8. McQuinn

8

McQuinn

W hy the fuck can't I just say what I want? What's wrong with me? I should be jumping at the opportunity to spend more time with Nils. But when it's just the two of us, it gets… awkward. Unless we're balls deep in each other, and that's not really what I want right now.

I want to pull him into my arms and tell him everything I've been holding back. I want what Dante and Ellis have. That connection. That fucking closeness. A bond.

Rather than throwing another dart, I slink behind a pillar that divides this part of the backyard from the pool and watch Nils. I'm rewarded when he stretches his arms over his head, making his abs more defined and his swim trunks slip down his hips. He's leaner than the rest of us, but he's still an alpha. Muscles ripple along his back as he walks down the pool steps into the water.

He doesn't swim right away. He tilts his head up and takes in the sunshine on his face with his eyes closed. I shouldn't be watching him like this, hidden behind a pillar like some kind of stalker. It's not like it's a secret that I find him attractive. I ogle him openly on the regular.

But right now, I'm not watching because I want to screw him. I'm watching because… I guess I don't really know why. Maybe because I want to know what he's like when he doesn't think anyone's looking. Maybe because I'm afraid to do more than watch from the sidelines and occasionally invite him to bed.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Oz's voice behind me makes me jump, causing me to knock my hip into the ping-pong table and let out a sharp yelp.

"Everything okay?" Nils hollers from the pool.

"Yep. Yeah. Fine. Everything's fine," I yell back.

Oz laughs. "You ever gonna get up the nerve to tell the fucker how you feel?"

I shove him, but it doesn't do any good. The man is a rock. The bulkiest of all of us.

"Fuck off."

He laughs, and I punch him in the shoulder. Oz might not hang out with us all that much, but he's a good addition to the team and the pack. Normally, we match each other well for levity and ridiculous antics. But lately, I've been too worried about the Olympics to do much more than sulk or work out.

I could use a bit of fun. And Oz is always up for that.

"Want to play a prank on Harrison?"

"What you got in mind?" Oz takes a dart from me and tosses it straight at the bullseye. "Should we go classic? Sugar in the salt shaker? Or underwear in the freezer?"

"Nothing that smells bad this time."

Last month, we hid a fish in Harrison's room. We thought it would be funny, since the old man has a super powered sense of smell. But we all ended up paying for it when we couldn't remember where we hid it and it stunk up the whole third floor. Harrison made us swim a hundred laps for that one.

"On second thought, maybe a prank is a bad idea. I just need something fun to blow off some steam."

He lifts his eyebrows and nudges his head towards the pool.

"Something that's not sex." I run a hand through my hair. "Maybe a game night?"

"Good luck rounding everyone up." He shakes his head. "Sounded like Dante and Ellis were on round two and I haven't seen Harrison all day. I think he's having dinner with his parents or something."

"Yeah, okay."

"We could go shoot pool at that bar we went to a few weeks ago," Oz suggests.

That's definitely not a good idea. Not after what I did there last time. "Nah. Think I'll just watch a movie or something."

"Your loss, man. I'm going out."

He tosses another dart perfectly and then leaves. Just like everyone else.