Chapter Eight

I carried my tools downstairs to the closet where I stored them. One of the better features of it was a sink where I'd be able to wash them up and leave them to dry. I'd had this installed after getting tired of covering my sink with grease and gunk from my projects about the place.

I also found tasks like this great for clearing my mind. Over the time I'd owned the building, I'd spent a lot of this mind-clearing time, but it was never more needed than tonight. Previously, I'd be sorting out tasks that needed doing or maybe trying not to be too sad about Gramps. I'd been closer to him than my parents even, at least once I grew up, and I still found myself reaching for my phone to tell him something funny or frustrating that happened to me. That impulse was there even though my brain knew I lived and worked in the building he left me, meaning, he was gone.

But he'd been such a great person to have around while I was on my own for the first time, loving nothing more than for me to stop by and update him on all the happenings in my life—and maybe embellishing them just a bit for his enjoyment. He'd been very fond of Meri but never said a negative word when we split up. "You young people have to do what you like, but I hope you don't think I'm going to stop caring about Meri because you're no longer a couple." I never thought that, and when he passed, this woman, who I never saw cry in all our time together, sobbed.

Gramps had that effect on people.

The pipe wrench was the only thing really dirty. While I twisted the pipe free and cleared it of obstruction, Lane had felt it necessary to explain the pajamas and paci to me. He had spoken quietly and without any apology for what might sound odd to many. If it had been anyone else, I might have been among them, but somehow, I couldn't find anything about this man less than intriguing.

And I was honored that he'd chosen to explain it to me. I left the storage room and locked the door behind me then went to my unit. It was getting late, and tomorrow would be another busy day.

I turned on the television, planning to watch a cop drama or two before turning in, but my mind would not let go of everything Lane had told me while I lay on my back with my head and shoulders under the sink. It had been very difficult to do my job and act like nothing he said rattled me, when of course it did. I could see him out of the corner of my eye, and he looked every bit as adorable, but his explanation touched on things I'd never considered. Or really knew anything about. I went for my tablet and sat back down, more interested in real life than what made-up police with equipment almost no department would ever have might be up to tonight.

I searched the term "daddy" and found a whole lot of different things. Some, the obvious, parents, others, the older gray foxes that had been in fashion for a while, and then I found what I was looking for.

Daddies and littles occupied their own section of the internet. Also, mommies, but that wasn't really something I needed to know about. Littles identified as various ages from baby on up, and most were only in that space part of the time. Their daddies took care of them, gave them "tubbies," a popular term for baths, cooked them meals, played with them, tucked them in, and in cases of the youngest, even changed their diapers.

I read for hours, pausing only to refill my decaf, going deeper and deeper, reading personal accounts and fiction, a couple of scientific studies that went over my head, and even found various pages on social media sites that were geared to those who were daddies and littles. Some were in relationships both in and out of that world, and others just met up to "play."

It was a lot, and I was processing slowly.

I went into the kitchen for one last coffee and noticed the trash was nearly full. An overflowing trash can being one of my pet peeves, I pulled the bag and tied the plastic handles before heading to the dumpster out back. As happened all too often, someone had gone through in search of recyclables, despite the fact there was a container for them right next to it. And of course the collectors were not particularly careful with their digging, so I spent another five minutes or so picking up the garbage then went for my broom and swept up around it all, muttering under my breath. Gramps used to be a whole lot grumpier about it, and I'd thought he was overreacting, pointing out that the people were probably very poor and needed what they could get from recycling some cans and bottles and things. But after cleaning up after them day after day, I understood a lot better why he growled when he had to deal with it.

But then I stood back and admired how clean the garbage area looked and felt better. The building was a big responsibility but my tenants counted on me to keep it nice for them. People like Lane. I'd actually stopped thinking about him for a few minutes, but it seemed everything pointed right back at him.

I replaced the broom and dustpan in their places and headed for my unit, wondering just how rude it would be to stop in for a quick minute. Decided it would be very rude and that I had better chill. He had been very friendly and gracious, willing to explain his clothing and a little bit about himself when he didn't need to do that.

I didn't know much about what it meant to be a daddy, but the more I thought about it, the more I could see myself lining up with some of the characteristics. At least when it came to caregiving. That was what had gotten me into trouble with Meri and the others I dated. They did not want someone to take care of them. But I couldn't help myself.

Still. A daddy? I couldn't see it.

Inside my unit, I started for the sofa, just wanting to sit down and close my eyes for a moment, but I spotted a piece of folded paper on the floor near the door. A flier? We technically did not allow salespeople in the building, but they did manage to get in from time to time. Feeling grumpy coming back up, I scooped it up and unfolded it and then melted a little inside.

I found a picture of a bunny wearing pajamas and sporting a paci just like Lane's and a note:

Thank you so much for fixing my sink and for listening to me and for everything.

I was done processing for the moment and ready to get to know this man. Big or little, he'd managed to touch my heart in a way nobody else had. I wasn't sure if I could be everything he wanted or needed, but at the very least I could ask him out. See if he was interested.