40. Nils

40

Nils

M cQuinn's suggestion to try another beta was a disaster. It never should have happened. He needs to get his head out of his ass.

Katherine was our third pick during the original tryouts after Meggie and Jackie, and practicing with her was like playing water polo with a clingy high schooler around her celebrity crush. Her eagerness gave me a headache.

Meggie is coming to Paris with us. It's decided in my mind. It's a waste of time and messes with Katherine's head to give her false hope. And the sweet girl was so hopeful.

"So happy to be here!" She gushed. "Happy to be here any time. Any day. My schedule is wide open. My nights, too. I can practice any time you want."

The poor thing was bending over backward to make the team.

"I can throw it another way, if you want? Was that too high? Sorry! Was I in your space?"

It was exhausting how much reassurance she needed. Katherine was such a beta and not in the designation sense of the word. She's too passive, too eager to please, too not Meggie .

It's time McQuinn and I hash this out. I don't know what's up with him, but I can't let it go on. Everyone is on Team Meggie, except him, and I'm over it. I've given him space to process his own thoughts. But I'm starting to think that's not what he needs. It's not just that he's against Meggie being on the team, he's also pulling away from me. From all of us.

I can't help wondering if his resistance is just plain old jealousy. We haven't spent the night together in a while. Haven't hooked up or been sexual at all since I learned Meggie's designation, so I guess I can see why he'd feel threatened, but he should know better than that. I want them both and there's no reason we can't all be together. The word polyamorous exists for a reason.

It's time I find out for sure what's going on with him.

I head to his room first, but it's empty. I know he isn't in the nest without even looking. His relationship with Meggie is behind even Harrison's. No sign of McQuinn in my room, the living room, kitchen, or garage. Heading out onto the patio, the scent of hot chlorine gives him away.

His head leaning back, resting against the edge of the hot tub, the jets stir up bubbles and steam, casting McQuinn in an evening haze that's almost like a painting. There's a low rumble of thunder in the distance, but no spark of lightning.

I give a low whistle, and he raises his head in greeting.

"You wearing trunks, or is this a commando swim situation?" I'm aiming for lighthearted, knowing I need to get him warmed up to deep topics.

"Why don't you come in and find out?"

There's a little jump in my heart and blood rushes to my cock at his words. I miss him. I fucking miss him. And I wish things weren't so strained with us lately. He's what I need and we've been quite the pair since the beginning, even though it isn't anything official.

Slipping off my t-shirt, shorts, and boxer briefs, I climb into the hot tub across from him, savoring the way his gaze travels over my body. I wait for him to catch my eyes as I sink below the bubbles.

"You're sittin' real far away." There's a lazy drawl to his words. He's either had a couple of beers or he's tired. Maybe both. "You didn't come here to seduce me, did you?"

I won't lie to him. "No. We gotta talk."

He rolls his head back to the edge of the hot tub, his face to the night sky. "Say what you came here to say."

"We need to talk about Meggie. We've had horrible practices with the Jackie and Katherine and—"

"Katherine wasn't that bad." He jerks his head up to give me a scowl.

I lift my eyebrows and return his hard glare.

"She wasn't as bad as Jackie," he mutters, looking away.

"Meggie's the best player for our team and you know it. So, what gives? If this comes down to a vote, you're the holdout."

"Bullshit." There's no anger in his words. "Harrison isn't voting for her."

"He is." I keep my words steady. "You know he almost bit her the other day, c'mon. You're smarter than that. And Oz for damn sure. You heard what happened in the office. I damn near came in my shorts just listening to them." It was one of the hottest things I've ever been privy to eavesdrop on. "You're the only one who's not onboard. Why?"

Another low rumble of thunder breaks through the still night, and cool raindrops fall, disappearing into the hot tub bubbles. McQuinn doesn't seem bothered, so I make no move to leave. The chill rain is nice against the warmth of the water.

Kicking his leg with my foot, I goad him on. "Talk to me. Don't shut me out, McQuinn."

The rain picks up speed and shifts from a drizzle into actual rain. Yet McQuinn still keeps his head back and up to the sky.

"We need to medal in Paris," he finally answers.

"Yeah. That's the point, my guy. Going for the gold."

Raising his head, he lets out a heavy sigh and uses his hand to wipe the water from his eyes. "No, we need to medal."

A clap of thunder booms on the horizon, but I'm not moving.

"I made a bet." The words feel forced, as if McQuinn has to drag them out of himself. "I made a bet Pack Hart would medal."

