Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

Sawyer

I slowly woke, overheated, sweaty, and with an oddly scratchy pillow.

I shifted away, and only when my face hit cool linen did I realize… that wasn't a pillow.

My heart jolted into my throat. I peeked sideways out of the corner of my eye. Yep. Not a pillow.

Six feet two inches of toned, bronzed masculinity spread out in my cramped full-size bed. No wonder I'd been sleeping half on top of him. On his furry chest.

My gaze shifted to his mouth, a cocky smirk in place even when he fucking slept. Images rushed at me, making my head spin.

Me tumbling Ash into my bed. Those same cocky lips wrapping around my dick so eagerly. Then cleaning up, getting ready to take him home, only to fall into Round 2 right up against the fucking door.

Telling him he could crash here because my tired ass didn't feel like taking the boat out.

But what now? We used to be best friends, then rivals, then enemies. Were we—my brain shied away from boyfriends—fuck buddies?

I'd barely had time to wrap my head around not hating Ash. I didn't know what the fuck to do with him in my bed first thing in the morning. Talk about awkward.

My cell rang, and I turned to grab it from my nightstand before Ash woke. But it wasn't there. I scanned the floor, spotting my shorts a few feet away.

My phone stuck out of one pocket.

I reached over, trying to grab it.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Behind me, Ash snuffled and moved, starting to wake up.

I reached a little farther, my fingers brushing over the screen?—

And tumbled out of the bed.

"Fuck!"

The phone stopped ringing. Because of course it fucking did.

Ash laughed, a low, sexy rumble of sound. And when did I start putting Ash and sexy into the same sentences?

"You can't sneak out," he said, voice still hoarse from sleep. "It's your place."

"I wasn't sneaking out," I protested. "The phone was ringing."

A tinny voice said, "Uh, Sawyer? You there?"

I looked down at my phone in horror. Apparently when my fingers brushed the screen, I'd answered the damn thing.

I scooped up the phone and lifted it to my ear. "Mason?"

"Bad time?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Uh…" I met Ash's gaze, and he winced, mouthing sorry . "No, not a bad time. Just give me a sec."

I pressed the phone to my chest. "You can go shower. I'm gonna talk to my brother for a minute."

"Sure," he said.

I found a fresh pair of board shorts in my dresser and tugged them on, hyper aware of my bare ass in full view of Ash.

"Sorry." I went out the front door and collapsed into a lawn chair. "I was still asleep when you called."

I realized my mistake as soon as I said it.

"With a guy there?"

"Uh." A million excuses ran through my head. He just drank too much and crashed. Or he was a friend who needed a place to stay. But in the end, I didn't want to lie. Not about this. Not to my brother. "Yeah. It's new."

"Holy shit, Saw."

"I know."

"Is it…I mean, was this some drunken experimental thing or are you…?"

"Well, I wasn't drunk, and it wasn't really the first time."

"Wow."

"Yeah." I sighed. "I haven't fully figured out what it means. Other than the obvious."

"What's the obvious?"

"I like sex with a guy just as much as with women."

"Ah." He chuckled. "Well, I can't say I relate. It's men only over here."

"I know." My lips quirked. "You're lucky. That's so cut-and-dried. I just…always thought I was straight. But now…"

"Yeah, it's a pretty big step out of your comfort zone," Mason said. "You don't take chances on new things. New people."

"Well, he's not exactly a new person."

"No shit? Did Cash finally make a move on you?"

I thought of that kiss at the pub and pulled a face. "No, it's not any of my friends. Well, current friends."

"You're being cryptic."

I sighed. "It's Ash."

There was a loaded silence. Then, "Ash Dixon? Ash, who fucked around with your ex and destroyed your friendship?"

"Yeah, that Ash."

"I thought you hated him."

"I did," I said. "But…"

"There's a fine line between love and hate?"

"That's going a bit far," I said, squirming uncomfortably in my chair.

It was one thing to stop hating Ash for mistakes made when we were teens. Or to fuck around with him. But love? How could I ever go there? He'd broken my trust. I forgave it, but I couldn't forget it so easily.

"Well, either way, I never thought I'd see the day."

I chuckled ruefully. "That makes two of us."

"This might be good for you."

