Chapter 5

Chapter Five

After helping me into the tub, Daddy leaves me to go fix a bottle. There are toys in the tub. I haven't had bath toys since I was very young. I feel lighter than I've felt in a long time. I know I'm ignoring my problems, stuffing them to the back of my mind, but I just want to be free to…play.

I'm giddy as I reach for a mermaid Barbie and take her for a swim. I had a Barbie like this when I was five. I wonder what happened to her. I had toys. Lots of them. I'm pretty sure my father threw most of them away. He certainly didn't bring anything with us when we moved.

Granted, I was fourteen by then, but I still liked toys. I still liked to color and paint and play. I know I was immature for my age, but I didn't have friends. All I had was myself, and I had to find ways to entertain myself, especially after my father burned my books.

At the time, I still had books all over my room, but it grew harder and harder for me to read them. When he caught me, he would snatch the book out of my hands and toss it in the trash. If I retrieved it, he would whip me.

My father said those books were filling my head with filth and fantasy. He said I needed to join the real world where women were expected to work around the house. Cook and clean. He said if I had idle time, I should spend it doing something useful like sewing instead of filling my head with trash.

I never believed him. He is a sick person with a warped mind. But that didn't make my situation any less dire.

I've thought of running away a million billion times, but where would I go? I don't know anyone. I don't have skills. I knew in the end, he would track me down and haul me back to the cabin, and then he might beat me so hard that I wouldn't survive. Staying was a survival skill all on its own.

"Hey, Little one."

I look up when I hear Daddy's voice. He's smiling as he kneels on the tile next to the tub. "Can I wash you, Baby girl?"

I lift my Barbie out of the water and spin her around, stroking her hair while I think about his request. I've been playing the entire time he was gone. I haven't even gotten my hair wet. I give a slight nod.

It's kind of weird that I'm naked, and he can see my body, but I don't feel scared anymore. He said he wouldn't have sex with me, and he hasn't, so I want to believe him. I also like it when he touches me. It makes me tingle.

Daddy grabs the little bucket the toys were in from the tub, fills it with water, and lifts it over my head. "Close your eyes, Little one. I'm going to get your hair wet."

I squeeze my eyes closed and tip my head back. I like how he holds his other hand against my forehead so water doesn't run into my eyes. And I really like it when he starts rubbing shampoo into my scalp. It smells good, and when I look at the bottle, I see it's baby shampoo, the kind my mother used on me when I was very small. I remember the scent. I like it.

After he washes my hair and puts conditioner on it, he grabs a wash cloth, wets it, and pours baby soap on it. He starts with my arms, moves to my back, and then around to my front.

My breath hitches when he runs the cloth over my chest. That feels good, too. Sometimes when I've thought about Brian, when I was pretending he was my Daddy, I would get tingly and flushed. When he touches me for real, I get the same sensation.

He does my legs next and finally reaches between my thighs. He's quick about washing my private parts, and I'm secretly disappointed because the brief contact of the cloth over my special place made my heart beat faster.

After rinsing my hair, he lets the water out and reaches for a towel. I stare at the water as it swirls down the drain. I'm sad. I'd rather stay in the tub and play longer. I would never ask Daddy to let me do that, though. I'm not sure what he will do to me when I'm naughty. He said he won't hit me. What will he do instead?

"Lacey…" Daddy lifts my chin. He meets my gaze. "Did you want to play some more, Baby girl?"

I bite my lip and don't respond.

"Sweet girl, you can tell Daddy anything. I will not get mad. There's no right or wrong answer. Sometimes I will not honor your requests for good reasons, but when I can, I will every time."

"Okay."

He stands, tucks his hands under my arms, and lifts me out of the tub. After setting me on my feet, he pats me dry from head to toe before wringing out my hair.

When he's done, he wraps a dry towel around me and lifts me into his arms, cradling me against him. Before leaving the room, he looks at me. "You wanted to play longer, didn't you?" he asks again.

I slowly nod. I can't help being scared to voice my opinion.

He taps my nose. "Tomorrow night, I will let you play until you're wrinkly and shivering from the cold water. The reason I wanted you to get out tonight is because you're exhausted and hungry. I want to feed you a bottle and put you down to sleep for the night."

"Okay."

He hugs me close, but I think he's being careful because of my various injuries.

I love being in his arms. I close my eyes and pretend he's my forever Daddy. Is that a possibility? I won't let myself believe it so I don't get hurt when he gets tired of me.

When he lowers me onto a soft surface, I open my eyes and glance around. We're in a room I have not seen yet. A…nursery?

"What is this room, Daddy?" I wonder if Noah has kids.

Daddy smiles as he unfolds the towel from around me, leaving me exposed and naked. "It's an adult nursery, Little one. Have you seen one before?"

I shake my head. I'm still scanning the room. This looks exactly like a baby nursery, but everything is sized for an adult. "Does Noah have a Little girl?" I know he comes to the club, but I don't think he comes with a specific woman.

"No. But he's prepared for when he finds his forever Little girl. Can you roll onto your side, Little one? I want to put some ointment on some of these welts."