"Ok…" Athletes aren't supposed to place bets on their own games. "We can figure this out."

"No, you don't get it." His words are coming faster now. "This wasn't a $20 bet on an app. It's $250,000 in a gambling ring where they would probably break my knees if I lost and didn't pay."

My jaw hangs open. My thoughts whirl. "You're joking."

"I wish I was!" There's a crack to his voice. "It was so stupid! So fucking stupid!"

"Why would you do that?" This can't be for real. McQuinn doesn't do shit like this. He's impulsive, sure, but gambling? No, this isn't like him. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I did it for you !"

A crack of lightning illuminates the backyard, and the raindrops on his cheek might be tears.

"To pay for med school!" His eyes are wide, his breaths coming fast. Both hands go to his red locks, extra dark from the wet night, and he tugs hard, like he wants to pull out every strand. "I'm so crazy about you, Nils! And you don't fucking need me. Not with Meggie in the picture now—"

"Don't," I snap. "Meggie doesn't replace you."

"I wanted to do something for you. Give you something." He's on his feet in the hot tub, yelling over the pouring rain. "I don't want to be your fuck buddy or plaything. I want—"

"You're neither of those things!" I stand up and shove at his chest. "McQuinn, open your damn eyes. I'm here naked in a hot tub in the fucking lighting because I knew something was up with you!"

"I thought… I thought if I could pay for your school, then you'd understand how much I care about you. It was supposed to be a fucking grand gesture, like in those stupid romcoms you and Ellis watch. But I don't have that kind of money! I know Harrison's fucking trust fund can probably pay for it, but fuck that. I wanted to do this for you. Me!"

"I don't need you to do something for me, asshole. I just need you !" I shove him again, and this time he loses his footing and falls to the bench.

"You don't need me! You have Meggie and Harrison and everyone else." Sobs wrack his shoulders. The tears indistinguishable from the rain. "I needed to prove I could take care of you, that I'm worth—"

"Shut up." I straddle him and stop his bullshit machismo with a kiss. Hard and demanding. His lips are cold in the rain. A sharp contrast to his heated skin underwater. As we open for each other, warmth builds and spreads from my core outward.

Thunder breaks the sky, and this kiss breaks something between us, too. The walls we've erected. It feels like our first honest kiss. This isn't a bit of fun, or just one of us seeking release. This kiss lights up the dark and lays everything bare.

I can taste the salt from his tears along with the chlorine on his skin. His scent is thick, the sunshine and citrus conflicting with the dark storm around us. He clutches me like he's afraid I'm going to dissolve, and I hold him tighter, letting him know I'm not going anywhere.

For the first time I'm seeing something more than anger, humor, or lust from McQuinn and it's beautiful. And just as wild as he is.

Pulling back just enough to look him in the eye, I pointlessly brush away the rain and tears from his face and cup his cheek. "I love you."

He sucks in a breath and studies my face like he can't quite believe what I said.

So I say it again. "I love you."

"How? Why?" His voice cracks. "I fucked up, Nils."

"You did." I smile. "But I kinda like you a little fucked up."

It earns me a splash of hot water. And I retaliate by pulling him under. Coming back up, he lunges for me, but I stop him with another kiss.

"I love you," he gasps between kisses. "I love you so damn much. And I'm stupid, so stupid for placing that bet. I just wanted you to know. I just—"

"Shh," I kiss him. Again and again. Soft, light kisses. "We can figure this out." I don't know how, but I'm not about to tell him that right now. "It'll be okay." I thread my fingers through his wet hair. "I love you, McQuinn."

"I love you, too." His tears are back, but I think they're happy tears this time.

"We just need to keep that mouth of yours busy so it doesn't get you into trouble again." Nipping his lower lip, I can feel his smile.

A streak of lightning lights up the sky and we both flinch.

"Can we please go inside now before we die?" I'm already hoisting myself out of the hot tub before he can respond.

"The sheets are warm in my room." It's a loaded smile he gives me as we race butt-naked toward the back door of the house.

Stopping to grab a towel from the cabinet under the patio roof, we huddle under the cover for a minute so we don't bust our asses on the tile floor inside.

I want to tell him that the sheets are warmer in the nest. He needs to stop pushing Meggie away and welcome her into the pack. But I think he needs something else tonight. I think we both do.

"Actually, how about I make some hot chocolate and we watch the storm?" I hate hot chocolate, but McQuinn loves it. And I think what we need more than anything tonight is to talk.

"Yeah, that sounds great." McQuinn pulls me close and we just stay like that for a while, watching the lightning pierce the sky.