6. Zara

As I chop vegetables for a simple salad, my mind wanders back to Benjamin. His thank you, grunted though it was, felt like a small victory, a chink in his armour that was beginning to show. But it's not about winning with him; it's about understanding and being there for him and Mia.

I'm so engrossed in my thoughts that I don't hear him approach until Benjamin clears his throat from the kitchen doorway. I jump, nearly slicing my thumb.

"Shit!" I exclaim, putting down the knife and checking for signs of blood. I'm not great with that. Passing out occurs and all that, so I'm glad that I didn't cut myself.

"Careful," he says, an edge of actual concern in his voice that has me blinking at him in surprise.

"What are you? A ninja?"

He snorts. "Hardly."

"Did you need something?"

He hesitates, shifting on his feet, and then gestures vaguely at the fridge. "Water."

"Sit down. I'll get it."

Benjamin reluctantly perches on one of the stools at the island, watching as I get him a bottle of water. The silence is awkward but not unbearable.

"Thanks," he murmurs as I hand it to him.

I nod and return to my task, resisting the urge to fill the silence with pointless chatter that won't get me anywhere. The sound of crunching vegetables under my knife is soothing in its monotony.

We stay like that for a few minutes—me chopping and him sipping water—before he speaks up again.

"You're good with her," he says abruptly. "She seems to like you."

I look over my shoulder, surprised by the compliment. "Thanks. She's easy to love."

He nods, absently running a hand through his hair, and for the first time, I see something other than a soul-deep scowl on his face.

"I wasn't sure about having you here to help," he admits quietly. "I should be able to handle it all on my own."

I set the knife down and lean back against the counter. "It's okay not to have all the answers or do everything solo, Benjamin. Everyone needs help sometimes."

He looks at me, and I see the tiredness in his eyes. "Yeah, well," he starts but doesn't finish.

Silence falls between us again, but it's a little less tense now. A shared understanding is beginning to weave its way through the air. He takes another sip of water.

Benjamin watches me as I resume chopping. I can feel his gaze on me. It's not as uncomfortable as I would have expected having someone watch my every move, not when it's him anyway. Pretty sure if some rando appeared in the bushes, stalking me, I'd take umbrage, but with Benjamin, it's… dare I say it? Nice.

"I'll get back to work," he mumbles and leaves me alone again to finish up the lunch prep. My phone buzzes on the counter next to me, and I frown at it as I keep chopping.

No Caller ID.

"Well, if you don't want to be identified, I don't want to answer you, fucker," I say, but my blood runs a bit cooler. Could it be Eddie? I blocked his number, but he still has mine. He could quite easily ring me from another number.

Cursing myself that while I thought I had everything planned, I clearly missed the memo that screams if you're running from a toxic ex to change your number, not just block his.

"Dumb, dumb, dumb," I mutter. "I wonder where the nearest shop is." I didn't see one on my drive in yesterday, but I'm going to have to find out.

Steeling myself as I replace the knife on the counter and march into the lounge to confront Benjamin, I ask, "Where is the shop?"

He turns his head, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly as if trying to figure out the urgency behind my question. "There's a corner shop in the village. It's about a twenty-minute walk," he replies, then pauses. "Why? Do you need something?"

I nod, trying to appear nonchalant. "I need to grab some essentials."

Benjamin studies me for a moment longer and then nods. "We'll get Mia in the pram, and we'll all go."

"Uhm," I murmur, surprised. "It's okay; I can go by myself. Just point me in the right direction."

"Mia needs to get out for some fresh air."

"Mia and I can go. You're busy?—"

"We'll all go." His tone has gone back to the flat, almost order, and it makes me swallow back my annoyance that he doesn't trust me with Mia. But I get it. He doesn't want me disappearing with his child without him. Maybe one day when I've earned that trust, but that's not today. Or tomorrow. Or probably even next month.

"Okay," I agree with a soft smile. "Do you want to get the pram out? I'll finish the salad to eat later and get Mia ready."

He grunts in acknowledgement and goes back to whatever he is doing, leaving me standing there, trying not to think about how this short trip feels like some kind of bizarre outing.

Pushing thoughts of Eddie out of my mind for now, I head back to the kitchen to finish up lunch. I plate up the salad and some cold meats I find in the fridge and then head upstairs to get my shoes on, and a jumper, and maybe a jacket. Spring in the Lake District is decidedly chilly.

After bundling Mia up in her warmest clothes, we head down, my handbag swinging against my side as I hold Mia close. Stepping outside onto the driveway, I see Benjamin wrestling with the pram. He's muttering to himself, and I let out a light chuckle. Who knew a pram could take down an alpha's poise?

When he sees me standing there, trying not to laugh, he gives me a scathing glare. "This bloody thing," he grumbles. "Designers of these need a good talking to."

I grab the other side of the pram, and together, we unfold it with a satisfying click. Benjamin looks at me with an eyebrow raised. "You can do that one-handed? What are you? A pram master?"

Giggling stupidly, I brush my hair behind my ear. "Nope, just practised. This isn't my first pram-deo."

"Huh?" He looks at me like I've lost my mind.

"Uhm. A play on rodeo…" I trail off, cheeks hotter than hellfire.

"Oh," he says and gives me a charming smile that floors me completely. My stomach drops, and the omega inside me lights up like a fucking Christmas Tree. We stare at each other for a few moments before Mia gurgles happily in my arms. He hesitates only for a second more before taking her from me and securing her in the pram. She coos, pleased as punch to have both of our attention.

