41. Meggie

41

Meggie

" W ake up," Harrison says from the doorway as he flips the overhead light on in the nest. "It's time to vote."

He's gone before I can respond, his heavy footsteps drumming on the stairs. After he almost bit me the other day, he's avoided me completely. I have no idea what he's thinking or where he stands on me going to Paris with the team. And it has me on edge.

Ellis pulls me close, burying his face in my neck. "Don't worry, sunshine. He's on board."

"How can you be so sure?" I don't tell him that Harrison not wanting me isn't my only concern. If they all decide to let me stay on the team, it won't magically take away my worries. It'll just change them. Maybe make them worse.

Sure, I'll get to go to the Olympics, and there's nothing I want more than that, but what about them? What if I get caught? What would that mean for my men, my alphas?

Thinking my worry is just about the vote, Dante leans over his bonded and kisses my cheek. "Ellis is right. Harrison wants you on the team."

He sits up and stretches, displaying his naked body. My anxiety is no match for that body. I bite both lips between my teeth, trying to muzzle thoughts of what we did last night. I don't do a good job. And they can tell.

I'm perfuming like a freshly baked pie just out of the oven, set on a windowsill, wafting it's tempting scent to the entire neighborhood, begging to be eaten. Oh god, I want him to eat me again.

Ellis chuckles beside me. "Like what you see, gorgeous?"

"No time for that," Dante chides. "We've got a pack dispute to put to rest. The sooner we get this done, the better. We need to practice."

Oz sits up from his position laying horizontally across the foot of the bed and yawns. He came to the nest late last night, after Ellis and Dante had worn themselves out, and slept on top of the comforter, tangled in one of the many fluffy blankets.

He stretches like a cat and smiles when he catches me looking. "Want some tea, baby girl?"

I can think of several things I want more than tea right now. Since giving in to these men and going off my blockers, it's like my starved sex drive is trying to make up for lost time. And my fear about the future is just making me want it more.

"Don't look at me like that, baby girl, or we'll never get out of here."

"We could make Harrison wait a little."

It's not just that I'm turned on. I'm also not eager to hear the verdict. Ellis and Dante are confident that everyone wants me on the team, but I'm less certain. Harrison is being enigmatic. And McQuinn… Nils said he was going to talk with him, but he never came to bed last night, and I'm not sure whether that means his talk with McQuinn went well or not.

Oz crawls over me and kisses my forehead. "Stop worrying. You're the best choice for the team and we all know it." He nips at my ear. "Even if we don't like it."

"Speak for yourself," Ellis says. "I love having Meggie on our team." His hand rubs up my side from under the sheets, and I shiver.

Oz pulls down the covers, revealing my exposed breasts. His mouth wraps around one nipple as Ellis takes the other, and I buck off the bed with a low moan.

"Knock it off." Dante shoves Oz hard enough that he tumbles off of me and onto Ellis, who grunts and pushes Oz off, sending him rolling onto the floor. A laugh breaks out of me, the lightness of it momentarily easing the nervous feeling in my stomach.

"Hey, what was that for?" Oz stands up and adjusts the running shorts he's wearing.

"The old man will get impatient." Dante pulls on a pair of shorts he left draped over a chair. Ellis does the same, making a show of it as he slowly steps into one leg and then the other, shaking his ass in a sort of dance move. Dante slaps his butt, and I laugh.

"Let's do this. It's time to say fuck it to the IOC." Ellis rubs his hands together like he's excited.

Dressed, the three of them head to the door, but I don't follow.

"You okay, sunshine?" Ellis asks.

I bite my lip and drop my eyes, picking at the blankets. "Yeah, just give me a minute."

He pauses, but must see something in me that satisfies him, because he nods and leaves.

Despite the covers around me and the sunlight coming in through the window, the room feels like someone just cast a shadow over it. Darker. Colder.

I want to be on this team. Since all this started, I've fallen in love with water polo. It's got all the things I loved about swimming, and more. It's challenging. Competitive and cooperative at the same time. It's fun. I love getting to play this sport with my men.

I want to go with them to Paris. I want to live out my dream of the Olympics with Emily. I want to tell my sisters and my future children that I didn't give up on my dream just because of my designation, and if they want something badly enough, they don't have to give up on theirs either.

But… I don't want to hurt Pack Hart.

It feels like a lose-lose situation. If they reject me and take someone else, I'll be crushed. But if they take me and get in trouble for it, that would destroy me. I don't know how I'd come back from that. How I'd live with myself if I ruined their careers and reputations. I don't want them to choose me and then regret it later.

If I really care about them, I shouldn't let them take this risk. I should walk away.

Sucking in a breath, I get out of bed on shaky legs and look for something to wear. Needing comfort, I pull on Ellis's boxer briefs and Nils's sweatpants, which I find shoved under the covers from when I ripped them off of him yesterday morning. I slip a t-shirt of Dante's over my head and tuck the blanket Oz slept with around me. But I still feel unsettled.

Working on pure instinct, knowing I'm missing something, and I'll need strength for what I'm about to do, I sneak across the hall to Harrison's room. Then I carefully open the door, peeking inside before entering.

I haven't been in his room before, but it feels exactly like the controlled alpha I know. White sheets are perfectly tucked in with a gray comforter and topped with pristine white pillows. His bedside table holds two biographies stacked neatly on the corner of the dark wood with his glasses resting on top, and the other table holds a phone and smart watch charging station. The theme of dark woods and white linens continues throughout the room in his choice of curtains, headboard, and dresser. On the far side of the room, there's a sweatshirt draped over an armchair by the window. I slip it over my head and revel in the smooth, smokey scent of cedar and the subtle sweet undertone of marshmallows.

I wish I had something of McQuinn's, too, but I can't risk hanging around any longer and I don't think he'd like me taking his things. I hurry to my room, or rather the room I used to sleep in, and grab my car keys. Before I can second guess my decision, I creep down the stairs, skipping the one that creaks, and bolt for the front door.