I snorted. "I know you're a fan of sex with men, but I'm kind of an equal opportunist, so?—"

"No, no," Mason said with a laugh. "I just mean, trying something new. Expanding your horizons."

I rolled my eyes. "Here we go again."

"I'm not criticizing," he said. "You like your life at the lake. I get it. But…I've always gotten this sense, ever since shit went down with the restaurant and Mom and Dad splitting, that you were…a little overly cautious about your choices."

"Why shouldn't I be? Mom lost everything."

"Not everything," Mason said. "She still has us."

"You know what I mean. Taking risks means opening yourself to consequences. If you don't want the consequences, you don't take the risks. It's simple."

He hummed thoughtfully. "Sounds like you've got it all figured out."

I hated when he pulled this wise older brother crap. Mason meant well, but I didn't need lessons in how to live my life.

"I should go. Ash is waiting, and I've got to get to work."

"Okay. You know I'm here if you need to talk about anything."

"I know. Thanks, man. I'm still…figuring it out, I guess. What to do with it."

"Well, can I ask you one question?"

"Yeah?"

"How does it make you feel? Being with Ash?"

"A little unhinged," I answered honestly. "Like, wild and primal, and I don't know… excited, I guess."

"I haven't heard you talk about anything except your wakeboarding shit that way."

I laughed. "Yeah, I guess it is kind of like that. It's a rush. Makes me feel alive."

"Well, then, enjoy the ride, Saw. You always were an adrenaline junkie."

I snorted. "I know. And yet you always accuse me of being too cautious."

"It's a weird contradiction, isn't it?"

He left me pondering that notion and said goodbye. I sat there, phone in hand, staring out at the lake.

Ash and I had slept in, considering our late night. The camp was bustling with activity. Folks packing up breakfast or sitting in their chairs talking and laughing.

Shua was out front with their mom, trying to clear up some broken dishes from the ground. I opened my camper door, heard the shower running, and figured I had time to help.

I slipped on sandals, grabbed some work gloves from a junk drawer to the left of my door—in the kitchen—and headed over.

"Hey, y'all have an accident over here?"

Shua brightened. "Hey, Sawyer! My mom's boyfriend?—"

" Ex -boyfriend," Audra said darkly, face pale and tense.

"Yeah, she kicked him out and he threw a tantrum like a little kid," Shua said.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

She glanced over at me, a hint of pink entering her cheeks. Not embarrassment, but anger. "He shouldn't have talked to my so—my child the way he did. Shua is who Shua is meant to be."

"They sure are." I reached out to tussle Shua's hair, but they ducked away.

"Sorry, Mom," Shua said. "I know you liked him."

Audra shook her head, eyes glassy. "No, baby. Not enough to put up with that shit."

Sometimes, I worried about Shua's home life. But seeing their mom put them first was reassuring. Audra was a single mom doing her best, and I knew how tough that could be. I'd seen Ash's mom—and later my own—have to deal with a lot of shit.

Sometimes, I really hated being a man because it meant I was associated with guys like these.

I pulled on the gloves. "Well, let me help you clean up this glass. We don't want any cuts."

"Thanks, Sawyer," Audra said, smiling wanly. "That's real sweet of you."

"No problem."

"You're always real good to Shua," she added. "Like a surrogate father or something."

I crouched to pick up broken fragments, tossing them into the trash bag Shua held open.

"More like a brother," I said. "Right, Shua?"

Shua shrugged. "Can't you just be a friend?"

"I sure can." I tossed a few more pieces into the bag and swept my gaze over the ground for more.

Audra squeezed my shoulder, the heat of her hand making me aware I'd come over here without putting on a shirt.

"Thank you again, Sawyer," she said. "If there's anything we can do…" She hesitated. "Would you maybe want to join us for dinner tonight?"

I glanced up, and yeah, Audra was a pretty woman. A little older than me, but she was a young mom. Probably early thirties.

She had the same big eyes as Shua, set in a heart-shaped face, and blond hair. And when our eyes met, I saw something in her gaze. An invitation.

"Sawyer's got plans with me tonight."

I whipped my head to the side, near falling. Ash leaned against a tree, dressed in his board shorts and tank top from yesterday. Not that you'd know it. As always, he looked like a damn catalog model.

