7. Nils

7

Nils

M y internship ended today and all I can think about is getting home to celebrate. Now that it's over, I can focus all of my attention on the Olympics. Well, the Olympics and filling out applications to med schools. I groan as I open the front door, feeling that old familiar fear of failure nipping at my heels.

The living room smells like sex, like Ellis and Dante and McQuinn. There's even a bottle of lube left open on the coffee table. Looks like they already had their fun without me.

Lately, we've all been doing a lot of things without each other. It's like the pack is fracturing down the middle. Harrison, alone in his study or with Ava. Ellis and Dante, doing their own thing. McQuinn, brooding around somewhere. Oz, always off picking up random women.

What we need is an omega. The research on pack health is clear. Packs need omegas even more than individual alphas do. We're missing the person who will draw us all together, but it's not like we have time to go searching for her right now. Maybe after the Olympics.

I need to clear my head and let off some steam, so I head straight out to the backyard. We all keep swimsuits in the little pool house bathroom, so I go there to change. Being in the water always eases my mind when I spin out or feel anxious. That, and getting physical with McQuinn.

When I come out of the outside bathroom, a dart comes sailing towards my head. I duck just in time to avoid it taking out my eye.

"Shit! Sorry," McQuinn scrambles around the ping-pong table. "Are you okay?"

His hands lift, then lower, like he wants to pat me down for injuries but decides he shouldn't. I wish he would. He looks incredible in just a pair of athletic shorts, red hair still damp from showering off the sex. He steps back, shaking his head. His shoulders ride up to his ears, carrying more coiled tension than usual.

"You gotta work on your aim," I tease, wanting to make him smile. McQuinn has a magnificent smile.

His shoulders relax slightly. He scrunches his freckled nose and runs his hand through his hair. With a scowl, he strolls over to the dartboard. We created this outdoor hang out space as soon as we moved in, but we've never all hung out here. It's good to see it getting some use.

"What's got you so worked up?" I set my towel down on a nearby pool chair, waiting for McQuinn to answer. He's been extra agitated lately, and I wish he'd just talk to me about it. I want to listen to his concerns and tell him all the things I've been holding inside. But I don't think he wants that from me. We don't really do heart-to-heart conversations.

"Nothing," he says, proving my point.

He only wants me for one thing. Not that I mind. My gaze flies over his taut body and back to his handsome face. McQuinn has this pretty, boy-next-door appeal that sometimes makes me think he should be on magazine covers rather than hiding his body underwater. He's tall and wiry and painfully gorgeous. "Do you want to…?"

"I'm good." He turns away from me and throws another dart.

I try not to take the rejection personally. From the looks of things, he already got off with Ellis and Dante, but it stings that he hasn't even acknowledged that my internship ended today or asked how I'm feeling about applying to med school.

I want to tell him all of it. About the guy at my internship who kept trying to get me to leave my pack and sleep with him. About the call I had with my mom today, where she drilled into me about getting into the right school and shamed me for spending so much time on "a sport no one cares about." I want to tell McQuinn everything. But that's not the relationship we have.

"You nervous about the tryouts?" I casually reach behind my head and pull off my shirt. McQuinn tracks the movement, and I grin. Okay, so not entirely uninterested. But I wish I knew what was going on in his head.

"Dreading it." He twirls a dart in one hand and taps his thigh with the other. He's always in motion. He's got this kinetic energy that makes me want to be his safe harbor, the place he can drop anchor and just relax.

"Training up someone new is gonna suck." He tosses the dart and hits the very edge of the board.

"Yeah." Even if they're a great player, it takes a while before a group of people play like a team. I just hope we can find the right person.

"At least the Sun is in Taurus right now, so that's a good sign." He throws another dart and misses the bullseye again.

Astrology talk isn't really my thing, so I nod towards the pool. "Want to swim some laps?"

"Nah, not now." He keeps his eyes turned away from me and throws another dart. This one hits the board at least, but it's way off target.

"Okay… I think I'm gonna…" I point at the pool, walking backwards. I need physical exertion right now. I wish he would join me, wish things were different.

McQuinn nods without taking his eyes off the dart in his hand. "Yeah. Okay. Good."