He helps me roll toward the wall, and I try not to be embarrassed as he applies a cream to several stripes across my bottom. When he's done, he flattens something crinkly at my back before guiding me to lie over it.

I glance down as he parts my legs wide, and my breath hitches. He's putting a diaper on me. "Daddy…"

"I bet you haven't had an opportunity to try diapers, have you, Little one?" He asks so matter-of-factly as if this is no big deal.

"No," I whisper, feeling uncertain.

"Will you trust me and give it a try, sweet girl?" He opens a tube of something and squeezes ointment onto his fingers.

I watch, wondering what it is. It's not the same thing he put on my welts.

I hold my breath when he parts my legs even wider and gently rubs the cream onto my special place. I can't breathe. I purse my lips and watch, mesmerized. His touch feels so good. It's unexpected. This is much more than the tingling I felt earlier or what I feel when I think about him. A tightness grows in my tummy, and my nipples get hard.

I want to touch them. I can't stop myself. I reach with both hands and cover my breasts, squeezing them.

Daddy doesn't say a word as he continues to rub my private parts.

I'm panting when he finishes, and a little whimper escapes my mouth.

Daddy smiles at me as he lifts the front of the diaper over my special place and fastens it. "No one has ever touched you like that before, have they, Little one?"

I shake my head.

"And you haven't touched yourself either?"

More head shaking. I'm embarrassed. My face is hot, and I'm still squeezing my boobies. He's right about that word. I feel very Little lying here on this changing table in a diaper. Boobies seems like an appropriate word.

He comes to my side and leans over to kiss my knuckles like he did the last time I covered my chest. With a hand at the back of my neck, he helps me sit upright before reaching for something on the shelf below me.

He holds up a pretty pink T-shirt that says Daddy's girl on the front in darker pink glitter.

I love it so much I almost start crying. It looks brand new. I haven't had any new clothes in ten years. I don't remember owning anything so pretty. It's bright instead of drab. It's not torn. There are no holes in it. And the sparkles…

"Arms up, Baby girl."

I lift my arms and luxuriate in the way he pulls the shirt over my head and down my body. It fits me perfectly, reaching just to the top of my diaper. I'm leery about the diaper. It feels weird. I'm not sure I can use it. But Daddy acts like it's perfectly normal, and I want to please him.

He lifts me into his arms and carries me to a large rocking chair where he sits with me across his lap, cradled in his arms. He grabs the softest blanket I've ever felt from a shelf next to us and tucks it around my body.

"There. Are you warm enough?"

"Yes, Sir."

He groans slightly as he rolls me toward his chest and rocks me close to his body.

I snuggle against him. He feels so good. I worry I'm dreaming. This apartment is warm. This shirt smells good. The blanket is so, so, so soft. I don't ever want this dream to end.

Finally, he leans me back. "I'm going to feed you a bottle, Little one, and then put you in that crib to sleep. I bet you haven't slept well in a long time."

He's right. I'm always cold, and there are weird noises in the woods behind the house. I've never gotten used to them. And I always sleep in fear that I won't wake up early enough to make breakfast to my father's liking.

"In the morning, you'll feel better, Little one. Then we can talk about our plans."

"Okay."

He reaches for a bottle on the shelf next to us and holds it to my mouth. "I promise you'll like it. All the Littles on the island drink this exact formula, and they love it."

My eyes go wide. "The Littles on the island all take bottles?"

He smiles. "Yep. Some of them graduate to soft foods if their Daddies decide that's what's best for them, but all of them take bottles at least part of the time."

He's rocking me. It's soothing. I never want it to end. I open my mouth and accept the bottle. It takes me a moment to get the hang of the nipple, but soon I'm sucking, and it's so yummy. It tastes like a vanilla milkshake. When did I last have a milkshake? I don't know.

When I close my eyes, I start to drift, and Daddy jiggles the bottle. "Finish all of it, Little one. You need the calories."

It's hard to stay awake, but I eventually finish the bottle. I can't hold my eyes open. I'm so warm and…safe. I'm safe. No one is going to hurt me tonight. I can sleep without fear of someone suddenly screaming at me.

Daddy taps my lips with the nipple again, but I'm full now. I turn my head and purse my lips.

He chuckles. "It's a pacifier, Little one. Try it. I bet it will calm you."

I open my eyes partway to see he's indeed holding a pink sparkly pacifier. It's so pretty. Do I want to suck it, though? I decide to give it a try and open my mouth.

Daddy pops it in and holds it in place while I relax into him again.

I'm almost asleep when he rises and lowers me into the crib. I whimper. I liked it better when he was holding me.

He tucks the blanket around me and rubs my tummy. "Sleep, Little one. I have a baby monitor. I'll know if you wake up. You're safe here, Baby girl. Oh, wait. You need Fluffy. I'll go grab her."

A moment later, he's back. He tucks Fluffy under the covers with me and kisses my forehead before lifting the side of the crib.

Maybe I should think this room is far too weird, but I find I like it. I feel protected by the crib railings. I won't fall out of bed. I don't even have to get up to go potty. The pacifier feels good. Fluffy is in my arms. I'm so happy for the first time in forever.