"Well then," I say, clapping my hands together for lack of knowing what to do with them now Mia's not in them. "Shall we?"

We set off down the road, past the identical-looking houses and then turn the opposite way to which I came in and down the lane that leads into the village. Against my better judgment, I steal a glance at Benjamin, pushing the pram. Now that he's out of his usual environment, there's a change in him. He seems less tense, more part of the world around him.

"So, will you be going to work tomorrow?" I ask, just to break the silence.

He falters for a moment and frowns. "I haven't decided yet."

"You can, you know. Mia and I will be fine."

He stops on the narrow pavement and glares at me. "Look, Zara. I get that you mean well, but you've got to stop pushing me."

"What?" I blurt out, surprised by the aggression. "I'm not pushing you anywhere. I'm only saying that you can go without worrying."

"I'm still going to worry," he snaps. "I will always worry. And I don't need you making it worse by trying to shove me out of my own home and away from my daughter. Why are you doing that? Hmm?"

Staring wide-eyed, I fail to come up with an answer for him, which enrages him further. "That's not what I'm doing," I say softly. "But you need to be able to provide for your daughter, and that means keeping your job."

His eyes practically burst into flame, and I wish the pavement would open up, swallow me and deposit me somewhere far, far away from the angry alpha.

"Oh, really," he hisses. "How about you mind your own fucking business and leave me the hell alone?" He tries to turn on the pavement, but there is little space between the road and the hedge. He executes a dramatic four-point pram turn, getting angrier by the second before he marches back the way we came, leaving me on the pavement to stare after him in shock.

"Fuck," I breathe out. "That went horribly wrong."

Yeah, no shit, Zara.

I gaze after him, wondering if I should follow or stay the course and give him some time to cool down. That might give him the opportunity to lock me out of the house, though, and then I will have literally nothing but the clothes on my back and my car.

As if the universe is intervening, my phone buzzes again with the No Caller ID number, reminding me I need the new SIM card. Panic clawing my insides, I keep heading towards the shop, hoping I'll find it without getting wildly lost in the countryside and that by the time I return, things with Benjamin will have simmered down. I clutch the phone tightly against my palm, fighting the urge to throw it into the nearest bush. It's not the phone's fault that my life is a mess, and it's certainly not Benjamin's fault either, even if he's currently at the top of my shit list.

While walking briskly, my panic only grows as the phone doesn't stop. A text message eventually comes through.

Pick up. We need to talk. You know you don't want this.

"Ugh! Fuck off," I say through gritted teeth. It hardens my weakening resolve to turn around and catch up to Benjamin before he packs up all my stuff and chucks it out on the driveway.

The shop comes into view, and relief washes over me like a wave. The bell above the door jingles as I enter.

I force a smile and approach the counter. "Hi, I need to buy a SIM card."

A friendly-looking middle-aged woman with spectacles sliding down her nose—nods and points to the array behind her.

After purchasing the SIM card and giving a polite nod to the woman, I take a moment to swap them out and take a deep breath before heading back to Benjamin's house. Maybe he'll be calmer now—maybe we can sit down and talk like adults without him snapping at me and without me making dumbfuck comments about him not being sacked from his job.

"What were you thinking?" I cry out as I stumble down the pavement back the way I came.

As I eventually turn back onto his street, all is quiet, and my belongings are nowhere to be seen. With my heart hammering and my palms sweating, I reach for the door handle on the front door.

It opens, and I gulp back the sob of relief.

The house is silent, so I creep upstairs to my room to take my shoes off and ditch my bag.

I hear Mia crying in the nursery suddenly, that same fretful wail she had last night, and my instincts kick in.

I dash towards the nursery, my pulse racing. As I fling open the door, Mia's cries crescendo into a full-blown howl. Benjamin looks frazzled and about to go into a meltdown. He's trying to soothe her with gentle bounces and soft shushes, but she isn't having any of it.

"Here, let me," I say, a lot more softly than before. I can't stand to see them both so distressed.

He looks up at me with weary eyes, and for a second, I think he's going to argue and tell me to piss off out of his face, but instead, he hands Mia over without a word.

Mia settles down almost instantly in my arms. I rock her gently, whispering soothing nothings into her little ear. Benjamin watches us with a complex expression that I can't even begin to unpack.

"How? I'm her father," he says, not bitterly but full of exhaustion.

"It's my scent. The lavender soothes them. It's why I stayed with her last night."

He breathes in noticeably, and his jaw tightens, his nose pinching as if he has smelt rotten vegetables.

Gee, thanks, asshole.

But I let it go because Mia needs me. "I think she might have started teething already," I murmur.

He frowns. "She's only three months."

"I know. It happens. We'll need to get some teething granules soon."

"I'll go now," he says immediately. "Where? The chemist?"

"Yeah, or any big supermarket."

"There's a Tesco not far from here. I'll go there."

"Okay, I'll put on my shoes and get Mia in the car." I turn to the door, but he shakes his head.

"No, she's settled now. Stay with her. I'll go."

I meet his gaze, and the argument and everything else just falls away as unimportant. He is trusting me alone with his infant, and I'm not going to hold anything against him. He is scared and tired and overwhelmed, and who wouldn't be in his situation?

"Okay." I sit down in the armchair and hold the baby close. He nods stiffly and, with a last look back, leaves Mia and me alone.