Chapter Five

"Now, little one, I have to go to work." I was holding Cat-terine so she was nose to nose with me, my voice the opposite of firm. How could it be with her sweet eyes looking directly into my heart like this. "What that means is you're going to stay out of trouble, you're going to be a goody kitty, and you're not going to hide and scare me half to death again. Is that understood?"

She rubbed her nose against mine. Was she under the impression she could get by just on her cuteness? She totally could, but she didn't need any affirmation of that. I couldn't see anybody not bowing to her every whim.

Last night had been terrifying. Coming home and finding her gone… I didn't want to have to deal with that ever again. Of course, she had still been here, but I had no way of knowing that. I had all these visions of her being hurt, lost, afraid and it was too much. Of course, I handled it just like a grown-up responsible adult would—I broke down sobbing. I'm not even sure what I would have done had Elio not shown up.

I really needed someone in that moment, and there he was. He just jumped into action. I hadn't pegged him as the daddy type, but there he was being all sweet and daddy. I enjoyed it, almost too much. Even as it was happening, the whole situation perplexed me. One minute, he was there, jumping in, giving me a handkerchief, making sure that I was okay, that my cat was okay. The next minute, we were acting like longtime friends, eating burritos and watching TV. It felt so comfortable and safe being around him. I woke up this morning still kicking myself for falling asleep against him. It had been nice being around someone I could be that relaxed with, for sure. Only the cost was too high.

When I woke up, things changed…he had changed. Not changed like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde kind of way, but there was like this wall between us. And I couldn't help but think I had crossed a boundary he didn't like, and that's why he slapped that wall in place.

He decided that he was going to make sure that I didn't do it again. And that was fair. He was my landlord, not my friend. Just because I was lonely, and he'd felt bad for me, and wanted to help, that didn't mean our roles in each other's lives had changed.

I needed to stop thinking about last night, his ass, and the way I felt snuggled against him.

After a quick cuddle with Cat-terine, I went to work for my first "real day." I was excited to see how things went, but not as excited as I was for tonight. When I woke up this morning, I found an email from Chained, the local club. I'd been invited to go on a tour and not just any one but a little tour.

The little was the exciting part. I'd been a member of a club before, and it was fine. Good even, depending on the night. But one that actually cared about its age play members? That hadn't been my experience, and I was thrilled to see what Chained had to offer and if they lived up to their fabulous reputation.

My last club hadn't been overly welcoming to people who had interests like mine. They were the only game in town, though, so I put up with it. They'd have accepted me more if I wanted to be tied up in beautiful knots for all to see or to be whipped in a demonstration or even if I walked around led by a leash. Those were the members they prioritized. And, in a way, I got it. Those were their largest interest groups.

It sucked, but each club had its own culture. And that one didn't align with what I was looking for. I'd considered driving a few hours from home to check out a club called Collared but, at the end of the day, I'd been too lazy to venture outside my town.

I was excited to learn about Chained when I was researching the area and doubly excited when I discovered it was a sister club to Collared. I put in an interest form before I even moved. The price was high, and it wasn't the best way to stay on budget, but also—if I was going to find other littles to play with and/or a mommy or daddy to spend an afternoon or evening with, it was my best option.

After reading the email, I replied right away to let them know that I'd be there without a second's thought. Of course I was going to go.

Work was better than expected. I feared I'd be frazzled and overwhelmed. I felt neither. So far, I liked my job, which was good since I'd moved all the way here for it.

My desk was in an area with natural lighting, and the people who had their desks around mine were very pleasant. The lunch area was roomy and designed to be relaxing, not rushed. And best of all? It wasn't one of those offices that wanted you to all be "just like family." In my experience, there was nothing more toxic than an environment whose goal was to make your job fill every facet of your life. No, thank you. The day flew by. Another good sign.

When I got home, I went into my closet and grabbed my plastic tote—the one where I kept my little clothes until I could come up with a better solution. I was currently considering getting a little dresser to fit in the large space. I hadn't had time to look into it yet, but I was thinking about looking this weekend.

My last closet had been too small for any furniture or coats or shoes. It was tiny. One thing that was especially nice about this apartment was that there was lots of storage space carved out. I planned to use it well.

I dug out little clothes and laid a few options on my bed. My go-to outfit was a pair of footie pajamas that were getting really worn in the knees. I loved them, and it showed. Then I considered that the tour was as much about them assessing my compatibility as a member as it was me checking the place out. Wearing clothing that might indicate I had money issues was probably not the best idea.

Instead, I decided to wear a pink onesie with my favorite thick underwear and some rather short shorts. The combination wasn't my favorite, but I looked adorable, especially when I paired it with some knee-high socks. Best of all, I was able to slip my street clothes over it, and there would be no awkward first-night dressing room moments. The fact that they had little orientations implied it wouldn't be like my last club, but only time would tell.

It was time to embrace being little and alone. I'd never done that before, always going to a club with a daddy I wanted a big relationship with, too, someone who I thought had the potential to be both a daddy and a boyfriend. But I wasn't doing that anymore. I wasn't sad about it, either. Letting go of the expectation of "needing" to have someone in my life to fill both areas had done wonders for me.

I was done tying my relationships to what my little desired. I needed someone who accepted me for myself, and that was just the way it was. They didn't need to take an active part in it for me to be happy. As long as they liked me just as I was, that was good enough for me.

When I walked into Chained, I was greeted by smiling faces and instantly knew I'd found the right place. One of the little room workers led me on a tour. That blew my mind. They had people who manned the little rooms so that the littles could just be little and not worry about…well, anything.

The tour was fantastic and included showing me some of the nicest changing rooms I'd ever seen, even on the internet. I could rent one out for the evening if I was ever interested—a sort of private retreat. They showed me a list of events open to both members and nonmembers who had filled out the proper paperwork, and they encouraged me to attend some of them to check everything out and get a feel for the place. Not once in our time together did I feel the high-pressure join-now push I'd experienced at my last club.

But the best part of the tour? When they showed me the little room. I'd never felt as welcome and accepted in these types of spaces as I did when I walked inside then crawled over to the story hour and got lost in the wonder of what became my new club before the night was over.