"Mom, this is Ash," Shua said. "Sawyer's boyfriend."

Audra's eyes flicked from me to Ash and back again. "Oh. Oh. I didn't know you were…"

"I'm not," I said automatically, then inwardly cringed. "Or not always."

Did that make sense? It didn't, really. You couldn't be straight some of the time, right? Even if you weren't always with a guy.

"We're not boyfriends," Ash said casually. "But I do have plans for him tonight."

A dark thrill ran through me at those words. What kind of plans did Ash have? Dick-sucking plans? Get naked and come-our-brains-out plans?

I stood up. "I think you're all set here. Thanks for the invite, Audra. Maybe a raincheck."

"Yeah, sure," she said, sounding uninterested now.

Shua's pronouncement and my fumbling admission we were something some of the time had put her off the scent. Not that I was sad about that. I had absolutely zero intentions of ever hooking up with Shua's mom.

Shua was a good kid who needed a friend. I wasn't about to ruin that for them.

We said our goodbyes and headed back toward the camper.

"What was that?" Ash asked through clenched teeth.

"Nothing."

"If you've got the hots for the neighbor kid's mom, it's fine. Whatever. Woulda been nice to know that's why you hang with Shua."

I grabbed his arm to stop him. "That's not why I hang with Shua."

Ash carried on, eyes hot. "But you could at least wait until I'm not fresh from your fucking bed to go flirt with a woman."

"That's not what happened," I growled.

"What's wrong? Freaking out because you liked my mouth on your dick, Saw? Need to go validate your masculinity?"

I shoved him up the stairs to my camper and followed him inside. "Shut the fuck up."

"Or what? You going to make me?"

"Yeah, I fucking will." I pushed him against the door. "As many times as it takes."

"What are you waiting for then?" he challenged.

I grabbed his jaw and kissed him forcefully, pulling his chin down so his mouth opened and I could sweep my tongue in.

He pulled me against him with a quiet moan.

And fuck, we caught fire instantly, kissing and rutting, pushing our shorts down to get our hands on each other's cocks.

Ash sucked hard on the side of my neck. "Gotta mark you as mine," he muttered. "Fucking flirty neighbors."

I laughed at the absurdity of his jealousy. "I don't want her, you idiot."

"Yeah?" He pulled back, looking me dead in the eye. "Who do you want?"

He tightened his fist, stroking me root to tip as he asked, and I shuddered.

"You," I admitted. "Only you."

"Fuck yeah," he said, jerking me faster. "You come for me. Only me . "

As if he'd ordered my orgasm, it hit hard, and I pulsed in his grip, choking on his name, which had bolted up my throat and escaped my lips.

"A-Ash…fuck."

He groaned and hot cum spilled over my knuckles as he pumped his cock through my fist. I focused on his face, not wanting to miss the way his features twisted in pained pleasure. His eyes were dark, pupils blown with desire. Lips red and puffy from our kissing, standing out against his short beard.

He's gorgeous.

The thought popped into my head like a fucking epiphany. How had I not seen it before? Or had I chosen to remain oblivious?

I'd recognized he was attractive in an objective way. He had no trouble getting a attention from most women. But I hadn't ever really appreciated his looks.

Not like I did now, as he came in my hand. Messy. Chaotic. Raw.

He opened his eyes, meeting mine. A sheepish smile pulled at his lips.

"So much for cleaning up, huh?"

"Were you really jealous of Audra, or were you just angling for another round?"

"Well, it's one way to dispel that awkward morning-after feeling, isn't it?" he teased.

I tilted my head, studying him. Yeah, I wasn't sure I believed that was his aim.

I stepped back. "I'm gonna jump in the shower. You're just gonna have to make do with some napkins. We're running late."

"Sorry." He nibbled his puffy bottom lip, making me want to kiss him again.

Fuck, this man. What was he doing to me?

"Yeah, man, you should be. Stop making me so hot for you."

"I make no promises. I'm a vain man."

I ran my gaze over him, top to bottom. "Yeah, you've got good reason to be."

His smile turned predictably cocky. "You make my dick hard too, Saw."

"What a pretty way you have with words."

He laughed as I headed for the shower. "It's a gift!"