Frond I was willing to make an exception. Between the shoulder blades sounded fine to me.

For now, I stared at the smoldering remains of myself on the wall.

Wild wrapped an arm around me. “The person who did this will feel pain.”

“Get in line,” I murmured.

“I was already on my way here, after the sentries called me in. They didn’t say what was burning, but then I felt your pain.” He sucked in a harsh breath, then said in my ear, “I’m going to squeeze the life from him.”

I didn’t tell Wild to get in line again. His murderous intentions were exactly what I wanted to hear right now. That’s all I felt. So much fucking anger.

And despair.

“I was nearly there,” I said hollowly. “Soon, the quipu would’ve started linking paths for us. It would have helped against the demons.”

A passing sentry heard and stopped in her tracks. “Would it really have, High Esteemed?”

“Yes. Getting to that stage again….” Time was a precious commodity, and in time, I was a pauper. Replicating the quipu would take months and months. Could that even be done? I’d never tried before, and there was no itching in my fingers at the idea. Rather it felt a pointless endeavor, like each quipu piece was unique to the point of being impossible to redo.

I swallowed hard. “What do we do now?”

“You’ve been leader so far without the help of the quipu,” Wild said low. “You’ll continue to do so and do great at it. Trust yourself.”

I wouldn’t describe the last couple of weeks as having gone great. I was barely holding on. I’d needed the help of my quipu, and part of me had expected that once the quipu kicked into gear, everything else… all my problems would fade.

The loss of that seemed like a symbol of my end.

The end of this coven.

I closed my eyes and started to walk from the room.

“Tempest,” Wild called after me. “I’ll make sure this works out okay.”

I believed he’d break his back trying to do that. I forced the corners of my mouth up. “I love you.”

Seemed like I spent these days walking out of rooms alone, and tonight was no different.